The Funeral
Chapter 5, Post 1
By obi's girl
"What have you been up to?" Kyp asked, his voice at back of Sera's mind. She should have been paying attention to Kyp, but she couldn't stop thinking about the possibility that Jaina's real body was out there somewhere. It was her responsibility to bring the necessary information and let the military decide what they wanted to do. She wished she could tell someone about how she felt, Kyp even, but he'd ignore her and look for Jaina himself.
Sera smiled back, fingering her mug of caf, "I'm a liaison, Kyp. The work I do is classified."
"Ha!" he laughed, "No offense Sera, but anything that is classified usually leaks out one way or another. Seriously, what have you been up to?"
She shrugged, "Travel, posing under different aliases to get information that could be used against the Vong and occasionally run into a couple spies that want to kill me - but what else is new?"
Kyp laughed, looking at her, "This is what I missed about you, Sera: your humor. You could always make me laugh,"
Sera frowned, fidgeting, "Is that why you invited me to lunch? To dull your pain?" she paused, "I heard about Jaina Solo's death. I'm sorry, Kyp,"
"She was so special - to all of us. I'll be hard without her. She gave us all so much hope,"
"I know what you mean," Sera paused, reached over and rested her hand on Kyp's, "I'm very sorry about what happened,"
He smiled, "I try not to think about it. It's just easier that way,"
"Would you care to spar instead of talk? I haven't really practiced in a long time since I've been so accustomed to using a blaster."
Kyp smiled, "I'd like that."
~~
Kyp Durron smirked as he stood back, removing his lightsaber and dropping his robe to the floor. It had been a long time since he'd seen Sera. She was there with him when the Vong attacked his squadron and there to comfort him when Wurth was murdered. She'd always been there to help him in one way or another, and there she was again, helping him get through his pain.
They'd both grown up in the same background, as orphans but from different parts of the galaxy. Sera lived her life on Tatoonie as an orphan and as con artist, doing what she could to survive and he as a slave, working for the Empire. He supposed Luke chose her to be liaison because Sera was so used to lying and cheating to get what she wanted and was good at blending in with crowds. Of course, Sera wasn't there when he first attended Luke's academy. She arrived much later, a year or two before the Vong war and greatly progressed to the rank of Jedi Knight.
Sera turned to him, removing her lightsaber, "Ready Durron?"
He shrugged, smirking again, "Bring it on, Fey`lina!"
Sera's smile vanished as she ignited her purple lightsaber and Kyp activated his blue. Sera paced slowly around him, studying him. In a flash, she remembered his style of fighting. Like his ego and character, Kyp's fighting skills were very extravagant. He was all about the flights of fancy, she remembered that much, unless he changed his style while she was gone. But he would be un-Kyp if he changed too much.
Sera smiled again, twirling and striking his blue blade. Kyp laughed, pushing her blade off his and did a back flip, landing on the opposite side. Sera laughed, switching hands before attacking again. Kyp shrieked but set his blade in front, holding her blade just inches away from his face. He could feel the heat from both their blades - they crackled a bit before Sera backed away, returning to her stance again.
The two paced around each other, their eyes focused on each other. This was a game between them. Whenever one of them felt bad, the other would call for sparring. It helped to release energy and tension.
"Do you yield?" Sera asked.
Kyp shrugged, still pacing around her, "This game's not finished yet, wildcat."
"Wild cat?" Sera echoed, disengaging her lightsaber, "Kyp, this isn't a game anymore. You're hurting - I just asked you to spar to get you to talk. You know that."
Kyp frowned, disengaging his lightsaber and putting it back on his belt, "I don't want to talk,"
"This isn't healthy for you. You need to ---, " Sera stopped as Kyp suddenly grabbed her back and kissed her. When he let go, Sera slapped his face and stood back, "No Kyp, I won't do that! I refuse to be a substitute for your pain. You need to talk about what happened,"
"I was there, Sera. I know I wasn't with Jaina when she died, but I felt it. It was my job to protect her and I let her down. At the funeral, a lot of people talked about her but I couldn't do that. I had to be strong, but you can only be strong for so long before breaking."
Sera frowned, feeling his pain, "You haven't really grieved for her, have you? I mean, you've never really said good bye?"
