Visitors
The next few days brought all the visitors traipsing through. At times she felt as if she were on display. And every time someone different came in they asked the same question; why. But Jean could never tell them. She could never tell anyone that she was unlike anyone else here. She was the biggest freak ever. She didn't know if she would ever try again, but she knew that how she felt hadn't changed. She still wanted her pain to go away. She still wanted to stop disappointing people. There were times when she wanted to jump out a window, but she couldn't. she was still technically hooked up to everything, even though she had "overheard" the professor telling Dr. McCoy to keep her hooked up as a preventative measure.
What made her want her death the most was when she could see Scott and Rogue in the room at the same time. It was so obvious the way they felt about each other, Jean wanted to scream. She knew that the person she loved, the person she wanted to give her heart to, was already in love with someone else. God, life sucked. Kurt tried to cheer her up by doing a slapstick routine with Jamie and Bobby, but it was to no avail, and very price repair bills. Jean's depression began to drown her deeper and deeper.
The only times things felt right was when Rogue came by to curse her out. The first time she knew the Professor was watching ready to stop the southern belle overstepped a boundary. But he had never done anything.
"You're an idiot, ya know that right?" she had said spinning a chair around backwards and straddling it. Rogue looked at Jean with eyes that weren't truly angry. Jean saw something in there that was frightened. "You tryn to throw everythin you got away er somthin?"
"I don't have anything," Jean said, her own blue eyes searching Rouge's green ones for their purpose in being here, but as always the eyes revealed nothing.
"Ya got Scott," Rogue countered.
"No," Jean said motioning to the observation room, "you have him. He chose your emerald eyes, and ivory skin over me. He chose your compact but dangerous stature, over my tall lanky and awkward one. He chose you Rogue. He will always choose you."
Rouge was taken aback. She had no idea what to say, so she returned to her original plan; as many explicative in as little space as possible. After fifteen minutes of Jean taking in every word, Rogue left. She was angrier than when she had come in.
No one knew if Jean would try again, so she was never left alone. When the students were in school, Dr. McCoy stayed with her, later Scott would rotate with others. At night, after the professor forced Scott to go to bed, Logan would keep the vigil. To be honest, she liked having them there, but it only reminded her of how truly unworthy she felt she was. she had never thought that her friends disliked her, only that they would if they ever knew her secret.
Since she wasn't allowed to be alone, she didn't go to school, Dr. McCoy would come in and tutor her, so she didn't fall behind. Scott, Rogue (Erg how she hated seeing them together) and Kurt would bring her her homework.
One day someone new stepped through the med bay doors. She was tall and blonde, with glasses and an air that said, "I am here to save." Jean thought that this might be another doctor here to double check Dr. McCoy's work, probably sent by her parents.
The blonde wore her hair up, and a pant-suit. She sat down next to Jean's bed and introduced herself, "Hi, you must be Jean, I am Dr. Braddock. Professor Xavier thought you might need someone to talk too."
"Why didn't he just read my mind find out I don't want to talk?" Jean said turning away from the startlingly beautiful woman.
"Because he respects you too much for that Jean," Dr. Braddock said. "So, is there anything you to talk about? I am here to listen and to help you work through whatever caused you to hurt yourself. You should know that everyone of you friends that I spoke with is very worried about you."
"I know, but they shouldn't be," Jean said.
"Why is that?"
"Because Dr. Braddock, I failed them at everything. Its not that I don't feel loved, its that I don't deserve the love."
"Please call me Betsy, and why do you feel that you don't deserve your friends' love?"
"Because, I fail in the dan.,., er.,., training practice, I lost every one of my accomplishments, my grades went down the tubes. I am a failure. I don't deserve all that's spent on me."
"Oh don't be afraid to mention the danger room to me. I helped Charles and Logan design it, who do you think holds the high score on "Logan's Run"? but just because you have had some set backs doesn't mean you are unworthy of love."
