Chapter 32: Fidem Fallere Cor Fallere - Broken Faith Broken Heart
Draco finished returning the last of the Potions Final Examination papers to his second year class.
"Mr Roebuck, twenty points to Ravenclaw for you getting full marks." The dark haired boy smiled smugly.
"Miss Ling- fourty points to Slytherin for getting 108%."
The black haired girl beamed behind her thick glasses. Maximilian Roebuck looked crestfallen.
"I have only known one other student in Hogwarts to ever have gotten more than a hundred percent on a test." Draco said shortly.
The class noticed a slightly pained look on their professor's face. Zeralda Hopkirk, who had scraped through the final put up her hand.
"Yes?"
"Please Professor Malfoy, how is it possible to get more than 100%?"
Draco remembered asking Hermione that same question. They had been lying on their couch in front of the fire, tangled in each other and perspiring gently from making love. Her rich gold-brown hair lay spread out on his pale chest and he breathed in that familiar strawberries and cream scent that he loved.
"Mmm, Draco…" Hermione sighed as she turned her face up to his to claim a kiss from his lips. His silver-blonde hair had come loose from its ribbon and hung loosely over his shoulders. He felt himself harden again as her tongue gently touched his own and she giggled as she felt him press himself against her back.
Suddenly, he had caught sight of her returned History of Magic essay with 112% EXCELLENT printed at the top on the carpet and picked it up with his free hand.
"How is it possible to get more than a hundred percent?" he had asked her teasingly, moving his hand down over her belly. It was very slightly swollen at that time, his unborn son lay within her. Ever since their first year in Hogwarts, Hermione Granger was the only student he had ever known to score more than a hundred percent in essays. He had told his father all about her after their first year exams.
"Yes, how is it possible?" asked Maximilian Roebuck.
Draco realized he had been speaking aloud. He hadn't been in a good state of mind since term started drawing to a close and he had received a letter from his mother asking him back to Malfoy Manor. While the school term was in full swing, he had been able to put thoughts of her out of his mind for a while, but as days of being alone in Malfoy Manor stretched ahead of him… he found his mind desperately wandering back to her. Her soft laughter, her golden eyes. Where are you, my love?
Draco spoke the words that Hermione had answered him with, "The essay must include all details asked for as well as relevant details that were not asked for. The key is relevance."
Maximilian Roebuck scowled.
"Miss Ling included answers not only from the prescribed textbooks but showed that she did plenty of independent study in the library as well. Congratulations. All right, now, let me go through the correct answers with you…"
When Draco finished his last class of the school year, he felt like he had aged ten years. He dragged his feet to Dumbledore's study for his leaving interview. While at Hogwarts, he had managed to pretend to himself that things were all right. That Hermione was safe and happy somewhere with his son. That the Dark Mark had only been a dream. He had almost forgiven Snape for it.
"Skiving Snackboxes"
"Draco, come in, come in." said Dumbledore, indicating a seat in front of him.
"Sherbert Lemon?"
"Thank you, Professor." Draco had still not been able to bring himself to call the headmaster by his first name.
"I want to thank you for a job well done here this year." Said Dumbledore, smiling at the young man before him. Draco was finely dressed as always, tall and handsome. He looked nothing like a professor really. "However, I think that you may have discovered your interests lie elsewhere other than in teaching, though you have a talent for it."
Draco was surprised by this observation of the headmaster. It was true. While he enjoyed teaching, his heart had yearned for other things.
"Yes. I enjoy it but…I couldn't do it long term. I wasn't…brought up….like that. I hope you understand, Professor Dumbledore."
"Indeed. Indeed, Draco. Tell me then, what have you learned of your interests? Your path in life?"
Draco considered the question. He had been thinking of this for a long time. "I think my heart lies with the Malfoy name and fortune. We have many estates, investments… I am very proud of it. I would like to take it over and build it up. My father has rather neglected it lately. Other than that, I would like to research Potions- so I may join the Centre for Magical Research and Development."
"Excellent. You realize, of course, that you will be under Lucius' eye when you return home?"
"Yes. I am also aware that I may not live through the Ritual, but I thought you said you had good news for me regarding that?"
Dumbledore inclined his head and smiled. "I have received word from Sirius and Neville. They have brought us news that we have managed to ally ourselves with the dragons. Norwegian Ridgebacks and Chinese Fireballs. Snape has informed us of the estimated location of Voldemort's stronghold…I think we may be able to launch an assault very soon once we confirm it."
"Dragons? Potter succeeded? Is he coming back?"
