The Fates Have A Twisted Sense of Humor

By ArtikGato

Disclaimer: Yu Yu Hakusho is owned by Yoshihiro Togashi, not me. I'm simply borrowing the characters and stuff for fun. ^_^

Author's Notes: Thanks to you all who reviewed the last chapter requesting/demanding that I update soon. I'll try to update sooner from now on, as my major exams are over with, and I probably won't have much homework any more. ^___^ Yaaaaay! Okay, now on with the fanfic! Oh, and for you that requested that I separate the different scenes when I switch, I'll now put a line of ==='s going across the page for a scene change. All right, now on to chapter three!

Chapter Three

           Koenma was, well, the shortest way to put it was stressed. Everything was riding on Botan now. If Hiei found out about Yukina being kidnapped and killed a human, King Enma would have a fit!! Koenma shuddered. He didn't want to get spankings...

            "Koenma sir! How are things going?" George asked, as he rushed into the room with an armful of food. He set it down on Koenma's desk, and Koenma glared at him.

            "George, how many times have I told you not to yell something as you run in here?!" Koenma demanded. George looked sheepish, and decided to change the subject.

            "So....how are things?" he asked. Koenma hit himself on the head, but decided to just drop it.

            "I don't know. Let's check the screen," Koenma said, and pushed a button on his remote control. The formerly black screen changed to a scene. In the scene, Yusuke, Kurama, Kuwabara, Yukina, and a little girl in a tutu were standing around. There were two unconscious people off to the side of them.

            "What in the world could they be doing? And who's the girl in the tutu?" Koenma asked. Koenma had no sooner got these questions out of his mouth before Yusuke and Kurama waved goodbye to the girl, and Kuwabara and Yukina looked like they thanked her, and then the four of them promptly left, leaving the girl there.

            "Looks like the mission is over!" George exclaimed, joyously.

            "All right!! No spankings! Now, I'll just tell Botan..." Koenma said, and pushed another button on the remote. The scene on the screen changed to another scene. There was a large tree, and two people were standing underneath it. At first, Koenma thought he had pushed the wrong button, because the two people looked like they were kissing. Then he noticed that one of them was wearing a pink kimono and had blue hair, and the other one was pretty much black all the way around. Koenma stared at the screen for a few seconds, dumbstruck.

            "Ack! Is that Botan?!" George asked. Koenma twitched, and angrily hit a button on the remote. The screen flashed back to black. George blinked and looked at him.

            "Umm...weren't you going to tell her that the mission-" George started, but was interrupted as Koenma made a strange angry sound and picked up a stack of papers sitting on his desk. George arched an eyebrow. He started to ask something else, but then realization struck him like a bolt of lightning. He smiled evilly (which was new for him).

            "Oh! I get it!! You're jealous that Hiei is kissing your girlfriend!" George said. Koenma turned and glared at him.

            BAM!!

            "Owww!! Koenma sir, why did you hit me?" George asked. Koenma just grumbled.

            "Begone from my sight, or I'll hit you again!!" exclaimed Koenma. George promptly left, fearing for his life. "Baka oni..." Koenma growled under his breath.

            "Well, so much for just DISTRACTING him! Argh!! Botan, what are you THINKING?!"

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            Botan was surprised. No no, make that shocked. Hiei had threatened unholy violence on her, but instead he was kissing her? "Geez, youkai can be so confusing...and I thought for SURE that he hated me," Botan thought.

            Just as soon as it had begun, the kiss ended, and both Botan AND Hiei were just standing there looking remarkably like fish out of water. Neither of them really wanted to speak, but since Hiei wasn't likely to say anything, Botan figured that she would have to.

            WHAM!!

            ...but then she decided that actions speak louder than words. And they usually get the point across, too.

            "I guess I deserved that," Hiei said, rubbing his cheek which now was pretty much completely red from all of the slaps she had given him. "...you've GOT to be some sort of a demon to be able to hit this hard," he added. Botan fumed.

            "No, I'm just REALLY REALLY MAD, OKAY?!" Botan shrieked. "WHAT IN KAMI-SAMA'S NAME WERE YOU THINKING?! She demanded. Hiei glared at her.

            "I was THINKING that I had to shut you up SOMEHOW!" Hiei exclaimed.