"But there's something else that they don't know. And if they did, no one would ever talk to me again. I just don't want to hurt them. I don't want them to know what kind of freak I am."
"Jean, what is it you're hiding. I am sure you are underestimating your friends."
"Have you ever been absolutely head over heels for someone, but knew you had absolutely no chance?" Jean asked looking directly into Betsy's eyes. Betsy nodded, she remembered once long ago, there was a man she loved. But he carried too much on his heart already to add love to it. So she had let the man go. But to this day she still carried the love for him, for that feral man, the one with the adamantium claws.
"So I was told that you recently broke-up with a Mr. Mathews. Is this the young man your speaking of?"
Jean couldn't help but laugh out loud. "Duncan is an idiot, and I should have realized that sooner. Some great psychic I am."
"So this would be about Mr. Summers?"
Jean paused, unsure how to answer that question. "in a way," she said finally.
"Jean, I can help you, but only if you don't hold back from me. I swear that no matter what you tell me, I won't tell anyone else, unless it's about trying to hurt yourself."
"The only help I need is in getting out of everybody's way. They don't need me. No one needs me. That's why I just want to die, so they can all be better off."
Betsy shook her head, "Listen Jean, I will be staying at the institute for a few days, let me know if you want to talk. I am always ready to listen." Betsy Braddock walked out of the door for the second time in her life, she was defeated. She only hoped that she could eventually save this one.
Jean sat there in her bed. She looked out the window, which had been locked. She had wanted two things; a love of her own, and to mean something to those around her. Her love would never return her emotions, and she was basically a poor-man's Cyclops. She had no love and no purpose. What was her point in being here? and once again the tears came. Scott came in and tried to hold her, but she fought him off angrily. She didn't want him touching her.
And so Scott watched her through the evening, and Wolverine watched her through the night. But all she did was weep. And soon the sadness began infecting others, they began to feel weak. They all wanted to help Jean, but not one of them could. The only one who could was too busy in a new relationship with the person who had saved them, in the icy mountains.
The next few days brought all the visitors traipsing through. At times she felt as if she were on display. And every time someone different came in they asked the same question; why. But Jean could never tell them. She could never tell anyone that she was unlike anyone else here. She was the biggest freak ever. She didn't know if she would ever try again, but she knew that how she felt hadn't changed. She still wanted her pain to go away. She still wanted to stop disappointing people. There were times when she wanted to jump out a window, but she couldn't. she was still technically hooked up to everything, even though she had "overheard" the professor telling Dr. McCoy to keep her hooked up as a preventative measure.
What made her want her death the most was when she could see Scott and Rogue in the room at the same time. It was so obvious the way they felt about each other, Jean wanted to scream. She knew that the person she loved, the person she wanted to give her heart to, was already in love with someone else. God, life sucked. Kurt tried to cheer her up by doing a slapstick routine with Jamie and Bobby, but it was to no avail, and very price repair bills. Jean's depression began to drown her deeper and deeper.
The only times things felt right was when Rogue came by to curse her out. The first time she knew the Professor was watching ready to stop the southern belle overstepped a boundary. But he had never done anything.
"You're an idiot, ya know that right?" she had said spinning a chair around backwards and straddling it. Rogue looked at Jean with eyes that weren't truly angry. Jean saw something in there that was frightened. "You tryn to throw everythin you got away er somthin?"
"I don't have anything," Jean said, her own blue eyes searching Rouge's green ones for their purpose in being here, but as always the eyes revealed nothing.
"Ya got Scott," Rogue countered.
"No," Jean said motioning to the observation room, "you have him. He chose your emerald eyes, and ivory skin over me. He chose your compact but dangerous stature, over my tall lanky and awkward one. He chose you Rogue. He will always choose you."
Rouge was taken aback. She had no idea what to say, so she returned to her original plan; as many explicative in as little space as possible. After fifteen minutes of Jean taking in every word, Rogue left. She was angrier than when she had come in.