"He is still in China. The dragons need a lot of training before they can be used effectively. Sirius and Neville will return soon, as will Fletchley and Podmore. I have spoken to the Ministry about sparing us more Aurors…of course, they are too busy dealing with the immediate problem of the escaped dementors and werewolves who have gone over to Voldemort to promise me any….but Percy Weasley, who has a lot of influence in the Ministry nowadays, has assured us that we will get at least five others when we need them. And do not forget that this year's batch of Auror trainees from Hogwarts will be ready as well."
Draco knew that Ginny Weasley, Luna Lovegood and Colin Creevey had already signed up with the Ministry right after their NEWTS and been accepted. However, they were also secretly training and working with Dumbledore and could be counted on in times of need.
"Professor…" Draco asked hesitantly. "I wonder if it would be possible for me to see Hermione or my child just one more time? I- I – have missed them a lot."
"It took a lot of courage for you to say that, Draco." said Dumbledore kindly. "But a plan is no use unless it is stuck to. I have no reason to believe that they are in danger. I have received word from your mother that Lucius still believes the whole story. I think we can hold him off till the assault."
"Thank you then, Professor. Because if anything happens to Hermione or our child, I don't think I can forgive myself. It's all because of me you know. If she hadn't been with me, none of this would have happened. She would have been better of with Potter. I warned her I was not simple, not easy to love…Hermione's faith and trust is all that keeps me going. I feel so tired today, Professor…like it's all going to end soon."
"I think it is up to Hermione to choose who she is better off with, Draco. You have many good qualities and watching you grow has been one of my greatest pleasures. I can say that I am equally proud of you and Mr Potter, I have never watched two boys as closely. You two have more in common than you would believe. It is true that many expected Hermione to choose Mr Potter, I myself among such, but Hermione chose- you, Draco. You have a family with her. Don't give up because I feel that very soon, you and Miss Granger will be needing each other a lot more than you ever imagined."
Draco stood to leave. "Thank you professor. I will remember."
Albus Dumbledore thought how much Draco resembled his father when Lucius had been at Hogwarts. Both men had been tall, handsome and clever. Both had been good Quidditch players. Both had been objects of awe and admiration at school. The difference between them was that while Lucius had never questioned his loyalties to his father, Draco was full of question. In a way, Draco was living on the edge of a knife. While falling in love with Hermione and having a child with her had strengthened his conviction to work against Voldemort and turn on his father, Dumbledore knew that Draco's loyalties had yet to be seriously tested. The worst had not come yet.
He had watched Draco Malfoy as closely as he had watched Harry over the years hoping that the boy would eventually turn against the Dark Arts and resist the prophesy. Severus Snape had mentored the boy over the years and a bond of great trust and friendship had sprung up between the Potions Master and Draco Malfoy. The only thing that had stretched that trust recently was Snape's inability to prevent Draco receiving the Dark Mark. If only the potions master were around, Dumbledore would have a word with him regarding young Mr Malfoy but Severus had left for Malfoy Manor immediately after the exams to "help" in research with Lucius. In fact, Dumbledore had not seen Snape for a full week.
The headmaster couldn't help but feel that something was about to happen. They hadn't expected to get help from the dragons, at any event, not so soon. MacNair had managed to win the giants for Voldemort despite Hagird and Madam Maxime's best effprt three years ago- against the strength of giants, only Dragons were of any real use and Dumbledore knew that they had to strike while the iron was hot. The problem was locating Voldemort's stronghold. Intelligence put it at somewhere in Eastern Europe, but unless they were absolutely sure, moving their forces up North would be a foolhardy move.
If only Snape sent word soon about what was happening among the Death Eaters.
With a thoughtful look, Dumbledore took out a roll of parchment and a quill and began writing. Finally, he slipped the letter into an envelope and sealed it with a red wax seal. It was neatly addressed: "HARRY POTTER, OUTER MONGOLIAN MOUNTAINS, FOURTH PEAK BEHIND THE JASMINE BUSHES- EXTREMELY URGENT."
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Draco wished that Snape had been at Hogwarts on the day he left. He had finally made up his mind to forgive Severus Snape for not being able to prevent the Dark Mark but when he had gone looking for him, he was informed that the Potions Master had still not returned from business. If Snape was at Malfoy Manor, perhaps Draco could look for him then, although it would be harder to have a quiet word with him with Lucius hovering around like a bat all the time.
