Right after I posted this, I re-r4ead it for the millionth time and noticed
some huge, glaring errors. If your not familiar with the processes of the
midningt showing, you won't notice it, but those of us who are will see
them, and I wanted to be as faithful to Rocky as I could. Plus, it means
soemthing to the true admirerors of Rocky to see that the content of this
story is true to life. I'm sorry for the oversight. I used aq faulty
source I got off the internet and I really should have known better. I'll
do better next chapter, I promise. On with the show!
Chapter 9: Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid
Dee's friend Daniel walked to the middle of the small stage set up in front of the screen. Everyone in the theatre started cheering and clapping. Daniel waved his arms about and shouted, "Hey Everyone! SHUT UP!" The theatre quieted down and he grinned. "That's better. Welcome one and all to The Rocky Horror midnight Experience. For those of you who are new to us, there are a few rules." Everyone groaned. "Rule number one! Don't throw shit at the screen. That screen is worth more than your combined lives and guess who has to pay for it if it gets damaged. That's right! ME! So if you ruin it, I will hunt you down and take the money from you, or a pound of flesh. Maybe both. It depends on my mood. Secondly, Don't throw shit at the actors. We had to retire out last magenta because she caught some toast in her eye. The whole cast has my permission to beat the shit out of anyone who throws shit at them, so please let's avoid the bloodshed. I have to pay the cleaning bill if it gets on the seats, and I have three kids to put through college.
Dee shouted, "That's bullshit Mac! You don't have any kids!"
Daniel shouted back, "Shut up Dee! You're ruining my speech!"
"It was ruined when you started!"
"Bitch!"
"Bastard!"
"Rule number three! You are not allowed to shout obscenities at the Actors. They are people too, and their feelings are hurt just as easily as yours are."
"You damned Pansy!" Dee shouted.
"Damn it Dee! Take the hint and shut up!"
"You could have just said that in the first place, you know."
"I know, but it's not as much fun."
"Love you, Stevie."
"Me too, babe." Daniel blew Dee a kiss before continuing, "I am warning you, The Rocky Horror Picture Show is not for the faint of heart. You will see and hear things here unlike anything you have ever seen or heard. For example, you may hear the phrase..." He pulled a scrap of paper out of his small black bag. ". Shit faced mother fucking cunt rag. That's a nice one. Have to remember that for the next time I speak to my old man. You may also hear the phrase...Bitch monkey bastard son of a motherless goat" He paused for a moment, took a huge breath and continued, "cheesy vaginal discharge eating penis wrinkled cum bubbling syphilitic bastard whore." Daniel waved the scrap of paper with a flourish as the whole audience broke out in applause.
"Now, for the initiation rites into the cult of rocky. All the virgins, on your feet now!"
Dee and Hermione watched in amusement as the rest of the gang, plus several other people in the theatre slowly rose to their feet.
"Place your left hand in the air and your right hand on your crotch."
Severus was shocked. "On my what!"
"On your fucking crotch! Now shut up and repeat after me!"
Severus was too stunned to do anything but obey. Placing one hand on his bulge, he raised the other numbly.
"I, insert your mane here, you shitbags, do solemnly swear to uphold the glorious traditions of the Rocky Horror Midnight Experience. I vow to be loud and to always dress as if I have no morals. I vow to always defend the good name of Rocky Horror and Richard O'Brian. And to those shitheads out there who defame Rocky Horror in any way, I will say: May boils bother and plague you May corns adorn your feet May crabs as big as manhole covers Crawl on your balls and eat. And when you're old and useless And a syphilitic wreck, May your spine drop through your asshole And bbreak your fucking neckb!!!."
The last like was shouted at the top of everyone's collected lungs.
"Now! Who would like to be initiated into the Cult of Rocky."
Draco's hand immediately shot up and he began to jump up and down. "MeMeMeMeMeMeMeMeMe!"
"Ok, the fairy in the white dress, and the guy in the red thongs, get your asses down here. We need two more people. Let's see...The chick in the back row with the pink skirt, and you, with the hair! Front and center!"
Sirius, Draco, and the two girls from the audience made their way to the center of the stage. Daniel Walked up to Sirius and said, "Hey there, big boy. What's your name?"
"Sirius Black."
"Ok, Mr. Black. What's your favorite animal?"
"A dog."
"Good choice, and what's your name, little girl?"
"Um..Audrey."
"Hello Audrey. What's your favorite animal?"
"A kitty."
"Aww...Pussy cats. Moving on, what's your name, Angel?"
"Draco. Draco Malfoy."
"Alright, Draco, what's your animal of choice."
Draco grinned broadly. "I'm my own favorite animal."
"Cocky little fucker, aren't we?"
Draco winked lasciviously at him. "You wanna find out for yourself?"
