Chapter 5
Quckerjack Seeks Advice

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today? If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way? If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all I never know what the future brings but I know you're here with me now We'll make it through and I hope you are the one I share my life with... I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way that I can stay in your arms? If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed? If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head? If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life? If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

* * *

After the humiliating defeat he'd suffered at the hands of the Fearsome Five and a vicious spat with his wife, Steelbeak decided to end his pain forever. Even with her love and understanding for him, there was little to nothing that Victoria could do. He felt like a failure, and no amount of love and understanding could change his view.

Before heading out on one cold late December night, he left a note on the kitchen table.

"I've always loved you. Thank you for your love that you gave me, even if at the end my pain has overwhelmed all hope."

-Steelbeak

Wiping a tear from his eye, Steelbeak quietly stepped outside and drove towards the Audobon Bay Bridge. A shadow of his former self, he had lost a lot of weight and his eyes had lost their sparkle. He felt guilty for leaving his family behind, but at the same time, he did not wish to be a burden on them. He pulled the Jaguar at the side of the road and walked with a odd stagger towards the edge.

Steelbeak looked into the cold, waving water with his tears nearly blinding him. Traffic roared past him but he didn't care if anyone saw him. He looked up into the stars, let out a soft cry and stepped off the edge.

In a blatant instance of deus ex machina, Megavolt happened to be walking along the Audobon at that very moment. After the action-packed events of the previous twenty-four hours, it was somewhat disconcerting to find himself suddenly twiddling his thumbs, with nothing particularly dangerous or nefarious on his plate. "This must be what it's like to be a sane and law-abiding member of the populace," he remarked to himself. "*Bor*-ing."

Just then he noticed the Jaguar parked up ahead. In his brain, the first thing that registered wasn't a question as to why a perfectly good vehicle was parked along the side of the road. The first thing that popped into his mind was, "Wow! Crime waiting to happen!" He grinned gleefully and ran over to the jaguar.

"Ooh, nice car, very nice car, expensive leather interior, perfect chrome exterior. Hello, baby," he purred, rubbing his cheek lovingly against the hood. "Where's you mommy and you daddy, huh? Where dey at? Aw, silly naughty mommy and daddy to leave you all alone with someone like me...." He giggled. Then he stopped abruptly as he heard a splash. Slowly he turned and went to the railing of the bridge, looking over to see a figure in a familiar white suit splashing in the waters below.

~What the heck..~ thought Megavolt. In an instinctive move he quickly began unlooping the long power cord on the spool at his hip. He fastened the plug end to the cable support at his left and promptly began rappelling himself down the side of the bridge. "Hey!" he yelled down to Steelbeak. "Hey, I'll be right down!" Nearing the black surface of the water, he extended his arm to the rooster. "Grab my hand, moron!"

"NEVER!" Steelbeak yelled at the top of his lungs,snapping his jaws at him like a shark.

Megavolt yelped and yanked his hand away, not expecting this attack.Steelbeak smirked a little. "Well dat's more like itya street rat!" Steelbeak was angry -- no, furious -- that someone

would intervene with trying to stop him from putting himself out of misery. Especially a member of theFearsome Five, which was one of the reasons that had drove him to his morose decision. He snarled at Megavolt and threw a fist at him. "How dare youse try and save my life!" The rooster yelled again, this time his voice more of a cry for help than its previous angered tone. The water was fridget and it was only a matter of time that his body temperature was sinking to a dangerous level. Heshivered and looked up at Megavolt with both disgust and awe.

Megavolt stared back at him. Now that he had realized that this wasn't some sort of accident and that Steelbeak appeared to have deliberately jumped into the freezing waters of Audubon Bay, he was almost as angry as the rooster. Rage filled his brain. Abruptly he stuck his hand out again, his eyes just daring Steelbeak to snap at him. "Grab. My. Hand," he said through gritted teeth.

