Not Crazy-Just Different
The Much Delayed (But I have an excuse, Professor!) Diary of Darby C.
Holliwether
December 1st
8:25 AM
Ooh. You're going to kill me, no? Well, I haven't written in a long time, because I went to the Three Broomsticks with Ollie, Percy and Penny. I had this journal with me, as usual. I left it on the table! They just managed to send it back to me today.
Well. In the last month, Penny and Percy have continued to kiss like largemouth bass. Oliver is still, well, Oliver. He's now reading the book 'Dracula' that I gave him to regain some of his dignity.
There was a troll down in the dungeons on Halloween. We all had to evacuate the Great Hall. Percy got to exhibit his natural prefect-ness in escorting us back to the common room. Ollie and I glanced at one another as Percy slipped from being-our-best-friend mode into I'm-the-prefect-and- you're-not mode.
So we went to the common room and sat. Later we learned that Harry Potter, his friend Hermione and *gasp* Percy's little brother confronted the troll and *another gasp* did not die but actually knocked it out. Percy was so peeved about this. He sent his mother a letter about it, but she didn't really write back.
Dum dee dum.
Eighteen days until Christmas break.
Can't wait.
Aack. Snape's looking at me, as usual.
12:09 PM
Eating lunch. Oliver is looking around anxiously. Penny and Percy are holding hands. I am eating my turkey. No one is talking. It's kind of spooky.
1:04 PM
At lunch Oliver turned to me suddenly and asked 'What do you want for Christmas, Darby?' I thought for a moment.
'Um, maybe candy?'
'Candy?' he repeated. 'Darby, dear, I'm not going to buy you 'candy' for Christmas.'
'Why not?' I asked, sort of distraught at this.
'Because 'candy' is not an acceptable gift,' he said seriously. He kept doing these obnoxious finger quotes every time he said the word 'candy.' Percy and Penny looked on with interest.
'Well, what would you suggest?' I asked, semi-annoyed.
'Like, a book or something,' he suggested after thinking for a moment.
'Ooh. I might enjoy a new t-shirt or something,' I said, getting excited.
'Okay. How about you, Perce?'
'I think I should enjoy a new book about Herbology, maybe?' he suggested. Oliver gave him a very odd look and then hesitantly nodded.
'Allrighty,' he said, giving a sigh. 'And you, Penny?'
'I'd like maybe a hat or something?' she said. 'For cold weather.'
'Now, see, guys? Penny has the right idea,' Oliver said happily.
Aaargh. Of course Penny has the right idea. She's trying to brainwash Oliver. I don't know what came over me, but all of a sudden I felt very ill and had no desire whatsoever to discuss this anymore with them.
I pushed my plate away and took a swig of pumpkin juice. They began idly chatting. But I just stared off into space.
Suddenly, in my mind's eye, I began picturing crazy things, things that didn't make any sense. I saw myself winning the lottery. Yes, I thought dazedly, winning the lottery. Then I saw myself buying a waffle restaurant. Mmmm, waffles, my mind mumbled. My lips turned into a large grin as I stared at a spot on the wall.
Then I made more money via my waffle restaurant. I could call it 'Darby's Waffle Stop'. Yeah, the Waffle Stop. So I expanded my waffle business by building one over by where my cousins lived. And then another Waffle Stop. And another.
I was beginning to feel lightheaded. It was just too simple! Win lottery, build waffle joint, and then expand. Retire at age forty, and have financial security. My eyes took on a glazed look.
This is when I seriously thought I was going to grow up and be a gazillionaire. I mean, waffles, I could cook those sometimes. And they tasted good, so why wouldn't anyone else want my waffles. I blinked and gave a lopsided smile.
'Darby?' I heard Penny's voice float through my head as I served a heaping stack of waffles to the queen and the president. A blink.
'Wha.?' I asked, very confused. Dazed and confused.
'Um, you just asked Percy if he 'wanted hash browns with his waffles',' Penny said quietly. My cheeks burned as I blushed. I gave a slight smile.
'Oh, did I?' I asked, trying to remain upbeat.
'Yes,' Oliver said, smiling. 'Is there something you'd like to tell us? Have you finally snapped?' I gave a huge sigh.