            "Well...you could have...I don't know...slapped your hand over my mouth or something!" Botan replied.

            "You would have bitten me," he pointed out. Botan nodded.

            "That's true..."

            Silence. Awkward silence.

            "So....was it good?" Hiei asked.

            WHAM!!

            "You know, this is getting old," Hiei asked as he rubbed his other cheek.

            "You deserved EVERY LAST ONE!!" Botan yelled. Hiei sighed.

            "Well?"

            "Well what?"

            "Was it any good?" Hiei asked, Botan attempted to slap him but he caught her hand that time.

            "I don't normally hurt women that are INCREDIBLY underpowered compared with me, but I've decided that YOU are an exception! Now will you answer the question?" he said, with a surprisingly calm tone to his voice. Botan looked shocked for a second, and then narrowed her eyes.

            "What the-" Hiei asked, but it was far too late. A purple burst of energy sent him flying to the ground a few feet away. He sat up, and looked confused. Then he looked over at Botan...who was glowing purple! He snickered, and then laughed.

            "And WHAT are you laughing about?!" Botan demanded, fuming.

            "The ningen ferrygirl can use spirit energy after all," he said, standing up and still snickering.

            "And you expected me NOT to?! I hang around with Yusuke and YOU people all day! How could I NOT pick up a few tricks along the way?" Botan asked. Hiei was about to reply, when he was interrupted by a familiar shout.

            "Botan! Botan! Hey, there you are!" exclaimed someone. They both turned to look, and saw an abnormally tall light blue ogre running toward them.

            "George?" Botan asked, surprised. George ran up to them, and stopped for breath.

            "There you are! I have to tell you, the mission is off!" George exclaimed.

            "Mission?" Hiei asked.

            "Really?! That's great, George!" Botan exclaimed, feeling on top of the world. She clapped her hands together.

            "So everyone is all right?" she asked.

            "They ran into a little interference, but nothing to severe. I honestly don't know HOW they captured her in the first place," George informed her.

            "Her who?" Hiei demanded.

            "Yuk-" George stopped, but Botan slapped her hand over his mouth.

            "Keiko!" she exclaimed, laughing nervously. Hiei glared suspiciously at them. Then he reached up and removed the bandage that hid his Jagan eye.

            "I don't believe you," he said. Botan gulped, and did the only thing that her panicked brain could think of to distract him...she kissed him.

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            Koenma took a deep breath.

            "Okay...that was probably a misunderstanding. Yeah...that's it," he said, and pushed a button on his controller. The blank screen changed to the familiar scene with the tree. This time, there were THREE people; one familiar oni, one blue-haired, pink-kimonoed ferrygirl, and one shorter, predominately black youkai. Once again, the guy that seemed to emanate blackness and the girl with the blue hair and pink kimono looked like they were kissing.

            Koenma fumed. No, let me rephrase that. Koenma threw a fit.

            "STILL?!? IT'S BEEN TEN MINUTES!!" he screeched.

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            "Umm..." George said. He got no response from Hiei or Botan. They seemed to be lost to the world. "Gee, Koenma's gonna be mad if he sees this," the oni realized. He sighed, and turned to leave, deciding that he should probably go report this to Koenma.

            "What was THAT for?!" came the annoyed shriek of Botan. George looked back and was presented with a distinctly weird sight. Botan was blushing furiously, and running after Hiei, who was laughing diabolically and easily outrunning her.

            "What did I do?" Hiei asked in mock innocence.

            "WHAT DID YOU DO?! YOU GROPED ME YOU PERVERT!!" Botan shrieked, and threw a  bolt of purple energy at him from her hand. He easily dodged, still laughing.

            "That's new," George said, gaping.

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            "That's it! I'm going down there!" Koenma yelled. He pushed another button on his controller, and nothing happened. A few minutes later, an orange oni and a red-haired ferrygirl ran into the room.

            "You called?" asked the oni.

            "Bob! Rose! You're in charge!" Koenma replied, suddenly in his teenaged form.

            "What?" they both asked.

            "I'm going to mortal Earth to...resolve some things. I'll be back soon," Koenma continued, ignoring their freaked out expressions.

            "Where are George and Botan?" Rose asked.