As he walked to Hogsmeade, Draco re-read his mother's letter. It contained the usual words of advice from Narcissa to eat and sleep well, and an invocation for him to return home and help run the Malfoy Estate. "…your father looks forward to your help in running the estate. He has been very busy lately and travels a lot. I miss you a lot, come home, everything is fine. Love, Mother."
In a quiet spot on the edge of the village, Draco took a deep breath.
"Malfoy Manor."
"Draco!" his mother stood up when he apparated in the living room. She seemed to have aged since he last saw her. Her eyes were red and she had a distracted look.
"Mother, I have come home. Are you quite well? You look tired."
Narcissa gave a tight smile. "I received some bad news last night. I have not had a good night's sleep." Narcissa began to cry.
Draco felt his hairs standing in alarm. His mother was not prone to over-reaction. What could be the matter?
"Mother," Draco said, crossing over to her and making her sit down. "What can be so bad? Is it…father?"
He thought he saw her shoulders tense.
"No." said Narcissa quickly. "Of course not. I told you everything's fine. Anyway, he's not in England right now."
"What then?" asked Draco.
"I don't want you to over-react."
"What is it?"
"Promise me Draco. Don't over-react."
"What is it! Mother- is it…her? Is it Hermione or Noel?" Draco lowered his voice to an urgent whisper. Narcissa nodded.
"Oh my god, what is it? And how did you learn of it?"
There came a knock on the door and Draco leapt to his feet. Without much ceremony, Severus Snape walked into the room. He too looked worn and tired.
"Severus! Were you here at Malfoy Manor all the time?" asked Draco. He was not too surprised to see Severus here, he knew that Snape had recently been summoned back.
The professor's black eyes met Draco's gray ones levelly.
"Yes."
"Severus, tell him, quickly. Show him." Said Narcissa dully.
"What's going on? Why are you all acting so strange?" asked Draco impatiently. He was really worried now.
Severus Snape motioned to Draco to follow him out of the room.
"I think it best I speak to you alone, Draco" he said flatly.
Draco Malfoy's eyes flashed angrily. He didn't like being kept waiting.
"Whatever can be said elsewhere, can be said here." Draco said, in a cold voice much like his father's.
Severus hesitated.
"Do it here, Severus" said Narcissa.
"Very well, just a moment while I fetch the pensieve." Snape turned and left the room.
"Pensieve?" asked Draco curiously, "What the hell is going on?"
Severus Snape returned shortly with the pensieve. Its silver-white contents were swirling and gently within. Severus Snape put the pensieve down on the coffee table in front of Draco and Narcissa.
"Before we proceed, I must warn you Draco, that the contents of this pensieve are very distressing."
"Whose memories are they?" asked Draco.
"Mine." Snape replied, mechanically.
"What the hell?" Draco impatiently grabbed his wand and jabbed viciously at the surface of the swirling contents. The silvery stuff within began to swirl fast. Draco leaned over it and saw the misty contents beginning to clear. It was as if he were looking at a scene from an open window at a great height. The figures within it were very small. He could make out Severus Snape leaning against a wall and two figures before him…
Clutching the sides of the silver bowl, Draco took a deep breath and let himself fall into Snape's memory. He found himself standing next to the Potions Master on a street in some English town, not unlike Hogsmeade.
What was he supposed to be seeing here?
His attention was caught by the movement of two figures to the side of Snape. One was a man, tall and dark….the other was a slim woman, her auburn hair flowing over her shoulders, and smiling happily… They were talking. "Hermione!" Draco called out. But of course, nobody could hear him, it was just a memory.
Draco tried to hurry towards her, but his feet moved slowly, as if in a dream. He just wanted to stand close to her. He managed to get close enough to hear what the figures were saying.
"Are you sure about this, Hermione?" the man said, holding her hands in his.
Hermione smiled. "Of course. I told you, my past is all dead and buried. I have to move on."
The man laughed. Draco felt himself turning cold. What was going on? What did she mean?
"Good, because I thought you might still be hung up about that ex-boyfriend of yours."
Hermione laughed, "He was the biggest mistake of my life. I spent the last year forgetting him, Ralph, and now I have. I don't want to go through all that again, it was much too difficult but you know, when you're young, you always want difficult boys."
She leaned over and kissed the man on the lips.
Draco felt like retching. Feeling like his legs wouldn't support him much longer, he staggered slightly. He wanted to leave the memory, but had a strange compulsion to see as much as he could.
"Miss Granger?" Severus approached the pair.
Hermione looked excited. "Professor Snape! Thanks for coming. Ralph Bowman, this is my old school teacher Professor Snape."
