"Ness… I… well, I can't afford a diamond ring, not now… but… I…" He stumbled over his words as she gazed expectantly at him. Now that they were in Maryland, they only had each other and although he hadn't much savings, he was determined to do it right.
She deserved the very best.
He sucked in a deep breath before pulling out the white ring box decorated with a thin, gold-colored trimming. Kneeling down in front of her in the car park of a diner as she sat in the van's passenger seat, he presented her with the physical manifestation of his promise.
"I love you so much. You're the best thing in my life. Marry me."
"Ness…"
"Greg and I are moving to L.A. He accepted a job in U.C.L.A and… I just think I should tell you personally… you can visit Hallie during weekends…"
"I can visit Hallie during weekends?" He asked her incredulously. A daughter was supposed to live with her father- hell, her parents! Visit his daughter! He might as well apply for a permit to talk to Hallie!
"Yes… I'll pay for the air-tickets…" She offered, stirring her coffee absentmindedly. The aroma wafted to his nose, making him sick. If he didn't like coffee before, he hated it with a passion now.
"I don't need charity. I can buy my own air tickets. Go ahead, with my blessings. That's what you're good at! Taking everything away from me… everything that mattered."
"Joe, not here and not now. I don't want to talk about this anymore." She threw him a tired look, as if he had somehow wronged her. But he wasn't the one who whisked Hallie away in the middle of the night- he wasn't the one giving up on their marriage and he wasn't the one who got their marriage annulled.
She! She was the one who wanted to have nothing to do with him!
Anger, raging and corrosive, burned his stomach. But he managed to calm himself. Pushing his chair behind, he stood up and grabbed his jacket. She tried to stop him but he stormed out of the corner bistro to the battered black van parked at the side of the road.
"Joe! I'm sorry… but… I really need to go to L.A…"
He spun around. So she had followed. Guilty conscience most probably.
"Do you have to take Hallie with you? I'm going to contest for custody! I'll not going to let you just take her away from me."
"She's my life!"
"She's mine too! Why? Why, Ness? What have I done? I only see her three times a week and now, you're flying her to another State! Have you ever considered my feelings?"
"I have to put my family first!"
"Since when had that been your philosophy?" he shot back, fire licking his words, "Were you putting your family first when you left me?"
"I don't even want to talk about it anymore. I'm bringing Hallie to L.A…"
"ARGHHH!" he growled, pulling at his hair. "YOU DON'T GET IT DO YOU? YOU'RE KILLING ME IF YOU DO THAT! YOU AND GREG CAN HAVE OTHER CHILDREN! I ONLY HAVE HALLIE! HALLIE!!!!"
"JOE! Get a grip on yourself!" She grabbed his arm and he shook it away roughly.
"A GRIP ON MYSELF? I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT'S A GRIP ON MYSELF!" He threw open the van's back sliding door and drew out a baseball bat. Vanessa shrieked, thinking that he was going to attack her but he wasn't. He just didn't know what to do with all the rage crushing his chest.
"A GRIP ON MYSELF! YOU'RE DOING ALL THESE THINGS TO ME!" He struck his van with the bat- the van. It brought them all the way here and now, it was witnessing the breakdown of everything between them. Joe directed his anger and hate at it- to the very core of his heart, he wanted to see the damn van crumble.
"JOE! Stop it! Please!"
"Somebody, call the police…"
"I HATE THIS! I HATE MY LIFE! I HAVE NOTHING! NOTHING! NOT EVEN THE FREEDOM TO SEE HALLIE!" The windscreen was smashed- the van's windows next. He kept on battering the poor van until it was nothing but a dented aluminum wreck. Some hands tried to restrain him but he shook them all away. Climbing to the top of the vehicle, he jumped and stormed on it, feeling the urge to just rip the damn metal scrap apart.
Then he slumped down, surrounded by curious, amazed and stunned passersby who stopped to witness his anger. Sitting on top of the war-torn van with his legs dangling down its side, he buried his face in his hands and felt, for the first time, truly hollow and lost.
"No… don't go… don't… please…I'm sorry…"
"Joe…"
"Don't take Hallie away...Ness!" Joe's eyes shot open just as pain, devastating pain, ripped through his system. He saw Frank hovering over him and vague images of seeing Frank looking down on him with desperate hope and concern flashed across his mind. His heart pounded in his chest as he clawed his brother's shirt for some form of anchor.
Disorientated, in pain and overwhelmed with fear, Joe grasped Frank's shirt as hard as he could, not knowing where he was, not knowing anything.
"Frank… help me…" He squeaked painfully. Frank smiled gently and soothed his hair, hushing him up.
"Bro…"
"Help me… please… they're taking Hallie away…"
"No one's taking Hallie away… Hallie's fine…"
"Greg and I are moving to L.A. He accepted a job in U.C.L.A and… I just think I should tell you personally… you can visit Hallie during weekends…"
"I can't let someone like you die with hope… you see, it's not to punish Hallie. It's to punish you. It's a lesson… to be learned."
"You don't understand…" He croaked, expending so much energy just to talk. "They are taking her away from me… everyone…"
"Joe… look around… no one is taking Hallie away….. Shh.... look around you… we've been waiting for a long time since you started showing signs of consciousness two days ago…"
Signs of consciousness? What the hell happened to me?
"Wha…" Joe did as he was told, his head swarming with confusion such that his stomach churned with giddiness. Frank moved away from the bed and he held on weakly to his brother's shirt as long as he could, afraid that even Frank would go away too.