"I said NEVER!" Steelbeak repeated, his voice hoarse from the yelling and the water's cold temperatures. His plan of killing himself turned out to be a lot more difficult than he had expected. "If I would've wanted 'elp I would've asked! And I did, but 'elp came a bit too late!Why do youse want to save me?" He asked, his metalbeak chattering in the cold. He had only been in thewater for a few minutes, but already ice was starting to crystalize on his feathers.

"Never mind that! Grab my hand before you're too cold to hold on." Seeing the questioning look in the rooster's eyes, he growled, "I'm not watching anyone kill themselves in front me. NO ONE!!" Megavolt suddenly screamed, startling even himself.

Steelbeak's eyes widened in shock. He hadn't expected Megavolt to act so angered at over this. In his confused state, he just stared up at him, speechless.Be blinked a few times, causing ice particles to fall off his eyelashes.

~No one. Not again.~

Pulling his voice back under control, he glared at Steelbeak. "Now you can either take my hand, or I will damn well shock you unconscious and yank you up on my own. Your choice."

In spite of the rat-like creature's persistance,Steelbeak remained stubborn. He bared his teeth andsnorted, his breath crystalizing into the cold air. "Choose de latter!" He growled, thinking that perhaps in his unconcious state he'll slip into his watery grave. Steelbeak had lost a good deal of weight, but was still heavier than Megavolt. Maybe, he hoped, he'dloose his grip on him.

Megavolt smiled unexpectedly--a dark mad grin. "Ooh goody, I was hoping you would say that." He grabbed the rooster's shoulder abruptly and released every volt he had into Steelbeak's body. The backshock killed every fish in immediate vicinity before dispersing

into the water. It was more than enough electricity to send Steelbeak to La- La Land.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIEEEEEE!" Steelbeak screamed, violently thrashing about in the water and involuntarily gasping for breath as the electricy surged through his body. A bullet to the head would have just been enough, he thought. As his body slowly sunk under the water,

his eyes rolled back into his head and soon enough he would be out of his misery. Or whould he be...? Megavolt was pretty darned determined to keep him alive.

"Oh drat, I forgot, he's bigger than me!" grunted Megavolt as the unconscious rooster threatened to slip from his fingers. He let out a few more inches on his power cord and maneuvered into a more accomodating position, sliding his legs under Steelbeak's armpits and

gripping him with his knees. Because he had just used up all of his electricity the water didn't short him out, but the freezing temperature *was* shocking. Gritting his teeth, he released the hand that had been holding Steelbeak's collar and used it to press a button on his power spool, praying that the powerful retraction mechanism would be strong enough to pull the two of them up. It was capable of zipping up his weight alone in the span of seconds..drawing up his weight together with Steelbeak's greater bulk took a full minute.

Once on the bridge, Megavolt was able to open the car in short order and drag the larger male inside. Steelbeak's drenched clothes would probably ruin the nice upholstery but Megavolt figured that was the rooster's fault. He shut the passenger door and climbed into the driver's seat. "Aw man!" he said, realizing that he didn't have the car keys. Annoyed, he banked his head against the steering wheel, sounding along blast on the horn. He couldn't zap the ignition with his battery currently reading zilch in the power department, so he quickly hotwired the jag and put her in drive.

Adjusting the mirror for his shorter height, he caught sight of Steelbeak shivering in the back seat and turned up the heat in the car as much as possible. Take his eyes off the road to do this, he accidentally slid into the left-hand lane. Cars swerved to avoid him, honking angrily. "Yeah, you'd *better* move it," he yelled. He laughed evilly as he drove to the lighthouse.

Steelbeak's shivering was distrupted with a violent twitch. He was awoken by Megavolt's yelling and opened an eye. Everything in his vision was blury and the first thought that came to his mind was that he had died and that was starting a new life. The rooster kept shivering and slipped back into unconciousness.