"Pleased to meet you, Professor," said the young man, shaking Snape's hand.
"Miss Granger?" Snape raised his eyebrows. "What's this all about? You said it was urgent."
"Sorry Ralph, I need to speak to my Professor alone for a minute. I have a private message to pass to an old friend."
Ralph shrugged. "Sure, I'll wait over there."
"Professor Snape," said Hermione quietly, "Thanks for coming. I – I – wanted you to pass Draco and Dumbledore a message."
"Miss Granger, what were you doing with that man? Who is he?"
Hermione shook her head impatiently. "He's my new fiancé. I've agreed to marry him. I want to put my past behind me. Draco was a mistake, I was just a silly schoolgirl who knew no better. Things change."
"Miss Granger- this is outrageous. How do you think Draco will feel- the boy has pinned all his hopes on you." Draco couldn't help thinking there was something odd about Snape's manner, a bit forced, but he put it down to shock. "And there's the baby..."
"Yes yes" Hermione said, "Tell Dumbledore that I'm too young for a baby. I've spoken to Ralph about it and he says we can take Noel back once we're older and married. Too many questions otherwise. Dumbledore has already told me that Noel can stay with his fidelius family for as long as needed- they are very kind to him."
"Don't you miss your son?"
Hermione looked firm. "I do, of course, but I need to move on in my life. I don't want Draco to have Noel. I will go back for him. I don't trust Draco- he is a Malfoy after all, who knows what his true colours are? He's probably just like Lucius. He might harm my child. I've made up my mind, Professor and I don't want to speak to Draco ever gain…"
"DRACO!"
In the Malfoy living room, Narcissa screamed her son's name.
Draco had crushed the pensieve in his hands. Blood flowed from deep cuts in his palms and mingled with the mass of silvery mist now spilled onto the table. The mists quickly dissolved into thin air.
Draco's eyes were wide and his face was an expressionless mask. He didn't seem to notice that he was squeezing the crushed shards of the pensieve in his hands. Narcissa Malfoy watched in horror as her son's blood dripped steadily onto the carpet beneath.
"Draco…" Severus Snape reached over to touch the boy's arm.
With a cry, Draco leapt to his feet and threw the crushed remains of the pensieve at Snape. Severus yelled and ducked but some shards of the pensieve had cut his forehead.
"This is a lie!" shouted Draco, grabbing the potions master by the shoulders and shaking him. "this- is- a – fucking – lie!"
"It…is…NOT…" said Snape, trying to pry Draco's fingers off him. Draco was taller and stronger than the Potions Master. He violently shoved Snape backwards against the wall. "Draco- stop – this…"
"Hermione would NEVER do something like that!" Draco shouted. His face was still white. He saw over and over again in his mind Hermione kissing Ralph Bowman. It was Hermione, no doubt about it. Draco was a mistake… it was Hermione. There was no doubt. It was not an impostor- her face, her voice, her words… "No…"
Snape reached for his wand. Draco didn't notice, his eyes were unfocused.
"Protego"
Draco staggered – away from Snape- Snape rounded on Draco and aimed his wand at him.
"No!" shouted Narcissa, stopping Severus from stunning Draco. "Draco- please calm down!"
"You're wrong…" said Draco calmly. "You're wrong. Hermione wouldn't do that. She couldn't. I know her."
He looked at the tear-filled eyes of his mother and at the hard face of Professor Snape. They were the two people he trusted most in this world, aside from Hermione.
"Oh my son." Said Narcissa, shaking her head.
"I'm sorry, Draco." said Severus.
Draco was a mistake. He's probably just like Lucius.
"Where are you going?" screamed Narcissa, as Draco turned and stalked out of the room.
"Leave him, Narcissa. We have finished our part, there is nothing more we can do." said Severus softly. He flinched as he felt a burning on his arm. His Lord would be wanting a report on what had transpired. Severus tried to think clearly about what to say, but felt his mind fog up. All he was supposed to do was give the Dark Lord a report. The pain in his arm worsened.
Wordlessly, Snape stood and followed Draco out of the room. But instead of going to look for Draco, Snape went down into the dungeons of Malfoy Manor.
"Sepulcralis Caecum"
Draco walked blindly out of Malfoy Manor. He felt like he was going to be sick. All the months without Hermione, he had been comforted by thoughts that she believed in him and loved him. It was the only thing that kept him going, even with the near-certainty of his eventually having to face the Ritual. Snatches of memory assaulted him, each one more painful than the last.
