I know, I know. I'm a fucking cunt rag bitch who deserves to die for not
updating in so long. Kill me now. I deserve it really I do. I'll be
honest with you, because I think you deserve for me to be honest with you.
This delay was caused by pure, unadulterated laziness. I just didn't want
to work on it, plain and simple. There you go. This chapter is a couple
of pages longer than usual, which, oddly enough, is why it took a bit
longer to write as well. It would have been posted on Friday, but I went
on vacation over the weekend. Yeah, I did! My family and I went to the
Big Easy. New Orleans for a whole weekend! It was great! I went to
Bourbon Street, and I ate Gumbo and Crawdads, and I shopped at the French
Market, and picked up some beads and bought me a new Mardi Gras mask.
Yeah, enough of that. On with the show.
*****
Chapter 16 or 17 (I lost count): Vaginamancy
*****
The next scene opened up with Riff Raff mopping and Magenta on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor. Riff raff paused in his cleaning and looked over Magenta. The pair met eyes and smiled evilly at each other. Riff Raff dropped the mop and walked over to rocky.
"HEY, MAGENTA. I'VE GOT A GREAT IDEA. YOU STAND HERE AND FUCK YOURSELF WITH THE MOP, AND I'LL GO GIVE THE MONSTER A HOT WAX ENEMA! ALL THAT IN ONE GLANCE. GOD, I LOVE THAT MAN. GREAT ASS, TOO
Magenta watched her brother leave, a wicked gleam in her eyes.
LOOK AT MY BROTHER! HE'S SO FINE!
Riff Raff made his way to Rocky's chamber, where the non-man was chained down on the black satin sheets.
ROCKY TAKES IT UP THE ASS, DOO-DAH, DOO-DAH RIFF RAFF DOES IT TWICE AS FAST, OH DOO-DAH-DAY. GONNA FUCK ALL NIGHT, GONNA FUCK ALL DAY. BIG OR SMALL, THICK OR THIN, CANDLEWAX WILL GET IT IN
WHAT'S HOT, WHITE AND STICKY?
CANDLE WAX, BUT I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK
NOT THE 30-PRONGED DILDO!
Riff Raff grabbed a large, freestanding candelabra and started waving it at Rocky.
COME ON BABY LIGHT MY FIRE!
LONG OR SHORT, THICK OR THIN, VASELINE WILL GET IT IN. ON YOUR BACK, OR ON YOUR BELLY, THINGS GO BEST WITH KY JELLY BUT THAT CANDELABRA WILL NEVER EVER FIT
HEY RIFF-RAFF, ARE YOU FRIEND OR ENEMA?
ENEMA MOTHERFUCKER!
Riff Raff continued to wave the lit candelabra at Rocky, who became agitated and afraid, pulling on his chains and trying to get away.
RIFF RAFF SAYS... HAPPY HANUKAH MOTHER FUCKER!
HOW 'BOUT A LITTLE FIRE, SCARECROW?
Rocky pulled free of the chains, and brought the bedcurtains down on riff raff's head before running away.
STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES, BUT WHIPS AND CHAINS EXCITE ME
LOOKS LIKE IT'S CURTAINS FOR THE BUTLER
Rocky ran past magenta, and started to climb down the elevator shaft, king Kong style.
IT'S ROCKY KONG JR.
YOU FORGOT YOUR FREE SAMPLE!
Riff-Raff threw a candle don the elevator shaft down after Rocky.
HEY, SIS, WATCH ME MAKE A TABLE OUT OF THIN AIR
Riff raff proceeded to set don the candelabra on a table that apparently came out of nowhere., because it sure as hell wasn't there a second ago. He approached Magenta, and the two of them began touching their elbows in a very creep fashion.
ELBOW SEX! ELBOW SEX!
IF YOU CAN'T KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS, AT LEAST KEEP IT IN THE FAMILY!
INCEST IS BEST, PUT YOUR SISTER TO THE TEST!
THE CLOSER THE RELATION, THE DEEPER THE PENETRATION!
Riff Raff leaned forward and proceeded to bite magenta on n the neck.
HEY, THERE'S A COCKROACH ON MAGENTA'S NE... OH, YOU FOUND IT
On the monitor, rocky was shown wandering about the gardens of the castle, frantically running.
WHERE'S THE BATHROOM?!
"BATHROOM'S TO THE LEFT.
On the monitor, rocky made an abrupt turn to the right.
LEFT!
ROCKY HORROR SEX SCENE, TAKE TWO! BLUE FILTER
The screen flashed to Brad's bedroom, which looked exactly like Janet's but for the blue lights.
NEVER WORRY NEVER FEAR, FRANK THE WONDER FUCK IS HERE!
"Oh, Brad darling, it's no good here. It'll destroy us." Janet burst in, almost frantic.
"Don't worry Janet, we'll be away from here in the morning." Brad comforted her in a soothing voice, putting his arms around her.
Janet cooed, "Oh, Brad you're so strong and protective."
LIKE A GOOD CONDOM!
DON'T FUCK WITH THE HAIR!
Inevitably, Brad did indeed fuck with the hair, and Frank's blonde wig slipped off.