Megavolt glanced in the mirror again and noticed Steelbeak moving. "Hang on, man, we're almost there," he said. Now that his initial anger had worn off--suicide and attempted suicide was something that made Megavolt mindbogglingly angry--he was starting to feel bad for Steelbeak. The criminal mastermind must be in some terrible pain if he was taking such extreme measures. Megavolt wondered what had happened.

Megavolt pulled up at the base of the lighthouse and got out of the car. He opened the passenger door. "Come on, big guy, out of the car." He shooked Steelbeak's shoulder briskly. "Come on, you can do it. Out you get."

He threw Steelbeak's arm over his shoulders, trying to provide a support on the way up the lighthouse's winding steps. "We're at my place. No hospital. I don't like hospitals. Everyone's sick at hospitals. And the nurses are scary. Plus they've got phones. And phones can call cops. And cops are scarier than nurses. I don't like cops. I don't like hospitals. I've got warm blankets

upstairs. Blankets are good. No hypothermia for us, right? Right!" He laughed cheerfully, trying to energize the rooster with his rapid chatter.

Steelbeak slowly opened his eyes, his vision still blurred. From what he could make out, he was beingcarried up a set of stairs in a tower-like building. In his over-weary, half-concious state, he couldn'ttell who was carrying him, or were he was going. Even the voice was unfamiliar, yet comforting in an odd sort of way.

The first thought he had was was was that he was being led into a hospital, yet his rescuer reassured him otherwise. From head to toe he was in a great deal ofpain -- both emotionally, and physically. After blinking a few times he recognized the figure who had

saved him from a decision that he could not reverse.

"Megavolt...?" Steelbeak whispered, his staccato voice strained and barely audible. Feeling weak and freeble, he barely had enough strength to lift his head.

"Present!" said Megavolt cheerfully, standing in front of him. He had situated the rooster in the control room, where Megavolt's sofa and happy- making afghan were. "Fabric material of an insulating persuasion, coming right up." He pulled out a crappy-looking cardboard box and pulled out armfuls of blankets, tossing them on top of Steelbeak. "Hmm....I think I have a floor heater around it somewhere...it's broken but I can fix it up in a jiffy....Ooh. Looky-here." Suddenly he stood up, holding an eggbeater. "Cool, I didn't know I had any of these left! I wonder if I--" Forgetting about Steelbeak, he started tinkering with various gadgets and doohickeys lying around on the floor. Hey, don't forget, he's pretty crazy.

Steelbeak groaned, looking up at Megavolt inconfusement. His now-gaunt frame was finally warmingup, and his breathing became a little more relaxed. His silver eyes were glazed with tears and he quickly shut them in an effort hide his emotions. Every move he made brought on pain, and he wondered just how he was able to survive the ordeal he put himself into.

The last encounter he had with the yellow-clad creature of unknown species was not a particularly pleasant one. After all, he was one of the few that had witnessed the rooster biting Celeste and practically turning the Fearsome Four upside down. Tears streamed down his face, and he weakly turned his head away to hide his emotions.

"Why are youse wastin' yer time on me?" Steelbeak asked, his voice muffed as he leaned his face into a blanket. "Y-You've seen what I did"

Megavolt looked up abruptly from the electric can-opener that he was currently using on a can of spam. "Wow...no cookies for you," he said, shaking his head.

Looking serious for a moment, he got up and went over to sit on the edge of the couch, next to the supine rooster. "Look, I'll admit it, I'm an evil nutjob whose operations of choice take place outside of moral and legal parameters--plus I'm not your biggest fan at the moment--but I've got this serious problem with people killing themselves...." he began, unaware that he was about to be interrupted by Quackerjack.

* * * The walk was short but pleasant.

She smiled as she stared up at the stars, trying to think of something to say, "Ever seen a Star Sapphire? They look like they have a little twinkling star trapped inside. That's what I want for my engagement ring someday if a guy ever proposes to me. Diamonds are so...common place and unoriginal," she commented as they walked, closing her eyes a smiling as the wind ruffled her feathers. "But a star sapphire to me would be the most romantic thing in the universe because it'd be as if he plucked a tiny, precious star from the sky just for me. " She blushed as she realized she was babbling and they were already back at the warehouse that was Negaduck's personal abode.

