Thank you to all of you who did not flame and to those who did, I send you a warm raspberry and I hope you fall off a cliff and sprain your ankle. That may sound a bit harsh, but I really do hope it's only a small cliff with a ten-foot drop. Anyway, I AM old enough to vote, and I did do so at the last election, but living in the republican stronghold hell that is Dallas, Texas my Democratic vote meant CRAP! I'm telling you, Canada is where it's at. They have poutin. Poutin is cool. About the French not supporting the US, last time I checked, not very many people are supporting out asshole president on this one, and I think they are right in doing so. And there is nothing treasonous about voicing my negative opinions about the government. It is not only my God-given right, but also my duty as a Untied States citizen to criticize our government in the hopes of drawing attention to its faults and striving to make it better. For everyone else, please send good thoughts to my friend Robert, who is a Marine and may or may not be shipped off to Kuwait soon. I really love my friend and I don't want him to get shot, or blown up by a missile, and I worry about him. Thank you.
Chapter 12: There's a light in the Darkness (well, maybe not) over at the Frankenstein Place
"Motherfucker!"

"I'm sorry!"

"I have water in my ear canal, Ron! Water! In my ear!"

"I'm sorry!"

"You massive tool! Why the fuck did you squirt water in my ear!"

"I'm sorry!"

"You bitch"

KICK IT!

Onscreen, Brad kicked his car.

Meanwhile the audience members continued to squirt their water guns and hold pieces of newspaper over their heads until the water ran out. Hermione was still trying to get the water out of her ear.

"Light! Get you pen lights out!" Dee whisper-shouted at them.

Onscreen, Brad and Janet had approached a gate that had a small white sign on it.

BRING IT A LITTLE CLOSER! LIGHT PLEASE!

The camera closed in on the sign and a flash of lightning made it possible to read it.

THANK YOU!

The sing read, "Enter at your own risk!"

RISK IT! IF YOU DON'T, IT'S ONLY A TWENTY-MINUTE MOVIE!

Brad and Janet walked past the gate and into the grounds of the sinister castle before them.

HEY JANET, WATCH OUT FOR THE SLUT EATING TREE! Janet made strange squealing noises as she ran into the bony branches of a bare tree.

SING, BITCH!

"In the velvet darkness, Of the blackest night, Burning bright..." Janet sang in a watery voice. For all that Susan Sarandon is a fabulous actress, she does not have the best singing voice. Besides, she was married to Prince Humperdink from "The Princess Bride"

WHAT'S UP YOUR ASS?

"..there's a guiding star.."

THAT MUST HURT

"No matter what or who you are. There's a light..."

At the word "light," everyone in the audience turned on their flashlights.

WHERE DO YOU KEEP YOUR CHILDREN?

Over at the Frankenstein place. There's a light....." Again with the flashlights.

WHERE DO THE BACKSTREET BOYS RECORDS BELONG?

Burning in the fireplace... ..There's a light, light (and yet still more flashlights) in the darkness (all flashlights are extinguished) of everybody's life.

SING TO US, OH HAIRLESS ONE!

In the window of one of the castle towers, something grotesquely ugly had begun to sing.

"Sweet Jesus! What the hell is that thing?!"

"That's your role, Ron."

Onscreen, the hairless one had begun to sing. "Darkness must go down the river of night's dreaming. Flow morphia slow..."

HEY WE PAID REIGHT BUCKS FOR THGIS MOVIE, AND WE CAN'T GET ONE GODDAMN CLOSE UP!"

The camera panned in on the ugly bald guy's face.

SWEET JESUS! MAKE IT GO AWAY!

"....let the sun and light come streaming Into my life. Into my life..."

The hunchback at the window seemed to melt from view.

IT'S THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING HUNCHBACK!

FUCK YOU, GOD!

An enormous bolt of lightning filled the screen.

OKAY, WE GET THE FUCKING POINT!