"Ah, ah, ah, oh YOU!" Brad cried in a non-manly fashion.
WHO'D YOU EXPECT?
"I'm afraid so, Brad, but isn't it nice..." Frank intoned, stroking brad's back.
YES, BUT IT CERTAINLY ISN'T WEISS!
"Why YOU! What have you done with Janet?" Brad yelled angrily.
FUCKED THE SHIT OUT OF HER - AND NOW I'M GONNA FUCK THE SHIT BACK INTO YOU!
"Nothing. Why? Do you think I should?" Frank sounded excited at the prospect.
LIAR!
You tricked me, I wouldn't have!" Brad continued yelling.
YES YOU WOULD!
"Never never... never..." Brad's resolve was growing weaker and weaker before the awesome power of Frank's ministrations.
ONLY FAIRIES DO IT IN NEVER-NEVER LAND!
What about the Boy Scouts? What about the Cub Scouts? I hear you're up to three packs a day!"
"Oh yes, yes, I know... but it isn't all bad, is it?" Frank coaxed persuasively.
NO, BUT THIS TIME IT'S ALL BRAD!
Not even half bad, I think you really quite enjoyed it." Frank continued, as Brad moaned loudly under him. Harry was also moaning, but that was because he had just vomited on the theatre floor.
"Oh... so soft..." Frank crooned, as he continued to stroke brad gently.
DON'T, STOP, DON'T STOP, DON'T STOP!
"Stop it... stop it... oh Janet... JANET!" Brad cried, suddenly sitting up.
SHE'S NOT DOWN THERE, SHE'S NEVER BEEN DOWN THERE!
Frank reasoned, "Janet's probably asleep by now. Do you want her to see you.."
HOW DO YOU FUCK LARGE BARN ANIMALS?
"...like THIS?" Frank said, as he grasped Brad's legs and hauled them upwards, sending the other man sprawling onto his back, with his legs straight up in the air.
ASSUME THE POSITION!
Frank bent down to continue his ministrations and brad once again began to moan.
HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF AN ASSHOLE?
ONE...TWO...THREE...CRUNCH!
Brad yelled aloud. "Like this, like how? It's your fault, you're to blame," he cried accusatorily at Frank.
NO, SUE'S TO BLAME!
"I thought it was the real thing!" He protested.
IT IS!
"Oh come on, Brad, admit it, you liked it, didn't you?" Frank teased.
HE LOVED IT!
"It isn't a crime to give yourself over to pleasure, Brad." He continued.
IT IS IN TEXAS! EVERYTHING'S A CRIME IN TEXAS, UNLESS YOU'RE WEARING YOUR SEATBELT, BUT WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK!
Frank pleaded with Brad, saying, "We've wasted so much time already... Janet needn't know, I won't tell her..."
"Well, promise you won't tell..." Brad nearly whispered.
WHERE DO YOU HAVE SEX, FRANK?
"On my mother's gra-oouuuuu..." Frank's answer was cut short as he bent over brad's prone form.
DON'T TALK WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL!
BRAD DIDN'T WANT TO BE GAY, HE JUST GOT SUCKED INTO IT!
As the scene faded to black, Snape and Harry ran from the theatre screaming.
"They're dropping like flies! I love it!" Cried Ginny gleefully.
"How is this in any way good?! If this keeps up, we're not going to have a cast left!" Cho wailed.
Hermione joined in the lament. "We have to do something, and fast! Neville's about ready to quit, and Harry and Snape are not thrilled at the idea of sleeping with each other, and I know Ron's not to jazzed at being your boyfriend, Ginny. What are we going to do?"
Holding her hands up for silence, Ginny announced, "Girls, I have a plan."
"Explain thyself, Virginia" Hermione commanded.
"My plan is twofold. Number one: give them a reason to stay. And number B: hit them where it hurts. " She said, smiling wickedly, and licking her lips suggestively.
"Brilliant! It's the perfect form of bribery." Cho jumped up and down gleefully, much to the dismay of the other movie patrons.
We'll be back in a minute, headmaster." Hermione called, as the girl's made their way out of the theatre.
"Where are the three of you going." Dumbledore said, half rising from his seat.
"Well, we were...um...I was.." Hermione and Cho faltered, failing to find a good, non-perverse reason for leaving so suddenly.
"We're going to convince the lost sheep to enter the fold once more, using special magical powers that only we women can posses." Interrupted Ginny, flashing a winning smile at the old headmaster.
"Well, that's all right then," Dumbledore replied, settling himself back into his chair.
"Jesus, Gin! Couldn't you just tell him we were going to the loo?!" Hermione exclaimed.
"It's Dumbledore! He probably knows anyway." Ginny reasoned.
"Good point."
"Remus, where are you going?" Sirius called as Remus left his seat to follow the three girls.
Remus called back over his shoulder, "If they are going to do what I think they're going to do, then there is no way in HELL I am missing that."
*****
Two minutes later, the girls were standing in the men's lavatory of the theatre, trying to convince Harry, Ron, Draco, Neville and Snape not to drown themselves in the toilets.
