I would like to take this opportunity to say that PRESIDENT BUSH IS A
COMPLETE MORON! THE MAN IS INSANE! HE CAN'T EVEN BLOODY SAY THE WORD
"NUCLEAR!!!!!!!!!!" I swear to God, it's true. I was watching the news
yesterday, when he was talking about North Korea or Iraq and instead of
saying Nuclear Weapons, he said, and I quote, "Nucular!" Ladies and
gentlemen, the leader of the free world is a complete incompetent fool!
AND WHAT'S WITHH THE GODDAM LIBERTY FRIES! WHAT THE HELL DID THE FRENCH
EVER DO TO US? Seeing as they bailed our asses out during the
revolutionary war by loaning us their goddamn navy, you'd think the senate
would be a bit less petty. WE ARE ON THE BRINK OF A TERRIBLE SENSELESS WAR
AND THEY ARE WORRIED ABOUT FUCKING FRENCH FRIES!? WJHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG
WITH THIS GODDAMN COUNTRY!? So now people think they are being patriotic
when they eat "Liberty" fries and "Liberty" toast and when they "Liberty"
kiss their boyfriends or whatever, when they could be patriotic by USING
LESS OIL AND RECYCLING OR LAYING OFF THE GODDAMN LIBERTY FRIES ALTOGETHER,
YOU FATASSES! THAT'S IT! I'M MOVING TO CANADA!
That, being said, I think we should continue with the story, don't you?
By the way, I got a 98 on that essay
Like I said earlier, the next few chapters will focus mainly on the movie, with only a bit of the original characters. I've tried to write it differently, where the focus is mainly on the characters, but it's damn near impossible. Anyway, this will serve as a reference point for those who are not familiar with the movie itself, and it will add some very comedic moments. The Audience lines are still in all caps, and I still haven't figured out how to work the italics.
THE MAN IN THE NEXT SCENE HAS NO FUCKING NECK!
The man onscreen did indeed have no discernable neck. His chin began as soon as his shirt collar ended. It was rather disturbing once you thought about it. I mean, necks are important. It was creepy.
"I would like...
YOU WOULD, WOULD YOU?
....ah, if I may...
YOU MAY
...to take you on a strange journey....
"HOW STRANGE WAS IT?" The audience shouted as the man reached for a big black book onscreen. "SO STRANGE THEY MADE A MOVIE OUT OF IT! NO, NOT THE BOOK, THE MOVIE!"
The criminologist opened the book
THREE PAGES TO ASSHOLE!
He turned the first page.
TWO PAGES TO ASSHOLE!
He turned the second page
ONE PAGE TO ASSHOLE!
He turned the third page to reveal a photo of brad majors.
ASSHOLE!
"It seemed a fairly ordinary night when Brad Majors.." the criminologist started,
ASSHOLE!
...and his fiancée Janet Weiss....
SLUT!
IS IT TRUE THAT YOU FUCK SHEEP?
The criminologist said, "it's true there were dark storm clouds..."
DESCRIBE YOUR BALLS!
Heavy black and pendulous..
IS IT ALSO TRUE YOU FUCK GERBILS?
It's true, also, that their spare tire was badly in need of some air...
LIKE YOUR FUCKING NECK!
Harry looked around, a bit confused. "Are they going to yell that every time?"
"Yes, now shut up, asshole." Hermione teased.
"Hey, I'm not an asshole yet. Once we start rehearsing, then I'll be an asshole." Harry protested
"Hermione, on the other hand is a slut, no matter what." Draco chimed in.
"Don't think I don't have the perfect insult for you, Malfoy. But I won't waste it on you right now. It's time will come. Oh, yes. It's time will come. "
WHAT A FUCKING DRIP!
Onscreen, the movie had progressed, and the criminologist had been replaced by Brad and Janet driving in the rain. Everyone in the audience raised their hands and mimicked the windshield wipers. Richard Nixon was giving his resignation speech on the radio.
HEY DICK, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN A QUITTER?
I have never been a quitter.
BULLSHIT!
To leave office before my term is over is against every instinct in my body....
