Author's Notes
No characters mentioned in this fanfiction belong to me, as there aren't any original characters involved. My respects to J. K. Rowling, Warner Brothers, Scholastic and others who own Harry Potter & Co. I do not make profit from this fanfiction of any sorts.
This book is set during Harry's 6th year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I have devised a lengthy and complicated plot, which surely will disagree with whatever occurs in Rowling's upcoming book 6. However, this is merely a fanfiction sprouted from the overactive imagination of an avid Harry Potter fan. Please do not inform me that I am 'wrong' or 'being unrealistic' - hello, exactly how realistic can somebody get trying to write about wizardry and werewolves and magic?
Also, OotP spoilers in here...blah blah...read at your own risk...
Reviews are appreciated, and constructive criticism is more than welcome. If you'd like to flame, kindly tell me what you didn't like about the story as opposed to pelting me with words that I dare not write here.
I truly hope you'll enjoy this fanfiction. I have put much thought and time into it. Without further ado, I am proud to present...
~
Chapter 1
Lost Memories
~
Remus J. Lupin squinted at his reflection in the mirror, disbelieving what it was showing. On a usual basis, it revealed a scruffy-looking man in his mid-thirties with brownish, amber hair bespeckled gray and tired chestnut eyes. But this evening of September 1, as Remus gazed at himself, he saw a person who made even a house elf beautiful and elegantly poised.
"Oy, did Prince Charming get lost in the Muggle dump?" his old, varnished mirror teased, emitting chuckles. But it wasn't like Lupin could disagree. He looked like hell.
Lupin's eyes were completely bloodshot, thick red veins running across the whites of his eyes. His skin was whiter than chalk, and his hair was sticking up in all 360 degrees it possibly could. Though usually dressed shabbily, today the wizard was donned in loose black robes patched up everywhere imaginable a thousand times. They were covered with grime, blood and other filth. He looked and smelled like someone's dinner after being set out for a week on the front porch.
Lupin gave a great yawn that showed the tips of his canines, sharp and just a tad larger than the average man's. It'd been a tiring week, tracking down various Death Eaters for the Order. Lupin hadn't eaten nor slept for over two days. Now finally back in his small and humble home, hunger and exhaustion were the only things on his mind.
Without really noticing what he was doing, Remus stripped off all his clothing and turned on the shower. The water pounded like ice daggers upon his face and neck, but even that couldn't keep him from sleepily closing his eyelids for many seconds at a time. He subconsciously poured some shampoo over his head and lathered himself. 15 minutes later, a very wet and soporific wizard climbed out of the bathtub. Wrapped in a towel, he staggered into his own tidy bedroom and managed to pull on pajama bottoms before collapsing onto his bed. Lupin was asleep before his head hit the pillow.
~
Amazingly, Lupin was soon approaching his 19th hour of sleep when a loud, rude tapping snapped him out of his slumber. Rubbing a bleary eye and ignoring the demanding growl that emitted from his stomach, Remus looked around frantically for the source of the interruption. His eyes fell on the small window of his bedroom, where a large snow-white owl was irritably rapping on the glass. It was Hedwig, Harry Potter's owl. She clamped a sealed envelope in her beak.
Quickly, Lupin flung off the covers, hurried over and opened his window. He could've done it in bed with his wand, but at the moment his wand was still in the bathroom, probably hidden under a pile of the disgusting tattered robes he'd discarded off himself the night before. Hedwig flew in immediately, dropped the letter on Lupin's bureau, perched herself importantly on the windowsill and ruffled her feathers irritably.
Now fully awake, Lupin picked up the envelope. It bore the Hogwarts seal, and a familiar untidy scrawl on the front addressed, 'Remus Lupin'. Just looking at Harry's handwriting made Lupin think of James...
Lupin shook his head slightly and blinked back the tears welling behind his eyes, suddenly furious at himself.
Get a hold of yourself, Moony, he thought to himself angrily. James died a decade and a half ago, and crying about it isn't going to bring him back. You're his son's closest thing to a father now. Do you really think Harry'd want you to lose control every time you saw a letter he wrote? Stop being so sentimental.
Lupin opened the tightly sealed envelope with trembling delicate fingers, making sure not to tear anything inside.
September 3
Dear Remus,
How are you? I know you're probably really tired. Dumbledore told me you had to do something for the Order, so I couldn't send Hedwig until today, when I knew you'd be back.
