Bad Medicine

Chapter 3

By: Pseudomask

Disclaimer:  I own Fushigi Yugi…… NOT! (Had you fooled for a minute there didn't

I?)

Warnings:  Watch out for lack of writings ability, poor grammar, and awful mechanics, read at your OWN risk.  I also CAN blame Tasuki for poor language in this chapter.  I suppose I should warn you about yaoi due to Nuriko lusting after Hotohori, but I am not going to ^_~. Oh, a bunch of OOCness is present here, but nothing unusual.

Side Notes:  My last chapter is here concerning Bad Medicine (wow, I ACTUALLY completed a fic)!  Although this piece is finished, I might be tempted later to write another Mitsukake humor piece, just because I love to torture him, and I don't think there are enough of them out there (probably for a reason…) ^_^;;;

Special Thanks:  DragonGoddess, Methodical Madness, and VALY, thanks for reviewing my last chapter (they must be crazy or something)!  DG's a great writer (very funny as well), not only that but she is a very talented artist also.  If you're smart then you should go read her stuff, and visit the link to her artwork over at deviant art (love that site).  Although MM doesn't write

(sadly ;_;) make sure to send some good karma his/her way, since MM has reviewed/read all my crap, went to my dreadful site (and survived)!  Thanks a bunch once again!  VALY, although she might TRY and tell you that she isn't an AWESOME writer DON'T believe her! She has loads of talent, so make sure you read her work, IF she hasn't tore it all down in frustration.  So, keep writing girl, you have loads of skill!

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Mitsukake cursed the day he decided to fulfill his seishi destiny, and traveled to this rotting excuse of a palace.  WHY had he not simply stayed in that old dreary village and sit back in his little shack of a home?  The only remotely dangerous acts he would have been performing would have included that of changing Tama's litter box, and washing his own rancid pairs of dirty neglected underwear.

Damn his conscious.  For if he had not ventured here he would still have his beloved Tama, and not to mention he would still have his manly black mane of chest hair, for it would not have been burned off by Tasuki in one of his drunken splendors! Now his pectorals (although larger in size, thankfully) were eerily similar to that of a puberty ridden Chiriko. 

Now, just HOW was he expected to get a girlfriend without any masculine chest hair?  It was bad enough that his idea of romance was opening a can of tuna together, and retiring before warm fire (while combing Tama's mane with

Mitsukake's very own hairbrush).  Now, Mitsukake was forever doomed to open his tuna cans alone… for even Miboshi had a better chance at love than him (despite with those freakishly beady eyes).

But, such negative thoughts would not get him any closer to his goal of rescuing his lovable cuddly Tama.  Instead, he needed to retrace his steps/hobbles, and perhaps that would leave him a clue as to his companion's location.  After all, his feline friend could not have traveled too far, right?

*  *  *  *

Letting out a very loud sigh, Mitsukake was starting to give into the despair that he was feeling.  He had searched ALL over the palace grounds.  Well, most of it anyway, for he had avoided the creepy gardening dominatrix's lair, and as much as he loved Tama, he would just have to fend for himself, for there was no way in hell he was walking back into THAT torture chamber. 

So, now here poor pitiful Mitsukake sat, at the edge of the lake where he had been beaten to a bloody pulp by Miaka, and lost not only his favorite fishing spot, but his lovable loyal cat as well.

Removing his beaten tattered shoes, he intended to sooth his blistered abused feet by soaking them in the murky water of the lake before him.  He was in the process of doing so when he noticed a small gleaming object over to his right. 

Mitsukake, one who was always fascinated with bright shiny objects, like some crazy demented bird, leaned slowly over to retrieve it.

"Get your SLIMY OLD MEATHOOKS off my earring!" claimed a somewhat agitated voice… (to say the least).

Turning his head (once he convinced his heart to start pumping again), Mitsukake was greeted with the sight of his fellow seishi, Nuriko, who had his 'I'm constipated' face on, which was NOT a very good sign for poor abused Mitsukake health… as if he didn't have ENOUGH problems already!

As the he heard the light crunching of grass behind, Mitsukake prepared for whatever beating that was about ensue from his cross-dressing ally.  But, instead, Nuriko stopped suddenly, and he his face was transformed from a healthy peach, to a white marshmallow color…how Mitsukake loved marshmallows.

Now, he realized that this was his golden opportunity to slither off into the shadows and escape whatever pain Nuriko might be tempted to inflict upon him. 

Yes, if Mitsukake had an ounce of intelligence that would have been his plan of action…

… but since when had he EVER shown anything remotely resembling intellect?

So, the next words uttered from Mitsukake were not surprising by any means. 

"Nuriko, are you ill?  Your complexion is a little pale," he stated, instantly regretting speaking those words, judging by the look in Nuriko's eyes.

"What's wrong with ME?!?   You mean what's wrong with YOU! " Nuriko shouted, obviously frustrated, but also mixed with a hint disgust.  Scrunching his nose in repulsion, he managed to continue, "I've NEVER seen such hideous feet!  I mean… they're an abomination upon human kind!"

