The Fates Have A Twisted Sense of Humor

By ArtikGato

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho. I just enjoy torturing and/or pairing the characters.

Author's Notes: Thank you all ohsovery much for reviewing!! Okay, now I have to warn you, there is a bit of randomness in this final part of the story, though not too much. If you were expecting the epilogue to this story to be in any way serious, then you haven't read the rest of the story, have you?

The Epilogue of Doom! (Well, just the Epilogue)

            The clock struck eleven: it was getting late, and Botan had to wake up early tomorrow. She yawned, and hit the 'power' button on the remote control she was holding. This new ningen 'television' amused her to no extent, she thought, as she made her way over to the light switch on the other side of the room. She suddenly heard a tapping on her window, and froze.

            "Hmn?" she asked, and glanced at her window, fearfully. She gulped and, ready at any moment to summon her new and improved spirit oar, approached the window. The world outside of the glass was dark, slightly illuminated by the tiniest sliver of the moon that shone in the night. There was rustling in the slightly tall grass outside, and she froze, trembling nervously. A pair of red eyes suddenly shone out of the darkness at her. She sighed in relief. Only Hiei. Wait a minute...

            "Hiei!" she hissed. She couldn't see anything but his eyes, but she swore she saw a mocking grin on his face. Exasperated, she opened her window, careful not to make too much noise. Hiei climbed in nearly effortlessly, and she closed the window. Hiei looked around, a wicked and amused smile on his lips.

            "Nice room you have here, koibito," he said, smirking. Her cheeks darkened to an abrupt crimson color.

            "Don't say that so loud!!" she hissed at him.

            "Why? Are you ashamed?" he asked, still smirking. She lowered her eyes to the ground and began to shift her feet, embarrassed.

            "Well, no, but it's just that no one knows but us...well, us and Kurama. But I would like to keep it that way!" she replied. Hiei blinked, and shook his head.

            "Right. If those two morons and my sister found out we'd never hear the end of it,"

            "Not to mention Genkai..." she replied.

            "And Koenma."  he added.

            "Well..." Botan started. Hiei blinked.

            "Well what?" he asked.

            "Well...Koenma kind of knows. That's why I'm staying here instead of in the Spirit World." Botan explained. Hiei's eyes instantly started to glow.

            "So you told him...and he kicked you out of Spirit World, is that it?" the demon asked.

            "It was nothing like that! He didn't kick me out, I decided that it would be easier if I just stayed on Earth for a while, and it just so happens that Genkai and Yukina were happy to provide me with a place to live," she replied, defensively.

            "This is going to be weird. You living with Yukina." Hiei contemplated.       

            "Nah. Things are already weird enough." Botan replied, smiling.

=======================================================================

            Just outside of Botan's door, two people hovered. One was a young green-ish haired girl wearing a light kimono. The other was an elder woman with pink hair wearing fighting gi. They both seemed to be listening attentively to a conversation going on inside of the room. Yukina turned to Genkai excitedly.

            "Genkai-sensei," she whispered, "I still can't believe that Hiei-sama called Botan-chan koibito!" Genkai smirked evilly. (o_O...watch out when Genkai smirks! Evilly at that!)

            "Yes, child, but even better, we get to tell everyone in the morning when they arrive for a meeting of spirit detectives," she replied. Yukina chuckled softly.

            Who would have thought that the most evil, sinister, diabolical plans could be concocted by a seemingly innocent girl and an elderly woman?

=======================================================================

            The next morning, everyone was assembled in Genkai's front room. And by everybody I mean Yusuke, Kuwabara, Kurama, Hiei, Botan, Yukina and Genkai: the people that were generally the Spirit Detectives, related to them, their assistant, or the trainer of the leader of the Spirit Detectives and owner of the house.

            Kuwabara was talking to Yukina softly, just so softly that Hiei couldn't hear what they were saying from his position on the other side of the room. He looked murderous, probably mentally counting how many ways he could kill Kuwabara. Unnoticed by everyone else, Botan walked casually behind him, and whispered "It's okay, just let it be.' Hiei grumbled, and decided to try to limit his mental counting to ways he could kill Kuwabara without using spirit energy or his kitana.