I'm doing well. I'm glad to be back at Hogwarts - the Dursleys were so strange and distant over the summer because of what happened with Dudley. Dumbledore has gotten rid of my Quidditch ban, so I'm on the team again with Ron. He's gotten a lot better. Snape's started the lessons again - I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. He's treating me the usual, which is what I expected anyway. We have a new Defense teacher. Better than Umbridge (Lupin couldn't help but smile), but nowhere close to what you were.
There's a Hogsmeade trip on October 1. D'you think you could come and visit? How does an evening at the Three Broomsticks sound to you? And don't worry about your condition...not that anybody cares, anyway. Dumbledore's gotten it under control.
I hope you're doing well. Please write back as soon as possible.
Harry
P.S. Ron and Hermoine send their best wishes. Neville says hi.
Lupin read the letter over two more times, but he didn't really miss anything the first time. A part of him felt relaxed and relieved after reading Harry's letter to know that the 16-year old was doing okay. Harry had gone through in his years at Hogwarts an unbelievable amount of events, and last year, he almost broke when Sirius died.
Dumbledore knew Harry needed somebody to be there for him, someone who also knew what it felt like to lose Sirius in such an intimate way. And who else but Lupin, whom Sirius had been friends with since age 10? Ever since the last confrontation with Voldemort and the death of Padfoot, Lupin made sure to take over the 'father figure' role to Harry. He wasn't Sirius, and he definitely wasn't James, but now he was the closest thing Harry would ever have for a true parent. They'd been exchanging letters ever since the whole ordeal at the Ministry of Magic. Although Sirius' name was never brought up (Lupin had a bad feeling that a part of Harry still didn't want to believe the death), the two wizards were both well aware of each other's pain in dealing with the convicted wizard's passing.
With thoughts still on Harry, Lupin absentmindedly made his bed, crossed the room and started to head for the bathroom when a loud hoot made him turn around. Hedwig had one black eye fixed on him, glaring daggers. He'd forgotten the great owl was still in the room during his ruminations.
"Oh," Lupin murmured. "You're expecting a reply, aren't you?"
Hedwig gave another hoot in response.
"It's alright, I'll use an owl from Hogsmeade," said the wizard. Apparently, it wasn't the right thing to say. Hedwig squawked indignantly at him and stood up a bit straighter as if to show off her strength and agility. Lupin gave a soft laugh, something he hadn't done for a while.
"No, no, I'm not saying you're not up to the job. I just need time to think about what I'll write. Go back to Harry, alright?" These words seemed to satisfy Hedwig. With one last ruffle of her snowy feathers and an irritable glance back at the man, she soared out of his room and into the evening sky. Lupin watched the beautiful owl grow smaller and smaller, until she was just a speck of white amongst silver stars...and then his sharp eyes saw her no more.
~
Hedwig's arrival seemed to have made Lupin lost his appetite for a while, but as soon as she left, he realized that food had not been placed into his stomach for almost three days and he was absolutely famished. Before heading down to the kitchen, however, he made sure to brush his immaculately sharp teeth again and place his filthy robes in the hamper. Lupin was always the neat one, sometimes so neat it drove others crazy.
Like Sirius, for example. Out of the four of the Marauders, handsome, popular Sirius might've been most laid-back toward his catharsis duties. He hated making his bed or putting away his clothes. It wasn't out of ignorance nor laziness - Sirius just had better things to do in life than organize bedsheets. He never understood why Remus bothered to clean everything up, not for himself only but for others, too.
"Are you sure you're a werewolf and not actually some really hairy house- elf?" Sirius would laugh whenever Lupin threw their chocolate frog wrappers into the wastebasket from their nightstands. "Come on, we've got to go down for breakfast. Let the elves do it."
And Remus would frown slightly while absentmindedly smoothing adjusting his collar, but say nothing. Over the years, James, Peter and eventually Sirius got used to his impeccable organization. But Sirius never changed, no. He was his own person, however sloppy that person was.
In the small and orderly kitchen, Lupin quickly made himself a meal of chicken, salad and pasta. He ate all the food, but all he could think of was how a year and a half ago, Sirius was his roommate for a few months after being sent by Dumbledore to 'lie low' at the werewolf's flat. Remus and Sirius both loved chicken (maybe it was their canine aliases) and although Sirius was naturally a horrible cook, he made Remus teach him how to roast chicken and eventually could perfect the crispness of the poultry skin or exactly how much spice to add.
By the time Lupin finished his meal, he felt miserable. Every single little thing that he did reminded him of Sirius or James and Lily...
