Off to a shaky start, but it gets better. Sorry it took so long. I write and I post. I don't have anything else written. It's just a jumble of vague plot lines and one-liners in my head. But here is chapter seven for your enjoyment.

Song of the Day: the Ataris "Summer Rain Was Always our Song"







Chapter Seven: Long Live the Queens











She casually waked up to him in the hallway on the way to breakfast. She didn't think he would take kindly to her actually speaking to him openly in public.

"Lists are posted today." Casually said. A bit too casually.

"Indeed." No emotion. Not that she was expecting any.

"Scared?" That was a laughable question. Severus Snape was never scared.

"Terrified." It was sarcastic enough, but Hermione thought she heard a bit of truth in his word. "Where are they posted?"

"Great Hall"

"Indeed." That man was like an open book. Written in code with invisible ink. In a language that had been dead for several millennia and that could only be read by a select few who had brains the size of watermelons.

*****

The great hall was filled with nervous chatter. Students milled about in groups near the entrance waiting to see if they had landed a role. The Trio of doom stood apart from everyone else waiting for Ginny to bring them the results. None of them had wanted to face the crushing mob that surrounded the lists, so the role had been delegated to Ginny who was apparently the craftiest and smallest of the four. Hermione and Ron were dying with anticipation while harry stood nonchalantly with his hands in his pocket looking supremely bored.

"Aren't you the least bit worried Harry?" Hermione herself felt as if she had swallowed a cannonball.

Harry laughed. "Ha! After that horrible performance I put in at auditions? Never! I don't have a thing to worry about."

"Oi! Congratulations Potter." Draco walked by smugly.

"Thanks. Erm. . . for what?"

"You got the role of Brad."

"What?! Bloody Hell!" A disbelieving Harry rushed to the lists, toppling several people on his way to confirm the unbelievable news.

"If anyone can play Stick-up-the-arse Brad to perfection, it's Harry," commented Hermione.

Ginny Ran up just then red-faced and flushed. "Hermione! You got Janet!"

"Sweet!"

"Oi, Malfoy! You got Rocky Horror."

Hermione burst out laughing hysterically.

"What's that mean?" Draco shifted uneasily. This didn't sound good at all.

Hermione gasped between fits of laughter. "It means you get to play a gold hot pants wearing dumbass."

Ron shuddered. "Malfoy in short shorts. Ladies and gentlemen, we have hit a new low."

"Snape is to play the lead!" A breathless Harry reported to them.

"Oh no, here is a lower place."

****

Once everyone had settled down to eat breakfast Dumbledore stood. "I have an announcement to make. Congratulations to all of you who made the cast. I will need to see these people in my office as soon as the meal is over: Hermione Granger, Severus Snape, Neville Longbottom, Minerva McGonagle, Harry Potter, Remus Lupin, Virginia Weasley, Cho Chang, Sirius black, Ronald Weasley, Draco Malfoy, and Albus Dumbledore. That will be all."

"Oi, Harry?"

"You think the old man's finally lost it?"

"Haven't we had this conversation before?"

"Err.."

"Nevermind. Just shut up and eat."

******

Meanwhile, in the Batcave, er. I mean, Afterwards, in Dumbledore's Study (I just really wanted to use that line)

"I have you all to congratulate you on your roles."

Snape muttered, "are you sure you shouldn't be offering condolences instead?"

Hermione nearly wet herself.

Clearing his throat, Dumbledore continued loudly. "I have decided that before we begin rehearsing the play, we mist all experience it firsthand. I have organized a trip into London this Saturday so that we may view a muggle production of the play. It will serve two purposes. Firstly, it will allow is to become familiar with the roles we will all play, and secondly, to give us all an idea as to what the hell we are all doing."

"Nicely put, Albus."

Dumbledore beamed. "Thank you Minerva. I've always been told I have a way with words."

Hermione raided her hand. "Professor, Why are Remus and Sirius going? They don't have roles."

"I have decided to appoint Professor Lupin as director of Music. He will be in charge of all the music for the production."

