Going Home Again

Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to American Outlaws, Jesse James, or any character mentioned in this story that was in the movie. I guess I do claim Cody Newman (appears in Chapter 3), but anybody can use him - I don't mind. This is simply a work of fiction, and no money is being earned. Which is a sad thing, since I'm a poor college graduate (as of last week). One last thing - this is in no way meant to represent history as it really happened, it's simply a work of fiction, and should be read as such.

Reviews would be great - and any comments on how to improve are welcomed, as this is my first work of fan fiction EVER. Now, on to the story!

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Chapter 1

Jesse sighed as his eyes swept the barren land before him. Tennessee. Double letters three times, but half the home he had known in Missouri. His homesickness was increasing, and he yearned to visit his childhood and adolescent homestead one last time. One last time before he could put all the hurt and anger behind him.

As he placed the final fencepost in the ground, he had already made up his mind. His wife Zee might object, but this was something he had to do. He pondered taking her along, or maybe asking Frank to join him on his journey, but decided that going alone would be best. He needed to fight his demons the way he always had - totally alone.

Neither Frank nor Zee knew how much he hurt. They did not know the anguish he felt every time he smelled an apple pie, or every time he heard a mother call to her son. He missed his ma, and he kept it buried deep within his heart. He tried so hard to be strong and stoic, the kind of man that so many had come to know in both life and in legend.

As Jesse dusted his hands on his ragged pants, he sighed again. He swept all his feelings away with the dirt and trudged his way back up to the house he had recently finished building for Zee and himself. It had been hard on both of them trying to fit in, and they had few friends. Mostly because they're scared of me, Jesse thought ruefully.

Jesse crested the hilltop, where he was welcomed with a view of his wife hanging their clothes on the line. "Hey, Zee! Better hope it doesn't rain this afternoon!"

She just shook her head, grinning all the time. It was quite a change for the both of them - their biggest fear had become wet clothes. No more Thaddeus Rains. No more Pinkerton detectives. No more outlaw ways. Yes, things were simple now.

Jesse swept Zee up into an embrace and swung her around and around. As she giggled and screamed for mercy, Jesse finally placed her back on the ground. His face suddenly turned serious as he said, "Zee, I have somethin' I need to talk to you about."

Her face immediately fell, and worry was evident by the creases in her delicate forehead. "What is it Jesse?" she asked.

"I need to get away. It's nothin' you've done, sweetie," he interjected, "In fact, I couldn't be happier than when I'm with you. It's just that I've got some demons I need to face, if you know what I mean. I need to go back home to Liberty to see the old homestead, and to see ma's grave. I have got to put all that stuff to rest."

Zee nodded in understanding. She'd been expecting this. He tried so hard to hide it, but she knew him inside and out. She knew how much he'd been hurting.

"Sure, Jesse, I understand. I've been wantin' to go back too. When shall I pack my things? When will we be leavin?"

Jesse hesitated, but he was afraid this might happen. "Zee," he began, "this is something I need to do on my own. I'll be going alone."

Zee couldn't hide the instantaneous surprise and hurt from her face. She paused as she grasped for words and understanding. She finally voiced her hurt in one word, "Alone?"

Jesse looked at her with his deep brown eyes, and sighed for the third time that afternoon. He repeated again, "Zee, this is something I need to do alone."

Zee shook her head and shouted, "My home is there too, ya know. My daddy's still there, he's still wasting away! I'd like to go check on him. He misses me as much as you miss your ma!"

Jesse replied, "It ain't the same thing, Zee, and you know it! We'll go back there together, and real soon, I promise. This is just something I need to do. Please try to understand."

Zee's eyes filled up with tears, and she whispered, "Well, Jesse James, I'll tell you what I understand. I thought you were more sensitive, more caring. You go on your little sabbatical. See if I care. But I'll tell you one thing, if a little plan like that doesn't include me, then maybe your big ones shouldn't either."

With that, she turned on her heel and marched up the steps of their home. She turned one last time to look at her husband with a look of utter disbelief and then promptly slammed the door with an ominous bang.