            Yukina suddenly leaned closer to Kuwabara (getting Hiei's immediate attention) and told him something. Kuwabara stared at her in disbelief for a second, and then burst out laughing. Yukina joined him a moment later. Hiei glared evilly at Kuwabara.

            "If he's laughing at her..."

            Yusuke soon walked up, demanding to know what was so funny. Kuwabara whispered something to him, and he too had a shocked expression at first, and then laughed, looking over at Hiei and then at Botan.        

            "No way!"

            "I'm serious!!" Yukina exclaimed. Kurama smirked, hardly able to contain snickers. Hiei rose from his spot on the floor and stalked over to the laughing crew.

            "I demand to know what is so funny," he said, death in his voice. All of a sudden, Kurama wasn't the only male in the room that was smirking evilly.

            "Ah, Hiei, just the guy we wanted to see. Say, how far have you gotten with Botan?" Yusuke asked. Instantly, everything screeched to a halt. Botan swore that she heard the screech of a car coming to an abrupt stop in her head. She instantly paled, trying not to look panicked but probably getting more panicked because of that.  

            "This wasn't...supposed...to happen!"    

            Hiei glowered at them. "That's none of your business, ningen," he said, shoving Yusuke away from him roughly and stalking back to his corner of the room.

            "Well...I take it you've gotten somewhere," Yusuke said.

            "Just stop, Yusuke," Kurama said, walking up. Botan brightened.

            "Salvation!" she thought. Then she saw Kurama's evil smirk.

            "Can't you see you're disturbing the happy couple?" he asked. Botan twitched. Of course Kurama was against them.

            She hadn't realized during her inner debate that the three men had now turned on her. Yusuke put an arm around Botan's shoulders, apparently to annoy Hiei. (What other reason could there possibly be?) He hadn't counted on Botan, especially on the fact that she was particularly annoyed right now.

            THWOCK!!!

            "Owww!! Geez, Botan, when did you get so violent?" Yusuke whined from the floor. Botan dusted her hands off and turned her head away from him with a 'hmph!'.

            "I suppose it's because she's been hanging around Shorty lately," Kuwabara mocked.

            SLAP!!

            "OWWW!!!" Kuwabara cried, when he, too, was taken aback by Botan's slap.

            "Yes, I guess Hiei does tend to bring out the worst in her," Kurama inferred. Yusuke smirked even more evilly than before.

            "Yeah, Hiei, just how naughty is she?" he asked.

            WHAP!!

            Yusuke now had two matching bright red hand prints, one on each cheek. He whimpered pathetically. Kurama snickered, until Botan wheeled around and stalked toward him.

            "And you..." she started, "you told them, didn't you?" she asked. Kurama raised his hands level with his shoulders, palms outward, in a gesture of surrender.

            "I didn't tell anyone, I promise," he said.

            "Then who..." Botan asked. A giggle suddenly found it's way to her ears, and they looked over at Yukina.

            "Yukina?!" Botan and Hiei chorused, gaping at the ice demon. She smiled.

            "Guilty as charged," she said. They both sighed. Botan turned and stalked toward Hiei.

            "This is your fault! I told you not to be so loud!" she exclaimed.

            "Me! You didn't have to open your window!"

            "You would have broken it if I didn't!"

            "No I wouldn't have!"

            "Yes you would have!"

            "I had no intention of going in the window last night!"

            "Then why did you come by?!"  

            "To check on you!"

            They were suddenly interrupted by laughter from the rest of the demons and humans in the room.

            "Oh, shut up!" they both exclaimed, and left the room in opposite directions, completely fed up with everything.

=======================================================================

            Botan sat up in her room, disgusted.

            "I knew that would happen if they found out. Pigs." she muttered. There was a knock on her door.

            "Botan?" came the query from the hall. Kurama.