"Jag's seeing a therapist because he doesn't know how to deal with his emotions but I'm a Jedi, I'm supposed to be able to deal with my emotions," Kyp cried, "If I had the power to bring her back, I would but there's nothing I can do or anyone else can do you to bring her back. We all have to move on and forget anything ever happened."
"She was your apprentice Kyp and you loved her. It's alright to cry, you don't have to be afraid of that,"
Kyp shrugged, turning to her. Sera smiled, staring back at him as Kyp touched her cheek. He pulled Sera forward, kissing her again and this time, she didn't slap him.
Tbc
The Funeral
Chapter 5, Post 2
"Goodbye to You"
A/N: Bring out the tissues, a lot of angst and crying ahead.
by obi's girl
"I'm sorry Jag, I can't permit you to look for Jaina," Gavin started, glancing at Wedge and Tycho, "It's just too risky. The Vong are still out there and the base has been put on red alert. No one is allowed off base for any reason, military or personal,"
I scowled, nodding, "Excuse me but this is very personal. If we leave her out there, she'll die."
"Except she may already be dead," Gavin finished, "Jag, I'm sorry but it's highly unlikely she survived that crash. She was cornered by five coral skippers and shot down with a limp wing. There's no way she could have survived that,"
"But she's a Jedi," I added, "Jedi are trained to survive life threatening crashes like that. She could have gone into a meditative state or something to heal her wounds. You can't just expect me to stay here and not search for her. Sir, she was my fiancé. We were going to be married - at least allow me to bring her home to her family."
Gavin huffed, looking at Wedge and Tycho again. Wedge nodded, stepping forward and facing his nephew, "Jag, we all loved Jaina very much - we understand how you feel but it's still too dangerous. You can't go out there and look for her, especially since you're a big part of this Goddess operation."
I nodded, removing my insignia and tossing it on the desk, "Then I'm not a part of this operation anymore. I'm looking for her and I'm going to bring her home." Before Gavin could object again, I turned on my heel and left his office.
"That kid has guts!" Tycho added as Wedge looked at him, "No one would have been able to get away with throwing off his insignia. Gavin, let him go look for Jaina. He deserves that much."
He nodded, not looking back at them, "Follow him but don't let him know you're there. If he does find her, alert a recovery team and they'll bring her back."
~~
Jacen? Jaina asked as she laid limp in her x-wing cockpit. She tried to move but her right arm was shattered with glass. She used her left hand instead to reach for her com - she was able to pick it up and hold it in her free hand but she couldn't get a clear signal out. Jaina moaned, attempting to sit up but her back was hurting and she fell back on her seat again. She tried to use her free hand to push the cockpit window but she needed her right hand and that was limp.
Jaina reached for her lightsaber. She held the cylinder in her hand, attempting to turn it on only using her thumb but even her fingers were dull. Jaina moaned again, hitting her head against her chair. She had to get out of there and get help, she had to survive for her.child. Jaina cried as her hand rested on her stomach. She couldn't feel anything; she closed her eyes instead and reached into the Force.
The child was dying. Her heartbeat was weak, very weak. She needed to get out there. Jaina scowled as she brought up her right hand and punched through the glass. She screamed as her fist collided with the glass but pushed the glass aside and threw it onto the ground. Jaina grabbed her lightsaber again as she stood up on the seat, pushing herself out of the cockpit and falling onto the ground.
Jaina stumbled on the ground a bit, walking only a meter from her x-wing before collapsing onto the ground.
"Jag, Jacen, help me!" Jaina cried as she laid there, her face against the ground. She stayed there for a while, struggling not to close her eyes. Jaina knew if she did, she probably wouldn't wake up again. That couldn't happen. She had to survive.for her daughter and for me.
Jaina, let go, Jacen replied.
She nodded, "I can't. Jacen, I can't. Jag, he needs me. I can't let go,"
A moment later, Jacen's blue silhouette appeared followed by Anakin's. They both smiled at her briefly before frowning again. Jaina struggled to stand up again but her arms were weak. Jaina, let go. Be with us. Jacen repeated.
"No, I can't. I'm not ready, Jacen. I can't leave Jag," she cried, her tears smearing the blood on her cheeks.
You will not survive if you try to get back to the base. Jaina please, it's easier to give in now Anakin added.