Brad and Janet were back to warbling, "....There's a light (flashlights) Over at the Frankenstein place, There's a light...(more flashlights) Burning in the fireplace. There's a light, a light (yet more flashlights) in the darkness (all the flashlights are gone!) of everybody's life..."

"Have they stopped singing?"

"Yes, Neville."

"They're not going to do it again are they?"

"Well, Neville, it is a musical."

"Ker-ist!"

AND BETSY ROSS USED TO SIT AT HOME AND SEW AND SEW...

The narrator had reappeared onscreen. "And so, it seemed that fortune had smiled on Brad and Janet..."

UNLIKE YOUR FUCKING NECK!

"...and that they had found the assistance that their plight required..."

ARE YOU SURE?

"...Or had they?"

NANNY NANNY BOO BOO!

Meanwhile, after walking for house singing stupid songs in the rain, Brad and Janet had reached the door of the really creepy castle.

"Brad, let's go back, I'm cold and frightened."

"Just a moment Janet, they might have a phone." Brad said and he used the doorknocker, which looked eerily like an acid tripping Scooby Doo in bondage.

"Yo, that is the coolest door knocker I have ever seen. Professor Dumbledore, could we get one installed at the school?"

"Did you just say 'Yo'?"

DING SONG ASSHOLE CALLING! WANNA BUS SOME ASSHOLE COOKIES?

The ugly bald shrinking hunchback opened the door. "Hello."

"Hi! My name is Brad Majors..."

ASSHOLE!

".... and this is my fiancée, Janet Weiss."

SLUT!

"I wonder if you could help us. You see, our car broke down a few miles up the road... do you have a phone we might use?"

HEY RIFF-RAFF, LOOK BETWEEN JANET'S LEGS!

"You're wet." Riff-Raff commented.

WELL NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!

HEY JANET, ARE YOU A SLUT?

"Yes," Janet replied.

WHY?

"....it's raining."

YOU'RE A SLUT BECAUSE IT'S RAINING?

HEY BRAD, ARE YOU AN ASSHOLE?

"Yes." Brad said, for apparently no reason.

RIFF-RAFF, ARE YOU ON DRUGS?

"Yes..." Riff-Raff said.

A sudden flash of lightning illuminated a row of motorcycles parked near the door.

OH SHIT! YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO SEE THOSE! THEY HAVE NOTHIG TO DO WITH THE PLOT, BUT YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO SEE THEM!

Riff-Raff continued, "I think perhaps you better both..."

FUCK OFF

..come inside."

IT'S BETTER THAN CUMMING ON THE PORCH!

HOW KIND IS HE?

"You're too kind." Janet called behind him as he led them inside.

NO! HE'S ONE OF A KIND!

Looking around the dusty, eerie interior of the castle, Janet exclaimed, "Oh Brad, I'm frightened. What kind of a place is this?"

" Oh, it's probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdoes."

YAY, RICH WEIRDOS!

HEY RIFF-RAFF, HOW DO YOU FINGER FUCK YOUR SISTER?

"This way," Riff-Raff said, indicating the way with his thumb.

FOLLOW THE BOUNCING THUMB!

Sound of music and laughter nearby prompted Janet to ask, "Are you having a party?"

NO, IT'S MY SISTER'S BAR MITZVAH!

"You've arrived on a very special night. It's one of the master's affairs. "

WHICH ONE?

"Oh... lucky him." Janet said.

Suddenly, a redheaded woman in a french maid's outfit who was stradling the banister of the stairs shouted out, "You're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky! ha ha ha ha"

THE BANISTER IS LUCKY!

"Is that me, Mione?"

"Yeah."

"Wow. I'm a slut."

"Yeah you are!"

"You don't have to be so enthusiastic about it, Malfoy."

"This is widely true."

Meanwhile, a grandfather began to chime.
Next chapter: LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN! Time warp goodness coming at you! Aroooooooo! Pray for peace, people and send good vibes. Love your neighbor, just don't get caught. Thank you and enjoy the show.
Be kind, review.