            "What?!" she replied.

            "Botan-chan, I am very very sorry!" Yukina's apology came from the hallway outside of her door. She sighed.

            "We're all really sorry...but come on!! We couldn't help but tease you guys! Think about it!" Kuwabara's 'apology' came from the hallway as well.

            "What's there to think about? You men are pigs...the whole lot of you!" she replied.

            "Well...it's you and Hiei. You...bright pink kimono, bubbly personality, was probably human at some point or another. Hiei...constantly dresses in black, silent and moody, hates humans. You two are just such an unlikely couple that we had to make fun of you." Yusuke attempted to explain.             "You still had no right to go that far," Botan replied.

            "But we just couldn't resist!" protested Kuwabara.

            "Botan, we're really sorry!!" Yusuke added.

            Silence.

            "Aww, don't give us the silent treatment!" Kuwabara exclaimed.

            However, Botan was not paying any attention to the voices beyond the door. She was more focused on the black-cloaked, spiky-haired person sitting on her windowsill.         

            "Hi," she said, smiling a little.

            "..." Hiei didn't reply, and looked pointedly at her door. "Perhaps we should forgive them. We have to, eventually." Hiei said. Botan looked shocked.

            "Did you just say 'forgive'?" she asked.

            "Yes."

            "I think you've been getting soft lately."

            "And you've been getting violent."

            "Can you blame me?"   

            "Not really," Hiei said, smiling ironically, and shook his head. "But that wasn't why I showed up here,"

            "Why then?"

            "Well...at least now they know, and we don't have to hide it from them anymore,"   

            Botan smiled at that. "Yeah...that is true. It's out in the open now. And they probably won't tease us about it anymore,"

            "Yeah," was all Hiei said in reply.

            "We're sorry! Say something would ya? You're starting to scare us!" Kuwabara's voice filtered to them.

            "All right, all right. I forgive you guys." Botan called.

            "Really?" they chorused.

            "Really." she said. The door creaked open, and Yusuke stuck his head in. He saw Hiei and paled, quickly stepping back and shutting the door.

            "Are you just joking...'cause I really don't want to die!" Yusuke called, waveringly.

            "He forgive you too...but pull that again and you might end up dead a second time, Yusuke Urameshi," Botan replied. This time the door opened wider, revealing the rest of the people: Yusuke, Kuwabara and Yukina standing at the front with Kurama and Genkai in the back. They just stood there and stood for a second, soaking up the fact that they would have to get used to seeing Hiei and Botan together.

            ...of course, that peace only lasted for a second.

            "So...when is the wedding?" Yukina asked, semi-innocently. The ferrygirl and the koorime were caught completely off-guard by this, so they just stammered like fools for a second, looking from Yukina to eachother to everyone else in the room, before actually doing something. Hiei went 'Hn' and folded his arms, glaring at everyone. Botan face faulted with crimson cheeks. Perfectly normal reactions, I'd gather.

            "More importantly," Yusuke started, failing to hide a diabolical grin, "will Botan be wearing white at it?" he asked. Kuwabara and Kurama chuckled, Genkai smiled (gasp!!) and Yukina looked clueless as to why she wouldn't be able to wear white. (being a youkai she probably wouldn't be very informed on silly and pointless human traditions, now would she? Then again neither would Hiei...whatever!!)

            CRACK!!! Yusuke received a well-deserved blow to the head from Botan with her new and improved Spirit Oar.

            "Yep...she's gotten more violent all right..." Yusuke managed to utter from the floor before passing out from the concussion. Everyone else sweatdropped and backed away nervously from the agitated ferrygirl. Including Hiei. He got the feeling that being her koibito didn't exclude him from blows to the head if he happened to say or do something offensive.

            "Hey!! We're only joking, Botan!!" Kuwabara protested, looking around for something white to wave in surrender.

            "Well...Botan is uncharacteristically violent in this story, you know," Kurama replied.

            "Cripes," Kuwabara cursed, snapping his fingers.

