Martouf:

I watched over her while she recovered, wishing that I could give her some comfort. Apart from a few grazes there seemed to be no physical signs of torture. The memory recall device was missing though. Even with this knowledge I could not have been prepared for what she just told me.

They used the 'Blood Of Sokar' on her, with the memory device. How is she still sane?

She is close to me now. Close enough to block my vision of anything, except her. I want to reach out and touch her, not quite believing that she survived. To make sure she is not just an image brought on by the grief that enveloped me when she was taken, or the guilt I feel for bringing her to Netu. I can never touch her like that though.

After what she has been put through, she is still trying to care for others.

"She loved you..." how my ears hoped to hear a "...and so do I", after that statement.

Jolinar and I didn't just love each other, we were part of each other. Jolinar and Lantash had been together for so many years, before me. I fell for her the second I received Lantash. I had never felt more satisfied, more complete. I thought that we knew everything about each other. Yet she hid something so dark and terrible, that my image of her is being ever so gently twisted by it. My mind keeps jumping back to memories, trying to re-evaluate them, I end up tied in knots. If only I had known, everything would have made just a little more sense. I understand that she was trying to protect me, I should have been protecting her.

Lantash has retreated almost entirely from my consciousness, but I still feel my pain magnified beyond any proportions. My distress is added to by the fact that I want to hold Samantha the way I used to hold Jolinar. The way I feel for Samantha is almost separate from the way I felt for Jolinar, I think. I feel as though I am betraying Lantash, Sam and Jolinar for even thinking that way though.

If Apophis uses my thoughts of Jolinar against me, any strength which I may have will abandon me, I won't be able to stop it. I am aware of what the Blood does to the victim. I will have little control over my mind, if I 'see' her will I lose that control? Will Lantash have any strength to help me?

They will come for me soon. They will take me to the place where a part of my mate died, and where I will as well.

I'm sorry Jolinar, and I'm sorry if I fail Samantha.