Title: SG-3 (05/10)

Rating: R

Spoilers: None

Details: Alternative Series, 3rd person POV, Hurt/Comfort, Humor

Summary: Sam and Makepeace deal with the aftermath of their latest mission with some extremely immature behaviour, SG-3 style!

Disclaimer: None of the characters or places in this story belong to me, they are the property of MGM Worldwide, ShowTime, Gekko Film Corporation and Brad Wright. No copyright infringement intended - please don't sue me! I'm skint anyhow. Oh yeah - obviously the Star Wars references are not mine either. Nope, I don't own nothing.

Author Notes: Thanks to my new beta readers Adele and LauraJo! Couldn't have done it without you!

~SG-3 (05/10) ~

(c) Ruth, June 2003

**********

Janet groaned. That was the fourth time in as many minutes that Colonel Makepeace had asked her when he could leave.

"I told you before, Colonel, you can't leave until your leg has healed sufficiently enough."

"But doctor, it's fine! I can walk on it – ow!"

She sighed a knowing sigh and went over to help the highly embarrassed marine, who hated having things done for him.

After getting him back into his bed, she went to check on her other patient. When she pulled back the curtain, however, it became apparent that she had discharged herself.

Makepeace chuckled. "Good one, Carter."

Janet frowned, and headed for Sam's lab.

When she got there, she could clearly see her friend sitting at her desk, working. She opened the door and went in. Sam knew that she was rumbled.

"Just when did you decide to discharge yourself from my care?" Janet asked.

"Janet, I'm fine – really." Sam bit down on her lip as she leaned a little too hard on her ribs.

"Right, lady! That's it – back to the infirmary NOW!"

Sam knew that there was no point arguing, so she followed Janet back to the infirmary.

"Nice try," her commanding officer called from his bed.

"Nearly managed it, sir," she called back, as she sat down on her bed again.

"Now, do I have to post an Airman in here or will you two promise to stay where you are?" she asked.

"I'll stay," said Sam. Makepeace merely grunted.

"Good. I'll be back to check on you later."

The minute Janet had left the room; Makepeace instantly tried to stand up on his leg again. He failed, falling to the floor with a loud curse.

"FUCK!"

"Sir?" Sam asked, swinging herself down off of the bed and going to his aid.

"Bloody buggering cast – makes me ten times heavier!"

Sam crouched down to help him up off of the floor. He put his arm around her shoulders and together they tried to lift him up, but unfortunately Sam's broken ribs decided to make a nuisance of themselves.

"Agh, shit! My ribs!"

Sam ended up on the floor in a heap beside Makepeace. "Bloody gate malfunction!"

The two of them were quiet for a moment, but then Makepeace snorted.

"Right pair of hypochondriacs we are, huh?"

Sam nodded, sitting up as easily as she could. "How's the leg, sir?"

"Agh, it's been worse. How's the rib, captain?"

"Been much worse, but it's been much better."

They were quiet again. Sam made another attempt at standing up, but failed.

"Fuck!"

"Don't even bother, Captain," said Makepeace, trying to reach the cup of tea by the side of his bed.

He failed, miserably. Shifting his hands about uncomfortably in his lap, he turned to Carter.

"Captain?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Those things I said to you on that godforsaken ice box…"

Sam shook her head. "Forget it, sir."

"No. I mean…I was pissed off….but some of it wasn't necessary. I'm…I'm sorry."

Sam swallowed. That was actually an apology from Colonel Makepeace!

"Don't worry about it, Colonel. I'm sorry I screwed up your splint."

"You did good, Captain. It was fucking cold there anyway."

"Yeah."

"Do you remember much about when we were rescued?" he asked.

"I don't remember anything from when I passed out to when I woke up in the infirmary."

Makepeace laughed. "I remember waking up and seeing Edelson's ugly mug looking down at me."

Sam smiled. This conversation was taking a lot of weight off of her shoulders. She finally felt comfortable talking to her commanding officer.

Just then, the door opened and Janet walked back in. She sighed when she saw her two most difficult patients.

"Tried to escape again, did we?" she asked, first helping Sam back to her bed and then Makepeace.

He was finally able to reach his cup of tea. With a smile, he brought it to his lips. Unfortunately, after all the time he and Sam had been trapped on the floor, it was stone cold.

"Fuck!" he cursed.

Sam smiled as she heard the cursing from the bed next to hers. Just as Janet was about to give him a lecture about swearing, James Edelson and John Phillips walked in.

"Rob! How's the leg?" Phillips asked.

"Hurts like a bitch!" he replied.

"Can you put any weight on it yet?"

"Nah. Three escape attempts have failed since you were last here."

Edelson went over to Sam.

"How's the rib?" he asked.