Quackerjack in the meantime was occupied listening to Celeste. Her voice was, in his opinion, the sweetest music in the world. One thought buzzing in circles in his mind was that he wanted to give her something. He wasn't sure if he had enough money back at the hideout to get her anything near as expensive as he thought a ring might be. Quackerjack began to mentally calculate what he had saved up, but not being very adept at knowing the prices of jewelry, he soon concluded that he had no idea. He gave that up and decided instead to visit one of the stores later and compare prices. For some bizarre reason, it never occurred to the toy-maker to simply steal one.

All the furnature in Negaduck's hideout was either red, black or yellow, a massive TV set dominanting the "living room", and ofcourse the walls were decorated with weapons racks holding everything from dynomyte to shootguns and chainsaws to a bazooka!

"Wow." Quackerjack said, looking around, "This place has more firearms than a disgruntled post office." He let his eyes wander over the various implements of destruction with awe, thinking with sadistic joy the kind of mayhem he could cause with just one of the precious beauties. He reeled in those thoughts, remembering that he was in someone else's home, and that it was better to be polite. He looked up the stairs, a childish urge prodding him to see if she really did have any toys in her room. He walked over to the couch and sat down carefully, wondering what he would say if Negaduck burst through the door. Probably `hello' followed by `please, don't kill me!' Then he remembered what Celeste had said about her father being more bark than bite. Maybe that was true; after all, she'd certainly be closer to Negaduck than the Four were.

"Can I see your room?" he hastily added, "Please?"

Celeste blinked in surprise then blushed,"Uh, sure! this way.." she lead him up the stairs and down a hall to her room. The wallpaper was a deep purple with splashes of red, black and yellow, adorned with various pictures of herself with Negaduck and several paintings she'd

done from portraits to animals to mythological things. A massive rack of CDs sat in one corner by a silver sterio displaying mostly pop or rock titles, and almost all of them love songs. Nearby was a book case piled with Stephen King novels and Werewolf the Apocalypse RP guides next to her computer desk scattered with Resident Evil games.A few random action figures, models and plushies lay in a basket by the bed, and lastly a worn easel with the name "Drake Mallard" written on it in fading perminent marker.

Quackerjack looked around at all the stuff with steadily rising interest. His gaze lingered on the games a little longer than the other things, but he resisted the urge to preach to her about the violence of video games. Instead, he looked up at the pictures. "You're really good." He commented. Quackerjack decided to pick up painting again. he felt freshly inspired. She was remarkably talented for being so young.

He turned his attention to the easel, and glanced briefly at the name. "Drake Mallard?" he asked, scratching his head. Then he nodded; it must have belonged to Negaduck. Maybe that was his real name...

"My uncle's," she explained without adding just who she considered her uncle. The Five were definantly not on friendly terms with Darkwing Duck.

He glanced down at the at her again, a small

smile curving his bill. "I'm glad I decided to talk to you this morning." He said, slowly, "I've only known you for one day and you already know more about me than Megavolt does, and I've known him since.well.for as long as I can remember, as a supervillain." I'm getting mushy again, he thought in disgust, I really gotta stop doing that.

Celeste blushed deeply, smiling nervously. "Thanks for walking me home...and everything else.." She blushed nervously then her eyes lit up and she snatched up a worn sketch pad off her desk with a well used pencil and flipped to a blank page, "Hold still JUST one minute, " she scribbled at the paper with lightning speed, glancing up every other second then adding a detail here or there until she scrawled her signature across the bottom and pulled the page out,

handing it to him. It was quite a flattering portrait of himself with indepth detail signed "Love Cel" at the right bottom corner and she smiled shyly, tucking the pencil in a lock of her short auburn hair, "Now you can always see yourself through my eyes.."