Then his hands dropped when he saw his mother's tearing face and his father's relieved, but concerned eyes. Chet and Tony raised their hands up to salute him, grinning widely. Elle gave him an annoyed look which melted into a grudging smile and Callie struggled up from the couch with a walking stick, smiling at him too.
Everyone was smiling and he was in pain. Had they all turned into sadists? His neck was so stiff he was sure if he moved it, it would break.
Where were Vanessa and Hallie?
It was almost as if time had suspended. Then his mother broke the spell by rushing to his side. She leaned over to caress his face and kiss his forehead.
Joe held on to one of her hands in a fragile grip- struggling inside to understand, through the pain, what was going on.
"Mom?"
"You've come back, baby. My baby boy's back."
"Mommy… it hurts… it hurts so much…" He couldn't take the pain anymore. Couple that with those horrible flashbacks and the terrible confusion, Joe broke down and sobbed, clinging on to his mother for familiar warmth and safety that he knew and needed ever since he was a baby.
***
Joe was only recently allowed to take liquid food and the first thing he wanted was water. He had thinned down so much that Vanessa could hardly recognize him anymore but, now that he was weaned off the sedatives, having been heavily drugged for almost one week since he first fully regained consciousness, his once-startling blue eyes were clearer and he was definitely more cognizant of his surroundings. Fenton and Laura had gone to fetch Hallie on his behest. Vanessa had wanted to go back home to fetch their little girl over to the hospital but Joe wanted her to stay, saying that he had something very important to ask of her.
It was seven in the morning and she was by his hospital bed since five a.m. out of guilt. When news of him waking up reached her ears, she brought Hallie to his side immediately in the wee hours of the morning. But the doctors kept him heavily sedated because of his injuries and he drifted in and out of drugs-induced consciousness for the next few days. When he saw Hallie in that groggy state, he wasn't much for conversation.
Now, they were alone in the private ward and she had just helped Joe moistened his lips with some water. He was too weak to do it for himself and too proud to ask. She was too uncomfortable assisting him and thus, the whole process of wetting her fingertips with some water before running them over his lips, which took less than a few seconds, was quietly suffered through.
"Can't wait for Hallie to be here?" She asked smilingly, noticing that he kept glancing at the clock on the wall. He nodded once before grimacing, most likely from a sudden jolt of pain.
"Yah… When I saw her in the last few days, I was so out of it… the meetings were like patches of a dream. Now, I can… finally experience it. It's different. Haven't thanked Callie properly too." He replied in a painful whisper, almost breaking her heart. The awkward silence descended again and just when she was about to ask him what he wanted to ask of her, he started to speak as well.
She let out a soft chuckled and gestured for him to speak first.
"No… you…" He grinned sheepishly, still a little dulled from the medication.
"You first. I was only going to ask you what it was that you wanted."
"Ok…" He breathed, smiling a little uneasily. "I was just… just thinking… that… the restraining order is going to be lifted… but…. I…" He gazed at her sadly before shrugging weakly.
"You want to have Hallie for some time before I bring her back to L.A." Vanessa guessed Joe's desires. It wasn't so hard- he had made it known throughout the years they were apart that it was the only thing he wanted.
He nodded, looking at her hopefully now. She didn't know why but it was only then that she felt so cruel for going to great lengths, pulling strings and leaning on Greg's connections, to put forth the restraining order. Anyone could see that Joe wasn't a violent person. He was as loving as the best fathers came and the restraining order must have been worse than a bounty on his head.
"Your wish is granted."
His eyes lighted up with so much joy that her spirits which had taken quite a beating recently, lifted up as well. Just as he was about to say something else, most probably a heartfelt gratitude, the door opened and Hallie scampered in happily, giggling when she saw Joe fully awake and aware for the first time since she was rescued.
"Look who's here, darling…" Laura Hardy chimed as she and Fenton made their entrance, "Now, she can pester her daddy and she can't wait!"
"Glad to have her off our hands too. We are getting too old for her liveliness… Andrea had such a difficult time waking her up I almost pitied her!" Fenton mused, over-exaggerating the energy needed to keep up with Hallie.
"DADDY!!!!!"
"Hallie…" Joe struggled to reach out for her. Fenton scooped up little Hallie and placed her on the bed gently, careful not to cause too much impact that could pained Joe further.
Hallie didn't seem to know that he was recovering from a grievous hurt and Joe didn't want to be too careful around her. She flung her arms around Joe's neck and he held her back, breathing into her hair.
"Daddy was so lazy... sleeping all the time!" Hallie looked up at her father, reproaching him sternly with those pouting lips. Joe chuckled softly before one of his hands flew to his mid-section.
Immediately, Laura Hardy walked over, about to help him pump analgesia from the PCA button. Joe raised a hand limply up to stop her, as he smiled strenuously at his daughter through his severe discomfort.
"I miss you, daddy. But you only talked rubbish when you saw me before. Last night, I dreamt… I dreamt you were playing hide and seek with me but you couldn't find me and you started crying. Then Hallie cried too…" Hallie's eyes welled up and her lips shivered at the memory. Vanessa remembered the aftermath of the nightmare- she had been sleeping in Hallie's room ever since Hallie came home.
Hallie had woken up screaming for her daddy tearfully, refusing everybody's attempt to pacify her. And Vanessa had to hold her until she cried herself to sleep again.
Joe blinked his eyes rapidly before he pulled Hallie even closer to him. Words failed all of them at the emotional reunification of father and daughter. Laura and Fenton smiled, happy for their son. Vanessa placed a hand on his knee as she dabbed quickly at her eyes with the other.
He was obviously lost for language as well for he could only sobbed into his daughter's blonde curls, not caring if the heartrending wracks hurt his sore stomach.