"It hurts like hell," she answered, "I nearly made it out, but got dragged back in."

"Several times," Makepeace reminded her.

"Yeah - several times," she smiled.

"There is hope for you yet, jedi," said Phillips, making them all laugh.

Sam stopped abruptly because it hurt. "Ah - shit!"

"Sorry, Carter. I forgot!"

"Shame you can't stand up on it yet, though," said Phillips. "We were going to go out for a drink tonight."

Makepeace glared at him. "Ya can't go out without yer commanding officer! I forbid it!"

Edelson motioned Phillips to him. The two of them whispered to each other and nodded.

"Fear not, my young jedi knights, for you will yet drink! We will return at the strike of eight, but until then - may the force be with you!"

Edelson and Phillips left the room.

Makepeace groaned. "What the hell are they up to?"

Sam shrugged. "It can't be that bad."

Makepeace grinned. He was about to give her a warning about team bonding with SG-3, but decided to leave her to find out.

Sam saw his expression change. "What?" she asked nervously.

"Nothing, Captain," he replied, taking another sip of his cold tea.

At eight o'clock exactly, Edelson and Phillips returned, dragging a large box between them. Janet had thankfully left for a meeting, so they were on their own.

"This should cheer you sickies up," said Edelson, opening the box to reveal a lot of alcohol.

"Whoooooo!" said Makepeace, jumping out of the bed, forgetting he couldn't actually do it and promptly falling over.

Edelson shrieked with laughter and Phillips nearly peed himself.

Sam couldn't help but grin widely at the sight of her CO sprawled on the floor like a drunken starfish.

"What're you drinking, Carter?" Phillips called.

"Uh, just throw me whatever you have," she said.

Edelson threw her a bottle of orange juice. She looked at him questioningly.

"Can't drink booze until you're 16, little lady."

Good humouredly, she threw a pack of cotton wool at him, then ducked as a tongue depressor came flying her way.

"Give me some damn beer, master Edelson!" she laughed.

"Let it be so, jedi," he replied, finally throwing her some beer. She cracked it open and took a gulp. God, that tasted good.

Makepeace had his own beer (on the floor) and drank it very quickly.

"Ya know, I needed that!" He said jubilantly. "Gimmie another!"

Edelson looked at Sam. "Quit sipping it, Carter, just fucking drink it!"

She gave him her best salute, then up-ended the bottle in her mouth, much to the delight of the men.

"Now that is how to drink, Carter!" Makepeace said proudly.

**********

Approximately ten beers between them later, things were starting to get a little weird. Edelson demanded Sam to make his hair like Princess Lea's, which was exceedingly difficult to do to a man with a typical military haircut.

Makepeace and Phillips were decorating a wheelchair with pretty bows made out of bandages. Makepeace sat proudly in it, drinking his fourth beer and talking very loudly to John about 'that bastard' Darth Vader.

Sam was still struggling with Edelson's hair. Eventually, she bandaged two stethascopes to his head and wound the bandage around them. He was delighted.

"Janet is gonna freak when she - hic - sees this," said Sam.

"That's why w - hic - e locked the fricking door!" said Phillips, tying a bow in Makepeace's hair.

"Hmm," said Edelson, looking in the mirror, "I need a cape."

Sam snorted with laughter, lurched over to the nearest bed and pulled the white sheet off of it. Unfortunately, her momentum meant that she fell on the floor, wrapped up in the sheet.

Edelson giggled in an extremely high-pitched way, which set Makepeace off.

"The jedi master rules - BUNDLE!"

At that order, Edelson and Phillips threw themselves at the floor on top of the giggling bed sheet. It was at that point that a very agitated Janet Frasier burst in with the help of an airman and caught them in the act.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"

The four members of SG-3 replied with a single word.

"Fuck."

**********

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING?" yelled General Hammond.

"Uh…"

"Well…"

"Ya see…"

shrug

"DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT THIS IS THE WAY YOU SHOULD BE CONDUCTING YOURSELVES ON BASE?"

"No, sir."

"No, sir."

"No, sir."

shrug

"I AM EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU! NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY SIGHT UNTIL I FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO WITH YOU!"

"Yes, sir."

"Yes, sir."

"Yes, sir."

"Yes, sir."

**********

As SG-3 left his office, Hammond had to admit that Edelson had looked funny in his Princess Lea hairdo, but he soon reminded himself that the sort of behaviour they had just exhibited was not to be tolerated! He now had to think up a suitable punishment for them. Casting a look at a file on his desk, he smiled. He had the perfect plan.

**********

General Hammond's office, the next morning

"WHAT?"

TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 6

Author's Note: Please send feedback. Working my butt off to get the next parts out!