"Don't do it! We need you!" Hermione cried, trying desperately to pull Ron away from the brink of both madness and the toilet bowl.
"I'm not gay! And I'm not going to take it, or anything else for that matter, up the ass!" Draco's voice came out from behind the door of the third cubicle.
"But you already do!" was Hermione's rapid-fire retort.
"I'm going to pretend you did not just day that." Draco's struggled to sound dignified, as he knelt in front of the porcelain bowl, his head already halfway in.
"Miss Granger, there is no way in hell you are getting me to seduce both Harry and Draco, and though I must admit the prospect of ax-murdering Longbottom is indeed excellent motivation, the cons badly outnumber the pros. Now if you'll excuse me, I believe I'm going to kill myself now." Snape's hand was poised just above the handle of the toilet and closing in quickly. He was actually going to flush his head in toilet water!
"If you come back and at least watch the rest of the movie, then Ginny, Cho and I will make out for a minute," Ginny called out.
Complete silence reigned, before Draco called back suspiciously, "With whom?"
"With each other, you fucking prat," Cho replied, voice heavy with irritation. Remus looked as if he had just died and gone to heaven.
*****
Precisely one minute and thirty seconds after that, Draco, Ron, Neville, Harry, Remus, and Snape made their way back into the theatre.
"Best minute of my life" Draco exclaimed.
"Totally worth it!" Harry agreed.
"Indeed" Was Snape's only reply. The rest were too awestruck at what they had just seen to formulate any other reply. Besides, their blood supply was busy fueling other things, except for Ron, who looked about ready to gauge his eyes out with bamboo skewers.
Ginny, Cho and Hermione followed close behind, each reapplying their badly smeared lipstick.
"Girls, what the hell kind of special magic was that?" Remus asked.
Hermione smiled up at him and replied, "Vaginamancy."
*****
Onscreen, Janet was back in Frank's lab, staring at a monitor that depicted Brad and Frank in bed. Brad was smoking a cigarette, and Frank looked like a cat that had eaten not one, not two, but twenty-three fat, shiny yellow canaries.
"Oh, Brad, Oh Brad - How could you?" She sobbed, conveniently forgetting that she herself had allowed frank to take some rather liberal liberties with her.
IT WAS EASY, NO PANTYHOSE!
HEY, THERE'S A MONSTER OVER HERE WITH A FRIGGIN HUGE DICK! AND IT VIBRATES TOO! THAT'S RIGHT, COME AND GET IT...
Janet turned slowly as she heard moans and cried of pain from the rainbow colored tank. She walked over to it, only to find rocky nursing various scrapes and burns all over his body.
LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, THE SINS OF MASTURBATION: FRICTION BURNS
"Oh, but you are hurt..." Janet cried, feeling compassion for the poor, near-naked brute.
NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!
"Did they do this to you?" She cried indignantly.
THEY SURE DID, THE SNIVELING SHITS
"I'll dress your wounds..." she consoled.
AND UNDRESS ME!
Janet began ripping strips of her slip to make bandages for Rocky.
JANET'S INTO BANDAGE!
"Let me make it all better." She said softly, a wicked gleam creeping into her eyes.
HI, MY NAME IS ROCKY HORROR. WANNA FUCK?
SCHWING
HEY JANET - LOOK THREE WAYS AND SMILE IF YOU WANNA FUCK
Janet looked both to her left and right before looking straight at rocky and smiling wickedly.
JANET, BEING THE CONSCIENTIOUS AND WELL-TRAINED SLUT, LOOKS BOTH WAYS BEFORE FUCKING STRANGE MUSCLEMEN. LEFT? CHECK. RIGHT? CHECK. IT'S ALL CLEAR, JANET, GO FOR IT
One of the ushers came over to the group and took a visibly excited Cho away so she could get ready for the lesbian scene.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE AEROSMITH SONG?
SWEEET...
"Emotion," the narrator broke in, reading from a dictionary, "agitation or disturbance of the mind... Vehement or excited mental state.
AND YOU CAN ONLY READ ABOUT IT, NO-NECK!
"It is also a powerful and irrational master. And from what magenta..."
MAGENTER
WHAT'S A 'MAGENTER'?
ONE WHO MAGENTS
HOW DO YOU MAGENT?
WITH BOTH HANDS, AND 2 'D'-CELL BATTERIES!
"....and Columbia eagerly viewed on the television monitor there seemed little doubt that Janet was, indeed.."
A NYMPHOMANIAC? A SLUT? ABOUT TO GET LAID?
"...Its slave." He finished gravely.
SAME THING!
Magenta and Columbia sat painting each other's toes, watching Janet seduce Rocky on their monitor screen. "Tell us about it, Janet." They said, in high, nasal voices.
"I was feeling done in...." Janet sang to Rocky, caressing his upper body and arms all the while.
AND OUT AND IN AND OUT AND IN..
DESCRIBE THE DALLAS COWBOYS!
"...couldn't win. I'd only ever kissed before...."
WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT!
"You mean she's...." Columbia exclaimed, staring at the monitor in disbelief.
CATHOLIC? A LIAR?
BOTH!