Over the course of the past 16 years, Lupin's life had been an emotional roller coaster. As a child, he was always introverted and withdrew from the other young wizards due to his condition. Lupin, the abnormal one. Lupin, the freak. How he wanted to fit in, to have friends...and that chance came to him when the owl arrived years ago on that beautiful Saturday morning, accepting him...
And in Hogwarts, Remus Lupin experienced the happiest 7 years of his life. He made friends, true friends, who valued him for who he was, not what he was. James and Peter and Sirius risked their lives to be with Remus whenever he turned into a werewolf. They had adventures. They had the time of their lives. They did stupid things. They broke an infinite number of school rules. But it didn't matter that much to Lupin, he was accepted, and that was what was important when he was young.
But he should've known that Sirius and James' ignorance would one day lead to their downfall. Little Pettigrew, the follower, the meek and hesitating sycophant...who would've guessed that once out of Hogwarts, Wormtail would go and betray Lily and James into the hands of Lord Voldemort? Who could've suspected weak, naïve Wormtail? Wouldn't Sirius Black be a more likely target? Wouldn't the dark, powerful wizard who had everything he'd ever wanted have a greater thirst for power...and who better to serve than Voldemort himself?
And for 12 dark years, both Sirius and Lupin lived their lives in misery. Sirius, trapped in the prime of his life, completely innocent, was tortured and starved and ravaged endlessly, grasping on to his innocence for a shred of survival. And Remus Lupin, who roamed the lands, always rejected. It was Lupin whose best friends were all snatched away from him, who was left alone and in a pit of misery again. Everybody was gone...nobody cared anymore about the vagabond, tattered werewolf, until Albus Dumbledore saved Lupin again by offering him a job as the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.
And there, in Harry's 13th year in Hogwarts, the truth revealed itself. Pettigrew's betrayal. Sirius' innocence. Lupin's...condition. Everything would've been right if Pettigrew had been taken...but an unlucky turn of events flipped everything upside down...
And although two years later, Sirius was still convicted, he wasn't imprisoned for the crime he never committed. He and Lupin had restored their long-lost friendship in the months they spent together working for the Order. Lupin had someone again, someone who really knew him. They were the last of the Marauders (Lupin didn't like to even think of Pettigrew as a Marauder...it'd be an insult to him). And over the months, the old friends got to know each other in a more mature way, without the recklessness or the naivete. They became best friends again, despite their differences. Sirius could always make Lupin laugh with his sarcastic remarks...
And his death was a silver dagger to Lupin's werewolf heart. The moment Sirius staggered into the veil, the second Harry screamed his godfather's name out-Lupin knew. He knew Sirius was gone, gone forever behind the darkness. His sensible, foolproof brain was completely aware of that, but his heart told him otherwise. No, not Sirius. Couldn't be Sirius-Sirius had a life to live. He had a name to clear. Torn between his heart and his brain, Lupin had impulsively shot his arm around Harry, for the young wizard was struggling to save Sirius through that damned veil...and once his arms were wrapped around Harry's waist, he could not let go, he was deadlocked. Seeing Harry struggling, screaming for Sirius was EXACTLY what James would've been doing, offering to risk his own life to save another no matter how bad the consequences were.
James might've been a thousand times more ignorant of people in general than Harry, but Lupin knew in his heart and soul that James would've done the same, the very same, disbelieving that Sirius was dead in all his ignorance, pretending that what he didn't want didn't happen...trying to get back to Sirius...
Lupin found himself in tears, staring dully at the whitewashed wall of his kitchen and sitting in front of his empty plates. He hated crying, it reminded him too much of the days when he was a child and wept himself to sleep after a day of taunting and insulting. It reminded him of James and Lily's death, of Peter's betrayal, of everything bad that had ever happened to him. But deep down in his heart, Lupin knew that this was the lowest he'd ever sink to. Sirius was gone-for good. He was innocent, he was brilliant, he was damn good-looking, but he was gone at the hands of both Bellatrix and Wormtail.
The solitary werewolf wiped his tears away and mindlessly put the dishes in the sink to be done later. He returned to his room, sat down on the neat and made bed, and allowed himself to wallow no more in his pain as he closed weary eyelids and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. Lupin knew that only through what he could not control, like being unconscious, would ever rid him of the guilt and the rage and the agony that writhed inside him every moment his eyes were open.
~
A/N: Well, I know not much happened in this chapter, but I wanted to introduce the situation and setting and how Lupin's feeling toward Sirius' death. I'd love feedback!