YOU CALL THAT A BODY?
..Bust as president..
YOU CALL THAT A PRESIDENT?
I must put the interests of America first.
WHAT DOES AMERICA NEED, DICK?
America needs a full time President,
WHAT ELSE DICK?
and a full time Congress...
Jenet offered brad some candy, and swallowed her own piece whole.
JANET SWALLOWS!
"Oi, harry? What are they yelling about her swallowing? Everybody swallows."
"I'll tell you later, Neville."
Ginny muttered, "I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation."
A motorcycle had passed Brad and Janet's car onscreen.
"Gosh, that's the third motorcycle that's passed us." Janet exclaimed.
THE SLUT CAN COUNT!
..They sure do take their lives in their hands, what with the weather and all!"
SAY SOMETHING STUPID, ASSHOLE!
"Yes, life's pretty cheap to that type." Brad said, in a derogatory manner.
YAY THAT TYPE!
"Oh," brad exclaimed, as they came to a dead end. "What's the matter, darling?" Janet asked.
HE CAME ON THE WINDSHIELD!
"Was that comment really necessary?" Snape wondered aloud.
"Yes, now shut up Damn it!"
....we'll just have to turn back." Brad said.
DON'T BACK UP! BOOM!
"Oh! What was that bang?"
A GANG BANG!
"We must have a blowout! Dammit! I knew I should have gotten that spare tire fixed...
ASSHOLE!
...Well, you just stay here keep warm and I'll go for help."
" Where will you go in the middle of nowhere?" JANET ASKED.
TRY THE FUCKING CASTLE!
...Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few miles?
YEAH!
...Maybe they have a telephone I could use!"
CASTLES DON'T HAVE TELEPHOPNES, YOU ASSHOLE!
Janet said, "I'm going with you!"
" Oh, no, darling, there's no sense in both of us getting wet." Brad said.
SHE'S ALREADY WET!
"I'm coming with you!
THAT'LL BE A FIRST!
Besides darling, the owner of that phone might be a beautiful woman...
HE IS!
"He?! What do they mean by He?"
"Damnit Snape, shut your pie-hole!"
The both got out of the car.
"Dudes, get your water guns and newspaper ready. And your lights, too."
"What for?"
"You'll see."
Onscreen, Janet had put a piece of newspaper over her head to protect herself from the rain.
BUY AND UMBRELLA, YOU CHEAP BITCH!
At this point in time, everyone started squeezing the triggers of their water guns and aimed for the virgins.
"Ow! My Ear! You hit me in the ear you bastard!"
"Oops, sorry, Mione."
"Bitch."
The Cheap bitch part is my favorite. More to come next week. Thank you end enjoy the show.
Be kind, review.
That, being said, I think we should continue with the story, don't you?
By the way, I got a 98 on that essay
Like I said earlier, the next few chapters will focus mainly on the movie, with only a bit of the original characters. I've tried to write it differently, where the focus is mainly on the characters, but it's damn near impossible. Anyway, this will serve as a reference point for those who are not familiar with the movie itself, and it will add some very comedic moments. The Audience lines are still in all caps, and I still haven't figured out how to work the italics.
THE MAN IN THE NEXT SCENE HAS NO FUCKING NECK!
The man onscreen did indeed have no discernable neck. His chin began as soon as his shirt collar ended. It was rather disturbing once you thought about it. I mean, necks are important. It was creepy.
"I would like...
YOU WOULD, WOULD YOU?
....ah, if I may...
YOU MAY
...to take you on a strange journey....
"HOW STRANGE WAS IT?" The audience shouted as the man reached for a big black book onscreen. "SO STRANGE THEY MADE A MOVIE OUT OF IT! NO, NOT THE BOOK, THE MOVIE!"
The criminologist opened the book
THREE PAGES TO ASSHOLE!
He turned the first page.
TWO PAGES TO ASSHOLE!
He turned the second page
ONE PAGE TO ASSHOLE!
He turned the third page to reveal a photo of brad majors.
ASSHOLE!