"And Sirius?"

"Oh, he's not actually doing anything. I just thought he would enjoy going to see the show."

*****

The day had come. Ginny, Cho and Hermione had gathered Draco, Ron, Harry and Neville in Hermione's room and had spent the whole afternoon trying to turn them into women. After several piles of outfits, five tubs of hot wax, two tubes of red lipstick and one near disastrous encounter between Neville and the curling Iron, the boys were ready.

Draco stood in front of the mirror surveying his form critically. "I feel like a fairy."

Harry snorted and eyed the glittery plastic wings attached to Malfoy's back. "You look like one."

"Watch your mouth or you're fucked, Potter." Draco was not in the mood to put up with that sort of crap. His under-wire was digging into his ribs and the borrowed stockings were bunching at his ankles.

"What? Proper fucked?" Harry grinned and batted his heavily lined and mascara-ed lashes at him

"Yeah, Harry. Proper Fucked."

Hermione laughed. Harry, Ron, Neville, and Malfoy all stood in front of her in borrowed dresses and heavy make up, wobbling around in high heels. The results of over two hours worth of preparations were mixed. Ron and Neville were hopelessly ugly. The poor things looked like a very bad episode of "Kids in the Hall." Draco and Harry on the other hand, were a bit above passably attractive. Harry had been forced to put in contact lenses and his eyes had been lined with black liner and mascara. A very dark red lipstick had been applied to his lips and his hair had been given a slight curling. A tight, v-neck blouse and one of Ginny's bras accompanied with a short vinyl mini skirt and knee length boots, again borrowed from Ginny, with a sequined devil's tail attached to his arse completed Harry's new look. Draco, on the other hand, had borrowed a very short, sleeveless white sheath dress that that reached about eight inches above his knees. Thigh high white stockings and platform Mary Jane's along with a glittery pair of angel wings attached to his back finished him off. His eyes had also been heavily lined with black and his lips had about five coats of bright red lip-gloss on them. His hair had been left in its usual style and his chest had gone unpadded, which gave him a wonderful androgynous look.

The girls themselves were absolutely fabulous and worthy of the highest praises in Rocky Horror fashion attire. Ginny was dressed in a shiny vinyl French maid's outfit, complete with feather duster. Ron kept trying to throw a blanket over her, but Ginny would just laugh and run out of his reach. Cho had on a thick leather jacket, which hung almost to her knees. Underneath this, she had on an oversized long-sleeved man's dress shirt, a fishnet body suit and a pair of very tiny denim shorts. She had combat boots with rainbow laces on her feet and her hair had been arranged in dreadlocks and small braids with bright ribbons in them. Hermione had on an incredibly altered version of her school uniform. Her skirt had been shortened by a good foot and a half and her shirt had been left with all but one button undone. She did not wear a bra. A deep green tie hung loosely and crookedly around her neck. Fishnet pantyhose and pretty, dainty suede Tango shoes adorned her legs and feet. On her arms a variety of cheap plastic bracelets and heavy metal studded leather cuffs dangled and a nifty velvet top hat adorned her head at a jaunty angle.

All four of the boys were hard pressed not to stare, as their various outfits would not do much to conceal uncomfortable situations.

*****

Meanwhile in the Snapecave (em, dungeons)

"Congratulations Albus. You have found a completely new and ingenious way of humiliating me utterly."

"It's not bad as all that, dear boy."

"I am wearing a dress that is two feet too short and heels that are a half foot to tall. It is bad as all that, old man. Plus, if I stand with my legs even the slightest bit apart, my crotch are is suddenly very breezy."

"You should see Minerva." Dumbledore recalled the sight of the leather clad deputy headmistress. "Then again, maybe you shouldn't."

"Should I be afraid?"

"Yes. yes you should. And she's not even half as bad as Sirius."

"Dear God."

"Indeed."