            "At least her violence is no longer directed at me," Hiei said.

            "You never know," said the authoress, a hint of evil in her voice, "there might be a sequel...

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!"

            "Eep." Hiei said. (o_O...wow...authoress powers rock!! Hiei would never say 'eep'!)

            "Can we stop this before it turns into a parody in the last scene?" Genkai said.

            "Oh...all right." the authoress begrudgingly said, and disappeared in a poof of smoke.

            "Now...back to the actual story..." said no one in particular...

=======================================================================

***Ten years later...***

            "Bwahahahahahahahahaha!!! Time to cut the cake!!" Yusuke's maniacal laughter reached the ears of a ferrygirl and a koorime. Said ferrygirl just slapped her head and started in the general direction of the manical laughter, trailed by the koorime, picking disgustedly at what appeared to be a suit.

            "URAMESHI!!! NOT WITH A CHAINSAW!!" came the yelp of another from the direction they were headed in.

            "The oaf has more sense than Urameshi for once. I suppose anything can happen. Next thing you know we'll find out that hell has frozen over and a flying pig will smash into my head," the koorime commented. The ferrygirl snickered. They finally rounded a corner and were greeted by general insanity. Yusuke, in a black tuxedo with his hair NOT greased back for once in his life, was standing over a seven-layer wedding cake with a chainsaw. Kuwabara, in a similar suit, was trying desperately to keep Yusuke from starting the chainsaw. All of a sudden, Keiko emerged from the crowd that had formed a semicircle around the spectacle, looking extremely angry.

            "YUSUKE YOU PIG! I TOLD YOU NO CHAINSAWS!" she shrieked, running forward and nailing Yusuke in the head with a flying drop-kick, white veil trailing behind her. The visibly pregnant woman landed in a crouch, dusted her hands off, straightened her wedding dress, and started back through the shocked crowd. Kuwabara was rolling on the ground laughing, Yusuke currently had not gotten up, and Hiei and Botan were laughing, though they had more sense and maturity to roll on the ground with laughter.

            "Even six months pregnant, and at her own wedding besides, Keiko can still knock the groom unconscious with a drop kick. He sure knows how to pick them," chuckled Botan.

A little while later, the crowd had thinned out, as had the monstrous wedding cake. The former Spirit Detectives and people somehow connected to them were sitting around a table talking. Yusuke was holding an ice pack to his head looking cross while most everyone else drank tea or coffee or something of that nature.

The assembly included Keiko, in a shiny white wedding dress, looking proud, Yusuke in a black tuxedo looking cross as I've stated before, Kuwabara in a not-quite-as-black tuxedo looking nervous, Yukina in a blue bridesmaid dress looking overly happy as usual, Genkai also in a bridesmaid dress (GASP!!! GENKAI IS WEARING FEMININE CLOTHING!!! MAYBE HELL HAS FROZEN OVER!!) looking annoyed as usual, Botan in yet another bridesmaid dress looking normal, Hiei in a tuxedo looking annoyed as well, and Koenma in his teenage form also in a tuxedo looking Koenma-ish.

Just so you know it took a LOT of begging, pleading, and concussions to the head delivered by a certain ferrygirl to get Genkai and Hiei to wear a dress and a tuxedo  (respectfully). Obviously Hiei was the one getting blows to the head, not Genkai, and vice-versa. Just so you know, Hell has not frozen over, and as far as I know pigs can't fly.

And Koenma's there because he can be and I felt like having him in the epilogue.

Oh and Puu was there but he was currently eating ice cream so I'm not mentioning him.

           "Wow, I can't believe you guys finally got married," Yukina said, beaming at Keiko and Yusuke.

            "Yeah, it took you long enough," Kuwabara added.

            "What's that supposed to mean?" Yusuke countered.

            "Yusuke, from the moment I met you I could tell that she had you whipped and one day was going to force you into marrying her," Botan said, and everyone but Yusuke chuckled.

            "Ha ha ha." Yusuke said in a deadpan tone.