"It seemed a fairly ordinary night when Brad Majors.." the criminologist started,
ASSHOLE!
...and his fiancée Janet Weiss....
SLUT!
IS IT TRUE THAT YOU FUCK SHEEP?
The criminologist said, "it's true there were dark storm clouds..."
DESCRIBE YOUR BALLS!
Heavy black and pendulous..
IS IT ALSO TRUE YOU FUCK GERBILS?
It's true, also, that their spare tire was badly in need of some air...
LIKE YOUR FUCKING NECK!
Harry looked around, a bit confused. "Are they going to yell that every time?"
"Yes, now shut up, asshole." Hermione teased.
"Hey, I'm not an asshole yet. Once we start rehearsing, then I'll be an asshole." Harry protested
"Hermione, on the other hand is a slut, no matter what." Draco chimed in.
"Don't think I don't have the perfect insult for you, Malfoy. But I won't waste it on you right now. It's time will come. Oh, yes. It's time will come. "
WHAT A FUCKING DRIP!
Onscreen, the movie had progressed, and the criminologist had been replaced by Brad and Janet driving in the rain. Everyone in the audience raised their hands and mimicked the windshield wipers. Richard Nixon was giving his resignation speech on the radio.
HEY DICK, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN A QUITTER?
I have never been a quitter.
BULLSHIT!
To leave office before my term is over is against every instinct in my body....
YOU CALL THAT A BODY?
..Bust as president..
YOU CALL THAT A PRESIDENT?
I must put the interests of America first.
WHAT DOES AMERICA NEED, DICK?
America needs a full time President,
WHAT ELSE DICK?
and a full time Congress...
Jenet offered brad some candy, and swallowed her own piece whole.
JANET SWALLOWS!
"Oi, harry? What are they yelling about her swallowing? Everybody swallows."
"I'll tell you later, Neville."
Ginny muttered, "I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation."
A motorcycle had passed Brad and Janet's car onscreen.
"Gosh, that's the third motorcycle that's passed us." Janet exclaimed.
THE SLUT CAN COUNT!
..They sure do take their lives in their hands, what with the weather and all!"
SAY SOMETHING STUPID, ASSHOLE!
"Yes, life's pretty cheap to that type." Brad said, in a derogatory manner.
YAY THAT TYPE!
"Oh," brad exclaimed, as they came to a dead end. "What's the matter, darling?" Janet asked.
HE CAME ON THE WINDSHIELD!
"Was that comment really necessary?" Snape wondered aloud.
"Yes, now shut up Damn it!"
....we'll just have to turn back." Brad said.
DON'T BACK UP! BOOM!
"Oh! What was that bang?"
A GANG BANG!
"We must have a blowout! Dammit! I knew I should have gotten that spare tire fixed...
ASSHOLE!
...Well, you just stay here keep warm and I'll go for help."
" Where will you go in the middle of nowhere?" JANET ASKED.
TRY THE FUCKING CASTLE!
...Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few miles?
YEAH!
...Maybe they have a telephone I could use!"
CASTLES DON'T HAVE TELEPHOPNES, YOU ASSHOLE!
Janet said, "I'm going with you!"
" Oh, no, darling, there's no sense in both of us getting wet." Brad said.
SHE'S ALREADY WET!
"I'm coming with you!
THAT'LL BE A FIRST!
Besides darling, the owner of that phone might be a beautiful woman...
HE IS!
"He?! What do they mean by He?"
"Damnit Snape, shut your pie-hole!"
The both got out of the car.
"Dudes, get your water guns and newspaper ready. And your lights, too."
"What for?"
"You'll see."
Onscreen, Janet had put a piece of newspaper over her head to protect herself from the rain.
BUY AND UMBRELLA, YOU CHEAP BITCH!
At this point in time, everyone started squeezing the triggers of their water guns and aimed for the virgins.
"Ow! My Ear! You hit me in the ear you bastard!"
"Oops, sorry, Mione."
"Bitch."
The Cheap bitch part is my favorite. More to come next week. Thank you end enjoy the show.
Be kind, review.