Jaina scowled, glaring up at him, "I can't do that. Jag - I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant with Jag's daughter. This baby needs to live. We both need to live,"
Anakin frowned, looking at his brother. Jacen gasped and then knelt down, extending his hand to his sister, Jaina, you need to come with us. We'll take care of you and your daughter.
"Jag, I need to say goodbye to him. I need to see him," she cried.
Jacen nodded, I'm sorry. There's no time for that. You have to come with us now, and he extended his hand to her again. Jaina stared at her brother's blue hand. If she took his hand, that would mean her life would be over. Hers' and Cheirth's. But if she stayed and tried to get back to base, she probably would die along the way. And I would look for her at the crash site and if I didn't see her body there, I'd be hurt.
Jaina, please, Anakin pleaded again, We can stop your pain. Come with us,
Jaina cried again, wiping her eyes and smearing more blood across her face. She sniffled some more, looking away briefly and then at her brother's face again. Jaina brought up her left hand, placing it in her brothers' and soon as she did, Jaina felt her body give out. She couldn't feel anything anymore. She wasn't numb but she wasn't herself either.
Jaina stood up from the ground, staring at her arms and hands. They were clear, void of blood, cuts and bruises. Then she turned and looked at her body. Her body was just a vessel for life and now she was dead and it was dead. Her eyes were closed, her bloodied face finally mixed with earth. Jaina bit her lip, looking at herself. She had given up on life and the possibility of a life with me so our child could survive.
Jaina turned to Jacen and Anakin. They both smiled, embracing her, Welcome home, Jaina. We missed you, Anakin cried but all Jaina could do was stare off into nothingness and the rest of her life.
tbc
The Funeral
Chapter 5, Post 3
'The Body"
by obi's girl
A/N: 'I Will Remember You' is by Sarah McLaughlin
~~
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
~~
I scowled, dragging my feet through the grass and earth as I held the small flashlight in my left hand. This couldn't be the end. After all Jaina and I had been through, this couldn't be the end. The only reason I was strong was because of her. She had always been there, pushing me forward. No, she wasn't dead. She was still alive, somewhere, she had to be.
I smiled, feeling somewhat cocky in my belief. I shouldn't have believed she was still alive but I had to hope and pray the Force didn't take her yet. I stumbled somewhere, aiming my small flashlight in every direction. What I would give to be able to sense her through the Force. Jaina never acted like a Jedi, she was more a pilot than a Jedi but I knew she still believed herself to be a Jedi.
I struggled some more through the earth until I spotted a lone x-wing and a body a meter away from it. Aiming the light in that direction, I squinted, hoping it was Jaina and hoping it wasn't. The body wasn't moving. I huffed, moving closer to the wreckage. I dropped my gear on the ground as I walked closer, shining the light in her face.
I gasped, stumbling back.
Jaina, it was her! My mind cried for this vision to not be true. I dropped the flashlight, dropping to the ground as I knelt, grabbing hold of her upper body. I checked her pulse.
Nothing.
I scowled as I held her body. I was too late. She wasn't there anymore; she was with her brothers.
~~
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one
~~
Wedge Antilles choked a cry as he watched me hold my fiancé in my arms. He wanted to run over to and comfort me himself but he couldn't. Tycho nodded, watching us. It was wrong, very wrong. I didn't deserve this; Jaina didn't deserve to be taken from me.and my daughter. I'd never have the chance to see her face or hold her in my arms.
~~
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
~~
"Should we go back and report to Gavin?" Tycho asked, bringing Wedge out of his reverie. "Should we tell him we've found the body?"
Wedge nodded, whispering, "Don't. Let him be. He needs to be with her, even though she's not there."
Tycho shook his head, understanding his reasoning and leaned back, watching us.
~~
"It shouldn't be like this, Jaina," I sobbed between cries, "We were going to have a life together. Just you, me and Cherith. This isn't fair. You need to come back. I need you, your family needs you,"
I huffed, shifting my weight and I brought up her head to my face. I leaned down and kissed her cold lips, bracing her head. I sat there, rocking her body back and forth. "It shouldn't be like this, Jaina. Please wake up; you need to wake up,"
I kissed her again, hoping she would wake up and look into my eyes. I'd look into her brown eyes and tell her everything was going to be all right. We were going to be all right.
