Sam:

I'm scared. How can I be 'a good little soldier' when I'm in the stomach of hell?

I didn't even try to fight on the way here, it would have been pointless. I wouldn't have done any good anyway, I was under the almost constant onslaught of Jolinar's memories. What was happening to me, had also happened to her. I know what is to come, I thought I could prepare, I was wrong. Even if I could have escaped I couldn't have gone back to the others. The swirling orange passages I had travelled through with the soundtrack of screams, and the flashbacks to a previous visit, al looked the same to me.

I knew when Apophis found the memory recall device that this was going beyond any sort of physical pain. I had only experienced, by default, the physical torture that Jolinar had gone through, and I was prepared for that. The idea of physical torture had not scared me, I know I can stand it. Apophis with the aid of the device is capable of stripping away the present and taking me back to the past. He will be able to take me to any point in my past, and of Jolinar's. He could inflict me with the memory of every pain I have the memory to suffer, and not leave an external mark on me.

The device can take me to the time and place of any event we have experienced. I will be able to feel everything we have ever felt.

Did they do this to Jolinar? I can't find a memory, will I even remember it? She survived her hell, enough to..

Could I do what she did? If I had the chance and knew that there was even the smallest chance of helping my team, Dad and Martouf I would. I would sell soul if it meant they walked free.

I hated having to tell Martouf, the look on his face, the pain that I, she, we caused him to feel. If I could only make that right.

Would anyone have the strength to tell Jack? Would he ever know? We are so much more to each other than Colonel and Major. Would it hurt him, as much as Martouf?

Martouf....what would he feel?

Apophis is leaning towards me, the device is in his hands. There is no way to fight, how can I fight my own mind? I can feel the first signals from the device burrowing into my defenceless mind. A picture begins to form....

Please, please not there. Don't take me there. Why doesn't someone come to save me, help me, kill me? Why am I alone?

Please....no....