******

Meanwhile, in Remus' chambers, the following events were unfolding:

After a tedious two hours in which he watched Sirius black model outfits which were growing increasingly risqué, Remus Lupin was now hurling things about the room in an attempt to ward of the unwanted attentions of the aforementioned Sirius black who was currently chasing him around the room with a pair of pink thong panties and a scandalously short dress of shady origin. Our desperate hero had already battled off several attempts on his life in the form of a mascara wand and a tube of lipstick and was running short of energy. Just when it seemed that our brave warrior was about to succumb to the forces of darkness and pink thongs, reinforcements arrived.

"Hermione! Thank God!"

"He's not being cooperative! I think this dress will look darling on him and he refuses to even try it on!" Sirius pouted and waved the bright purple dress around like a spectacularly ugly flag.

"I'm not putting that horrid rag on the temple that is my body!" Remus backed away from Sirius who had redoubled his efforts.

"But it's so pretty and this thong would go so perfect with your-"

"Damn it Black! Get that thing away from me!"

"It's not like it would kill you to try it on."

"It bloody well might!"

"Remus is right, Sirius. That dress would look pretty damned awful. Give me twenty minutes and I'll see what I can do."

"Alright, but he better look pretty."

"Bloody wanker." Remus muttered.

Sirius giggled and blew him a kiss. "But I'm your wanker, love."

"I need to get a new wanker."

"Is that possible?"

In an offhanded manner, Hermione commented, "you could ask Ginny. I've heard she's got quite a collection."

"More than I wanted to know." Remus gagged and shuddered at the mental images that rushed into his head.

"Indeed."

Twenty minutes later, Hermione presented her masterpiece. Remus emerged wearing very worn and very baggy dark blue denim jeans and a Sex Pistols T- shirt. A thick leather belt lined with two rows of metal studs encircled his waist. Heavy chains hung from his pickets and belt loops and leather bracelets with sharp spikes were fastened around his wrist. His hair had been moderately tamed and some of it had been brushed down to obscure one eye completely. The eye that was left exposed had been given the "Clockwork Orange" treatment. Subtle tints of green and gold had been added around his eyes, so that they glowed with a feral light. His lips were colored with a deep, velvety red. All in all, Remus looked good.

*****

At half past ten, the cast and crew were assembled in the great hall, ready to go.

Copping an eyeful of Snape's bulge above his fishnet-clad mile long legs, Hermione whispered to Ron, "Snape in tights. Not as repulsive as I thought."

Ron stared at her as if her head had twisted about a 360-degree angle and was vomiting pea soup. "I fear you."

Draco surveyed the strange group before him and planted his hands on his hips, gleefully declared, "You bunch of cross-dressing fucks!"

Sirius mussed, "I'm actually enjoying this." Harry looked over at his lace- clad Godfather and shook his head in disbelief.

"Watch it Malfoy, or you'll get fucked." Snape growled.

"What? Proper fucked?"

Ginny cut in, "If anyone is going to bet proper fucked, I think it should be m-"

"Oh God! My virgin ears!" Neville had gone beet red and had clamped both hands firmly over both ears with a pained expression on his face.

"That was an overshare, Ginny"

"Indeed."













That's the end of chapter seven.

Kudos to Guy Ritchie. There's a bit from "Snatch" hidden in there somewhere. Ding-Dongs and house points to the finder.

The "Clockwork Orange" thing is from the movie made by Stanley Kubrick. In the movie, the main character, Alex, goes about with only one eye made up with black eyeliner and mascara. The end effect is really neat and slightly creepy. Anthony Burgess wrote the book the movie was based on and I have seen the movie and read the U.K. version of the book and I loved them both.

Two of the outfits worn by out heroes have been worn by me to various rocky outings. Harry's outfit is one of my favorites, while Hermione's outfit is my main Rocky getup. Cho's boots are actually mine, rainbow shoelaces and all, so is Remus' belt. My sister got the belt for me for my last birthday. Draco's outfit is what I'm going to wear at the next showing I go to. I've already got the most perfect set of wings.

P.S. the word of the day is indeed. Could you tell? Thank you and enjoy the show.

Be kind. Review