~~
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
~~
"I need you with me, Jaina. I need you to make me strong. You were - are my greatest weakness," I whispered, "Before you, I thought I was strong but I was weak. I didn't know how to be human but you showed me. Jaina, I need you here with me baby. Please come back,"
I sighed, loosening my grip around her shoulders as her body slowly slid back onto the ground. I kissed her lips again and then her forehead. I didn't want to let go but I couldn't will myself to stay and stare at her face.
~~
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
~~
I stood up and turned away, staring up into the heavens. She was with her brothers now and grandparents. Jaina never knew her grand parents. She knew of Anakin Skywalker, her brother's namesake, but she always feared meeting him. She was scared as she grew up that she had become too much like him. She had his temper and feared if something happened to one of her brother, she'd break the same way Anakin did and give into the Darkside.
~~
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
~
Now, I was broken but Jaina had returned to her brothers. I scowled, looking up at the sky again. They were with her, comforting her and helping her adjust. Please keep her safe for me, I begged Anakin and Jacen, take care of her for me.
I turned again and looked down at her body. She was at peace now but her body, her body still needed to be laid to rest. I knelt down, grabbing her shoulders again and lifting her up. I stood there for a moment, unsure what else to do.
~
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
~
"Jag!" Wedge cried as he ran from his hiding place, hugging me. I didn't even see him there as he looked at Jaina's face. He looked at me again and huffed, grabbing his com, "Tycho, call the recover team."
Tycho didn't reply except click his com twice before switching off. Wedge stared at me for a moment, unsure what to say. He'd always had to bury someone's son or daughter in this war but this was the first time he'd lost someone very close to his heart.
"Jag, I'm sorry. We all loved her very much; I'm sorry," he whispered, grasping my shoulder.
I shrugged him off, ignoring him as the rescue team arrived.
~
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories
Tbc
The Funeral
Chapter 5, Post 4
by obi's girl
Jagged Fel gasped as he stood there in Celeste's office. Maybe it was time for him to move on but the horrible memory of holding Jaina in his arms one last time and before that, Gavin, his Uncle and Tycho, refusing his plea to look for her. He believed they'd betrayed him then, especially his Uncle.
He'd been so angry with Wedge for backing up Gavin's decision. He thought they were family, he thought Wedge loved Jaina too and would have wanted to look for her body. But so much had changed since then. Jag had forgiven his Uncle for holding him back. Now, he realized Wedge was trying to protect him from being hurt and disappointed.
"What are you thinking? Celeste asked, interrupting his reverie. "If you don't mind,"
Jag turned to her, "No one was to blame for Jaina's death. It was an accident but after she died, all I did was blame myself for not being there with her," he paused, laughing, "My Uncle and her family surprised us in the conference room with an engagement party."
Celeste smiled, "That's sweet and thoughtful. At least before dying, she was able to spend time with her family and those who loved her,"
"I guess," he paused, "Leia gave her a picture of herself and her brothers, a year before the war started. When Jaina saw that, she almost broke down in tears but she didn't."
"And now she's with them," Celeste whispered, "Have you ever met the Solo brothers?"
He shrugged, "I only met Jaina. I'd never met her brothers and of course, they both died on Myrkr. In a way, Jaina and I were able to sympathesize with each other because we both had lost siblings in this war to them,"
"The Vong," Celeste clarified, "It's never easy to lose a sibling in war. I think those are the hardest deaths to get over because they weren't natural,"
Jag looked at Celeste again, "Excuse me for being blunt doc, but nothing about death is natural. Any type of death, whether it's in a war or not is still hard."
"I'm sorry but as the doctor here, I have to give my professional opinion," she paused, "You've had to deal with a lot of death. Your sisters' and brothers', your fiancé's death. Each time you weren't allowed to grieve because you were raised in a society where emotion is known as weakness,"
"What does that have to do with anything?
Celeste stood up from her desk, leaning forward, "You need to let go. Drop your barriers and let your emotions free."
Jag looked at her, bracing his hands on the desk, staring back at Celeste, "I've already dropped my barriers, doctor,"
"I have to disagree..." she started but Jag's lips touched hers.
Suddenly Jag broke the kiss stepping back, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I have to go."
