I was going to wait until Tuesday to upload this, seeing as I just uploaded chapter four about twenty minutes ago, but I just had to put it up sooner because I love this chapter and I want all of you to review. So here it is, chapter FIVE! Go me! By the way, if anyone is looking for a good movie to watch, then I thoroughly recommend renting 'Lock, Stock, And Two smoking Barrels." Guy Ritchie is hella cool. His movie "Snatch" is also really really worth watching. And Brad Pitt is so funny in that and he's IRISH!



I own nothing. Except my over productive imagination which is currently being stolen by insane penguins dressed in blue heels.





Chapter five: Anarchy in the U.K. (or at Hogwart's, at least)





"Remus Lupin"

"Here."

"You're Next, Remus."

A distinctly green Remus gulped. "Yeah, I need a minute."

Five minutes passed before Snape finally snapped, "Well don't just stand there, man! Get on with it!"

Remus nervously walked in front of the curtain to the center of the stage, a red electric guitar in hand.

"How's that thing going to work? It's not even hooked up to an amp or anything," Hermione Mused.

Ron grinned. "Thought you knew everything, Mione. It's magic, of course. And what's an amp?"

Hopeless, that boy was sometimes. Remus nervously tested the microphone and played a few shaky chords on the guitar. The screech of feedback filled the Great Hall. There was a loud slapping sound as several pairs of hands clapped over their ears simultaneously. Remus made some adjustments muttering, "Can I.ok. One, two, three, four!" Remus started strumming away and the curtain went up to reveal Sirius black playing a drum kit and Albus Dumbledore on bass guitar. "Well she was just seventeen, if you know what I mean and the way she looked was way beyond compa-are. So how could I dance with another when I saw her standing there?" Remus sang surprisingly well, giving the old Beatles tune an interesting punk-rock twist. " Well she looked at me and I, I could see that before too long I'd fall in love with her"

Hermione Suddenly grinned and grabbed Ginny's arm. "Come on. I'll show you how to mosh."

"She wouldn't dance with another when I saw her standing there. Well my heart went boom when I crossed that room and held her hand in mine! Well we danced through the night and we held each other tight and before too long I fell in love with her."

So it was that the Trio of Doom learned to mosh. Several people caught an, and before long, moshing had replaced stripping as the new favorite pastime of the Students of Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry. There was much to be said for the methods of education

"Now I'll never dance with another, whoa, since I saw her standing there. Well my heart went boom when I crossed that room and held her hand in mine"

Tired of being elbowed in the chest by overzealous moshers, Hermione made her way out of the small group in front of the stage only to run into the (very) solid form of Professor Snape, who had made his way over to supervise the enthusiastic moshers. She reeled backwards and Snape's hands automatically clamped onto her arms to steady her.

"Oh we danced through the night and we held each other tight and before too long I fell in love with her. Now I'll never dance with another whoa since I saw her standing there. Since I saw her standing there."

Sirius abruptly began to beat a new, more rapid beat on the snare drum and Dumbledore launched into a sliding bass line. Struck a few harsh chords and started singing once more. "Daddy I know you're going to be upset, cause I was always your little girl. I may be young at heart, but I know what I'm saying."

Hermione began to laugh. Leave it to Remus to sing a song about teenage Pregnancy! Shaking off Snape's hands, she bounded back into the pit with renewed energy. This was too good to miss. "You always taught me right from wrong. I need your help daddy, please be strong. What I need right now is some good advice. The one you warned me all about, the one you said I could do without, we're in an awful mess and I don't mean maybe. Papa, don't preach! I've been losing sleep. Papa don't preach, I'm in trouble deep. But I've made up my mind, I'm keeping my baby!"

Hermione made another mad dash for her chair. Definitely no more moshing for this little girl. She'd suffered quite enough, thank you very much. Remus had launched into "Come on, Eileen." Hmm.there's an interesting choice.

"Come on, Eileen, too-loo-ra-ay, Come on Eileen too-loo-ra-ay, too-loo-ra- too-loo-ra-ay." Dumbledore, singing backup vocals picked up the speed as Sirius beat the drums more insistently.

The music changed suddenly to something less insistent and slower. Remus, looking like a punk rock god, guitar slung low, began to sing yet another song. "A star up in the sky is slowly passing by the lights below they spell out your name."

A hand appeared in front of her. It was Snape. He was asking her to dance. Well, here went nothing.

"With comfort on my mind of you with me all the time with lots of feelings that I can't explain. I won't spend another night alone, oh I won't spend another night alone!"

They waltzed. Hermione didn't think it was possible to waltz to a punk song, but apparently you could.