"Maybe later, you sweet thing. And last of all we have the charming miss..."
"Cassandra," the girl in the pink skirt filled in.
"Whose favorite animal is the..."
"Monkey."
"Alright, now that we are all properly introduced, let's get you all initiated. Mr. Malfoy here can go first. Now young Draco here says that he is his own favorite animal. In order to be initiated into the Cult of rocky, He must do only one thing. He must show us how his favorite animal performs in the Sack. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, Draco must show us all how he achieves the highest nirvana of orgasms."
Catcalls and whistles erupted from the audience, whilst a collective scream of horror came from Snape, Neville, Ron and Harry.
Draco looked out at the crowd, and said, "Well, the thing is, I like to fuck people in a very uncomfortable position."
Daniel looked confused. "What, like the backseat of a Volkswagen?"
"Not exactly, "Draco replied, before pouncing on the unfortunate young lady standing next to him. He proceeded to hump her in slow motion from behind, making exaggerated moaning noises while he pretended to massage her breasts. The girl began to yell and tried to break free, but this only egged Draco on.
"Yeah, baby. You know how daddy wants it. Say my name, baby. Call me Steve. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah."
The girl was only halfheartedly struggling now. She was too busy trying to keep from laughing. Draco picked up the pace and moaned even louder.
"Call me Dave, baby. Call me Dave. Yeah. Give it to me! Yeah! God, yeah! Oh, god!" He stopped moaning, and threw his head back and emitted the most womanish sounds ever to be produced by a set of male vocal cords. Silence reigned over the theatre and was then vanquished by thunderous applause.
Daniel cleared his throat. "Well, I don't think anyone here can top that performance, so why don't we just conclude out initiations her and move on to phase three of our evening. Earlier today, the other people you are here with sneaked everyone's name into my magical bag. One lucky person, whose name I will now draw, will accompany our Beautiful Magenta and Columbia in acting out the lesbian scene. That lucky person is..." Daniel stuffed his hand into a small red bag he had produce and rummaged around a bit before pulling out a twisted scrap of paper. "Cho Chang!"
Cho immediately stood and started jumping up and down, screaming. "I won! I bloody won!"
Hermione leaned over Snape's lap to whisper to Ginny, "Is it just me, or she a bit to exited about the prospect of making out with two other girls?"
"Well, there was this one time after flying practice.."
Snape interrupted icily, "Would you mind not discussing Miss Chang's dubious sexual orientation and removing your head from my lap at once!"
"Why, professor, you have very nice thighs. Do you workout?"
"Neither my anatomy nor my Weight Lifting regime are any of your concern, Miss Granger. I work out twice weekly in the Hogsmeade gym."
"Ginny, look at his thighs. They're gorgeous." In her haste to get Ginny to see Snape's well toned legs, Hermione accidentally reached the Promised Land.
"Oh my God! It feels bigger than I thought!"
"Damn it, Miss granger get your hand ioffi of my-"
"Now it's time to start the Rocky chant! One, Two, Three!"
The audience began chanting in unison. "START THE FUCKING FLICK! START THE FUCKING FLICK! START THE FUCKING FLICK! FORGET THE FLICK! START FUCKING! FORGET THE FLICK! START FUCKING! FORGET THE FLICK! START FUCKING! I THOUGHT SHE WAS THIRTEEN! I THOUGHT SHE WAS THIRTEEN! I THOUGHT SHE WAS THIRTEEN."
The opening credits were about to roll.
"I LOVE PIE! I LOVE PIE! LIPS! LIPS! LIPS! LIPS! LIPS! LIPS! LIPS! ! LIPS! LIPS! LIPS! ! LIPS! LIPS! LIPS! ! LIPS! LIPS! LIPS!"
A huge set of bloodred lips appeared onscreen.
"THANK YOU!"
Everything went silent, and then, Daniel's disembodied voice could be heard, "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, God said "Let there be lips." And they were, and they were good."
Onscreen, the Lips were beginning to sing "Michael Rennie was ill The Day the Earth Stood Still But he told us where we stand."
The audience yelled out, "ON OUR FUCKING FEET!"
Severus Snape was less than amused. And his crotch was still tingling. Hermione was still ogling her hand.
Annual movie quote of the chapter: MALLRATS! MALLRATS! MALLRATS! Yet more Kevin Smith goodness. So, I got "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" and "Mallrats" taken care of. That leaves me with "Dogma," "Clerks," and "Chasing Amy." I think I'll put the ".get drunk, cause I'm all out of ideas." Line from Dogma in there, and I'll probably end up using the "Morose Motherfucker" line from "Chasing Amy." For clerks, I'll mention snowballing, or something with the "Thirty-seven!" For those of you who know what the hell I'm babbling about, good for you! Also look forward to more Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Especially the killer bunny. Thank you and enjoy the show
New Post Script. I'm sorry for my error. It has been corrected thank you for bearing with me. Thank You and Enjou the Show
Be Kind, Review.