Before Celeste could say another word, Jagged Fel vanished from her sight.
tbc
Chapter 5, Post 1
By obi's girl
"What have you been up to?" Kyp asked, his voice at back of Sera's mind. She should have been paying attention to Kyp, but she couldn't stop thinking about the possibility that Jaina's real body was out there somewhere. It was her responsibility to bring the necessary information and let the military decide what they wanted to do. She wished she could tell someone about how she felt, Kyp even, but he'd ignore her and look for Jaina himself.
Sera smiled back, fingering her mug of caf, "I'm a liaison, Kyp. The work I do is classified."
"Ha!" he laughed, "No offense Sera, but anything that is classified usually leaks out one way or another. Seriously, what have you been up to?"
She shrugged, "Travel, posing under different aliases to get information that could be used against the Vong and occasionally run into a couple spies that want to kill me - but what else is new?"
Kyp laughed, looking at her, "This is what I missed about you, Sera: your humor. You could always make me laugh,"
Sera frowned, fidgeting, "Is that why you invited me to lunch? To dull your pain?" she paused, "I heard about Jaina Solo's death. I'm sorry, Kyp,"
"She was so special - to all of us. I'll be hard without her. She gave us all so much hope,"
"I know what you mean," Sera paused, reached over and rested her hand on Kyp's, "I'm very sorry about what happened,"
He smiled, "I try not to think about it. It's just easier that way,"
"Would you care to spar instead of talk? I haven't really practiced in a long time since I've been so accustomed to using a blaster."
Kyp smiled, "I'd like that."
~~
Kyp Durron smirked as he stood back, removing his lightsaber and dropping his robe to the floor. It had been a long time since he'd seen Sera. She was there with him when the Vong attacked his squadron and there to comfort him when Wurth was murdered. She'd always been there to help him in one way or another, and there she was again, helping him get through his pain.
They'd both grown up in the same background, as orphans but from different parts of the galaxy. Sera lived her life on Tatoonie as an orphan and as con artist, doing what she could to survive and he as a slave, working for the Empire. He supposed Luke chose her to be liaison because Sera was so used to lying and cheating to get what she wanted and was good at blending in with crowds. Of course, Sera wasn't there when he first attended Luke's academy. She arrived much later, a year or two before the Vong war and greatly progressed to the rank of Jedi Knight.
Sera turned to him, removing her lightsaber, "Ready Durron?"
He shrugged, smirking again, "Bring it on, Fey`lina!"
Sera's smile vanished as she ignited her purple lightsaber and Kyp activated his blue. Sera paced slowly around him, studying him. In a flash, she remembered his style of fighting. Like his ego and character, Kyp's fighting skills were very extravagant. He was all about the flights of fancy, she remembered that much, unless he changed his style while she was gone. But he would be un-Kyp if he changed too much.
Sera smiled again, twirling and striking his blue blade. Kyp laughed, pushing her blade off his and did a back flip, landing on the opposite side. Sera laughed, switching hands before attacking again. Kyp shrieked but set his blade in front, holding her blade just inches away from his face. He could feel the heat from both their blades - they crackled a bit before Sera backed away, returning to her stance again.
The two paced around each other, their eyes focused on each other. This was a game between them. Whenever one of them felt bad, the other would call for sparring. It helped to release energy and tension.
"Do you yield?" Sera asked.
Kyp shrugged, still pacing around her, "This game's not finished yet, wildcat."
"Wild cat?" Sera echoed, disengaging her lightsaber, "Kyp, this isn't a game anymore. You're hurting - I just asked you to spar to get you to talk. You know that."
Kyp frowned, disengaging his lightsaber and putting it back on his belt, "I don't want to talk,"
"This isn't healthy for you. You need to ---, " Sera stopped as Kyp suddenly grabbed her back and kissed her. When he let go, Sera slapped his face and stood back, "No Kyp, I won't do that! I refuse to be a substitute for your pain. You need to talk about what happened,"
"I was there, Sera. I know I wasn't with Jaina when she died, but I felt it. It was my job to protect her and I let her down. At the funeral, a lot of people talked about her but I couldn't do that. I had to be strong, but you can only be strong for so long before breaking."
Sera frowned, feeling his pain, "You haven't really grieved for her, have you? I mean, you've never really said good bye?"
