Guess what? You have to bloody guess! No? okay, I'll tell you. TORI AMOS IS COMING! TORI AMOS IS COMING! Yay! The Golden Goddess is playing in my town and I got tickets! I'M GOING TO SEE TORI LIVE! Yay! o_0
This chapter: Time Warp goodness. Next Chapter: Tim Curry in Drag and Snape gets a rude awakening. (wait till he gets a load of the sex scene)
Chapter 13: Let's do the Time Warp Agaaaaaaaaaaaain!
A grandfather clock chimed seven times in the background and Riff raff went to the clock in question. He opened the door to the clock and reveals a skeleton.

HEY RIFF-RAFF, HOW'S YOUR SEX LIFE

It's astounding.." Riff-Raff began to sing/chant.

NO, IT'S A SKELETON!

"...Time is fleeting.."

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ROCK GROUP?

".... Madness...."

THEY SUCK!

"...takes its toll..."

FIFTY CENTS, PLEASE!

"..But listen closely... .."

FOR HOW LONG?

"Not for very much longer. ." Magenta. The maid, began to sing and dance with Riff-Raff in a most unseemly fashion.

"Um, Hermione? Am I going to have to do that to Ginny?"

"Yeah. You know what the sick part is Ron?"

"What?"

"They're brother and sister in the movie too."

"Oh, God."

HEY RIFF-RAFF, HOW MANY BALLS DO YOU HAVE?

"..I've got to..."

I'VE GOT THREE!

"...keep control.."

SMOKE A BOWL!

"....I remember doing the time-warp...."

KICK, KICK! The audience yelled as Riff-Raff did amazingly good high-kicks for a hunchbacked man.

"....Drinking those moments when the blackness would hit me and a void would be calling... ..."

GET UP AND DO THE TIME WARP, MOTHERFUCKERS!

The audience leapt to their collective feet, as Riff-Raff and Magenta opened the door to a ballroom filled with oddly dressed people who were singing, "Let's do the time-warp again. Let's do the time-warp again."

HOW'S THIS DONE!

HERE'S THE INSTRUCTIONS! DO IT!

The Narrator's study was suddenly onscreen. He was standing on a blue mad with feet and arrows drawn on to it. "It's just a jump to the left," he explained, hopping leftwards.

BOOM CHUG-A-LUG-CHUG-A-BOOM!

"And then a step to the right." The camera cut back to the oddly dressed partygoers before cutting once more to the narrator, who was dancing on his desk. "With your hands on your hips." He continued apparently having the time of his life.

The partygoers were back onscreen, thrusting madly. "You bring your knees in tight. But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane. Let's do the time warp again. Let's do the time-warp again!"

Magenta started singing (if you can call it that) " It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me. So you can't see me.."

DO YOU DOUCHE?!

No, not at all.

WHERE DO YOU FUCK

In another dimension,

HOW DO YOU FUCK?

With voyeuristic intention,

WHERE DO YOU KEEP YOUR TITS?

Well secluded,

DO YOU SEE THIS? Everyone in the audience flashed magenta the birdie.

I see all.

SO DO WE, BITCH!

Riff-Raff began to sing, alternating lines with Magenta, "With a bit of a mind flip you're into the time slip. And nothing can ever be the same. You're spaced out on sensation. Like you're under sedation!"

At hearing Riff-Raff's Axle Rose-esque shriek, Janet fainted rather dramatically into Brad' arms. Meanwhile, the weirdoes were still dancing and singing up a storm. "Let's do the time warp again! Let's do the time warp again!"

Meanwhile, a girl with a rather annoying voice, wearing a top hat and a strange outfit started singing and dancing.

"Whose that?"

"That's you, Cho."

"Hmmmm...interesting."

"Indeed."

Columbia, the chick with the top hat was still singing, much to Snape's great annoyance. "Well I was walking down the street just having a think when this snake of a guy gave me an evil wink. He shook me up, he took me by surprise He had a pickup truck, and the devil's eyes. He stared at me and I felt a change. Time meant nothing, never would again."

The weirdoes started singing again. "Let's do the time-warp again. Let's do the time-warp again."

The narrator cut in, " It's just a jump to the left.

BOOM CHUG-A-LUG-A-LUG-A BOOM!

The weirdoes sang out, " And then a step to the right."

"With your hands on your hips." The narrator was really getting into it.

Weirdo's again, "You bring your knees in tight. But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane. Let's do the time warp again. Let's do the time-warp again!"

Columbia began dancing, and the audience chanted along with her steps, "TWO! FOUR! SIX! EIGHT! SHOW US HOW YOU MASTURBATE! THREE! FIVE! SEVEN! NINE! WE KNOW YOU DO IT ALL THE TIME! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! WIPE THAT CUM UP OFF THE FLOOR!

"Let's do the time-warp again. Let's do the time-warp again."

THE Narrator was hoping about his desk again. "It's just a jump to the left."

GET THE FUCK OFF YOUR DESK!

BOOM CHUG-A-LUG-A-LUG-A BOOM

"And then a step to the right."

By this time, our heroes had gotten the hang of the Time Warp and were dancing merrily in the aisles, with the exception of Snape, who was having a bit of trouble with the pelvic thrusts.

"With Your Hands on your hips, You bring your knees in tight!"

"Really professor, are you going to bump into me every time you thrust?"

"Miss Granger, you are the first woman that has ever complained about that."

"Complaining? Who said I was complaining."

'But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane. Let's do the time warp again. Let's do the time-warp again!"

The song concluded, the weirdoes dropped to the floor in exhaustion.

Janet poked Brad viscously in the ribs. "Brad, say something," she whispered.

SAY SOMETHING STUPID, ASSHOLE!

" Say, do any of you guys know how to Madison?"

I DO THE ROCK, IT'S STIMULATING, I DO THE SWIM, IT GETS ME WET, I DO THE JERK, IT GETS ME OFF!

The guests begin to laugh a bit at the unhappy couple, who retreated to the safety of the hallway. Unbeknownst to them, an elevator lift behind them is slowly lowering with someone inside.

Janet turned to Brad, grabbing his arm and pleading. "Brad, please, let's get out of here."

TELL JANET TO MASTURBATE!

"For God's sake keep a grip on yourself Janet!"

Behind them, the elevator lift had lowered enough to reveal a diamond studded stiletto heel that was tapping in time with music that was slowly growing louder.

STEP! STEP! STEP! The audience chanted in time with the foot.

" But it... it seems so unhealthy here," Janet was still whining.

"It's just a party, Janet"

"Well - I want to go."

"Well we can't go anywhere until I get to a phone."

"Well then ask the butler or someone."

"Just a moment, Janet - we don't want to interfere with their celebration."

"This isn't the Junior Chamber of Commerce, Brad.'

"They're probably foreigners with ways different than our own. They may do some more... folk dancing."

"Look, I'm cold, I'm wet, and I'm just plain scared."

The lift had lowered enough to reveal a figure clad in a long black cloak.

" I'm here - there's nothing to worry about."

Janet noticed the lift and turned around to look into the face of the figure.

At that moment, the audience let out an ear-piercing shriek.
CLIFFHANGER!
What will Snape do when he discovers the true nature of his Role? Will Brad and Janet ever get to the phone? Will Hermione EVER get laid? Fin out next time, on the all-new episode of "THE ROCKY HOGWARTS PICTURE SHOW!"
Thank you, and enjoy the Show.
Be kind, review.