Title: Perfect Flaws
Summary: Just a letter
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars.
Timeframe: Sometime after Empire Strikes Back
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Dear master,
Today, I dreamt of you and Padme again. Dreamt of you in your youthful glory, scolding me for losing my lightsaber. I watch, as the memories unfold in my dreams, seeing myself nodding absently at your lectures and your exasperated tone. I smiled, wistful at these memories. How can it be that the very things that I taken for granted in the past meant so much to me now? But I guess you can never truly appreciate something until it is gone. Then I dreamt of her, in her beautiful gown, smiling and talking. And suddenly, I felt as if the past twenty years were all washed away. And if I would, I could almost touched both of you, hold both of you by my side.
Yesterday, I confronted Luke again. Cut off his hand in fact. Maybe you would ask me how could I do this, how could I hurt my very own son. I do not know. I only know that I want him, wanted him by my side so much that it is like a physical ache. Maybe it's because I had nothing left already. Power, fame and wealth cannot satisfy me now. Fear, anger and hatred cannot drive me now. I am spent and hollow. I hated myself for what I have become, but I cannot stop myself from doing the things that I am doing.
Perhaps to you these are excuses, justifications for deeds that can never be justify. But master, now I understand things that I should have understood years ago. I am weak, master, so very frail. My very frailty leads me to this end. For my very weakness stemmed from my need to be loved and accepted. Did you love me once? I guess you did, though I cannot be sure. You always seemed so aloof, so far away from me. Even at our closest moments, I could sense you hiding something from me, closing a part of yourself from me. And I wept because of it.
But the past is the past, and we should let it lie. The day you died is the day that I can finally let you go. Because I eventually realize that no matter how I want to keep you by my side, you were never meant to be mine. The day you died is the day Vader stop hating you, and the day Anakin Skywalker, your padawan, stop clinging onto you. I only wish for one thing, master, and yet the very one thing I desire is denied from me.
I desire your forgiveness master. Can you forgive me? Can you find it in your noble heart to forgive me for swinging the blade and ending your life, as well as the lives of all those who died so many years ago?
If you cannot forgive me master, then at least hate me. But don't forget me. Please don't forget the little boy you took under your wings all these years ago. Please don't forget the monster that took your life. I can bear your hatred, but I cannot bear your indifference.
Have you seen Padme, master? Is she still grieving for me? Please take care of my lovely angel and tell her that a thousand tears cannot bring me back now. And a thousand prayers cannot save my soul now. But I guess you know that already.
The emperor is calling me now. I have to go. Darkness beckons and we can't keep it waiting, right?
Anakin Skywalker
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The End
Author Notes: Thanks to everyone who had read and review. It truly encouraged me a lot.
Summary: Just a letter
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars.
Timeframe: Sometime after Empire Strikes Back
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Dear master,
Today, I dreamt of you and Padme again. Dreamt of you in your youthful glory, scolding me for losing my lightsaber. I watch, as the memories unfold in my dreams, seeing myself nodding absently at your lectures and your exasperated tone. I smiled, wistful at these memories. How can it be that the very things that I taken for granted in the past meant so much to me now? But I guess you can never truly appreciate something until it is gone. Then I dreamt of her, in her beautiful gown, smiling and talking. And suddenly, I felt as if the past twenty years were all washed away. And if I would, I could almost touched both of you, hold both of you by my side.
Yesterday, I confronted Luke again. Cut off his hand in fact. Maybe you would ask me how could I do this, how could I hurt my very own son. I do not know. I only know that I want him, wanted him by my side so much that it is like a physical ache. Maybe it's because I had nothing left already. Power, fame and wealth cannot satisfy me now. Fear, anger and hatred cannot drive me now. I am spent and hollow. I hated myself for what I have become, but I cannot stop myself from doing the things that I am doing.
Perhaps to you these are excuses, justifications for deeds that can never be justify. But master, now I understand things that I should have understood years ago. I am weak, master, so very frail. My very frailty leads me to this end. For my very weakness stemmed from my need to be loved and accepted. Did you love me once? I guess you did, though I cannot be sure. You always seemed so aloof, so far away from me. Even at our closest moments, I could sense you hiding something from me, closing a part of yourself from me. And I wept because of it.
But the past is the past, and we should let it lie. The day you died is the day that I can finally let you go. Because I eventually realize that no matter how I want to keep you by my side, you were never meant to be mine. The day you died is the day Vader stop hating you, and the day Anakin Skywalker, your padawan, stop clinging onto you. I only wish for one thing, master, and yet the very one thing I desire is denied from me.
I desire your forgiveness master. Can you forgive me? Can you find it in your noble heart to forgive me for swinging the blade and ending your life, as well as the lives of all those who died so many years ago?
If you cannot forgive me master, then at least hate me. But don't forget me. Please don't forget the little boy you took under your wings all these years ago. Please don't forget the monster that took your life. I can bear your hatred, but I cannot bear your indifference.
Have you seen Padme, master? Is she still grieving for me? Please take care of my lovely angel and tell her that a thousand tears cannot bring me back now. And a thousand prayers cannot save my soul now. But I guess you know that already.
The emperor is calling me now. I have to go. Darkness beckons and we can't keep it waiting, right?
Anakin Skywalker
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
The End
Author Notes: Thanks to everyone who had read and review. It truly encouraged me a lot.