            "Never mind them! If anything happens, contact me IMMEDIATELY!" Koenma exclaimed, and ran out of the room. Bob and Rose turned to eachother and shrugged.

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            "Umm...everyone is staring at me," Yukina said. Kuwabara immediately shot death glares at the rest if the contents of the bus. They all immediately averted their gazes and laughed nervously.

            "Well it's not every day a green haired girl in a kimono boards a bus, y'know," Yusuke  said. Kuwabara glared at him.

            "So?!?" Kuwabara demanded.

            "Well...she just looks a little strange," Yusuke replied.

            "Yukina is NOT strange! She's BEAUTIFUL!!" Kuwabara exclaimed.

            "You really think so, Kazuma?" Yukina asked.

            "Of course!" Kuwabara replied.

            "Really?" Yukina asked.

            "Really!" Kuwabara exclaimed.

            "Honestly?" Yukina asked.

            "Absolutely!" Kuwabara exclaimed.

            "Oh Kazuma!!"

            "Yukina!"

            They hugged and other such romanceish stuff. Yusuke mock gagged, and leaned over to Kurama, who was sitting next to him.

            "What do you think they would do if we told them that Yukina is Hiei's sister?" he asked. Kurama shrugged.

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            Koenma grumbled, stalking down the hall that led out of the Underworld.

            "I'm going to KILL them!"

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KABOOM!!!

            "Get back here you hentai!!" Botan yelled, throwing a grenade of energy at Hiei. He turned around to taunt her again, and the ball of energy hit him straight in the chest. He stayed standing through the blast, but his hair was singed as well as his clothes. He glared at her, smoke rising off of him.

            "That was not funny," he said, as Botan started to crack up. She collapsed in a fit of laughter. He blew some of the smoke away with a breath, and disappeared, leaving the smoke there. He reappeared behind Botan and grabbed her arms.

            "HEY!!!" she shrieked, and started flailing around. One of her elbows came dangerously close to Hiei's...

            "Whoa!! Hey!! Stop, stop!! I'm sorry, all right!!!" Hiei squawked. Everything came to a screeching halt.

            "Did you just-" she started, but Hiei abruptly dropped her and vanished. She fell backwards, arms flailing. Hiei reappeared on one of the upper branches of the tree.

            "Did I just apologize?" he asked himself. Botan sat up, rubbing the back of her head.

            "He just apologized," Botan said.

            "No, I did NOT!" the youkai exclaimed, reappearing in front of Botan. She jumped, startled, and stood up abruptly. Hiei glared at her, red eyes flaring with energy. "Get it through your thick head! I NEVER apologize!! And I CERTAINLY don't apologize to ningens!!" Hiei yelled. Botan smirked, which was a rare thing for her.

            "You DID!!" she exclaimed.

            "I DON'T APOLOGIZE!!" he yelled back. They just stood there glaring at eachother. They slowly moved toward eachother, when suddenly, George made a strange squawk and shouted "Koenma sir?!"

            "Koenma?" Botan and Hiei both asked, and turned to look. Koenma, in his teenage form, stood fuming in front of George, glaring at them.

            "Hiei," he said, eyes glowing an eerie yellow.

            "Koenma?" Botan asked, a little shaken. Hiei just returned his glare.

            "Are you all right, Koenma sir?" George asked, concerned. Koenma said nothing else, narrowing his glare. Hiei closed his eyes.

            "I accept your challenge," he said.

            "Whoa whoa! What challenge?" Botan asked. Hiei opened his eyes again, smirking.

            "He saw me kissing you, and now he is jealous and wants to fight me," Hiei said. Koenma's eyes glowed brighter, making his skin seem pale.

            "No you youkai shieiji, I don't want to fight you," Koenma said. He crouched slightly into a battle stance. "...I want to kill you,"

Agh! Okay, I PROMISE that Koenma is NOT a bad guy in this story!! Don't flame me!!!

And now it's time once again foooooorrrrr... Cussing in Japanese 102!!

Oni: ogre *fyi, George is the ogre that is Koenma's assistant. He calls him 'ogre' in the dub...-_-'*

Youkai: demon, for those of you that don't remember last chapter...

Kami-Sama: God, basically.

Ningen: Human, for those of you that don't remember last chapter

Hentai: pervert

Shieiji: bastard