"Wow, I look pretty cute in your eyes." He remarked. Then he chuckled as he realized what he said. "I may not be able to draw like you can, but rest assured that you look nothing short of angelic in my eyes." He looked at her sincerely.

Celeste swallowed hard, taking a deep breath as she stared back, shivering a little . She grasp his hands in hers gently and worked up the nerve to add something she thought was poetic and

romantic, "You know..there's something about your eyes..and it's not just that they light up a room..but..they're like a gateway to another world that I wanna be a part of." She blushed, feeling foolish and dropped her gaze, "sorry, that musta sounded dumb..I just..meant you mean so much to me..."

"No, no, I know. I feel the same way.with you." He suddenly dropped his gaze, ashamed. She had given him the beautiful picture, a gift from the heart-what had he given her? Just

a scribbled number. Maybe she deserved better than him, after all. "Another world." he said, thoughtfully. Those were words that had haunted him before. words from his childhood where he looked for escape from grim reality and found none. Another world. One that he was now helpless to flee from: a prison in its own right, but a cage of the mind.

"I.I gotta go." He stuttered. He needed to find Megavolt. Talk to him. Megs was still the only one he wanted to help figure out his problems, and he could hardly ask Celeste for help in this emotional web-she was the center of it. He didn't want to hurt her feelings, but he was so damn confused, even scared, down inside. And being scared was what scared him more than anything did.

He embraced her tightly. "I'll be back." He promised, letting go and stepping back to the door, "And you are always welcome in my home." He vaulted down the stairs, couldn't help showing off, and opened the door with a flourish.

~And if Meggie isn't in the Lighthouse, I'll stab him with scissors.~He thought grimly, shutting the door behind him and heading out into the night for the Lighthouse.He approached the place carefully, knowing that Megs didn't much like interruptions and he might get shocked for it, then shook that off and walked up to the door. It was slightly open, so he stepped inside and called, "Hey, Megs??"

"--EEP!!" exclaimed Megavolt. He was so startled that he fell right off the couch, ending up on the floor. "QJ! Haven't you ever heard of knocking?! I happen to have *company*!" he whined, indicating the rooster huddled under the blankets.

"Ahh.sorry, Spar-Megavolt." Quackerjack amended hastily. The last thing he wanted was advice from someone who was mad at him. "It's just that I used to live in a barn, you know, and the door was always open." he trailed off lamely, knowing it wasn't particularly

funny.

Humiliated, Steelbeak burrowed futher into theblankets, hoping to hide from the 'intruder'.

Quackerjack's eyes played over the blankets and a sudden scowl crossed his face. "Steelbeak. What a...pleasant...surprise." His tone indicated otherwise. Quackerjack turned back to Megavolt without a further glance at Steelbeak, fury evaporating."Is this guy really a pressing matter?" he asked, in a pleading tone, "I need to talk to you. Alone."

"--I mean, what if I was entertaining a really hot babe, huh? And you come barging in like that, and then I'm all, like, embarassed, and she's like, "Sparky, your friends are uncouth and unmannered, so I shall withdraw my presence forthwith and I shall ne'er see thee more," and I'm like, "No, Sonia! I know I'm a crazy supervillain, and you're just a sixty watt, but I'm sure we could work something out--" and she says, "It's *TOO* late," and I'm all like, "No! Please!" and she says--" Megavolt was rattling on in the background.

"How come Sonia gets to call you Sparky, but I don't?" Quackerjack whined, missing the bit about 'sixty watt', "What's so special about her?? I thought I was your friend, and friends are allowed to annoy each other, right?"

"Well DUH, you're my friend! I was being hypothetical, darn it!" yelled Megavolt. "Jeez, QJ, you've got the brain of a cheese sandwich!"