            "Seriously, though, do you think you could have waited any longer to get married?" Koenma asked.

            "Yeah, actually, we could have waited until I was nine months pregnant...like this baka wanted me to do," she said, elbowing Yusuke.

            "Well...maybe then he wouldn't have been in danger of you drop kicking him into the next time zone," Kurama joked.

            "Nah...nine months along or six, if he needs a good drop kick I'll give him one!" she said. Yusuke sighed and put his head down on the table defeatedly.

            "Why are all the women in this story so violent or evil?" he wondered.

            "Because violent and evil women make the story more interesting," the authoress replied.

            "Didn't we already discuss this?!" Yusuke demanded.

            "Fine!" the authoress exclaimed, disappearing again.

            "What do you think you'll name the baby?" Yukina asked.

            "Well..." Keiko started. Before anyone else could heckle Yusuke about the wedding, he decided to try to take the heat off of himself for a little while.

            "Enough about us!" he said, and turned to the person across from him, which ironically happened to be Botan. "What about you guys? When are you gonna get married?" he asked, exasperatedly. Botan rolled her eyes and Hiei sighed, annoyed.

            "We demons, unlike you humans, don't need to go through an annoying and audacious ceremony like you humans to prove that we have claimed our mates. Botan and I have been 'married' as you humans call it, since the day I gave her a claiming mark," Hiei explained. The humans at the table looked clueless and turned to Kurama.

            "Demon translator...can we have that without 'you pathetic humans' every sentence?" Yusuke joked.

            "Sure...you pathetic humans." Kurama said, purposefully, and cleared his throat. "Demons, unlike you pathetic humans..."

            "Kurama..." Yusuke glared, annoyed.

            "Can't I have a little fun? I've refrained from torturing you all night!" he said as if torturing Yusuke about his marriage were as vital to him as air.     

            "Fine, fine fine," he said.

            "Demons show possession of their mates by biting them," he said.

            "Okay...is anyone else freaked out by this enlightening evidence?" Keiko asked. Yusuke raised his hand. "Okay, just checking." Kuwabara looked thoughtful.

            "So does this mean that I have to bite Yukina?" he asked a little too loudly. Botan had to physically restrain Hiei to prevent him from killing Kuwabara. Yukina, as usual, seemed oblivious to everything as she munched on some rice cakes for no reason.

            "Well...you aren't a demon so it wouldn't work anyway," Kurama said. Hiei sighed in relief, and Botan stopped restraining him.

            "So then Yukina would have to bite me?" Kuwabara asked. Once again, Botan had to restrain the murderous koorime. Yet again, Yukina was as oblivious as always.

            After a little while things quieted down again, and the group was just about to split up and say their goodbyes, when Kuwabara abruptly stood up.

            "Ummm...well, this might not be appropriate for a reception after my best friend's wedding, but..." he started, but Yusuke cut him off.

            "Oh no...you're not gonna sing the Lumberjack Song, are you?" he asked, inciting snickers from everyone except Kuwabara and Yukina (because why would she know what the Lumberjack Song is? Do YOU know?).     

            "This is serious!" Kuwabara said. Everyone looked at him strangely. It was just very odd for him to say anything serious. He cleared his throat, and turned to Yukina who was sitting next to him. Hiei reached for the hilt of his kitana. Botan got ready to restrain him. "We've been together for a while," Kuwabara continued, occasionally stumbling over a word. "and...umm...well...oh what the heck, doyouwanttogetmarried?" he managed to blurt out, clumsily taking a ring out of his pocket. Everyone else gasped or something to that effect. Botan immediately summoned her oar and whapped Hiei on the head with it, knocking him senseless enough for her to drag him out of the room. Everyone just shrugged, since that was pretty much normal to them by now. Kuwabara and Yukina didn't notice because they were busy staring into each other's eyes.

            "Of course Kazuma!!" Yukina exclaimed, and they hugged and other romace-alicious stuff.

            "Why did you do that?!" Hiei demanded, finally regaining enough sense to figure out what happened. She was still dragging him in the general opposite direction of the party.