"Uh-huh." Nodded Magenta.
A-WHORE!
"I though there's no use getting...." Janet continued, touching rocky in very confusing ways.
LAID?
"..Into heavy petting.."
SAME THING!
Janet slipped her hands down Rocky's tiny shorts.
REJECT THAT HAND IN THE NAME OF BOB!
"..It only leads to trouble and...." Janet continued,
STRETCH MARKS?
"...seat wetting."
YAY WET SEATS!
"Now all I want to know is how to go.."
HOW TO GO DOWN, YOU MEAN!
"I've tasted blood..."
CUM
"....and I want more1"
LESS
Columbia and Magenta yelled "More," humping Cho from both sides every time.
LESS
"More," sang Magenta and Columbia, enthusiastically pounding Cho.
LESS
"More!" This time, it was Cho doing the yelling.
LESS
"I'll put up no resistance..."
YOU NEVER DID, SLUT!
"...I want to stay..."
FUCK
"...the distance."
SHE WANTS TO FUCK YOUR DISTANCE!
"I've got an itch to scratch..."
OR AN ITCHY SNATCH!
"I need assistance. Toucha toucha toucha touch me!"
Several of the people in the audience leapt out of their seats and ran towards the screen, attempting to touch Janet before the camera angle changed. Onscreen, rocky was fondling Janet's breast.
GOT MILK?
"Hey Granger, Do you mind if we start practicing now?"
"Get you hands off my dirty pillows, Malfoy, before I lodge your testicles inside your pelvis."
"But you'd have to touch them in order to do that right?"
"Nah. I can get one of the boys to do it for me. They'll jump at the possibility of rendering you infertile."
Draco decided that the best course of action was to remove his hands from their current position atop Hermione's boobies.
Onscreen, Janet was wailing, "I want to be diiiiiiirty. Thrill me chill me fulfill me..."
WHO'S BATMAN?
"Creature of the night! Then if anything grows while you pose .."
IT WON'T, HE'S GAY
"...I'll oil you up and rub you down!"
UP!
Magenta and Columbia once again echoed "Down," and humped Cho, who appeared to be enjoying herself immensely.
UP
"Down!" The three girls yelled, rubbing up against each other furiously.
UP
"Down!"
UP
"And that's just one small fraction..." Janet continued to warble nasaly,
SIX NINTHS?
"...of the main attraction...."
MAIN ERECTION!
"..You need a friendly hand.."
MY OWN WORKS FINE
"...and I need action...." Janet sang as she unhooked her bra, leaving her breasts bare for Rocky to ogle.
HEY, FRANK DIDN'T HAVE THESE!
"..Toucha toucha toucha touch me! I want to be dirty. Thrill me chill me fulfill me! Creature of the night!" Really, Susan Sarandon should be banned from singing in a high soprano voice.
Columbia mimicked Janet, running her hands up and down her body, and singing lustily, "Toucha toucha toucha touch me!"
Magenta joined in, feeling Cho up in the process, "I want to be dirty!"
"Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me!" Columbia sang back.
"Creature of the night." They both sang.
FUCK HER, SHE'S A DYKE!
"Toucha toucha toucha touch me! I want to be dirty. Thrill me chill me fulfill me! Creature of the night." Janet continued singing, as she lay down in the rainbow tank with rocky on top of her.
"Creature of the night!" Rocky sang, grinning madly.
SWITCH!
Brad was now the one pictured atop of Janet. "Creature of the night?" he sang confusedly.
SWITCH!
Frank appeared to replace Brad. "Creature of the night." He sang seductively.
TOO MUCH MAKEUP!
SWITCH!
Magenta replaced Frank and continued singing. "Creature of the night!"
TOO MUCH HAIR!
SWITCH!
Riff Raff came next. "Creature of the night!" He sang in a most sinister fashion.
NOT ENOUGH HAIR!
SWITCH!
Columbia replaced Riff Raff, and sang nasally, "Creature of the night!"
OH GOD!
SWITCH!
Rocky came next, and he was still grinning madly from ear to ear. "Creature of the night!"
NO FAIR! ROCKY GOT SECONDS!
SLOPPY SECONDS!
SWITCH!
"Creature of the night!" Janet's voice was heard as the scene faded to black.
The scene changed to show riff Raff being whipped by Frank.
FACE IT, RIFF, YOU'RE WHIPPED
" Owwwwwwwww!" Riff Raff cried as the whip bit into his flesh.
HIT HIM! HIT HIM AGAIN! HIT HIM HARDER!
SAY THANK YOU! SAY IT IN FRENCH
"Mercy!" Riff Raff cried.
BEAUCOUP!
THANK YOU SIR, MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?
"How did it happen?" Frank shouted, enraged at the thought of his new plaything being lost.
BEATS ME, BUT I HAVE A HUNCH!
"I understand you were to be watching..." Frank pointed at Riff Raff accusatorily.
Riff Raff pleaded with frank, "I was only away for a minute...."
DOING WHAT?
"..master."
BATING!
"Well, see if you can find him on a monitor."
"Master, master... we have a visitor." Riff Raff pointed to a monitor, which showed a man in a wheelchair knocking on the front door.
