I held the letter in my shaking hands. I couldn't believe what was written there. Such hateful words directed at the people who loved him so much. Smeared with blood and stained with tears the words had run together and it was a little hard to read but what was implied was perfectly clear. It was a suicide letter; he was saying his last goodbye in the most hateful way. Spiteful words jumped out at me as my eyes roamed over the note one more time.

I didn't get it. How were things this bad? I had really believed that things were ok. Tears were streaming down my face as questions filled my mind. Did he really mean all of this? He must have, he had left it in a place where I was sure to find it. How was putting it in the bucket that I mopped the floor with hiding it?

Suddenly I wasn't upset any more. I was angry at him. Why was he this upset? What had we done to deserve this? Before I could ask myself anything else Chandler walked in. he was smiling and looked happy which just made me even more mad at him.

'Hi honey.' He called to me. My anger flared and I yelled at him, thrusting the letter to him before running blindly to the bedroom we shared, slamming the door and throwing myself down on the bed as tears began to fall freely. I heard Chandler cry out from the livingroom. My anger sparked again, I wouldn't let myself get upset like this, I walked over to the door to go and confront him.

Instantly I could tell that something was wrong. Chandler was crouched down by the countertop, his body was convulsing violently. I called out his name and ran over to him. He didn't seem to be able to hear me or feel me; he kept rubbing his arms and crying out. Suddenly his body relaxed and he collapsed on the floor.

'Chandler.' I called to him, trying to wake him up. When he didn't move I checked his pulse and his breathing and when I was sure he was fine I began to panic. What could I do?

'Joey.' I yelled out as loud as I could. A few seconds later, no-one came. I yelled again, louder. I didn't want to leave my husbands side but I had to get help. I tried yelling out one more time before I got up and ran to the door. As I reached it Joey and Phoebe cam running in looking panicked.

'Monica, what's wrong?' Phoebe asked. Tears were running down my face again and I was shaking like crazy.

'Chandler' I managed to choke out before the lump in my throat restricted me from saying anything else. Joey went over and knelt down by him.

'What happened?' He asked. I could tell he was trying to be calm. I shook my head. He put his arm under Chandlers shoulder and rested his head in the crook of the arm. The other arm went under his legs and he lifted him up and carried him over to the couch.

'Tell us what happened.' Phoebe tried to reason. My throat still wouldn't let me speak and I knelt down by Chandler, forgetting I was ever mad at him in the first place. I took a deep breath and tried to explain.
Chandler lay on the sofa for hours until he woke up, by then I had also fallen asleep by his side, Phoebe and Joey had been great and offered to stay, they were in the kitchen when they heard Chandler gasp as he woke, being pulled from the terrors of the images that had been storming through his mind. They ran over to us and shook me awake. I looked into my husbands eyes and froze, they were glazed over and staring into nothing but underneath that was a look of panic.

'Chandler?' I whispered timidly. The panic left his eyes and the glazed look vanished as he turned to face me. He gave a weak smile before closing his eyes again but I could tell he was still awake. 'What happened sweetheart? You had us all worried.'

'Sorry.' Chandler breathed. His face was flushed shining with sweat, results from the dreams that had haunted him in his sleep. I put my hand on his cheek and listened to him breathing. Joey and Phoebe silently left, sensing that we needed time alone.
It was later that night and we were sitting up at the kitchen table. I had locked the door so that we were left uninterrupted. Chandler was sitting opposite me with a cup of Cocoa in his hands, my vain attempt to try and help him relax. He was still shaking and was too scared to look me in the eye.

We had sat in silence for half an hour before one of us spoke. 'I'm so sorry Monica.' He told me. 'I didn't think I had really wrote that letter, I thought it was just a dream.'

'What dream?' I asked him. he seemed to be struggling to tell me so I reached my hand out on to his to try and reassure him.

'Remember when I woke up during the night a few days ago and we had that talk?' I nodded and he continued. 'Well I had a dream that woke me up. I was depressed and upset worse than I can even say and I took a knife and started to hurt myself with it.' He paused and looked at me, trying to work off my reaction to this news, I nodded for him to continue. 'And I had wrote that letter and smeared it with the blood from the wounds. But it was all a dream, how can the letter be real?' He asked, almost pleading with me to make it not true.

'I don't know sweetie.' I answered truthfully.

'And I could see the cuts again, they were still bleeding.' He whispered. I wasn't mad at him anymore, something was wrong and it wasn't his fault. I reached for his hand and squeezed it.

'I think we should go to bed.' I whispered back, hoping that sleep would help, not knowing what else to do. I got and started to walk to the bedroom, hoping he would follow.

'Mon.' I turned round and saw a ghost of a smile on his lips.

'Yes honey?'

'I quit my job.' He told me. I smiled and walked back over to him, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him on the forehead.

'Well done.'
Ok, so what exactly happened didn't make much sense but it will soon. Please leave a review all ya lovely people ;-) the next chapter will be back to Chandler's point of view again and we will get to see what's happening.