No characters mentioned in this fanfiction belong to me, as there aren't any original characters involved. My respects to J. K. Rowling, Warner Brothers, Scholastic and others who own Harry Potter & Co. I do not make profit from this fanfiction of any sorts.
This book is set during Harry's 6th year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I have devised a lengthy and complicated plot, which surely will disagree with whatever occurs in Rowling's upcoming book 6. However, this is merely a fanfiction sprouted from the overactive imagination of an avid Harry Potter fan. Please do not inform me that I am 'wrong' or 'being unrealistic' - hello, exactly how realistic can somebody get trying to write about wizardry and werewolves and magic?
Also, OotP spoilers in here...blah blah...read at your own risk...
Reviews are appreciated, and constructive criticism is more than welcome. If you'd like to flame, kindly tell me what you didn't like about the story as opposed to pelting me with words that I dare not write here.
I truly hope you'll enjoy this fanfiction. I have put much thought and time into it. Without further ado, I am proud to present...
~
Chapter 1
Lost Memories
~
Remus J. Lupin squinted at his reflection in the mirror, disbelieving what it was showing. On a usual basis, it revealed a scruffy-looking man in his mid-thirties with brownish, amber hair bespeckled gray and tired chestnut eyes. But this evening of September 1, as Remus gazed at himself, he saw a person who made even a house elf beautiful and elegantly poised.
"Oy, did Prince Charming get lost in the Muggle dump?" his old, varnished mirror teased, emitting chuckles. But it wasn't like Lupin could disagree. He looked like hell.
Lupin's eyes were completely bloodshot, thick red veins running across the whites of his eyes. His skin was whiter than chalk, and his hair was sticking up in all 360 degrees it possibly could. Though usually dressed shabbily, today the wizard was donned in loose black robes patched up everywhere imaginable a thousand times. They were covered with grime, blood and other filth. He looked and smelled like someone's dinner after being set out for a week on the front porch.
Lupin gave a great yawn that showed the tips of his canines, sharp and just a tad larger than the average man's. It'd been a tiring week, tracking down various Death Eaters for the Order. Lupin hadn't eaten nor slept for over two days. Now finally back in his small and humble home, hunger and exhaustion were the only things on his mind.
Without really noticing what he was doing, Remus stripped off all his clothing and turned on the shower. The water pounded like ice daggers upon his face and neck, but even that couldn't keep him from sleepily closing his eyelids for many seconds at a time. He subconsciously poured some shampoo over his head and lathered himself. 15 minutes later, a very wet and soporific wizard climbed out of the bathtub. Wrapped in a towel, he staggered into his own tidy bedroom and managed to pull on pajama bottoms before collapsing onto his bed. Lupin was asleep before his head hit the pillow.
~
Amazingly, Lupin was soon approaching his 19th hour of sleep when a loud, rude tapping snapped him out of his slumber. Rubbing a bleary eye and ignoring the demanding growl that emitted from his stomach, Remus looked around frantically for the source of the interruption. His eyes fell on the small window of his bedroom, where a large snow-white owl was irritably rapping on the glass. It was Hedwig, Harry Potter's owl. She clamped a sealed envelope in her beak.
Quickly, Lupin flung off the covers, hurried over and opened his window. He could've done it in bed with his wand, but at the moment his wand was still in the bathroom, probably hidden under a pile of the disgusting tattered robes he'd discarded off himself the night before. Hedwig flew in immediately, dropped the letter on Lupin's bureau, perched herself importantly on the windowsill and ruffled her feathers irritably.
Now fully awake, Lupin picked up the envelope. It bore the Hogwarts seal, and a familiar untidy scrawl on the front addressed, 'Remus Lupin'. Just looking at Harry's handwriting made Lupin think of James...
Lupin shook his head slightly and blinked back the tears welling behind his eyes, suddenly furious at himself.
Get a hold of yourself, Moony, he thought to himself angrily. James died a decade and a half ago, and crying about it isn't going to bring him back. You're his son's closest thing to a father now. Do you really think Harry'd want you to lose control every time you saw a letter he wrote? Stop being so sentimental.
Lupin opened the tightly sealed envelope with trembling delicate fingers, making sure not to tear anything inside.
September 3
Dear Remus,
How are you? I know you're probably really tired. Dumbledore told me you had to do something for the Order, so I couldn't send Hedwig until today, when I knew you'd be back.