Chapter 9: Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid
Dee's friend Daniel walked to the middle of the small stage set up in front of the screen. Everyone in the theatre started cheering and clapping. Daniel waved his arms about and shouted, "Hey Everyone! SHUT UP!" The theatre quieted down and he grinned. "That's better. Welcome one and all to The Rocky Horror midnight Experience. For those of you who are new to us, there are a few rules." Everyone groaned. "Rule number one! Don't throw shit at the screen. That screen is worth more than your combined lives and guess who has to pay for it if it gets damaged. That's right! ME! So if you ruin it, I will hunt you down and take the money from you, or a pound of flesh. Maybe both. It depends on my mood. Secondly, Don't throw shit at the actors. We had to retire out last magenta because she caught some toast in her eye. The whole cast has my permission to beat the shit out of anyone who throws shit at them, so please let's avoid the bloodshed. I have to pay the cleaning bill if it gets on the seats, and I have three kids to put through college.
Dee shouted, "That's bullshit Mac! You don't have any kids!"
Daniel shouted back, "Shut up Dee! You're ruining my speech!"
"It was ruined when you started!"
"Bitch!"
"Bastard!"
"Rule number three! You are not allowed to shout obscenities at the Actors. They are people too, and their feelings are hurt just as easily as yours are."
"You damned Pansy!" Dee shouted.
"Damn it Dee! Take the hint and shut up!"
"You could have just said that in the first place, you know."
"I know, but it's not as much fun."
"Love you, Stevie."
"Me too, babe." Daniel blew Dee a kiss before continuing, "I am warning you, The Rocky Horror Picture Show is not for the faint of heart. You will see and hear things here unlike anything you have ever seen or heard. For example, you may hear the phrase..." He pulled a scrap of paper out of his small black bag. ". Shit faced mother fucking cunt rag. That's a nice one. Have to remember that for the next time I speak to my old man. You may also hear the phrase...Bitch monkey bastard son of a motherless goat" He paused for a moment, took a huge breath and continued, "cheesy vaginal discharge eating penis wrinkled cum bubbling syphilitic bastard whore." Daniel waved the scrap of paper with a flourish as the whole audience broke out in applause.
"Now, for the initiation rites into the cult of rocky. All the virgins, on your feet now!"
Dee and Hermione watched in amusement as the rest of the gang, plus several other people in the theatre slowly rose to their feet.
"Place your left hand in the air and your right hand on your crotch."
Severus was shocked. "On my what!"
"On your fucking crotch! Now shut up and repeat after me!"
Severus was too stunned to do anything but obey. Placing one hand on his bulge, he raised the other numbly.
"I, insert your mane here, you shitbags, do solemnly swear to uphold the glorious traditions of the Rocky Horror Midnight Experience. I vow to be loud and to always dress as if I have no morals. I vow to always defend the good name of Rocky Horror and Richard O'Brian. And to those shitheads out there who defame Rocky Horror in any way, I will say: May boils bother and plague you May corns adorn your feet May crabs as big as manhole covers Crawl on your balls and eat. And when you're old and useless And a syphilitic wreck, May your spine drop through your asshole And bbreak your fucking neckb!!!."
The last like was shouted at the top of everyone's collected lungs.
"Now! Who would like to be initiated into the Cult of Rocky."
Draco's hand immediately shot up and he began to jump up and down. "MeMeMeMeMeMeMeMeMe!"
"Ok, the fairy in the white dress, and the guy in the red thongs, get your asses down here. We need two more people. Let's see...The chick in the back row with the pink skirt, and you, with the hair! Front and center!"
Sirius, Draco, and the two girls from the audience made their way to the center of the stage. Daniel Walked up to Sirius and said, "Hey there, big boy. What's your name?"
"Sirius Black."
"Ok, Mr. Black. What's your favorite animal?"
"A dog."
"Good choice, and what's your name, little girl?"
"Um..Audrey."
"Hello Audrey. What's your favorite animal?"
"A kitty."
"Aww...Pussy cats. Moving on, what's your name, Angel?"
"Draco. Draco Malfoy."
"Alright, Draco, what's your animal of choice."
Draco grinned broadly. "I'm my own favorite animal."
"Cocky little fucker, aren't we?"
Draco winked lasciviously at him. "You wanna find out for yourself?"
"Maybe later, you sweet thing. And last of all we have the charming miss..."
"Cassandra," the girl in the pink skirt filled in.
"Whose favorite animal is the..."
"Monkey."