"Jag's seeing a therapist because he doesn't know how to deal with his emotions but I'm a Jedi, I'm supposed to be able to deal with my emotions," Kyp cried, "If I had the power to bring her back, I would but there's nothing I can do or anyone else can do you to bring her back. We all have to move on and forget anything ever happened."
"She was your apprentice Kyp and you loved her. It's alright to cry, you don't have to be afraid of that,"
Kyp shrugged, turning to her. Sera smiled, staring back at him as Kyp touched her cheek. He pulled Sera forward, kissing her again and this time, she didn't slap him.
Tbc
The Funeral
Chapter 5, Post 2
"Goodbye to You"
A/N: Bring out the tissues, a lot of angst and crying ahead.
by obi's girl
"I'm sorry Jag, I can't permit you to look for Jaina," Gavin started, glancing at Wedge and Tycho, "It's just too risky. The Vong are still out there and the base has been put on red alert. No one is allowed off base for any reason, military or personal,"
I scowled, nodding, "Excuse me but this is very personal. If we leave her out there, she'll die."
"Except she may already be dead," Gavin finished, "Jag, I'm sorry but it's highly unlikely she survived that crash. She was cornered by five coral skippers and shot down with a limp wing. There's no way she could have survived that,"
"But she's a Jedi," I added, "Jedi are trained to survive life threatening crashes like that. She could have gone into a meditative state or something to heal her wounds. You can't just expect me to stay here and not search for her. Sir, she was my fiancé. We were going to be married - at least allow me to bring her home to her family."
Gavin huffed, looking at Wedge and Tycho again. Wedge nodded, stepping forward and facing his nephew, "Jag, we all loved Jaina very much - we understand how you feel but it's still too dangerous. You can't go out there and look for her, especially since you're a big part of this Goddess operation."
I nodded, removing my insignia and tossing it on the desk, "Then I'm not a part of this operation anymore. I'm looking for her and I'm going to bring her home." Before Gavin could object again, I turned on my heel and left his office.
"That kid has guts!" Tycho added as Wedge looked at him, "No one would have been able to get away with throwing off his insignia. Gavin, let him go look for Jaina. He deserves that much."
He nodded, not looking back at them, "Follow him but don't let him know you're there. If he does find her, alert a recovery team and they'll bring her back."
~~
Jacen? Jaina asked as she laid limp in her x-wing cockpit. She tried to move but her right arm was shattered with glass. She used her left hand instead to reach for her com - she was able to pick it up and hold it in her free hand but she couldn't get a clear signal out. Jaina moaned, attempting to sit up but her back was hurting and she fell back on her seat again. She tried to use her free hand to push the cockpit window but she needed her right hand and that was limp.
Jaina reached for her lightsaber. She held the cylinder in her hand, attempting to turn it on only using her thumb but even her fingers were dull. Jaina moaned again, hitting her head against her chair. She had to get out of there and get help, she had to survive for her.child. Jaina cried as her hand rested on her stomach. She couldn't feel anything; she closed her eyes instead and reached into the Force.
The child was dying. Her heartbeat was weak, very weak. She needed to get out there. Jaina scowled as she brought up her right hand and punched through the glass. She screamed as her fist collided with the glass but pushed the glass aside and threw it onto the ground. Jaina grabbed her lightsaber again as she stood up on the seat, pushing herself out of the cockpit and falling onto the ground.
Jaina stumbled on the ground a bit, walking only a meter from her x-wing before collapsing onto the ground.
"Jag, Jacen, help me!" Jaina cried as she laid there, her face against the ground. She stayed there for a while, struggling not to close her eyes. Jaina knew if she did, she probably wouldn't wake up again. That couldn't happen. She had to survive.for her daughter and for me.
Jaina, let go, Jacen replied.
She nodded, "I can't. Jacen, I can't. Jag, he needs me. I can't let go,"
A moment later, Jacen's blue silhouette appeared followed by Anakin's. They both smiled at her briefly before frowning again. Jaina struggled to stand up again but her arms were weak. Jaina, let go. Be with us. Jacen repeated.
"No, I can't. I'm not ready, Jacen. I can't leave Jag," she cried, her tears smearing the blood on her cheeks.
You will not survive if you try to get back to the base. Jaina please, it's easier to give in now Anakin added.
