Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that appear on the show, however I have made up a few of my own.

The Mistakes We Make: Part Three

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"Hey stranger," Gillian said walking up to his table with her same booze filled backpack. Two days they had been back. Two days that Luka lay motionless on a hardened slab, fighting for his life. Two days that he had been depressed about living. The day they got back and loaded Luka into the "trauma room", was the day his life almost ended.

He almost couldn't handle the pain of living. Luka was living off of little oxygen, which usually resulted in brain damage. His worst fear was that he would have to walk back into the ER and tell them they had lost another doctor. He'd pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and attempted to straighten the crinkled exterior before lighting it and sticking it into his mouth. But nicotine wasn't going to cure any of his cravings. Neither would Gillian's booze. What he wanted . . . what he needed was a fix. One final fix to end it all but there was nothing potent enough around to feed his cravings. He wasn't a good man; he wasn't a good boyfriend. He let his parents down, he let Bobby down, he let Lucy down, he let Chase down, Anna, his grandparents, Abby. Why not let the rest of the world down. There's not much else that could go wrong except seeing the disappointed looks on his colleagues faces when they found out he couldn't resist just a little bit more. The little bit that killed him, probably sent him to hell with the rest of the drug addicts. He wasn't sure if he wanted to die. He already knew what it felt like to almost die. He just needed a safety net that he could resort to incase the pain got too bad, in case life got too bad. He took a long drag of his cigarette and stared at the burning tip before removing it from his lips and staring at it as the smoke escaped his parted lips. It wasn't a conscious decision as he slowly pressed the burning tip onto the inside of his arm, where he usually had a black wristband. He gritted his teeth as he felt his skin burn. He looked down at his arm and saw the instant blistering and clear puss oozing out of the pore.

"A penny for your thoughts," Gillian said, breaking his concentration. He stared at her but didn't respond. "You did good. You saved his life and the life of others."

"That's my job," he finally said.

"Luka would be proud," she said pouring two drinks for them. "Drink up."

"That's okay."

"I'm not drinking alone."

"I'm not suppose to drink. I haven't had a drink in a long time. I'm not exactly sure what I'll do if I drink."

"Does it matter what happens?"

"I guess not anymore," he said not even attempting to touch the glass in front of him. She didn't touch hers either.

"Why don't you drink?" she asked.

"It's part of the program."

"What program? AA?"

"No. NA."

"Really? A drug addict doctor." She half smiled at him.

"I was stabbed by a psychotic patient four years ago and taking larger doses of my meds made the shit stop."

"You're not an alcoholic. You're in a different country. No one here knows your friends back home."

"Luka."

"Luka doesn't have to know."

"Luka's possessive of what belongs to him. Trust me. We've been through this before."

"I don't belong to Luka."

"Sure," he said leaning back in his chair.

"Luka and I had fun. But there comes a time when fun isn't enough. For Luka, fun was all it was. Including fun with every female who stepped through the door."

"I know that feeling." He slowly traced his finger around the glass. "Apparently I didn't mean very much to Abby. She found someone new."

Gillian watched as he finally picked up the glass and drank the entire contents. When he set it down she went to refilling it.

"No coke." She smiled softly before watching him pick it up again. "Do not hold me responsible for my actions."

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Author's Note: Please continue to R&R. I'm open to suggestions and constructive criticism.