This was inspired by the random happenings in chats with my friends. It was co-written by Me, BreetanyaViolet, and Zenya. Have fun!

Disclaimer: JK Rowling shouldn't be held responsible for any of this, even though the characters are 100% hers. XD

"The crazy nurse is injecting my mom with herion," Hermione said to Harry and Ron.

"Shut up Hermione! No one cares about you, we all hate you! But, now that you mention it, where could we score some herion?" Harry said, looking around for some druggies.

"Well if you all hate me so much why should i get you ANY herion?" Hermione asked snorting some suspious white powder.

"Because you're desperately in need of friends?" Ron prodded. "Plus we don't NEED you to get us herion. That's what Snape's for!"

"Thats a good point. Where the hell is Snape, anyway?" Harry asked, still looking for some druggies.

"I have friends!" Hermione cried. "Look! There is Blue Kangaroo Bob, and Pink Elephant Pippin!"

"Don't make me bitch slap you again. Ill only say this one more time. The PINK ELEPHANT PIPPIN IS MINE!" Ron shouted, throwing a dirty m&m at her.

"That was stupid, Hermione,"Harry said, giving her a dirt look. "You're not even stoned yet. By the way, you should listen to weezer."

"How long do you think I've had this herion, Pothead?" Hermione sneered. "I've been taking it since last bleeding night!"

"I've got my hash pipe! Dun na nah na!" Ron starts singing, shaking his booty.

"Go listen to pickerton... or the blue album, they're their best cds." Harry said, in a dazed 'I want drugs' state.

"WHO STOLE MY CHOCOLATE FROGS?" Hermione belowed searching her pockets.

Suddenly, Snape came riding into the great hall on a rebel sheep, which was mooing. "Come here Potter, you pot head! I've scored us some weed!"

"DRACO! DID YOU STEAL MY CHOCOLATE FROGS WHEN WE WERE SHAGGING???" Hermione demanded across the Great Hall.

Suddenly, Lucius Malfoy, that hot, yummy sex-god came bursting through the door and bitch slaps Hermione.

Suddenly draco sat up and screamed "LUCY!" at the top of his voice

"YOU STOLE MY CHOCOLATE FROGS YOU BITCH?" Hermione demanded. "I GAVE MY BLEEDING VIRGINITY TO YOU!!! AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME? STEALING MY CHOCOLATE FROGS??"

Lucius bitch slaps hermione again. "Stop screaming! And SNAPE! Humping sheep is BAD! You're supposed to hump ME!

Hermione starts to sob, "But chocolate frogs are the only thing that relieves my munchies!"

"But Lucy, they're so, um, pleasurable," Snape stuttered.

Hermione goes over and humps the sheep with Snape.

Lucy SCREAMS like a little GIRL.

"GET OFF MY SHEEP!" Snape screamed, "I hate you, now get the fuck out of this fic!!!!!!"

The mass public throws Hermione out of the fic.

Hermione, who finally had enough of everyone being mean to her committed suicide by falling on her wand.

Umbridge comes bursting through the door. "MAN! I feel like a WOMAN!" She sang as she started dancing like a hoochie-mama.

Harry pipes up "NO! WOMAN you are a MAN! See that mustache?"

Umbridge gasps and screams. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111"

Sev and Lucy looked up disintrestedly. "You're an idiot," they muttered, and went back to smoking weed and shagging each other senseless.

"FATHER! You said I could join next time!" Draco whined

Virtie enters herself into the story in a mad rage and throws snape of her lucy-kins. "BAD dog!"

"EXCUSE ME! I am not the dog!" Snape cried. "I *puffs up proudly* am the greesey git!"

"I wonder what zulch is..." Harry wondered absent mindedly.

"It isn't a word," Ron said, trying to act smart.

"Zulch? I think *puffs up, more-so than snape, acting special* zulch is a more zesty kind of mulch!" Virtie said, still in the story.

Lockhart comes into the great hall proclaiming, "WE HAVE FOUND A BIGGER LIAR THAN I!" and points to Virtie.

Virtie sobs madly, then grabs her Lucy-kins and invites herself on Paradise Hotel. The people on Paradise Hotel are so frighten of the pair that they leave immediatly. Then Breetanya jumps into the fic and drags them back to the great hall and jumps back out again after saying 'STAY!'

Virtie's lip quivers, looking all sad and dissapointed.

Suddenly Dumbledore jumped onto the table and started singing the ever so interesting song "tired of sex" by the ever so interesting Weezer.

"OHH! SHAKE IT BABY! SHAKE IT!" Umbridge tries putting tooneys in Dumbledore's jock strap.

Everybody consious/alive/reading shudders.

"In 'the restaurant at the end of the universe,' they say what the question to the meaning of life is..." Zenya started, acting smart. "42"

~~~

AN: Go flame Breetanya! Not meh! ^_~