I'm doing well. I'm glad to be back at Hogwarts - the Dursleys were so strange and distant over the summer because of what happened with Dudley. Dumbledore has gotten rid of my Quidditch ban, so I'm on the team again with Ron. He's gotten a lot better. Snape's started the lessons again - I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. He's treating me the usual, which is what I expected anyway. We have a new Defense teacher. Better than Umbridge (Lupin couldn't help but smile), but nowhere close to what you were.
There's a Hogsmeade trip on October 1. D'you think you could come and visit? How does an evening at the Three Broomsticks sound to you? And don't worry about your condition...not that anybody cares, anyway. Dumbledore's gotten it under control.
I hope you're doing well. Please write back as soon as possible.
Harry
P.S. Ron and Hermoine send their best wishes. Neville says hi.
Lupin read the letter over two more times, but he didn't really miss anything the first time. A part of him felt relaxed and relieved after reading Harry's letter to know that the 16-year old was doing okay. Harry had gone through in his years at Hogwarts an unbelievable amount of events, and last year, he almost broke when Sirius died.
Dumbledore knew Harry needed somebody to be there for him, someone who also knew what it felt like to lose Sirius in such an intimate way. And who else but Lupin, whom Sirius had been friends with since age 10? Ever since the last confrontation with Voldemort and the death of Padfoot, Lupin made sure to take over the 'father figure' role to Harry. He wasn't Sirius, and he definitely wasn't James, but now he was the closest thing Harry would ever have for a true parent. They'd been exchanging letters ever since the whole ordeal at the Ministry of Magic. Although Sirius' name was never brought up (Lupin had a bad feeling that a part of Harry still didn't want to believe the death), the two wizards were both well aware of each other's pain in dealing with the convicted wizard's passing.
With thoughts still on Harry, Lupin absentmindedly made his bed, crossed the room and started to head for the bathroom when a loud hoot made him turn around. Hedwig had one black eye fixed on him, glaring daggers. He'd forgotten the great owl was still in the room during his ruminations.
"Oh," Lupin murmured. "You're expecting a reply, aren't you?"
Hedwig gave another hoot in response.
"It's alright, I'll use an owl from Hogsmeade," said the wizard. Apparently, it wasn't the right thing to say. Hedwig squawked indignantly at him and stood up a bit straighter as if to show off her strength and agility. Lupin gave a soft laugh, something he hadn't done for a while.
"No, no, I'm not saying you're not up to the job. I just need time to think about what I'll write. Go back to Harry, alright?" These words seemed to satisfy Hedwig. With one last ruffle of her snowy feathers and an irritable glance back at the man, she soared out of his room and into the evening sky. Lupin watched the beautiful owl grow smaller and smaller, until she was just a speck of white amongst silver stars...and then his sharp eyes saw her no more.
~
Hedwig's arrival seemed to have made Lupin lost his appetite for a while, but as soon as she left, he realized that food had not been placed into his stomach for almost three days and he was absolutely famished. Before heading down to the kitchen, however, he made sure to brush his immaculately sharp teeth again and place his filthy robes in the hamper. Lupin was always the neat one, sometimes so neat it drove others crazy.
Like Sirius, for example. Out of the four of the Marauders, handsome, popular Sirius might've been most laid-back toward his catharsis duties. He hated making his bed or putting away his clothes. It wasn't out of ignorance nor laziness - Sirius just had better things to do in life than organize bedsheets. He never understood why Remus bothered to clean everything up, not for himself only but for others, too.
"Are you sure you're a werewolf and not actually some really hairy house- elf?" Sirius would laugh whenever Lupin threw their chocolate frog wrappers into the wastebasket from their nightstands. "Come on, we've got to go down for breakfast. Let the elves do it."
And Remus would frown slightly while absentmindedly smoothing adjusting his collar, but say nothing. Over the years, James, Peter and eventually Sirius got used to his impeccable organization. But Sirius never changed, no. He was his own person, however sloppy that person was.
In the small and orderly kitchen, Lupin quickly made himself a meal of chicken, salad and pasta. He ate all the food, but all he could think of was how a year and a half ago, Sirius was his roommate for a few months after being sent by Dumbledore to 'lie low' at the werewolf's flat. Remus and Sirius both loved chicken (maybe it was their canine aliases) and although Sirius was naturally a horrible cook, he made Remus teach him how to roast chicken and eventually could perfect the crispness of the poultry skin or exactly how much spice to add.
By the time Lupin finished his meal, he felt miserable. Every single little thing that he did reminded him of Sirius or James and Lily...