Jaina scowled, glaring up at him, "I can't do that. Jag - I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant with Jag's daughter. This baby needs to live. We both need to live,"
Anakin frowned, looking at his brother. Jacen gasped and then knelt down, extending his hand to his sister, Jaina, you need to come with us. We'll take care of you and your daughter.
"Jag, I need to say goodbye to him. I need to see him," she cried.
Jacen nodded, I'm sorry. There's no time for that. You have to come with us now, and he extended his hand to her again. Jaina stared at her brother's blue hand. If she took his hand, that would mean her life would be over. Hers' and Cheirth's. But if she stayed and tried to get back to base, she probably would die along the way. And I would look for her at the crash site and if I didn't see her body there, I'd be hurt.
Jaina, please, Anakin pleaded again, We can stop your pain. Come with us,
Jaina cried again, wiping her eyes and smearing more blood across her face. She sniffled some more, looking away briefly and then at her brother's face again. Jaina brought up her left hand, placing it in her brothers' and soon as she did, Jaina felt her body give out. She couldn't feel anything anymore. She wasn't numb but she wasn't herself either.
Jaina stood up from the ground, staring at her arms and hands. They were clear, void of blood, cuts and bruises. Then she turned and looked at her body. Her body was just a vessel for life and now she was dead and it was dead. Her eyes were closed, her bloodied face finally mixed with earth. Jaina bit her lip, looking at herself. She had given up on life and the possibility of a life with me so our child could survive.
Jaina turned to Jacen and Anakin. They both smiled, embracing her, Welcome home, Jaina. We missed you, Anakin cried but all Jaina could do was stare off into nothingness and the rest of her life.
tbc
The Funeral
Chapter 5, Post 3
'The Body"
by obi's girl
A/N: 'I Will Remember You' is by Sarah McLaughlin
~~
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
~~
I scowled, dragging my feet through the grass and earth as I held the small flashlight in my left hand. This couldn't be the end. After all Jaina and I had been through, this couldn't be the end. The only reason I was strong was because of her. She had always been there, pushing me forward. No, she wasn't dead. She was still alive, somewhere, she had to be.
I smiled, feeling somewhat cocky in my belief. I shouldn't have believed she was still alive but I had to hope and pray the Force didn't take her yet. I stumbled somewhere, aiming my small flashlight in every direction. What I would give to be able to sense her through the Force. Jaina never acted like a Jedi, she was more a pilot than a Jedi but I knew she still believed herself to be a Jedi.
I struggled some more through the earth until I spotted a lone x-wing and a body a meter away from it. Aiming the light in that direction, I squinted, hoping it was Jaina and hoping it wasn't. The body wasn't moving. I huffed, moving closer to the wreckage. I dropped my gear on the ground as I walked closer, shining the light in her face.
I gasped, stumbling back.
Jaina, it was her! My mind cried for this vision to not be true. I dropped the flashlight, dropping to the ground as I knelt, grabbing hold of her upper body. I checked her pulse.
Nothing.
I scowled as I held her body. I was too late. She wasn't there anymore; she was with her brothers.
~~
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one
~~
Wedge Antilles choked a cry as he watched me hold my fiancé in my arms. He wanted to run over to and comfort me himself but he couldn't. Tycho nodded, watching us. It was wrong, very wrong. I didn't deserve this; Jaina didn't deserve to be taken from me.and my daughter. I'd never have the chance to see her face or hold her in my arms.
~~
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
~~
"Should we go back and report to Gavin?" Tycho asked, bringing Wedge out of his reverie. "Should we tell him we've found the body?"
Wedge nodded, whispering, "Don't. Let him be. He needs to be with her, even though she's not there."
Tycho shook his head, understanding his reasoning and leaned back, watching us.
~~
"It shouldn't be like this, Jaina," I sobbed between cries, "We were going to have a life together. Just you, me and Cherith. This isn't fair. You need to come back. I need you, your family needs you,"
I huffed, shifting my weight and I brought up her head to my face. I leaned down and kissed her cold lips, bracing her head. I sat there, rocking her body back and forth. "It shouldn't be like this, Jaina. Please wake up; you need to wake up,"
I kissed her again, hoping she would wake up and look into my eyes. I'd look into her brown eyes and tell her everything was going to be all right. We were going to be all right.