"Out of every girl I meet, no other can compete. I'd ditch them all for a night with you. I know don't believe you mean this much to me but I promise you that you do!" Hermione pressed her body minutely closer to Snape's. The man really did smell great. He smelled like rosemary and lemongrass, with the bitter, underlying odor of wormwood, plus something darker, muskier and infinitely attractive. Why is it that men always smelled so good? She was sure she smelled horrible. She had just spent time in a particularly rowdy mosh pit, after all.

"If I had one wish this is what it would be, I'd ask you to spend all your time with me! We'd be together forever."

Snape noticed her shift towards him, but said nothing. He could smell her better now. She smelled divine. Like Jasmine and tangy oranges and Green tea. The earthy scent of her sweat was added to the mixture and suddenly Snape wasn't so pleased she had decided to get closer to him.

"We'd buy a small house in south central L.A. We'd raise lots of kids and we'd both join a gang just as long as we're together. The things you make me want to do I 'd rob the quickie mart for you. I'd go to the pound and let all the cats go free just as long as you'd be with me."

People were stopping to stare at them and Hermione felt suddenly self- conscious.

" I won't spend another night alone"

Snape stopped dancing and bowed to her. She curtsied in reply and he turned on his heels and walked away.

"I won't spend another night alone."

*****

"Sirius Black."

"Here"

"You may proceed."

The curtains rustled.

"Harry, I'm scared."

"Me too, Ron."

"Harry?"

"Yeah Ron?"

"Hold me."

Ron launched himself in Harry's lap. An incensed Ginny shouted, "Get off my Cool-Aid, motherfucker!"

Hermione just sat back and took it all in. She could calm them down, but really, what was the fun in that? There was a sudden loud blast of music and cheery synthesizer music was presently heard.

"I come home in the morning light. My mother says 'When you gonna live your life right?' oh mommy dear we're not the fortunate ones and girls they wanna have fun. Oh girls just wanna have fun "

Sirius appeared center stage in full Drag mode, pantyhose and all. One thing was clearly apparent. While Sirius black was an undeniably handsome man, he made an undeniably ugly woman.

"The phone rings in the muddle of the night my father yells what you gonna do with your life oh daddy dear you know you're still number one but girls they wanna have on girls just wanna have fun"

Ginny and Hermione cracked up laughing as Sirius wobbled about the stage in five inch spiked heels, a vinyl minidress and a hella ugly blue wig. Harry just stared. Ron had thrown himself screaming, "I'm blind! Oh god! I'm blind!"

"That's all they really want is to have fun! When the work and day is done oh girls just wanna have fun oh girls just wanna have fun"

Sirius continued to wobble about, singing in a high falsetto, oblivious to everything.

"Somebody take a beautiful girl and hide her away from the world I wanna be the one to walk in the sun oh and girls they wan-"

The music was cut off abruptly and a scattered applause was heard as a very angry Professor Snape stalked onstage. "Good gods, Man! You are ruining a perfectly good pair of stilettos!"

"Excuse Me! I was in the middle of an audition!"

There were snickers and laughter from the peanut gallery.

"That was the worst damned audition I have ever seen in my life. If you want to continue traipsing about like a magnificent poof, then do so on your own time because nobody here wants to see it!"

Cheers and clapping followed Snape's little speech and Sirius was very angry.

"Oh, and don't I suppose a manky git such as yourself could do any better?"

Snape suddenly stood taller. A collective gasp was heard from the student body. McGonagle and Dumbledore stood nearby, ready to separate the two men if things got ugly. (It could be said that one merely had to look at Sirius to say that things were already pretty damned ugly) The glove had been thrown. The challenge was issued. If Snape declined it he would be thought a coward or worse. Black had called him out, and he would answer in kind. It was time to go to the mattresses.

"Give me those blasted shoes and I'll show you how it's done."

Ladies and Gentlemen, let the Games Begin













Everything in parenthesis can(not) be ignored. I have this thing for dramatic cliffhangers recently. There's a line stolen from a Kevin Smith movie somewhere in this chapter. I'll give you a hint as to which movie it was. "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back." Ok, that wasn't a hint, but there you go. Twenty Points and some chocolate frogs to the person who finds it. I suppose I should list the songs I used. Well, here they are.

Remus performs four songs. The first being "I Saw Her Standing there" by the Beatles. The second song was Madonna's "Papa Don't Preach" although I was thinking of the Kelly Osbourn Version when I wrote this. The third song was "Come On, Eileen" by Dexy's Midnight Runners. (You know you are going to go out and listen to that song right now because it's just that awesome and aren't I just great for putting an eighties song in there?) The last song was "I Won't Spend Another Night Alone" by the Ataris. They're a really great punk band and I love them. Sirius performed to Cyndi Lauper's immortal song "Girl's Just Wanna Have Fun" and that's about it. Thank you and enjoy the show. o_0 Glory to the Eighties!

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