            "Well, you would have killed Kuwabara and that would have made Yukina sad," Botan said.

            "Hn. Why? She would be better off without the oaf," he replied.

            "That's your opinion, not hers," she replied.

            "Hn. I'm her older brother, and I cannot allow her to marry that moron," he said. She stopped in her tracks and wheeled on him, looking him straight in the eyes.

            "If you're going to play the big brother card, then you have to tell her," she said. He opened his mouth to protest but she cut him off. "And anyway, you're being way too hard on Kuwabara. Sure, he was a bit clumsy and not the strongest fighter in the world at first, but he has gotten much better over the years. He's almost as strong as Yusuke, you know," she said. She let go of his arm and turned away from him, folding her arms.

            "But if you feel that you have to stop them, stop them. You're only doing exactly what Koenma was doing back before we got together," she said. Hiei blinked.

            "Huh. I never thought of it that way," he said, a little baffled. His actions were very similar to Koenma's, and she was right about that. He sighed.

            "Hn. Fine. Let the oaf marry her. I don't have to like it," he said, conceding.

            "Nope!" she said, turning around, a happy smile on her face. "Now that we've got that straightened out, why don't we work on the you-not-telling-Yukina-that-you-are-her-brother thing..." she started, but the koorime stopped her.      

            "Maybe later. I don't think Yukina could handle the oaf saying that he wanted to marry her and me telling her that I am her older brother all in the same night," he said.

            Botan nodded. "Touché," was all she could think of to say. They started back toward the party. "Well, think of the bright side. We can heckle Kuwabara AND Yusuke now," Hiei smirked evilly, and then a thought struck him.

            "We're lucky. They can't heckle us because we really have no need for a ningen 'wedding'." Hiei commented. Botan looked wistful.

            "But after seeing Keiko walk down the aisle in that pretty dress today..." she sighed dramatically for effect, "I'm beginning to think that we need to have a wedding!" she said. Hiei stared at her incredulously, and gulped nervously when she her eyes started to sparkle.

            "But...we don't have to...I mean..." he stuttered. She smiled, the sparkle disappearing instantly.

            "I was just kidding. I love making you panic," she said, smiling evilly at the expression on his face. He narrowed his eyes.

            "You are a deceitful, evil woman," he said, seriously. "That's the only reason I could ever love a bubbly ferrygirl like you,"

            "Oh, shut up," she said, rolling her eyes.

            "You shut, up, ningen!" he exclaimed.

            "You, youkai!!" she fired back. Electricity crackled between their eyes, and they laughed.

            "Aishiteru," they said, and kissed.

            "You think I could find a purple bridal gown?" she asked, jokingly.

            "Purple...well, it's better than pink, I suppose" Hiei shrugged in reply.

And so, Keiko and a slightly beaten up Yusuke left for their flight to Jamaica for their honeymoon, Kuwabara and Yukina started planning their wedding, Kurama, Genkai, and Koenma just went home, Hiei and Botan ran off to find a nice, empty place in the forest, and Puu was left behind to eat the rest of the food left behind.

The end

Thankies again!! This is the end *sniff sniff* of The Fates Have a Twisted Sense of Humor. I might write an epilogue or I might not.

I thank all of you who reviewed, whether you were flaming my story or not. *rolls eyes*.

I apologize for the length of time it took me to get some of the chapters out, especially the second one and the fifth one.

I apologize if the characters were a bit OOC (they kinda were, especially in this chapter) but the OOCness makes it that much more interesting of a story, ne?

I apologize for not updating the rating after the fifth chapter until I posted this one. I am just lazy and extremely forgetful...

Now as for this chapter, it seems even to me that I jump from extreme to extreme a lot, even to me. That is because I wrote this over the span of five days and my train of thought kept derailing and switching to different tracks. Plus there were three different conductors (the three voices in my head).

That's it! The end!! Yay!! Keep on the look out for a sequel, but I'm not promising anything.