*Skips all the nonsense*

Chapter Eight: Guess Who's Back?

After Hermione sang her 'song,' and after Quidditch practice they returned to the dorm for a long nights rest....

The next day during breakfast, someone burst through the doors holding a microphone and wearing baggy pants...Lupin?

"Two trailer park girls go round the outside;

round the outside,

round the outside

*scratches*

Two trailer park girls go round the outside;

round the outside,

round the outside

*scratches*" Lupin began to rap. The scratches were coming from Dumbledore who was now wearing sunglasses and a backwards cap.

"Guess who's back

Back again

Lupin's back

Tell a friend

Guess who's back,

guess who's back,

guess who's back,

guess who's back

guess who's back,

guess who's back,

guess who's back.." {*Lupin hums*}

"I may be a monster, but nobody wants to see Lupin no more

They want Mooney, I'm chopped liver

Well if you want Mooney, this is what I'll give ya

A little bit of me mixed with some hard liquor..."

Lupin continued to rap with Dumbledore the DJ and McGonnagal and Trelawny as the 'trailor park girls'. It was very disturbing.

"...I just settled all my lawsuits and screw you Debbie!

Now this looks like a job for me

So everybody, just follow me

Cause we need a little, controversy

Cause it feels so empty, without me

I said-this looks like a job for me

So everybody, just follow me

Cause we need a little, controversy

Cause it feels so empty, without me...."

Very disturbing indeed.

*~*~*~*~

"What in the world is Lupin doing here?" Ron asked as him, Hermione, and Harry made their way to their next class, Defense Against the Dark Arts.

"I think he's going to be the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher." Hermione said.

"Nah, he just wanted the attention. We already have a new Defense teacher." Harry said.

As they walked into the door, what they saw shocked them. The room was covered in red thick curtains and all the students desks were moved to the front to make a stage of some sort. The trio made their way to the middle of the room and stood next to the rest of the kids. They heard a microphone turn on and someone stepped out from behind the curtains. It was Dumbledore in pimp clothes!

He was wearing a completely violent purple suit with a top hat with a cain. Not to mention some mighty fine shoes and sunglasses. He made his way to the front of the desk-er...*stage* and tapped his microphone.

"May I have your attention please? May I have you're attention please? We're gonna have a problem here.." he said.

"PSSST." came a hiss from behind the curtain. Dumbledore walked over to it and stuck his head in.

"Wrong song you git!" the students heard someone say.

"Oh...right..." Dumbledore pulled his head back and returned to the front of the stage.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Moulin Rouge!"

The curtains pulled back and Dumbledore hurried off stage. There were a couple of gasps.

"Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, flow sister

Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, go sister..." they heard women chanting. The one of them stepped foward. It was Trelawny dressed like a hooker!

"He met Marmalade down in old Moulin Rouge

Strutting her stuff on the street

She said, "Hello, hey Joe

You wanna give it a go?" oh" she sang.



Even though the other three weren't seen, they were heard...

"Gitchy gitchi yaya dada (Trelawney: hey hey hey)

Gitchy gitchi yaya hee (T: hee oh)

Mocha chocolata yaya (T: ooh yeah)

Creole Lady Marmalade (T:ohh)

Voulez - vous coucher avec moi, ce soir (Some other voice: oh oh)

Voulez - vous coucher avec moi (Some other voice: yeah yeah yeah yeah)"

Then Trelawny stepped back and a pink haired hooker stepped up. It was Tonks!

"He sat in her boudoir while she freshened up

Boy drank all that magnolia wine

On her black satin sheets

Is where he started to freak, yeah

Gitchi gitchi yaya dada (Tonks: da da yeah)

Gitchi gitchi yaya hee (Tonks: ooh yeah yeah)

Mocha chocolata ya ya

Creole Lady Marmalade, uh

Voulez - vous coucher avec moi, ce soir (ce soir)

Voulez - vous coucher avec moi (ooh)."

Tonks stepped back and something horrible stepped foward. It was Snape in a hooker outfit! And a corset!

"Yeah, yeah, aw

We come through with the money and the garter belts

Let 'em know we 'bout that cake, straight out the gate

We independent women, some mistake us for whores

I'm saying, why spend mine when I can spend yours

Disagree, well that's you and I'm sorry

I'mma keep playing these cats out like Atari

Wear high heeled shoes, get love from the dudes

Four badass chicks from the Moulin Rouge

Hey sisters, soul sisters

Betta get that dough sisters

We drink wine with diamonds in the glass by the case

The meaning of expensive taste

We wanna itchi gitchi yaya (come on)

Mocha chocolata (what)

Creole Lady Marmalade

(One more time, come on)" he sang/rapped.

"Marmalade (ooh)

Lady Marmalade (ooh yeah)

Marmalade (ohh)" the two girls and Snape were singing as someone sang the 'oohs'.

The someone stepped from behind the curtain. It was McGonnagal with an afro! A blonde afro at that!

"Hey, hey, hey!!!!

Touch of her skin feeling silky smooth, hey!

Color of cafe au lait, alright

Made the savage beast inside

Roar until he cried

More, more, more!!!" she belted.

"Now he's back home doing nine to five." Tonks sang.

"Nine to five." Minerva harmonized.

"Living a gray flannel life!" Trelawny belted...sorta.

Minerva stepped back to the front.

"But when he turns off to sleep, memories keep

More, more, more!!!"

The four broke out into a dance.

"Gitchi gitchi yaya dada(dadaaaa)

Gitchi gitchi yaya hee (ohh)

Mocha chocolata ya ya (ooh)" they sang. Then Minerva sang her solo...

"Creole Lady Marmaaaaalade!!!!"

"Voulez - vous coucher avec moi, ce soir (Tonk: ce soir)

Voulez - vous coucher avec moi(Trelawny: All my sista..yeah)

Voulez - vous coucher avec moi, ce soir (ce soir)

Voulez - vous coucher avec moi (ohh)"

"Come on, uh." Snape rapped. The Dumbledore returned.

"Minerva." he said.

"Moulaaaaaay oh..." she sang.

"Tonks." Dumbldore sang.

"Lady Marmalade..."

"Lil' Sev."

"Hey, hey, uh uh uh uh uh uh uh." Severus rapped.

"Syb."

"Ohhh." Trelawny harmonized.

"Rockwilder baby......Moulin Rouge." Dumbledore announced over there harmonizing. "Dumbledore here."

"Creole Lady Marmalaaaade!!! ooh yeah...." The four hokkers finished as they struck sexy poses.

The students stared.

"Holy--"

"Ron!" Hermione exclaimed.

"That must have been the most disturbing sight I've ever seen, "Harry stated. "Did you see the cellulite hanging out of the bottoms?"

"Did you see Snape in a corset!?" Ron asked.

"Did you see Tonks with Pink hair?!" Hermione added.

Harry and Ron looked at her.

~*~*~*~*~

A/N: I just HAD to do that song. I'm sure you all have seen the video and can picture what everyone was wearing...lol.