'Maybe.' All crazy people are rich, right? It would take a demented genius to be the brains behind the Waffle Stop, right?
'Darby, I think that you have a spiked pumpkin juice,' he said. 'Are you ill? I mean, you were just, well, staring out into space vacantly.'
'No,' I said, wiping my eyes. 'I'm just sleepy, I suppose.' And it was gone, just like that. I know I cook up little schemes before I can see them through. I was seriously doubting my sanity right then.
Good lord. I sound like a total moron.
2:31 PM
I'm sitting in Divination with Oliver. He's staring intently at a bowl with tea leaves.
'What does it mean if you see a tree?' I opened my book.
'Wait, let me see that,' I said, picking up the bowl. 'That doesn't look like a tree. I think it's a finger pointing or something.'
'How are you supposed to tell? I mean, you could interpret this in a million different ways!' Oliver said, frustrated and getting angry.
'Ollie, why do we take this class?' I asked suddenly.
'Pssh. I dunno. I'm probably going to drop it next year. So, I only have about half a year left in here,' he said, sounding relieved. I shrugged.
'I suppose I stick around because I have nothing better to do.'
'You could take Muggle Studies,' Oliver suggested thoughtfully. I looked at him blankly.
'Nah. I mean, hmm, I already know that stuff. I *am* a Muggle-born,' I said, trying not to offend him or whatnot.
'Oh yeah,' he said stupidly and looked down into the bowl again. He's been doing that for ten minutes, making 'hmmm' noises every so often.
Remind me to quit this class ASAP.
7:38 PM
I'm really sleepy. Gosh, I've been thinking about what to buy my friends for Christmas. And yes, I am going to buy Penny something.
Penny-Scarf or something like that. Toe socks, perhaps?
Percy-Hmmm. Sweater. Yes. He'd like that.
Oliver-Hot Wheels cars? Yo-yo? Some toy, he'd love that..
What about Sammy and Chandler, though? I guess I'll buy Sammy a new incense burner, and Chandler a really odd-looking candy dish. Over Christmas break, Oliver and Percy and I will go out shopping at the thrift stores and stuff.
I think I'm going to lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling and think about stuff.
Ciao.
December 1st
8:25 AM
Ooh. You're going to kill me, no? Well, I haven't written in a long time, because I went to the Three Broomsticks with Ollie, Percy and Penny. I had this journal with me, as usual. I left it on the table! They just managed to send it back to me today.
Well. In the last month, Penny and Percy have continued to kiss like largemouth bass. Oliver is still, well, Oliver. He's now reading the book 'Dracula' that I gave him to regain some of his dignity.
There was a troll down in the dungeons on Halloween. We all had to evacuate the Great Hall. Percy got to exhibit his natural prefect-ness in escorting us back to the common room. Ollie and I glanced at one another as Percy slipped from being-our-best-friend mode into I'm-the-prefect-and- you're-not mode.
So we went to the common room and sat. Later we learned that Harry Potter, his friend Hermione and *gasp* Percy's little brother confronted the troll and *another gasp* did not die but actually knocked it out. Percy was so peeved about this. He sent his mother a letter about it, but she didn't really write back.
Dum dee dum.
Eighteen days until Christmas break.
Can't wait.
Aack. Snape's looking at me, as usual.
12:09 PM
Eating lunch. Oliver is looking around anxiously. Penny and Percy are holding hands. I am eating my turkey. No one is talking. It's kind of spooky.
1:04 PM
At lunch Oliver turned to me suddenly and asked 'What do you want for Christmas, Darby?' I thought for a moment.
'Um, maybe candy?'
'Candy?' he repeated. 'Darby, dear, I'm not going to buy you 'candy' for Christmas.'
'Why not?' I asked, sort of distraught at this.
'Because 'candy' is not an acceptable gift,' he said seriously. He kept doing these obnoxious finger quotes every time he said the word 'candy.' Percy and Penny looked on with interest.
'Well, what would you suggest?' I asked, semi-annoyed.
'Like, a book or something,' he suggested after thinking for a moment.
'Ooh. I might enjoy a new t-shirt or something,' I said, getting excited.
'Okay. How about you, Perce?'