Then Megavolt shut up abruptly. On the one hand, he wanted to talk to Quackerjack anyway because he felt like he had a lot to handle. On the other hand, he was nervous of what Steelbeak might do in their absence. He made up his mind. "Ok, alone," he said. He picked up a remote control and handed it to Steelbeak. "This either goes to the TV or to the toaster--I forget which. I'll be RIGHT OUTSIDE with Quackerjack, ok?"

Megavolt headed out the door to the winding staircase and turned to Quackerjack. "Ok, what is it?" he said bluntly. "You're currently barging in on angst, you know. I was just about to unleash a painful three- paragraph monologue on my tormented past."

"Right, right, tormented past, painful-paragraphs, got it, sorry." Quackerjack said, zeroing in on what he thought were the most important parts of Megavolt's tirade and raising his hands in a 'be-calm' gesture. Then he blinked. "How can you remember your 'tormented past??' You didn't even remember my birthday last month, Elmo."

"Hmph. Just for that, I'm not giving you your present either," said Megavolt, giving an indignant sniff. ~Whoops! Now I've got to go buy him a present. Shoot..~"Anyway, I remember some stuff, I just get foggy on the details. The little ones, you know--names, times, places, people...clothes, motives, speeding tickets..." He counted off on his fingers.

"Never mind." Quackerjack muttered, rolling his eyes, "I really need some help. I was actually hoping you'd be alone, but I don't much care either way. Now, you know that beautiful goddess, with mahogany hair and absolutely stunning eyes? Her name's Celeste. You met her

today. Or..." he glanced down at a Teletubbies wristwatch, "Yesterday, actually, since it's almost two AM. Am I going back too far?"

"Uh...." said Megavolt. ~The kid?~ he thought to himself.

Quackerjack put his hands on his hips and sighed. It would probably be slow going, but Megavolt was the only one he could turn to in this time of crisis. "No, well, she's Negaduck's daughter. She's fourteen, has a ravishing smile, and she's stolen my heart...I don't know if I can live without her." Quackerjack's tone suddenly became desperate. "You gotta help me, Megs!! I don't know what to do, it's all messy, and romantic, and I'm no good at mushy stuff, and, and..." Quackerjack sniffled, grabbing Megavolt's collar, and finished with a wail, "She likes Star Sapphires better than diamonds!!" He buried his face in Megavolt's jumpsuit, crying like a banshee.

"Star saphires? Huh?" said Megavolt, inadvertantly putting his arms around Quackerjack.

Steelbeak stared blankly at the remote that was handed to him, and contemplated sneaking out and finishing off what he started. His heart was sunk with depression. He couldn't do anything right lately."'Ow could I be so stupid?!" He hissed. With an angry snarl, he chucked the remote through a window and flinched from doing this motion. He flopped back down, remembering the vicious argument he had with his wife earlier that day that ended up in him slapping her. It didn't make him feel any better that she forgave him for his overreaction, for he had promised her that he wouldn't hurt her. With a deep, heartening sigh he rested his head into the blankets, falling asleep with tears streaming down his face.

Megavolt turned his head abruptly at a "whooshing" sound in the other room. He was just in time to see his remote fly out the window. "Awwwwww..." he started to protest, then remembered the tearful jester who was currently sobbing on his chest. He gave Quackerjack an awkward squeeze. "There there, it's the thought that counts. "Maybe you could get her a Barbie doll or something."

"A b...a b-barbie doll? M-Megavolt, I need advice, not standup comedy!" Quackerjack sniffled, wiping his runny bill on Megavolt's arm. "I don't wanna get her killed like my sister..." he continued, not really caring if Megavolt even knew what he was talking about, "And everyone who I come into contact w-with dies or goes mental!" he sobbed, "I m-might as well just go jump off a bridge, it'd be better for h-her in the long run." He was unaware of Steelbeak's recent suicide attempt to do just that.Quackerjack let go of Megavolt and just stood for a few moments, weeping softly. "B- better for everyone in this whole uncaring city. Who am I kidding anyway...I'm not making anybody happy. Everyone's miserable!!" He glanced up, wiping his eyes, then said, "I guess it's only fair for me to listen to what you have to say...b-before you forget it again, that is...I can remember it for you later."