*****
Well, there you have it. The next chapter is a bit under half done, so it should be out within a reasonable amount of time. Or so I say...The concept of Vaginamancy was borrowed from this incredible web cartoon that I am a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge fan of called "Something Positive" I hightly recommend it to everyone.
Here's the link:
www.somethingpositive.net
thank you and enjoy the show.
Be kind, review.
*****
Chapter 16 or 17 (I lost count): Vaginamancy
*****
The next scene opened up with Riff Raff mopping and Magenta on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor. Riff raff paused in his cleaning and looked over Magenta. The pair met eyes and smiled evilly at each other. Riff Raff dropped the mop and walked over to rocky.
"HEY, MAGENTA. I'VE GOT A GREAT IDEA. YOU STAND HERE AND FUCK YOURSELF WITH THE MOP, AND I'LL GO GIVE THE MONSTER A HOT WAX ENEMA! ALL THAT IN ONE GLANCE. GOD, I LOVE THAT MAN. GREAT ASS, TOO
Magenta watched her brother leave, a wicked gleam in her eyes.
LOOK AT MY BROTHER! HE'S SO FINE!
Riff Raff made his way to Rocky's chamber, where the non-man was chained down on the black satin sheets.
ROCKY TAKES IT UP THE ASS, DOO-DAH, DOO-DAH RIFF RAFF DOES IT TWICE AS FAST, OH DOO-DAH-DAY. GONNA FUCK ALL NIGHT, GONNA FUCK ALL DAY. BIG OR SMALL, THICK OR THIN, CANDLEWAX WILL GET IT IN
WHAT'S HOT, WHITE AND STICKY?
CANDLE WAX, BUT I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK
NOT THE 30-PRONGED DILDO!
Riff Raff grabbed a large, freestanding candelabra and started waving it at Rocky.
COME ON BABY LIGHT MY FIRE!
LONG OR SHORT, THICK OR THIN, VASELINE WILL GET IT IN. ON YOUR BACK, OR ON YOUR BELLY, THINGS GO BEST WITH KY JELLY BUT THAT CANDELABRA WILL NEVER EVER FIT
HEY RIFF-RAFF, ARE YOU FRIEND OR ENEMA?
ENEMA MOTHERFUCKER!
Riff Raff continued to wave the lit candelabra at Rocky, who became agitated and afraid, pulling on his chains and trying to get away.
RIFF RAFF SAYS... HAPPY HANUKAH MOTHER FUCKER!
HOW 'BOUT A LITTLE FIRE, SCARECROW?
Rocky pulled free of the chains, and brought the bedcurtains down on riff raff's head before running away.
STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES, BUT WHIPS AND CHAINS EXCITE ME
LOOKS LIKE IT'S CURTAINS FOR THE BUTLER
Rocky ran past magenta, and started to climb down the elevator shaft, king Kong style.
IT'S ROCKY KONG JR.
YOU FORGOT YOUR FREE SAMPLE!
Riff-Raff threw a candle don the elevator shaft down after Rocky.
HEY, SIS, WATCH ME MAKE A TABLE OUT OF THIN AIR
Riff raff proceeded to set don the candelabra on a table that apparently came out of nowhere., because it sure as hell wasn't there a second ago. He approached Magenta, and the two of them began touching their elbows in a very creep fashion.
ELBOW SEX! ELBOW SEX!
IF YOU CAN'T KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS, AT LEAST KEEP IT IN THE FAMILY!
INCEST IS BEST, PUT YOUR SISTER TO THE TEST!
THE CLOSER THE RELATION, THE DEEPER THE PENETRATION!
Riff Raff leaned forward and proceeded to bite magenta on n the neck.
HEY, THERE'S A COCKROACH ON MAGENTA'S NE... OH, YOU FOUND IT
On the monitor, rocky was shown wandering about the gardens of the castle, frantically running.
WHERE'S THE BATHROOM?!
"BATHROOM'S TO THE LEFT.
On the monitor, rocky made an abrupt turn to the right.
LEFT!
ROCKY HORROR SEX SCENE, TAKE TWO! BLUE FILTER
The screen flashed to Brad's bedroom, which looked exactly like Janet's but for the blue lights.
NEVER WORRY NEVER FEAR, FRANK THE WONDER FUCK IS HERE!
"Oh, Brad darling, it's no good here. It'll destroy us." Janet burst in, almost frantic.
"Don't worry Janet, we'll be away from here in the morning." Brad comforted her in a soothing voice, putting his arms around her.
Janet cooed, "Oh, Brad you're so strong and protective."
LIKE A GOOD CONDOM!
DON'T FUCK WITH THE HAIR!
Inevitably, Brad did indeed fuck with the hair, and Frank's blonde wig slipped off.
"Ah, ah, ah, oh YOU!" Brad cried in a non-manly fashion.
WHO'D YOU EXPECT?
"I'm afraid so, Brad, but isn't it nice..." Frank intoned, stroking brad's back.
YES, BUT IT CERTAINLY ISN'T WEISS!
"Why YOU! What have you done with Janet?" Brad yelled angrily.
