Recap: Tomoyo goes through a series of physical changes...
Chapter 11
You destroyed my loving heart
You pushed me over the towering edge.
My world is full of darkness
It is love that I now dread.
You made me hate that emotion.
Misery has filled my soul.
Tears softly ran down my cheeks
Life in agony is the toll.
I long hoped for your affection
You are the one I most mind.
You confuse me so much.
Anger has made you less kind.
I despise how much you change me.
I now almost hate you,
I can't stand us not talking.
Where is the guy I knew?
Let me live in peace.
Actually leave me the hell alone.
I'll get you back for hurting me.
Now just leave me in my dark zone.
Tomoyo wrote this down in her journal. Nothing at all was going the way she has planned. She put the end of her pen into her mouth and started chewing...
Hm... she thought, that's a bit creepy... Why does it seem so real? but then she smiled. Oh well. She shut the blue notebook and sat up. After looking around the room, she was a bit exasperated. There's always nothing to do.
Tomoyo reached for the phone. Her nails glinted in the light. She admired them for a moment. Black with sparkles. Nice combination. It looks like I have the night sky at my fingertips.
She grabbed the phone and dialed Sakura's number. A few rings went by.
"Konnichiwa?"
"Sakura, hey, it's Tomoyo."
"Hi, Tomoyo. What's up?" Sakura was her usual peachy self.
" Do you want to go for a walk or something?"
"Sure," there was a slight pause, "Is everything ok?"
"Yea, of course. I just need a break and some fresh air." Tomoyo felt her self smile in spite of herself. "Meet me halfway ok?"
"Yeah, see you then."
They both hung up and Tomoyo got to her feet. She called something to her mom that she was going to go out with Sakura. She pulled on a pair of black boots and headed out the door.
The autumn atmosphere was calming. Since Tomoyo's attire consisted of black clothing, she was kept warm even against the fall breeze. He hair hang loosely, swaying with every step she took.
Sakura was walking up to Tomoyo. She was bright and vibrant, wearing a pink tank top and capris.
"Hey!" she called out. "Is there any particular place you want to go?"
"No, not really." Tomoyo forced herself to smile for Sakura. "Let's just walk."
They walked around the neighborhood, talking about nothing and everything at the same time.
Tomoyo kicked a pine cone. She stopped, not moving. Sakura saw and stopped with her.
Neither of them said a thing, waiting for the other to respond first.
"You know that I'm not very happy." Sakura didn't say anything in return. "Actually, I'm down right pissed off." Another pause, "I think I figured out why."
"Why?" Sakura finally spoke out.
"Well, I feel like I'm angry with the whole world right now..."
"Yes?"
"But I know what caused it. It was Eriol." Tomoyo said with such definite finality. Sakura didn't say anything, only nod.
After a while, Sakura finally asked, "Do you think it's worth it?- To be so angry over just one boy."
"You know you'd be devastated also if you had the same problem." Sakura didn't say anything and Tomoyo knew it was true.
They parted ways and headed for home. Tomoyo went into her room and looked into a mirror. The sight of her was something she wasn't used to. It has been about one month and she still wasn't used to the reflection the mirror cast back. The basic shape was Tomoyo, but the Tomoyo everyone knew was beautiful in shades of purple, not shockingly enticing in black.
She quickly showered and headed for bed. It's evening and she wanted to sleep as much as she can. I know why I sleep a lot, she realized, It helps me numb my body. I don't feel pain that way. And she smiled weakly.
She got into bed and pulled the covers up to her chin. She turned onto her side and faced the wall. A tear slipped from her eye. And then another. Her sobs were quiet; she didn't want her mom to know she was crying.
The feelings inside her were indescribable. She breathed in deeply and tried to identify the feeling. The most powerful one she felt was the dull pains boring into her heart. It felt alien, as if not normal, but bound to happen.
She accidentally knocked her stuffed animal over the edge of the bed. Tomoyo reached down to get it. "Ouch," she said meekly. She had cut her hand on something under her bed. She knew it was bleeding, but did nothing about it. "That's ok," she said under her breath. A little cut won't kill me. And she slipped into sweet sleep.
Tomoyo got up and started getting ready for school the next day. Nothing out of the ordinary there. She filtered through all the clothes she had and chose out something cute, and black. Put on her make up, with some gray eye shadow and headed out the door to school.
She saw Eriol walking down the hall where she was going. Tomoyo quickly turned around and walked the other way. She rather would go the long way instead of walking past him.
But luck was against her that day. She would see Eriol at every passing period of the day. Tomoyo would either, quickly, as fast as the wind, turn and go the other way or just look at the ground and avoid eye contact with him.
He has to know something is wrong... If he doesn't, then that's just his fault. Tomoyo remember thinking, but inside, her heart sank even lower than it felt, if that was possible.
Tomoyo was doing her homework one night and ruffled her hair violently. She didn't like this anymore. Obviously this though has been on her mind for some time. Being angry and depressed all the time was frustrating her, adding to her pain already. I'm going to dress how I normally do from now on. I'm not making a difference by being stubborn and being black. It's not helping my feelings.
She looked at her hand and at all the various cuts and scars she now has. I won't cut myself either, she made up her mind, but she wasn't going to repeat the same mistakes either.
She wanted to share her accomplishments of being Tomoyo again with someone so she called the second person that came to mind. Eriol was the first and she couldn't very well call him. She called Sakura.
"Hi! Sakura!"
"Tomoyo! You sound happy, what's up!"
"Well I just wanted to say I'm going back to the way I was before."
"Oh! That's great!" There was a brief silence, " You freaked me out a bit when you were Goth. I was like OH wow. The first time I saw you, with the whole ensemble."
Tomoyo laughed an uncomfortable, nervous laugh, "Oh, thanks for telling me though. Sorry I was weird."
"It's ok. So how are you feeling?"
"I'm ok, same old stuff, you know that."
"Yes, but I meant about..." she hesitated..." about Eriol."
"Oh," Tomoyo said flatly, "Well, I don't believe in love anymore..."
Joanni: Ack, school's almost out, hurray!! I just finished a 320 pt project. fun... Now onto finals... (_0) I hope you liked the chappie, Enjoy reading. THANKS! READ AND REVIEW.