"Oh yeah? Well, I'll say it but I think I'll be able to remember it for myself. If you jump, I'll kill ya." Despite the ridiculousness of the statement, Megavolt didn't crack a smile.He groaned, throwing his arms up in the air. "What, am I some kind of magnet for suicidal supervillains tonight?" He folded his arms across his chest, looking from Quackerjack to Steelbeak. "I've

thrown some pretty weird slumber parties in my lifetime, but this has to be the most depressing," he quipped. "Look, I don't know about you guys but I'm heating up a pot of coffee. My lighthouse, my rules. Nobody kill themselves until they have at least one cup each

in their systems."

In a resolute fashion Megavolt picked up a doohickey that looked part coffee-maker, part blender. "The best decisions are always made with at least .08 java content in the bloodstream. Oh Q-J..." he trilled temptingly, knowing Quackerjack's current antipathy to Steelbeak but

still determined to get him into the control room proper. "If you really want good advice, I mean helpful help in a distinctly advisory capacity, you should stick around...Mocha, latte, cappuccino anybody?"

Coffee." Quackerjack muttered, "Yeah, alright.umm. make it pretty strong, though. And by `pretty strong' I mean that water is `pretty wet.'" Then he glanced up at Megavolt strangely. "What kind of slumber parties.?"

"Wouldn't *you* like to know," Megavolt responded glibly.

Quackerjack shuddered. "I think I can imagine." He said, "And I have the strangest feeling that it involves electronics. Oh whatever.." Quackerjack gave in with a sigh; stepping back inside

and throwing a distinctly violent look at Steelbeak. "So, what exactly do you suggest I do about...ahhh...Miss X, besides emptying the market on little girl toys?" He asked, quietly, taking a seat on the floor.

"Shoot, that really narrows down the suggestions, doesn't it?" reflected Megavolt. "Well, let's think about it logically."

Soon the room was filled with the aromatic smell of coffee.

He stood up again, crossed over to Megavolt, and tapped him. "Megs. I wanna marry her." he whispered, with a look over his shoulder at Steelbeak, and added, "I wouldn't worry about him, he's weaker than a sugar-addict on a two week withdrawal."

"All right!" Megavolt handed Quackerjack a red mug that said "My Mom Loves Me" and Steelbeak a chipped mug with a Garfield comic around the side. "And for myself--the cute frog mug! Because I am the guru of dating tips," said Megavolt. He took a sip from the hideous green mug and went glassy-eyed. "Mmm...java...."

Quackerjack stared down into his mug for a few seconds, swirling the contents with a thoughtful look, as though contemplating the meaning of the universe. He spilled a few drops on the floor and moved a foot discreetly to cover the splash. Then he took a gulp, grinned enthusiastically at Megavolt, even though he didn't really care for coffee without sugar, and nodded to himself. "Thanks, Megavolt." He added, humbly, "I honestly don't know what I'd do without you."

"Ok. First of all--QJ, DON'T talk about marriage this soon. You've only known her for 24 hours. Second of all--ARE YOU COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR SKULL?! She's Negaduck's progeny! He's gonna kick your butt into the next city if you hook up with her, and that's if he doesn't KILL YOU. Gasp! And me for even knowing you!" added Megavolt with a

fearful whimper. He took a gulp of coffee.

Quackerjack stared. He was speechless for a few minutes. Then he stood up, eyes narrowing into furious slits and rage bubbling up in his brain. "THAT'S your idea of help!?" He cried, "THAT'S how you help a friend in need?!" His fists clenched, and he realized he was gritting his teeth so hard that it hurt, but he didn't ease up.