FUCKED THE SHIT OUT OF HER - AND NOW I'M GONNA FUCK THE SHIT BACK INTO YOU!
"Nothing. Why? Do you think I should?" Frank sounded excited at the prospect.
LIAR!
You tricked me, I wouldn't have!" Brad continued yelling.
YES YOU WOULD!
"Never never... never..." Brad's resolve was growing weaker and weaker before the awesome power of Frank's ministrations.
ONLY FAIRIES DO IT IN NEVER-NEVER LAND!
What about the Boy Scouts? What about the Cub Scouts? I hear you're up to three packs a day!"
"Oh yes, yes, I know... but it isn't all bad, is it?" Frank coaxed persuasively.
NO, BUT THIS TIME IT'S ALL BRAD!
Not even half bad, I think you really quite enjoyed it." Frank continued, as Brad moaned loudly under him. Harry was also moaning, but that was because he had just vomited on the theatre floor.
"Oh... so soft..." Frank crooned, as he continued to stroke brad gently.
DON'T, STOP, DON'T STOP, DON'T STOP!
"Stop it... stop it... oh Janet... JANET!" Brad cried, suddenly sitting up.
SHE'S NOT DOWN THERE, SHE'S NEVER BEEN DOWN THERE!
Frank reasoned, "Janet's probably asleep by now. Do you want her to see you.."
HOW DO YOU FUCK LARGE BARN ANIMALS?
"...like THIS?" Frank said, as he grasped Brad's legs and hauled them upwards, sending the other man sprawling onto his back, with his legs straight up in the air.
ASSUME THE POSITION!
Frank bent down to continue his ministrations and brad once again began to moan.
HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF AN ASSHOLE?
ONE...TWO...THREE...CRUNCH!
Brad yelled aloud. "Like this, like how? It's your fault, you're to blame," he cried accusatorily at Frank.
NO, SUE'S TO BLAME!
"I thought it was the real thing!" He protested.
IT IS!
"Oh come on, Brad, admit it, you liked it, didn't you?" Frank teased.
HE LOVED IT!
"It isn't a crime to give yourself over to pleasure, Brad." He continued.
IT IS IN TEXAS! EVERYTHING'S A CRIME IN TEXAS, UNLESS YOU'RE WEARING YOUR SEATBELT, BUT WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK!
Frank pleaded with Brad, saying, "We've wasted so much time already... Janet needn't know, I won't tell her..."
"Well, promise you won't tell..." Brad nearly whispered.
WHERE DO YOU HAVE SEX, FRANK?
"On my mother's gra-oouuuuu..." Frank's answer was cut short as he bent over brad's prone form.
DON'T TALK WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL!
BRAD DIDN'T WANT TO BE GAY, HE JUST GOT SUCKED INTO IT!
As the scene faded to black, Snape and Harry ran from the theatre screaming.
"They're dropping like flies! I love it!" Cried Ginny gleefully.
"How is this in any way good?! If this keeps up, we're not going to have a cast left!" Cho wailed.
Hermione joined in the lament. "We have to do something, and fast! Neville's about ready to quit, and Harry and Snape are not thrilled at the idea of sleeping with each other, and I know Ron's not to jazzed at being your boyfriend, Ginny. What are we going to do?"
Holding her hands up for silence, Ginny announced, "Girls, I have a plan."
"Explain thyself, Virginia" Hermione commanded.
"My plan is twofold. Number one: give them a reason to stay. And number B: hit them where it hurts. " She said, smiling wickedly, and licking her lips suggestively.
"Brilliant! It's the perfect form of bribery." Cho jumped up and down gleefully, much to the dismay of the other movie patrons.
We'll be back in a minute, headmaster." Hermione called, as the girl's made their way out of the theatre.
"Where are the three of you going." Dumbledore said, half rising from his seat.
"Well, we were...um...I was.." Hermione and Cho faltered, failing to find a good, non-perverse reason for leaving so suddenly.
"We're going to convince the lost sheep to enter the fold once more, using special magical powers that only we women can posses." Interrupted Ginny, flashing a winning smile at the old headmaster.
"Well, that's all right then," Dumbledore replied, settling himself back into his chair.
"Jesus, Gin! Couldn't you just tell him we were going to the loo?!" Hermione exclaimed.
"It's Dumbledore! He probably knows anyway." Ginny reasoned.
"Good point."
"Remus, where are you going?" Sirius called as Remus left his seat to follow the three girls.
Remus called back over his shoulder, "If they are going to do what I think they're going to do, then there is no way in HELL I am missing that."
*****
Two minutes later, the girls were standing in the men's lavatory of the theatre, trying to convince Harry, Ron, Draco, Neville and Snape not to drown themselves in the toilets.
"Don't do it! We need you!" Hermione cried, trying desperately to pull Ron away from the brink of both madness and the toilet bowl.
"I'm not gay! And I'm not going to take it, or anything else for that matter, up the ass!" Draco's voice came out from behind the door of the third cubicle.
"But you already do!" was Hermione's rapid-fire retort.
"I'm going to pretend you did not just day that." Draco's struggled to sound dignified, as he knelt in front of the porcelain bowl, his head already halfway in.
