Chapter Two: An-tici- ...
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-Pation.

"A school Play, Albus? You can't be serious!" Minerva McGonagle was livid, glaring at the headmaster over the rim of her spectacles.

"Oh, come now Minerva. It's not as bad as all that." Albus sat comfortable behind his desk, sucking away on a lemon drop. Wonderful things, lemon drops. Severus Snape pounded his fist on the headmaster's large oak desks, his thin black hair obscuring his face momentarily. "This is an outrage! You should have consulted us or, at the very least, given us some modicum of warning."

"Really, Severus. What would be the fun in that?"

"Severus is right. A school play is not something to be taken lightly." Minerva did her best to glare disapprovingly at her employer, but found her efforts were wasted.

"I think it's a wonderful idea." He beamed at them and chose another lemon drop from his bag of sweets. Snape gave a derisive snort. "Yes well, you also thought hiring Gilderoy Lockhart was a good idea and need I remind you how that turned out?"

"I think the both of you are overreacting just a bit. The play is a brilliant idea."

"Albus, the last time you had a brilliant idea, we all spent several weeks trying to get glitter out of our-"

"It wasn't as bad as all that" Dumbledore protested, turning red about the ears a bit."

Minerva pinned him with an extremely severe gaze. "Yes, it was. It really was."


The next day, everyone waited tensely for Dumbledore's announcement. Students murmured quietly and not so quietly to each other and at the Slytherin table, Pansy Parkinson was flaunting her.... Er.... Charms. "Don't you think I'll get the lead role, Draco? I'm just made to be on the stage!"

Overhearing her, Harry muttered to Ron. "The only stage she's meant to be on is one with a pole on it."

Ron looked at him askance. "What's a pole going to be doing in the middle of a ruddy stage, then?"

Harry sighed, "Honestly Ron, don't you know anything?"

Ron's face turned several shaded of red and he opened his mouth, no doubt to say something having to do with Pansy Parkinson not being allowed on any stage, even ones with poles on them; and what the bloody blazes were poles doing in the middle of a stage to begin with anyway, when Dumbledore stood up.

"I shall now announce the title of the play. It's not a play that is well known in the Wizarding world, but I believe you shall enjoy it nonetheless. Need I remind you that everyone, INCLUDING THE STAFF is to audition two weeks from today." A loud gasp escaped the students. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled with an unholy mirth as he continued, "Doubtless you are all breathless with an-tici-" He paused and a silence like a jagged piece of blackboard being dragged across a thousand severed fingers reigned over the great hall. A hysterical fifth- year Hufflepuff yelled, "SAY IT!"

"-Pation," Dumbledore finished. There was an audible collective sigh and a thud as more than one overwhelmed student fainted dead away.

Hermione suddenly felt the cold chill of dread creep up her spine and her knees went weak. "Ron?"

"Yeah Mione?"

"You know how you and Harry said that this was going to be bad?"

"Yeah?" Ron was starting to get nervous.

"Well you were wrong."

Ron breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, okay. That's good."

"It's going to be worse."

"Crikey!"

"Mione?"

"Yeah, Harry?"

"I'm scared."

She gripped his hand tightly. "Me too, Harry, Me too."

At the High table, Dumbledore continued, " The play I have chosen is a musical, which means there will be song and dance numbers."

Hermione began to pray very, very hard

Dumbledore droned on. "It's called 'the Rocky Horror Picture Show."

"No! God no! Is there no justice in this world?" Hermione fell sobbing to her knees and beat the floor with her fists. The few muggle-borns that knew what was going on joined her in her lament. Dean Thomas shouted, "Hey Trewlaney, I'd bet you didn't see that once coming!" Indeed, a visibly shaken Professor Trewlaney was comforting an openly sobbing Professor McGonagle. Professors Sprout and Sinistra were busy downing a hip flask of what appeared to be Old Ogden's. Professor Lupin was busily helping Flickwit back to his feet after the poor man had fallen out of his chair and Severus Snape had gone very pale indeed. Everyone in the great hall was suddenly very, very afraid.

"Ron?"

"Yeah, Harry?"

"Hold me."

"Geddof you sodding oaf!"
"Damn it, Man! Are you completely mad, or just senile?" Severus Snape paced the length of Dumbledore's study, livid with rage. Dumbledore smiled at him. "Calm yourself, Severus. This is nothing to lose your head over."

"My head is not lost, old man, " he snarled. "But I'm beginning to think yours is!"

Minerva interceded before the Potions master could fling himself bodily at the headmaster and throttle him soundly. "Albus, we are begging you to reconsider. It's not too late. You still have time to cancel this mad scheme."

"I most certainly will not!" Dumbledore said indignantly. "This play will continue as planned and no one is going to stop it!" He stormed out, leaving behind two suddenly weary professors in his wake. A moment later, he returned. "Why should I leave?" He announced, "This is my office." Severus and Minerva glanced at each other before making a hasty retreat. Just as they had reached the doors of Dumbledore's study, his voiced boomed out, "And I expect to see the both of you at the auditions!"

No one was safe.

End of Chapter 2
A bit short but there's more to come. Singing! Dancing! Transvestites! There's a small quote from Neil Gaiman's wonderful novel Neverwhere. The bit about the jagged piece of blackboard and the severed fingers. Neil Gaiman rocks my socks. And there's an obscure reference to Dogma in there as well, though you'll only get that if you've watched the collector's edition, because I lifted it from one of the outtakes with Jason Lee in it. Be kind, review.