Mitsukake tore his gaze away from the dainty seishi before him, and turned to study the mentioned feet.  Although, he did admit, they might not have been the loveliest of feet, but most certainly they couldn't be THAT appalling.  So, in retort, Mitsukake simply raised a sleek black eyebrow in the direction of his fellow super strong celestial warrior, only to be verbally abused once again.

"I mean, they've got FUNGUS on them for Suzaku's sake!" fumed Nuriko as he proceeded to viciously wave his manicured hand at the 'abomination' as he had eloquently stated earlier. "I BET Tama even has shorter toenails than you!"

Now that hurt Mitsukake deep within his lonely, and desperate soul!  Sure, he had never clipped his fungus-covered toenails, nor had he ever treated the hazardous case of athlete's foot that was currently wreaking havoc upon his pitiful feet, and indeed, he had never indulged himself enough to remove the corns and dried dead skin that was caked on them.  Still, that did NOT give Nuriko the right to ever so carelessly trample Mitsukake's poor and fragile feelings!

After all, poor Mitsukake had the self-esteem of a teenage girl (that was cursed with a horrendously flat chest and was plagued by a vicious case of acne!)

Thankfully, he was saved from this onslaught of mistreatment by none other than

the one of Hotohori's servants, who (judging from the massive pits stains and putrid smell rising from him) had been running for quite some time (or was seriously out of shape).  Either way, he was about to deliver a cryptic message from the emperor. 

"His Majesty is **cough** in desperate **gasp** need of your seishi powers,

**wheeze** celestial warrior Mitsukake!"

*  *  *  *

Mitsukake was starting to feel a little fatigued by the time he was done healing the servant, who apparently sprained his back while caring a heavy object for the emperor.  He was getting a little annoyed with the almost constant calls that Hotohori had made for him.  Poor Mitsukake worked 24-7, with very little benefits.

Really, his majesty should learn to carry his OWN mirrors!

He was just about to lecture Hotohori (in a respectful manner, since Nuriko was GLARING at Mitsukake still, who, of course followed the healing seishi to 'aid' the emperor) when the doors to the royal court were thrown ever so carelessly open, to reveal none other than a battered and heavily scratched Tasuki, thrown under his arm was none other than a slightly ruffled looking Tama, who meowed loudly upon seeing his owner.

 "Tama!" Mitsukake shouted his voice coated in jubilation (much like the disturbed gardeners plants).  Upon hearing this, the infamous furball leaped out of the speedy bandits arms, and ran to the feet of the healing hulk before him. 

Rubbing against the man's legs (despite being in such close proximity to the deadly feet), Tama purred his entire sob story to his master.

"I cannot BELIEVE you KIDNAPPED my precious Tama!" accused Mitsukake, as he gently scratched his companion's ear, and shared what little remnants he had from his sampling spree with him.

"Whatever, ya should THANK me for fer fuckin' watching that FLEA-RIDDEN

THING of yours!" growled the fanged seishi before him, while rubbing a number of 'battle wounds' that he obtained from his exploits.  "Look, the damned monster fucking PUCKED on me!"

Indeed, Tasuki's was encumbered in a number of thick globs of sporadically placed vomit all over his only (and therefore, his "fuckin' favorite") pair of pants. 

Snickers ensued among the royal court, accompanied shortly by a string of curse and threats from none other than the red haired bandit.  Only one questioned was asked from the group (by none other than the vain emperor, Hotohori, who was valiantly attempting to get his recovering servant to once again pick up the tarnished mirror), "Tasuki, why did you feel the urge to so callously kidnap

Tama?"

"Cuz, I'm a bandit, what the HELL else do we DO? We fucking make other stupid guys lives MISERABLE!  We do horrible AWFUL SHIT!  CUZ WE'RE HEARTLESS!" he shouted the while doing a horrible jerky movements, otherwise known as the bandit dance.

Nuriko rolled his eyes, while ever so gracefully arranging his dress. 

"Whatever, you're just a big old softy," he stated, a smirk spreading across his feminine features (along with the finest beauty products ancient China had to offer)!

"Shut the HELL up!  Ya FUCKIN' CROSS-DRESSER!!!!"  With this declaration, a full out war was waged between the two…

… It lasted about 3.6786 seconds, ending with a Tasuki shaped hole in the emperor's wall. 

Stepping over the unconscious and bruised form of the bandit, Mitsukake ever so slowly stumbled to his room, avoiding the gardener, and the pimping Tamahome, who was back from his busy day at the corner, only to pass out three steps from his bed, with Tama curled closely at his side.

Poor Mitsukake knew that he would wake up with a demented sore back in the morning, but he JUST WANTED THIS DAY TO END!!

So, not bothering to remove himself from the cold hard dirty floor (for he refused to have ANY of the misfits from the staff step foot into his room after encountering the 'interesting' gardener) he passed out into a fitful slumber, hoping to not wake up until Miaka was GONE!

… … but of course, he was NEVER that lucky.

THE END.

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Yeah, so that really sucked, and made probably no sense whatsoever.  Oh well, now the torture is over for you the reader! 

Thanks to anyone who reviews this last chapter, and who read my first story (you poor souls)!  Once again, any trauma I inflict upon you is NOT my fault (okay, maybe a little, but you should have stopped reading after the first chapter)!

--- Pseudomask