"Miss Granger, there is no way in hell you are getting me to seduce both Harry and Draco, and though I must admit the prospect of ax-murdering Longbottom is indeed excellent motivation, the cons badly outnumber the pros. Now if you'll excuse me, I believe I'm going to kill myself now." Snape's hand was poised just above the handle of the toilet and closing in quickly. He was actually going to flush his head in toilet water!
"If you come back and at least watch the rest of the movie, then Ginny, Cho and I will make out for a minute," Ginny called out.
Complete silence reigned, before Draco called back suspiciously, "With whom?"
"With each other, you fucking prat," Cho replied, voice heavy with irritation. Remus looked as if he had just died and gone to heaven.
*****
Precisely one minute and thirty seconds after that, Draco, Ron, Neville, Harry, Remus, and Snape made their way back into the theatre.
"Best minute of my life" Draco exclaimed.
"Totally worth it!" Harry agreed.
"Indeed" Was Snape's only reply. The rest were too awestruck at what they had just seen to formulate any other reply. Besides, their blood supply was busy fueling other things, except for Ron, who looked about ready to gauge his eyes out with bamboo skewers.
Ginny, Cho and Hermione followed close behind, each reapplying their badly smeared lipstick.
"Girls, what the hell kind of special magic was that?" Remus asked.
Hermione smiled up at him and replied, "Vaginamancy."
*****
Onscreen, Janet was back in Frank's lab, staring at a monitor that depicted Brad and Frank in bed. Brad was smoking a cigarette, and Frank looked like a cat that had eaten not one, not two, but twenty-three fat, shiny yellow canaries.
"Oh, Brad, Oh Brad - How could you?" She sobbed, conveniently forgetting that she herself had allowed frank to take some rather liberal liberties with her.
IT WAS EASY, NO PANTYHOSE!
HEY, THERE'S A MONSTER OVER HERE WITH A FRIGGIN HUGE DICK! AND IT VIBRATES TOO! THAT'S RIGHT, COME AND GET IT...
Janet turned slowly as she heard moans and cried of pain from the rainbow colored tank. She walked over to it, only to find rocky nursing various scrapes and burns all over his body.
LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, THE SINS OF MASTURBATION: FRICTION BURNS
"Oh, but you are hurt..." Janet cried, feeling compassion for the poor, near-naked brute.
NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!
"Did they do this to you?" She cried indignantly.
THEY SURE DID, THE SNIVELING SHITS
"I'll dress your wounds..." she consoled.
AND UNDRESS ME!
Janet began ripping strips of her slip to make bandages for Rocky.
JANET'S INTO BANDAGE!
"Let me make it all better." She said softly, a wicked gleam creeping into her eyes.
HI, MY NAME IS ROCKY HORROR. WANNA FUCK?
SCHWING
HEY JANET - LOOK THREE WAYS AND SMILE IF YOU WANNA FUCK
Janet looked both to her left and right before looking straight at rocky and smiling wickedly.
JANET, BEING THE CONSCIENTIOUS AND WELL-TRAINED SLUT, LOOKS BOTH WAYS BEFORE FUCKING STRANGE MUSCLEMEN. LEFT? CHECK. RIGHT? CHECK. IT'S ALL CLEAR, JANET, GO FOR IT
One of the ushers came over to the group and took a visibly excited Cho away so she could get ready for the lesbian scene.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE AEROSMITH SONG?
SWEEET...
"Emotion," the narrator broke in, reading from a dictionary, "agitation or disturbance of the mind... Vehement or excited mental state.
AND YOU CAN ONLY READ ABOUT IT, NO-NECK!
"It is also a powerful and irrational master. And from what magenta..."
MAGENTER
WHAT'S A 'MAGENTER'?
ONE WHO MAGENTS
HOW DO YOU MAGENT?
WITH BOTH HANDS, AND 2 'D'-CELL BATTERIES!
"....and Columbia eagerly viewed on the television monitor there seemed little doubt that Janet was, indeed.."
A NYMPHOMANIAC? A SLUT? ABOUT TO GET LAID?
"...Its slave." He finished gravely.
SAME THING!
Magenta and Columbia sat painting each other's toes, watching Janet seduce Rocky on their monitor screen. "Tell us about it, Janet." They said, in high, nasal voices.
"I was feeling done in...." Janet sang to Rocky, caressing his upper body and arms all the while.
AND OUT AND IN AND OUT AND IN..
DESCRIBE THE DALLAS COWBOYS!
"...couldn't win. I'd only ever kissed before...."
WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT!
"You mean she's...." Columbia exclaimed, staring at the monitor in disbelief.
CATHOLIC? A LIAR?
BOTH!
"Uh-huh." Nodded Magenta.
A-WHORE!
"I though there's no use getting...." Janet continued, touching rocky in very confusing ways.
LAID?
"..Into heavy petting.."
SAME THING!
Janet slipped her hands down Rocky's tiny shorts.
REJECT THAT HAND IN THE NAME OF BOB!
"..It only leads to trouble and...." Janet continued,
STRETCH MARKS?