You're a good person
I feel all wonderful and kind but I don't know how long it will last
I never want this dance to end
I will never hurt you, Hermione
I'm going to fight for you Draco Malfoy
I need you to believe in me
Six months will never really replace the six years of distance between us
Miss Granger, will you marry me
Sometimes, I look at you and I'm still not sure
Mudblood
whether you are my Draco or the Malfoy who called me a mudblood
binds you both irrevocably to each other
He was the biggest mistake of my life
He's just like his father
Malfoy…Malfoy
With a cry Draco ran towards the Malfoy stables. Draco had always been a good rider. Opening one of the stalls, he grabbed one of the horses and magically saddled it in a matter of seconds.
There was a house elf standing by.
"Please master…" said the elf.
Draco ignored him and leapt onto the horse. The house elf watched as Draco urged the horse out of the stables and into the open country side. It was not the first time that Master Malfoy had ridden out in a hurry. When he was younger, such sudden excursions had often followed "sessions" with Lucius.
Although Malfoy Manor was hidden from muggle eyes by complicated deception charms, the sphere of protection only lasted about two miles out from the Manor. The surrounding land also belonged to the Malfoys. In the old days, it had been tilled and farmed by peasants who paid tithes to the Malfoys, but today, it had been sold and housed the bustling muggle town of Cloathead. Instead, the Malfoy wealth lay in investments and estates all over the world.
With the wind cutting his face, Draco urged the horse away from the muggle town and into deserted country lanes. He didn't really know where he was going. His chest hurt and his eyes burned hotly with unshed tears. He had ridden like this when needing to get away from Malfoy Manor and his father. Always, the ride had been blind, too wild, too fast. The trees flashed past.
Finally, he came to a clearing in a woodland. He hadn't come here for years- not since he was fifteen. He didn't even know how he had come upon it again.
It looked the same as it had then, a circle of trees around a stack of stones that might once have been an old cottage or roman settlement. Leaping from his horse, Draco threw himself onto the soft ground.
The last time he had come here followed a beating by Lucius. It was because he had not managed to perfect a Deadly Nightshade potion within a given time. The potion was complicated even for someone of Draco's skill and he had thrown the flask against the dungeon wall in frustration. Lucius had not been too happy about that.
"Apply yourself, son. You disappoint me all the time. You have all this potential for power and darkness, but you refuse to grasp it, to use it. It rots you from within. You are a Malfoy."
Sometimes, I look at you and I'm still not sure
Mudblood
whether you are my Draco or the Malfoy who called me a mudblood
He was the biggest mistake of my life
He's just like his father
Malfoy…Malfoy
Draco lay on the ground face down for a long time. It had been so long since he had abandoned himself like this to pain. Not bothering to fight it, letting it wash over him and torment him.
Mudblood
At least no one on the Gryffindor team had to buy their way in…You filthy little mudblood…
Draco let the memories of his days in Hogwarts sweep over him in a horrid wave. He remembered how it felt to lose every game of quidditch to Harry Potter before his Final Year, being slapped by Hermione in the third year, being turned into a ferret, dropping his wineglass during the OWLs charms paper only to see Potter smile smugly at him…being turned into a giant slug by Anthony Goldstein…
He thought of Hermione's beautiful eyes and smile, how she had loved him and him alone. He had never thought it possible that someone would trust him completely, give herself totally to him, have his son despite everything that was wrong with him- he, a Malfoy, the dragon of bad faith, cold, cruel, insincere…I love you, Draco Malfoy. All lies. Then the image changed and all he could think of was her kissing that man, saying in that maddeningly clever way of hers: I don't trust Draco- he is a Malfoy after all, who knows what his true colours are?
His father's voice spoke loudly in his thoughts, "The only reason you were conceived and born was to serve my Lord in his moment of greatest need as has been foretold by my Lord himself. Your birth has nothing to do with love Draco."
He was the biggest mistake of my life
The biggest mistake.
A mistake.
His horse grazed pleasantly in a corner. Draco felt his arm begin to burn. He rolled up his sleeve, a black skull had appeared on his forearm and the pain was intense. Voldemort was calling him. Staggering with the pain, Draco tried to untether his horse. He wouldn't go to Voldemort. He needed to be alone for a while to sort himself out. The mark grew white hot and Draco screamed. The horse shied away.
Come to me, Draco Malfoy
Draco felt the cold fingers of Voldemort's thoughts invading his mind, seducing it. He tried to block him out with what he had learned in Auror training but the pain on his arm was too great a distraction. Breathing raggedly, Draco gasped "Sepulcralis Caecum".
