Disclaimer: KA Applegate owns Animorphs. Evanescence wrote the song used here, "Even In Death" which is stunning and eerie and perfect. So… listen to it?
She wasn't gone. She couldn't be. It was impossible. You couldn't kill someone like her. She was fearless, brave, strong, confident… she was a legend. You can't kill legends.
But she was dead.
I could still hear her in my head, giggling at one of my lame lines. I could see her, in all her beauty as she smiled a slow smile at me, a smile that I loved. I could smell her. Her smell was so perfect for her, not reeking of feminine beauty but still... delicate. There was no way she was dead...
Give me a reason to believe that you're gone
I see your shadow so I know they're all wrong
Flying over my empty meadow, I could see her lying there, lounging in the sun. It tricked me, I thought she was real. I thought that she existed again, sauntering in the grass and scanning the sky for me. Sunlight glittered down on her, encompassing her in light, light that faded. I almost stopped breathing. She was beautiful. She was a Rachel that I hadn't seen for ages. A Rachel that I loved even in death.
It was night now, and she was still waiting for me. She still peered into the sky and she still longed for me to come.
So I flew.
Moonlight on the soft brown earth
It leads me to where you lay
I strained. Dying to get to her. Dying to land near her. Dying to demorph and hug her, kiss her and keep her close. Feelings built up inside me and they were impossible to suppress. I wanted her more then anything.
They took you away from me but now I'm taking you home
No matter how hard I flew, I could never get close enough to her. She was getting farther and farther away the closer and closer I got. So I stopped flying. I sat on a tree, examining her with my supreme hawk vision. Not even hawk vision could distort her beauty.
I will stay forever here with you
My love
How I missed her. I missed everything about her. I missed her smiles, her determination, her bravery.... just her.
Against my will, I thought of her death. I thought of the polar bear that killed her, the last words she heard were, "You fought bravely human." And the last words she uttered were, "I love you."
To me.
I love you.
It was sickening how those words can control you. Sickening how they can invade you. Sickening how much they meant to you.
The softly spoken words you gave me
Even in death our love goes on
I still loved her, even though she was dead and only a memory in my heart. I still cherished her. I wished more than anything that I could be besides her on that grass. I wish I could just taste her once more...
Some say I'm crazy for my love, Oh my love
But no bonds can hold me from your side, Oh my love
Suddenly I was flying. I was flying towards her. And she was fading. My heart screamed from agony of watching her disappear. But somehow, it was still convinced that I would get her.
She vanished.
My heart broke. Everything I'd loved was gone. And I was left with nothing. No! Not nothing! I still have the memories. I could still hear her, I could still see her, I could still smell her. And that was enough.
They don't know you can't leave me
They don't hear you singing to me
A flutter to my left caught my attention. A bald eagle was soaring. Suddenly, it cocked its head at me. I swear it smiled at me.
I spread my wings, ready to fly. Already she was a little farther.
The chase started all over again.
And I can't love you, anymore than I do