"You know something, Megavolt?" He asked, his voice lowering in much the same way Negaduck's did when he was near the edge. "This is the first girl who's ever cared about me, and I mean really cared. And all you can say is that I'm crazy, and that her father's going to

kill me?! And you!! But mostly, all you REALLY care about is you!! That's so... so... SELFISH!" he spat, throwing the half-full mug down. It smashed against the floor. "Well, you can just pretend you were busy cleaning that mess up if Negaduck comes around, asking if you've helped me tie the knot with his kid." He sneered angrily, "Just so you don't get into any kind of trouble, heaven forbid."

He whipped around, bells smacking against his back, and stopped at the door, grabbing onto the doorframe and fuming. He opened his bill to say something final. A real crusher. "And my mom is dead!" He screamed, referring to the broken mug. Then he closed it again and slammed the door behind him with teeth-rattling force, stomping off down away from the Lighthouse, a low growl forcing its way through his clenched jaws. He stopped a little way away and sat down, feeling numb.

Megavolt just stood frozen in the same spot, staring at the door. Then he ran to it and flung it open. "Well, SO IS MY DAD!!" was all he could scream, but Quackerjack had already disappeared down the stairs. "YOU JERK!!" fumed Megavolt. "Maybe I wasn't finished with

what I was saying, huh? HUH?! You STUPID--" He was so frustrated that he began screaming incomprehensibly and flinging java-powered voltage down the winding staircase, to no avail. Suddenly he slumped against the inner doorjamb. All the energy had left his body. "You think you're the only one in the world with problems?" he whispered. "You...moronic cretin. I hate you."

~No I don't.~ thought Megavolt. ~He's my friend. The stupid jerk.~ His shoulder shook as he held back an angry sob. He pulled off his goggles and rubbed at his eyes furiously.

Quackerjack kept walking until he had reached the bottom step, then he turned, hearing the cry. With a pang, the toymaker realized he had never asked Megavolt once about his past, about the events that had happened before the two of them had met. His conscience sang `guilty'

in his head. He glanced back up the stairwell, knowing the rodent couldn't see him, and blinked, hot tears tracing their way down his oversized bill. Of course, he hadn't cared about how Elmo was feeling. Hadn't given any thought to anyone else's problems. He felt like he was wallowing in self- pity. Just a jackal, abusing friends when they themselves were weakened and then leaving them to rot in alleyways. Some friend. Megavolt deserved so much better than him.

He leapt out of the way instinctively as a searing volt of electricity shot past him, singeing his arm. In some sadistic way, he reveled in the pain. He deserved it. Maybe if he stood a little

closer to the stairs, he could get hit with one full-force and end his life- -Christ, he was doing it again!!"Damn." He spat, "What the friggin' hell is the matter with me, anyway?! I'm too wrapped up in my own little marital crap to help anyone else.not even the only guy who ever managed to relate to me; I owe Megavolt everything already! I had no right.. no right to ask for anything. He was trying to help, he was trying to save me from getting killed, and--" he broke off, repeating a famous and overused obscene term for sexual intercourse, several times. The swearing made him feel older, which was the last thing he wanted, but it was good

for frustration, too. He kicked the wall, and the searing pain that shot up his leg felt better too.

"I'm such a selfish son of a bitch." He snarled, glancing around. About seven years earlier, when he'd felt the same, stabbing a closed pair of scissors into his palm had made him feel better. Of course, it had hurt, that was the POINT, some joke, got the `point.' He had done something wrong, he needed to be punished. He felt like asking Megavolt where the hell he kept his stainless steel scissors, but decided instead to go back up and say he was sorry. Nine steps up, he stopped, trying to figure out just what it was he wanted to say.

* * * I don't know why you're so far away But I know that this much is true We'll make it through And I hope you are the one I share my life with And I wish that you could be the one I die with And I'm praying you're the one I build my home with I hope I love you all my life I don't wanna run away but I can't take it , I don't understand If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way that I can stay in your arms? 'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today 'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right And though I can't be with you tonight You know my heart is by your side I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I dont understand If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way I can stay in your arms?