No one knew if Jean would try again, so she was never left alone. When the students were in school, Dr. McCoy stayed with her, later Scott would rotate with others. At night, after the professor forced Scott to go to bed, Logan would keep the vigil. To be honest, she liked having them there, but it only reminded her of how truly unworthy she felt she was. she had never thought that her friends disliked her, only that they would if they ever knew her secret.
Since she wasn't allowed to be alone, she didn't go to school, Dr. McCoy would come in and tutor her, so she didn't fall behind. Scott, Rogue (Erg how she hated seeing them together) and Kurt would bring her her homework.
One day someone new stepped through the med bay doors. She was tall and blonde, with glasses and an air that said, "I am here to save." Jean thought that this might be another doctor here to double check Dr. McCoy's work, probably sent by her parents.
The blonde wore her hair up, and a pant-suit. She sat down next to Jean's bed and introduced herself, "Hi, you must be Jean, I am Dr. Braddock. Professor Xavier thought you might need someone to talk too."
"Why didn't he just read my mind find out I don't want to talk?" Jean said turning away from the startlingly beautiful woman.
"Because he respects you too much for that Jean," Dr. Braddock said. "So, is there anything you to talk about? I am here to listen and to help you work through whatever caused you to hurt yourself. You should know that everyone of you friends that I spoke with is very worried about you."
"I know, but they shouldn't be," Jean said.
"Why is that?"
"Because Dr. Braddock, I failed them at everything. Its not that I don't feel loved, its that I don't deserve the love."
"Please call me Betsy, and why do you feel that you don't deserve your friends' love?"
"Because, I fail in the dan.,., er.,., training practice, I lost every one of my accomplishments, my grades went down the tubes. I am a failure. I don't deserve all that's spent on me."
"Oh don't be afraid to mention the danger room to me. I helped Charles and Logan design it, who do you think holds the high score on "Logan's Run"? but just because you have had some set backs doesn't mean you are unworthy of love."
"But there's something else that they don't know. And if they did, no one would ever talk to me again. I just don't want to hurt them. I don't want them to know what kind of freak I am."
"Jean, what is it you're hiding. I am sure you are underestimating your friends."
"Have you ever been absolutely head over heels for someone, but knew you had absolutely no chance?" Jean asked looking directly into Betsy's eyes. Betsy nodded, she remembered once long ago, there was a man she loved. But he carried too much on his heart already to add love to it. So she had let the man go. But to this day she still carried the love for him, for that feral man, the one with the adamantium claws.
"So I was told that you recently broke-up with a Mr. Mathews. Is this the young man your speaking of?"
Jean couldn't help but laugh out loud. "Duncan is an idiot, and I should have realized that sooner. Some great psychic I am."
"So this would be about Mr. Summers?"
Jean paused, unsure how to answer that question. "in a way," she said finally.
"Jean, I can help you, but only if you don't hold back from me. I swear that no matter what you tell me, I won't tell anyone else, unless it's about trying to hurt yourself."
"The only help I need is in getting out of everybody's way. They don't need me. No one needs me. That's why I just want to die, so they can all be better off."
Betsy shook her head, "Listen Jean, I will be staying at the institute for a few days, let me know if you want to talk. I am always ready to listen." Betsy Braddock walked out of the door for the second time in her life, she was defeated. She only hoped that she could eventually save this one.
Jean sat there in her bed. She looked out the window, which had been locked. She had wanted two things; a love of her own, and to mean something to those around her. Her love would never return her emotions, and she was basically a poor-man's Cyclops. She had no love and no purpose. What was her point in being here? and once again the tears came. Scott came in and tried to hold her, but she fought him off angrily. She didn't want him touching her.
And so Scott watched her through the evening, and Wolverine watched her through the night. But all she did was weep. And soon the sadness began infecting others, they began to feel weak. They all wanted to help Jean, but not one of them could. The only one who could was too busy in a new relationship with the person who had saved them, in the icy mountains.