'I think I should enjoy a new book about Herbology, maybe?' he suggested. Oliver gave him a very odd look and then hesitantly nodded.
'Allrighty,' he said, giving a sigh. 'And you, Penny?'
'I'd like maybe a hat or something?' she said. 'For cold weather.'
'Now, see, guys? Penny has the right idea,' Oliver said happily.
Aaargh. Of course Penny has the right idea. She's trying to brainwash Oliver. I don't know what came over me, but all of a sudden I felt very ill and had no desire whatsoever to discuss this anymore with them.
I pushed my plate away and took a swig of pumpkin juice. They began idly chatting. But I just stared off into space.
Suddenly, in my mind's eye, I began picturing crazy things, things that didn't make any sense. I saw myself winning the lottery. Yes, I thought dazedly, winning the lottery. Then I saw myself buying a waffle restaurant. Mmmm, waffles, my mind mumbled. My lips turned into a large grin as I stared at a spot on the wall.
Then I made more money via my waffle restaurant. I could call it 'Darby's Waffle Stop'. Yeah, the Waffle Stop. So I expanded my waffle business by building one over by where my cousins lived. And then another Waffle Stop. And another.
I was beginning to feel lightheaded. It was just too simple! Win lottery, build waffle joint, and then expand. Retire at age forty, and have financial security. My eyes took on a glazed look.
This is when I seriously thought I was going to grow up and be a gazillionaire. I mean, waffles, I could cook those sometimes. And they tasted good, so why wouldn't anyone else want my waffles. I blinked and gave a lopsided smile.
'Darby?' I heard Penny's voice float through my head as I served a heaping stack of waffles to the queen and the president. A blink.
'Wha.?' I asked, very confused. Dazed and confused.
'Um, you just asked Percy if he 'wanted hash browns with his waffles',' Penny said quietly. My cheeks burned as I blushed. I gave a slight smile.
'Oh, did I?' I asked, trying to remain upbeat.
'Yes,' Oliver said, smiling. 'Is there something you'd like to tell us? Have you finally snapped?' I gave a huge sigh.
'Maybe.' All crazy people are rich, right? It would take a demented genius to be the brains behind the Waffle Stop, right?
'Darby, I think that you have a spiked pumpkin juice,' he said. 'Are you ill? I mean, you were just, well, staring out into space vacantly.'
'No,' I said, wiping my eyes. 'I'm just sleepy, I suppose.' And it was gone, just like that. I know I cook up little schemes before I can see them through. I was seriously doubting my sanity right then.
Good lord. I sound like a total moron.
2:31 PM
I'm sitting in Divination with Oliver. He's staring intently at a bowl with tea leaves.
'What does it mean if you see a tree?' I opened my book.
'Wait, let me see that,' I said, picking up the bowl. 'That doesn't look like a tree. I think it's a finger pointing or something.'
'How are you supposed to tell? I mean, you could interpret this in a million different ways!' Oliver said, frustrated and getting angry.
'Ollie, why do we take this class?' I asked suddenly.
'Pssh. I dunno. I'm probably going to drop it next year. So, I only have about half a year left in here,' he said, sounding relieved. I shrugged.
'I suppose I stick around because I have nothing better to do.'
'You could take Muggle Studies,' Oliver suggested thoughtfully. I looked at him blankly.
'Nah. I mean, hmm, I already know that stuff. I *am* a Muggle-born,' I said, trying not to offend him or whatnot.
'Oh yeah,' he said stupidly and looked down into the bowl again. He's been doing that for ten minutes, making 'hmmm' noises every so often.
Remind me to quit this class ASAP.
7:38 PM
I'm really sleepy. Gosh, I've been thinking about what to buy my friends for Christmas. And yes, I am going to buy Penny something.
Penny-Scarf or something like that. Toe socks, perhaps?
Percy-Hmmm. Sweater. Yes. He'd like that.
Oliver-Hot Wheels cars? Yo-yo? Some toy, he'd love that..
What about Sammy and Chandler, though? I guess I'll buy Sammy a new incense burner, and Chandler a really odd-looking candy dish. Over Christmas break, Oliver and Percy and I will go out shopping at the thrift stores and stuff.
I think I'm going to lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling and think about stuff.
Ciao.
