Disclaimer: JAG belongs to DPB, Paramount, CBS et al. This is for fun, no copyright infringement is intended.
How did this happen?
I'm always scared when Mac meets a new man, but - Clayton Webb?! She has known him for years and never liked him that much! Why did she change her mind? When did she change her mind?
Mac liked to tear his head off when she first met him. From the start she disliked his snide remarks, his arrogant attitude. She was appalled the way he treated that Marine in Columbia. Well, yes, she called him 'loveable' once but that was as - as we all thought he was dead. I can't think of any other occasion she seemed to like him.
In fact - he and I got along much better than they ever did. And that was hard enough. It was always a rough up and down with Webb. Sometimes he did something nice but there was always a price to pay. I know very well I'd have never found my father without his help. But he always wanted something in return. Always a quid pro quo.
Even though - in the end I really considered him a friend. Not the type of friend to have a drink in a bar with or go fishing or whatever. More the weird I-don't-know-why-I-like-you-but-somehow-I-do kind of friend. He got Sergei out and took him to the States. I think I still owe him for that one but sometimes it was hard to remember when he'd played his dirty little spy-games again.
And he never showed any affection for Mac. O.k. he bought her a dress - a quite stunning dress - but after we'd cleaned up his mess and he made one of his typical remarks ... I thought she was going to throw it into his face. He never seemed to care about her - or about me. Bud had to press and push for information as our plane was hijacked. And in the end even Chegwidden had to call and add to the pressure. When Clay finally gave in it was almost too late.
And just consider the mess he dragged her into this time. I can't understand why she went with him - and without me?! We've always worked together when he asked for help - more or less - and that was a good thing because working with Clayton Webb meant calling for problems. Remember Afghanistan? Mac almost got killed in Afghanistan! He wasn't able to protect her - to rescue her ... No - she had to do it herself! She knew that and still went with him. Why?
Because she was mad at me? Because I didn't move fast enough for her? Because we never talked about - about whatever might be between the two of us?
Why do women always have to talk about things? To talk and talk again and pick everything apart until there's nothing left but empty words? Isn't it enough to - to feel and be and ... and ... isn't that enough?
Stupid question, huh? Guess it wasn't enough for Mac. I remember her bitter words as we parted. She asked why I only was like that when she was about to go.
The answer is very easy, Mac: Everything I've once loved was destroyed somehow.
Dad went MIA and got killed in the middle of nowhere. Mum married Frank - oh, I've come to like Frank over the years but he wasn't Dad ... and before him it was just Mum and me and almost as if Dad was still around. That crash in the night ended my career as a pilot. Annie sent me away. Sergei went MIA too. Damn it, even that dog I once had ran into a car and died. And Renee ... Renee married a funeral director can you believe that?
But that was still better than that: Jordan was killed. And Diane died.
You want to talk about things, Mac? How can I tell you this: Every time I look at you I see Diane's dead body. I see the bloodstained shirt. I feel again how cold her skin was. Only it isn't Diane I see. It isn't Diane's cold skin I feel.
I see you, Mac. I see you. And it scares me, Mac. I can't explain how much it scares me.
When she went with Webb I knew something bad was going to happen. I just knew it. I did everything to find her. To rescue her.
I did, didn't I? Seeing Mac in that room, on that table - I didn't want to imagine what she'd been through. I just wanted to hold her, to tell her everything was o.k. that she was safe again ... but Mac didn't seem to care. She just went on. Like nothing had happened.
First I blamed it on stress. She'd been in great danger and I know how she handles herself in danger. But that never included kissing Clayton Webb. I couldn't believe it. She KISSED him! Clayton Webb!
I've given up the Navy to find you, Mac - and you kissed him!
I took my frustration out on Clay. And as soon as Gunny drove away I wanted to take my words back but it was too late. My last words to a man I once considered a friend - my last words to a man I thought was going to die ... were harsh and spoken in jealousy! And if that wasn't enough disaster for one day: Just to top it all - the plane ran out of gas. I managed to bring us down almost safe ... but just almost.
For one moment I had my old Mac back. Wow - that was one angry Marine! Mac hopped out of the plane as soon as we'd hit the tree, holding her arm and screaming something like: "I KNEW this would happen! I KNEW it! That's the LAST time, Harmon Rabb junior! I'm FED UP with this!"
Unfortunately it didn't last. Her arm was broken and she was in a good deal of pain the whole way back. I tried to distract her. I told her how difficult it was to come here to find her ... and that I'd resigned. I still wonder why it destroyed everything.
I don't know. I thought it was what she wanted. I thought she wanted some evidence of my affection. Of my love. Maybe I wanted some proof too - but I'm never going to tell her that. She reacted ... odd. She just ... stared at me. And went silent.
And now I'm here. Standing outside his hospital room. Mac didn't ask me to come inside with her and I'm kind of glad about it. I can't face him now. I can't see them together. I don't want to think of the past couple of days they've been together. And still - I can't stop pondering.
I've been so sure of Mac's love. How selfish. I should have known. But as I've said - things are ... difficult. But at least now I'm sure of one thing: I'm in love with Mac. It must be love - what else could it be? I want to hold her, protect her, and shield her from all evil in this world ... that must be love.
I'm startled as suddenly the door opens and Mac is practically fleeing from the room. She's been crying. She still is crying and it makes me angry. He has no right to make her cry.
I look at her. I try to tell her with my eyes that I'm here for her that I need her ... but I can't read her mind as she stares back at me. And then she just turns and walks away. She's simply walking in the other direction.
That hurts. God, that hurts. And it adds to my rage. I've made mistakes - yes! But I always wanted the best for Mac. Clay isn't the right man for her. One day he's going to leave her behind - I've never forgotten his line about 'it could be my girlfriend and I still wouldn't give it to him'! You can't love a woman and drag her into a situation where she could get killed like he did.
And now I'm going to tell him this. I step up to the door, jerk it open and -
He's crying. He's ... I never saw him crying. I never thought he could ... he would ... He's - he's looking so ... lonely. He's covering part of his face with his hand - shaking under the force of his sobs. The stifled sound is ... frightening.
He's not aware of my presence. So I back off, slowly, shutting the door as gently as I can. Then I'm just staring at it. This I've never expected.
What am I going to do now?
End of part three.
Author's note: That's it.
And now a BIG THANK YOU for all the reviews - I really appreciate it!
Hmm - there's a story in my head but I need some time to put it together ... maybe I'll post some 'older' stories I've written for myself while I'm working on it.