Over the course of the past 16 years, Lupin's life had been an emotional roller coaster. As a child, he was always introverted and withdrew from the other young wizards due to his condition. Lupin, the abnormal one. Lupin, the freak. How he wanted to fit in, to have friends...and that chance came to him when the owl arrived years ago on that beautiful Saturday morning, accepting him...
And in Hogwarts, Remus Lupin experienced the happiest 7 years of his life. He made friends, true friends, who valued him for who he was, not what he was. James and Peter and Sirius risked their lives to be with Remus whenever he turned into a werewolf. They had adventures. They had the time of their lives. They did stupid things. They broke an infinite number of school rules. But it didn't matter that much to Lupin, he was accepted, and that was what was important when he was young.
But he should've known that Sirius and James' ignorance would one day lead to their downfall. Little Pettigrew, the follower, the meek and hesitating sycophant...who would've guessed that once out of Hogwarts, Wormtail would go and betray Lily and James into the hands of Lord Voldemort? Who could've suspected weak, naïve Wormtail? Wouldn't Sirius Black be a more likely target? Wouldn't the dark, powerful wizard who had everything he'd ever wanted have a greater thirst for power...and who better to serve than Voldemort himself?
And for 12 dark years, both Sirius and Lupin lived their lives in misery. Sirius, trapped in the prime of his life, completely innocent, was tortured and starved and ravaged endlessly, grasping on to his innocence for a shred of survival. And Remus Lupin, who roamed the lands, always rejected. It was Lupin whose best friends were all snatched away from him, who was left alone and in a pit of misery again. Everybody was gone...nobody cared anymore about the vagabond, tattered werewolf, until Albus Dumbledore saved Lupin again by offering him a job as the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.
And there, in Harry's 13th year in Hogwarts, the truth revealed itself. Pettigrew's betrayal. Sirius' innocence. Lupin's...condition. Everything would've been right if Pettigrew had been taken...but an unlucky turn of events flipped everything upside down...
And although two years later, Sirius was still convicted, he wasn't imprisoned for the crime he never committed. He and Lupin had restored their long-lost friendship in the months they spent together working for the Order. Lupin had someone again, someone who really knew him. They were the last of the Marauders (Lupin didn't like to even think of Pettigrew as a Marauder...it'd be an insult to him). And over the months, the old friends got to know each other in a more mature way, without the recklessness or the naivete. They became best friends again, despite their differences. Sirius could always make Lupin laugh with his sarcastic remarks...
And his death was a silver dagger to Lupin's werewolf heart. The moment Sirius staggered into the veil, the second Harry screamed his godfather's name out-Lupin knew. He knew Sirius was gone, gone forever behind the darkness. His sensible, foolproof brain was completely aware of that, but his heart told him otherwise. No, not Sirius. Couldn't be Sirius-Sirius had a life to live. He had a name to clear. Torn between his heart and his brain, Lupin had impulsively shot his arm around Harry, for the young wizard was struggling to save Sirius through that damned veil...and once his arms were wrapped around Harry's waist, he could not let go, he was deadlocked. Seeing Harry struggling, screaming for Sirius was EXACTLY what James would've been doing, offering to risk his own life to save another no matter how bad the consequences were.
James might've been a thousand times more ignorant of people in general than Harry, but Lupin knew in his heart and soul that James would've done the same, the very same, disbelieving that Sirius was dead in all his ignorance, pretending that what he didn't want didn't happen...trying to get back to Sirius...
Lupin found himself in tears, staring dully at the whitewashed wall of his kitchen and sitting in front of his empty plates. He hated crying, it reminded him too much of the days when he was a child and wept himself to sleep after a day of taunting and insulting. It reminded him of James and Lily's death, of Peter's betrayal, of everything bad that had ever happened to him. But deep down in his heart, Lupin knew that this was the lowest he'd ever sink to. Sirius was gone-for good. He was innocent, he was brilliant, he was damn good-looking, but he was gone at the hands of both Bellatrix and Wormtail.
The solitary werewolf wiped his tears away and mindlessly put the dishes in the sink to be done later. He returned to his room, sat down on the neat and made bed, and allowed himself to wallow no more in his pain as he closed weary eyelids and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. Lupin knew that only through what he could not control, like being unconscious, would ever rid him of the guilt and the rage and the agony that writhed inside him every moment his eyes were open.
~
A/N: Well, I know not much happened in this chapter, but I wanted to introduce the situation and setting and how Lupin's feeling toward Sirius' death. I'd love feedback!