~~
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
~~
"I need you with me, Jaina. I need you to make me strong. You were - are my greatest weakness," I whispered, "Before you, I thought I was strong but I was weak. I didn't know how to be human but you showed me. Jaina, I need you here with me baby. Please come back,"
I sighed, loosening my grip around her shoulders as her body slowly slid back onto the ground. I kissed her lips again and then her forehead. I didn't want to let go but I couldn't will myself to stay and stare at her face.
~~
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
~~
I stood up and turned away, staring up into the heavens. She was with her brothers now and grandparents. Jaina never knew her grand parents. She knew of Anakin Skywalker, her brother's namesake, but she always feared meeting him. She was scared as she grew up that she had become too much like him. She had his temper and feared if something happened to one of her brother, she'd break the same way Anakin did and give into the Darkside.
~~
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
~
Now, I was broken but Jaina had returned to her brothers. I scowled, looking up at the sky again. They were with her, comforting her and helping her adjust. Please keep her safe for me, I begged Anakin and Jacen, take care of her for me.
I turned again and looked down at her body. She was at peace now but her body, her body still needed to be laid to rest. I knelt down, grabbing her shoulders again and lifting her up. I stood there for a moment, unsure what else to do.
~
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
~
"Jag!" Wedge cried as he ran from his hiding place, hugging me. I didn't even see him there as he looked at Jaina's face. He looked at me again and huffed, grabbing his com, "Tycho, call the recover team."
Tycho didn't reply except click his com twice before switching off. Wedge stared at me for a moment, unsure what to say. He'd always had to bury someone's son or daughter in this war but this was the first time he'd lost someone very close to his heart.
"Jag, I'm sorry. We all loved her very much; I'm sorry," he whispered, grasping my shoulder.
I shrugged him off, ignoring him as the rescue team arrived.
~
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories
Tbc
The Funeral
Chapter 5, Post 4
by obi's girl
Jagged Fel gasped as he stood there in Celeste's office. Maybe it was time for him to move on but the horrible memory of holding Jaina in his arms one last time and before that, Gavin, his Uncle and Tycho, refusing his plea to look for her. He believed they'd betrayed him then, especially his Uncle.
He'd been so angry with Wedge for backing up Gavin's decision. He thought they were family, he thought Wedge loved Jaina too and would have wanted to look for her body. But so much had changed since then. Jag had forgiven his Uncle for holding him back. Now, he realized Wedge was trying to protect him from being hurt and disappointed.
"What are you thinking? Celeste asked, interrupting his reverie. "If you don't mind,"
Jag turned to her, "No one was to blame for Jaina's death. It was an accident but after she died, all I did was blame myself for not being there with her," he paused, laughing, "My Uncle and her family surprised us in the conference room with an engagement party."
Celeste smiled, "That's sweet and thoughtful. At least before dying, she was able to spend time with her family and those who loved her,"
"I guess," he paused, "Leia gave her a picture of herself and her brothers, a year before the war started. When Jaina saw that, she almost broke down in tears but she didn't."
"And now she's with them," Celeste whispered, "Have you ever met the Solo brothers?"
He shrugged, "I only met Jaina. I'd never met her brothers and of course, they both died on Myrkr. In a way, Jaina and I were able to sympathesize with each other because we both had lost siblings in this war to them,"
"The Vong," Celeste clarified, "It's never easy to lose a sibling in war. I think those are the hardest deaths to get over because they weren't natural,"
Jag looked at Celeste again, "Excuse me for being blunt doc, but nothing about death is natural. Any type of death, whether it's in a war or not is still hard."
"I'm sorry but as the doctor here, I have to give my professional opinion," she paused, "You've had to deal with a lot of death. Your sisters' and brothers', your fiancé's death. Each time you weren't allowed to grieve because you were raised in a society where emotion is known as weakness,"
"What does that have to do with anything?
Celeste stood up from her desk, leaning forward, "You need to let go. Drop your barriers and let your emotions free."
Jag looked at her, bracing his hands on the desk, staring back at Celeste, "I've already dropped my barriers, doctor,"
"I have to disagree..." she started but Jag's lips touched hers.
Suddenly Jag broke the kiss stepping back, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I have to go."
Before Celeste could say another word, Jagged Fel vanished from her sight.
tbc