"...seat wetting."
YAY WET SEATS!
"Now all I want to know is how to go.."
HOW TO GO DOWN, YOU MEAN!
"I've tasted blood..."
CUM
"....and I want more1"
LESS
Columbia and Magenta yelled "More," humping Cho from both sides every time.
LESS
"More," sang Magenta and Columbia, enthusiastically pounding Cho.
LESS
"More!" This time, it was Cho doing the yelling.
LESS
"I'll put up no resistance..."
YOU NEVER DID, SLUT!
"...I want to stay..."
FUCK
"...the distance."
SHE WANTS TO FUCK YOUR DISTANCE!
"I've got an itch to scratch..."
OR AN ITCHY SNATCH!
"I need assistance. Toucha toucha toucha touch me!"
Several of the people in the audience leapt out of their seats and ran towards the screen, attempting to touch Janet before the camera angle changed. Onscreen, rocky was fondling Janet's breast.
GOT MILK?
"Hey Granger, Do you mind if we start practicing now?"
"Get you hands off my dirty pillows, Malfoy, before I lodge your testicles inside your pelvis."
"But you'd have to touch them in order to do that right?"
"Nah. I can get one of the boys to do it for me. They'll jump at the possibility of rendering you infertile."
Draco decided that the best course of action was to remove his hands from their current position atop Hermione's boobies.
Onscreen, Janet was wailing, "I want to be diiiiiiirty. Thrill me chill me fulfill me..."
WHO'S BATMAN?
"Creature of the night! Then if anything grows while you pose .."
IT WON'T, HE'S GAY
"...I'll oil you up and rub you down!"
UP!
Magenta and Columbia once again echoed "Down," and humped Cho, who appeared to be enjoying herself immensely.
UP
"Down!" The three girls yelled, rubbing up against each other furiously.
UP
"Down!"
UP
"And that's just one small fraction..." Janet continued to warble nasaly,
SIX NINTHS?
"...of the main attraction...."
MAIN ERECTION!
"..You need a friendly hand.."
MY OWN WORKS FINE
"...and I need action...." Janet sang as she unhooked her bra, leaving her breasts bare for Rocky to ogle.
HEY, FRANK DIDN'T HAVE THESE!
"..Toucha toucha toucha touch me! I want to be dirty. Thrill me chill me fulfill me! Creature of the night!" Really, Susan Sarandon should be banned from singing in a high soprano voice.
Columbia mimicked Janet, running her hands up and down her body, and singing lustily, "Toucha toucha toucha touch me!"
Magenta joined in, feeling Cho up in the process, "I want to be dirty!"
"Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me!" Columbia sang back.
"Creature of the night." They both sang.
FUCK HER, SHE'S A DYKE!
"Toucha toucha toucha touch me! I want to be dirty. Thrill me chill me fulfill me! Creature of the night." Janet continued singing, as she lay down in the rainbow tank with rocky on top of her.
"Creature of the night!" Rocky sang, grinning madly.
SWITCH!
Brad was now the one pictured atop of Janet. "Creature of the night?" he sang confusedly.
SWITCH!
Frank appeared to replace Brad. "Creature of the night." He sang seductively.
TOO MUCH MAKEUP!
SWITCH!
Magenta replaced Frank and continued singing. "Creature of the night!"
TOO MUCH HAIR!
SWITCH!
Riff Raff came next. "Creature of the night!" He sang in a most sinister fashion.
NOT ENOUGH HAIR!
SWITCH!
Columbia replaced Riff Raff, and sang nasally, "Creature of the night!"
OH GOD!
SWITCH!
Rocky came next, and he was still grinning madly from ear to ear. "Creature of the night!"
NO FAIR! ROCKY GOT SECONDS!
SLOPPY SECONDS!
SWITCH!
"Creature of the night!" Janet's voice was heard as the scene faded to black.
The scene changed to show riff Raff being whipped by Frank.
FACE IT, RIFF, YOU'RE WHIPPED
" Owwwwwwwww!" Riff Raff cried as the whip bit into his flesh.
HIT HIM! HIT HIM AGAIN! HIT HIM HARDER!
SAY THANK YOU! SAY IT IN FRENCH
"Mercy!" Riff Raff cried.
BEAUCOUP!
THANK YOU SIR, MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?
"How did it happen?" Frank shouted, enraged at the thought of his new plaything being lost.
BEATS ME, BUT I HAVE A HUNCH!
"I understand you were to be watching..." Frank pointed at Riff Raff accusatorily.
Riff Raff pleaded with frank, "I was only away for a minute...."
DOING WHAT?
"..master."
BATING!
"Well, see if you can find him on a monitor."
"Master, master... we have a visitor." Riff Raff pointed to a monitor, which showed a man in a wheelchair knocking on the front door.
*****
Well, there you have it. The next chapter is a bit under half done, so it should be out within a reasonable amount of time. Or so I say...The concept of Vaginamancy was borrowed from this incredible web cartoon that I am a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge fan of called "Something Positive" I hightly recommend it to everyone.
Here's the link:
www.somethingpositive.net
thank you and enjoy the show.
Be kind, review.