"Alright, now that we are all properly introduced, let's get you all initiated. Mr. Malfoy here can go first. Now young Draco here says that he is his own favorite animal. In order to be initiated into the Cult of rocky, He must do only one thing. He must show us how his favorite animal performs in the Sack. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, Draco must show us all how he achieves the highest nirvana of orgasms."
Catcalls and whistles erupted from the audience, whilst a collective scream of horror came from Snape, Neville, Ron and Harry.
Draco looked out at the crowd, and said, "Well, the thing is, I like to fuck people in a very uncomfortable position."
Daniel looked confused. "What, like the backseat of a Volkswagen?"
"Not exactly, "Draco replied, before pouncing on the unfortunate young lady standing next to him. He proceeded to hump her in slow motion from behind, making exaggerated moaning noises while he pretended to massage her breasts. The girl began to yell and tried to break free, but this only egged Draco on.
"Yeah, baby. You know how daddy wants it. Say my name, baby. Call me Steve. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah."
The girl was only halfheartedly struggling now. She was too busy trying to keep from laughing. Draco picked up the pace and moaned even louder.
"Call me Dave, baby. Call me Dave. Yeah. Give it to me! Yeah! God, yeah! Oh, god!" He stopped moaning, and threw his head back and emitted the most womanish sounds ever to be produced by a set of male vocal cords. Silence reigned over the theatre and was then vanquished by thunderous applause.
Daniel cleared his throat. "Well, I don't think anyone here can top that performance, so why don't we just conclude out initiations her and move on to phase three of our evening. Earlier today, the other people you are here with sneaked everyone's name into my magical bag. One lucky person, whose name I will now draw, will accompany our Beautiful Magenta and Columbia in acting out the lesbian scene. That lucky person is..." Daniel stuffed his hand into a small red bag he had produce and rummaged around a bit before pulling out a twisted scrap of paper. "Cho Chang!"
Cho immediately stood and started jumping up and down, screaming. "I won! I bloody won!"
Hermione leaned over Snape's lap to whisper to Ginny, "Is it just me, or she a bit to exited about the prospect of making out with two other girls?"
"Well, there was this one time after flying practice.."
Snape interrupted icily, "Would you mind not discussing Miss Chang's dubious sexual orientation and removing your head from my lap at once!"
"Why, professor, you have very nice thighs. Do you workout?"
"Neither my anatomy nor my Weight Lifting regime are any of your concern, Miss Granger. I work out twice weekly in the Hogsmeade gym."
"Ginny, look at his thighs. They're gorgeous." In her haste to get Ginny to see Snape's well toned legs, Hermione accidentally reached the Promised Land.
"Oh my God! It feels bigger than I thought!"
"Damn it, Miss granger get your hand ioffi of my-"
"Now it's time to start the Rocky chant! One, Two, Three!"
The audience began chanting in unison. "START THE FUCKING FLICK! START THE FUCKING FLICK! START THE FUCKING FLICK! FORGET THE FLICK! START FUCKING! FORGET THE FLICK! START FUCKING! FORGET THE FLICK! START FUCKING! I THOUGHT SHE WAS THIRTEEN! I THOUGHT SHE WAS THIRTEEN! I THOUGHT SHE WAS THIRTEEN."
The opening credits were about to roll.
"I LOVE PIE! I LOVE PIE! LIPS! LIPS! LIPS! LIPS! LIPS! LIPS! LIPS! ! LIPS! LIPS! LIPS! ! LIPS! LIPS! LIPS! ! LIPS! LIPS! LIPS!"
A huge set of bloodred lips appeared onscreen.
"THANK YOU!"
Everything went silent, and then, Daniel's disembodied voice could be heard, "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, God said "Let there be lips." And they were, and they were good."
Onscreen, the Lips were beginning to sing "Michael Rennie was ill The Day the Earth Stood Still But he told us where we stand."
The audience yelled out, "ON OUR FUCKING FEET!"
Severus Snape was less than amused. And his crotch was still tingling. Hermione was still ogling her hand.
Annual movie quote of the chapter: MALLRATS! MALLRATS! MALLRATS! Yet more Kevin Smith goodness. So, I got "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" and "Mallrats" taken care of. That leaves me with "Dogma," "Clerks," and "Chasing Amy." I think I'll put the ".get drunk, cause I'm all out of ideas." Line from Dogma in there, and I'll probably end up using the "Morose Motherfucker" line from "Chasing Amy." For clerks, I'll mention snowballing, or something with the "Thirty-seven!" For those of you who know what the hell I'm babbling about, good for you! Also look forward to more Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Especially the killer bunny. Thank you and enjoy the show
New Post Script. I'm sorry for my error. It has been corrected thank you for bearing with me. Thank You and Enjou the Show
Be Kind, Review.
