'It's just. I feel like im not good enough for you Mon' There, I had finally said it. This was something that had been bothering me for ages, the fact that my wife, who could have anyone she wanted, had settled for me. I wasn't anything special like some of the other guys she had dated, Richard was handsome and a grown-up and Pete was a millionaire, and what was I?

'Chandler!' Monica exclaimed so suddenly that it made me jump. When she saw the look that must have been on my face she softened, speaking more quietly. 'Chandler sweetheart, I love you! I always loved you and always will. What makes you think that you're not good enough for me? I don't think that and its not even true.' She told me, while she had been speaking she moved over to sit next to me on the couch, holding my hands in hers. I felt I should believe her but I was used to people saying these kind of things and then doing the exact opposite. But then why else would she be up at three in the morning comforting me?

I had gotten out of bed after the nightmare and tried to make a drink to calm me down but there had been so much on my mind that I hadn't been quiet and woken her up. She had come out to see what was wrong. I had tried to send her back to bed but when she had seen the sate I was in, shaking and almost crying, she had insisted that I told her what was wrong. That had resulted in me telling her my biggest fear.

'Mon, how can I be good enough for anyone? I have a job which no-one even knows what it is. No-one listens when I talk about it either. I'm too sarcastic and hide all of my feelings away behind my defence mechanism and don't let anyone know what I'm feeling and then I moan that no-one understands! I push everyone away and joke abut them, they must hate me!' I didn't realise that I was yelling.

'Chandler!' Monica exclaimed again, almost crying but I cut her off.

'Monica, you're like this beautiful, sexy, wonderful woman like a. a princess you know, like in one of those fairytales where all the handsome princes in the country come galloping up on their horses and whisk you away to live happily ever after and give you everything you want but you turned all of them down and choose the. farmers boy or something.' I slumped down in to my seat with my head in my hands.

'Chandler, believe me, you're not just the farmers boy! You're like. the brave knight that came and swept me off of my feet rescuing me from all the other 'princes' who wanted me for a good time. You mean so much more to me! You're sweet and kind and loving and you make me feel so special.' Monica sobbed and for a moment I almost let myself believe her. She kissed my cheek and I closed my eyes to enjoy the feeling. Seeing my reaction she carried on kissing me, smothering my lips, cheeks, chin and forehead with her butterfly kisses. Her lips reached down to my neck and her head rested there. She sighed heavily and held me tightly. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. We fell asleep in each others arms.



When I woke up the next morning I was alone on the couch. I kept my eyes closed and listened to the sounds around me. Monica was cooking in the kitchen, humming as she worked. I sighed aloud as the depression from last nights dream crept back over me. Monica stopped what she was doing and walked over to me. I opened my eyes and saw her standing right in front of me, looking down at my face and smiling. Seeing her like that I couldn't help smiling myself. She crept on to my lap and kissed me, I kissed back hungrily, not wanting it to end. the smell of something burning filled the room. I felt Monica tense, wanting to go and fix it but knowing that I would be hurt if she left. I smiled to myself and pulled away from her.

'Something's burning' I whispered, my face just millimetres from hers. She smiled at me and gently climbed off my lap.

She walked over to the kitchen, picked up something and sighed as she tipped it in the bin. I stood up and went in to the bedroom to pack for leaving for Tulsa, there was a meeting really early tomorrow, forcing me to leave later this afternoon. I sighed, the feeling of dread and depression waving back over me again. Not for the first time I thought to myself how much I hated my job, how useless it made me feel and also not for the first time I thought about leaving it and becoming a writer. At least then I could stay in New York and be with my friends a whole lot more. And because I wouldn't have a set time for work, like Joey, I could hang out with him much more. I smiled at the thought that when Monica had our first child I could look after him or her if she wanted to go back to work.

I finished packing and walked back out to the kitchen where I discovered that the rest of the gang had arrived.

'Hey guys' I said, the others looked up and said hi before going back to their conversation. I waited for a break and then spoke up. 'I've decided, I'm going to quit my job.' I announced. My friends looked at me sceptically and I wondered how many times I had said I was going to do this but then backed down because of 'the fear'.

'Yeah right Chandler, you've said that loads of times, you'll be in that job for ever, you know that. I really thought you had made your peace with that fact.' Rachel said. She was bouncing baby Emma on her knee not noticing that she had dropped her toy on the floor.

'What makes you say that? I could quit at any time.' I said confidently. I could and I was certain that I would, when my boss asked for evaluations of the workers that was due tomorrow I would hand it to him and then have my notice and inform him that this would be my last week with the company.

'Yeah but you've said that about a thousand times Chandler, and you've always ended up too afraid. I tell you, the day you quit will be the day that Joey knows more about Dinosaurs then Ross.' Phoebe commented. The others laughed and I could feel the anger rising up in me. I couldn't believe that my own friends were doing this. They were meant to be supportive but they were just disregarding this as nothing.

*Well * I thought to myself *I'll show *

'Yeah and think how much harder it would be if you didn't have your income to support the bills.' Monica said, laughing along with the others.

'Well it wouldn't be like I don't have another job you know.' I said, probably a little louder then was necessary, but by now I was angry at my friends for not believing in me. 'I'm getting another job.'

'As what?' Ross asked.

'Writer. I've always wanted to be a writer, and I can totally do it as well.' I said smiling. I had my dream now and I was going to make it come true, even if I wasn't going to get the support from my friends.

'Well, like mother like son.' Phoebe laughed. 'I mean I know it's meant to be the father but your obviously not facing up to that any time soon.' The others laughed along with her and I felt my anger rising even more.

'Not romance novels, I mean I could write books but I was thinking more along the lines of newspaper articles.' I said bitterly. The others just nodded patronizingly and changed the topic of the conversation. I walked back to the bedroom and closed the door, well slammed it really and picked up m suitcase. Over the last few months I had felt left out from the gang, as if I were an outsider, and perhaps I was. I had a job in the other city, I always tired recently and didn't want to go anywhere. But I promised myself that all that would change. I just needed to get out of this job. It was the job that was causing all the problems. It was taking me away from my home, making me tired, irritating me with all the travelling involved and I've hated it from day one so it had to be the reason I was so unhappy. There was nothing else. Except the nightmares.

I walked back out in to the living room with my travelling case and headed towards the door. 'Well I have to get going now, I'll see you all later in the week.' I said and opened the door.

'Good luck in quitting your job.' Ross smirked. I sneered back at him and walked out the door. I was at the top of the stairs when I heard my name being called.

'Chandler wait!' Monica yelled. I turned around and walked towards her as she walked towards the stairs. 'You didn't say goodbye to me.' She whispered. It hit me hard when I realised she was right.

'Sorry.' I said lamely. She shrugged and kissed me on the lips long and hard. It left me so dazed that when she pulled away I felt dizzy. She smiled at me and turned around to head back to the apartment. I held on to her arm to prevent her from leaving. 'Mon, do you really think I wont quit my job? Coz I'm going to today, so now's your time to say something about it.' I said. Monica just smiled again and kissed me on the nose before saying goodbye again. I walked down the stairs and hailed a cab outside and it wasn't until I had told the driver where I wanted to go that I realised no-one knew that my flight wasn't until later tonight.



Hiya, sorry that took so long. I know I keep going on about homework but it is my only fault I promise. The next chapter will be quicker as I've finished a big part of the coursework now, I think :-S. anyway please review. It'll help motivate me.