Tamed Instincts

[AN: This is primarily Ken's first-person perspective; however, I do give you glimpses as to what's happening outside of Ken's mind. Also, Iori finally reappears. Behold, the interlude.]

Interval A: Wonder, Curiosity, Innocence - Tokyo Tower.


Ken opens the digiport and heads home. The computer deposits Ken into his bedroom.

==

I look around my room. Neat as ever.

There's a piece of notebook paper where Neo and I played a quick game of pencil chess a few months back. He won. I was thinking about math homework. A picture of Osamu holding a soccer trophy? Wait, that's me. Sometimes I really can't tell us apart.

Part of me misses eleven, that singular threshold between boy and man-or girl and woman, though Miyako's not here to protest.

I don't want to make decisions now. Damn it, I should be deciding what I should wear to the beach outside Shinjuku, not the fate of the digital world.

Door. It's mama.

"Ken." She looks surprised to see me. Of course, I was supposed to spend a week at Neo's. That plan's shot. And I don't have a plan B. One thing about the Kaizer-he always had a plan B. Must be part of a Villain's Checklist.

"Are you all right?" she asks.

I nod, not really wanting to speak. If I do go warring against Neo in the digital world, I don't plan on alarming these two. Hell, I haven't even told them about my stint as a megalomaniac yet. Some secrets have to be kept. I think papa suspects something, though.

That's an idea: don't get the parents worried about us in the digital world fighting evil all summer. Neo didn't build Saiba City or his network in a day; he's probably had this infrastructure set up before I became a digidestined. Or a...Tamer, for that matter.

Takaishi-san wouldn't be happy at all. She's still peeved about the Odaiba incident seven years ago, when most of the others faced Myotismon. Ishida-san probably couldn't take the stress.

Jun and Hida-san would have to know, to keep Dai and Iori's parents from cardiac arrest.

"You're thinking about something," muses mama. Yes, I am-how to keep you and papa from having a heart attack.

I say I'm just working something out in my head, a mental puzzle. The understatement of the century. Neo's conquest of the digital world-and how to stop it-is a mind-numbing conundrum. Now I know what Daisuke means when he says "My brain hurts." The thing about me is...I like it when my brain hurts. Sometimes I want it to be fried.

"Was it about your summer?" she asks.

"Sort of." I sigh. "My friends and I were kicking around ideas on what to do together this year." Of course, none of them included "fighting evil in the digital world", but since when have creatures like Zed ever considered others' travel plans?

I really wanted to visit my grandfather in New York. To see what America was like. Mimi can't be the only Japanese digidestined to experience hot dogs and apple pie. Grandfather said he wanted to take me to Atlantic City. Papa raised an eyebrow; in Ichijou-code, that means disapproval. I heard that there are casinos in Atlantic City, then again, Americans get to watch more Cowboy Bebop than we do. Mama will not get WOWOW.

Maybe I still can see grandfather. Anything's better than fighting another menace. I could surprise him with Minomon...who'd most likely insist that I help Ryo in central. I hate to admit it, but that jerk has a point. On certain levels, this battle appeals to me. It's a problem that looks impossible on the surface, but with a bit of dedication and tenacity can be solved.

Daisuke and Takeru won't leave; I know that for sure. I'm not telling Blondie that a holy digimon was forced by a Stingmon to molest a holy beast. He'd try to confront Neo about it, and Neo would most likely kill him. Next to die: a vengeful Yamato. The most logical plan of attack is to occupy the digital world until Neo is ousted.

Mama's still here. Wondering if something's wrong. I smile; she tells me about dinner. It sounds delicious-she's trying new recipes-but part of me says I won't be staying. Who am I deceiving? Every part of me says to go back and fight.

If Miyako were here, she'd have opened the digiport and dragged me back to Ryo's base by my ear. No, actually, she'd tell me to check my computer to see if I made a backup of any self-imposed reconnaisance runs I made. "Backup and save." I never would have pictured Miyako as a computer geek. This year, she's more of a techie's fantasy wearing binoculars for glasses. Wait a minute-who am I to talk? I dress like an Austin Powers stunt double. While she's wearing a red tank top that shows off some actual curves, and cargo pants.

"If you do have plans for the summer," smiles mama knowingly, "please remember to conduct yourself like a gentleman." The near-psychic woman must have detected my less-than-pure thoughts of Miyako-or noticed that I'm blushing. No problem, mama: the whip stays in the digital world.

"Ken...." Mama taps her foot.

"All right," I laugh. "I won't do anything foolish." Not that I've had a chance to see if I could seduce Miyako. And that, too, is now shot to hell.

"See you in a minute, honey." Finally, mama leaves.

I kick back on the bottom bunk, secretly wishing there were a younger brother on the top to ask about crazy ideas.

Relaxing...then I feel a kiss on my lips. A tongue explores my mouth. Hands roam under my shirt. I enjoy this until I feel someone else's erection. Now it's time for me to push this person away.

Pale hair, green eyes, and a coy smile. It's Neo. Why am I not surprised?

==

"How did you get in my room?" asks Ken.

"Same way I always did," Neo smiles.

"How did you get past my parents?"

"Same way I always can. Are you ready to reconsider?"

"No."

"Liar. The challenge of it all thrills you."

"Couldn't you have at least waited until summer was over?"

"Believe it or not, my schedule doesn't revolve around you. Rather, with you at Tamaishi, summer was the only time I could squeeze you in.

"Not that we mind squeezing, ne, Ken?" Neo smirks.

No response.

"No, we don't mind squeezing at all."

"I presume you want something," says Ken mechanically. "Spit it out; I'm on borrowed time."

"I told you what I want," says Neo, "and we'll discuss it over dinner at Tokyo Tower."

"I gave you my answer already."

"Then you won't mind humoring my request and giving it again. But before you do, consider my offer carefully. Give it thought.

"Think of what you're missing." Neo kisses Ken again, then leaves out of the window.

==

I thought I shut and locked this stupid window. I shut it and lock it again, making sure it stays locked this time.

Damn, Neo's a great kisser. That must be why Mari stays around. He acts like we kissed and groped each other before.... Gods, I don't want to think about my perforated excuse for a long-term memory now. Though I think I'd remember sex with him. Shonen-ai is memorable even in fan fiction. Except it's odd...how would it happen? I don't exactly have the right opening, and there's no way I'm...ick. My mouth doesn't belong there.

Mama's calling me for dinner. But I want to know why Neo came back here just to take me to Tokyo Tower.

Looks like I'll have to take that dinner to go.

==

"We can't leave here!" says Takeru. "There's obviously evil in the digital world."

"Think." Yamato has a grim, weary expression. "We need some way to keep our parents from worrying about us being gone all summer. The only way to reassure them that we're okay is to head home."

"But we can't just leave Kishi and Gotsutei here," objects Hikari.

"Why don't we just take them with us-it's not like digimon haven't been in the real world before," suggest Daisuke.

"That's a good idea. Gatomon, do you mind having a roommate?" Hikari grins. Gatomon purrs her consent.

"I like that idea. And Gotsutei can stay with Ken. Both of them seem to trust him," says Jyou.

"Actually, Takeru is the Patamon expert," counters Ryo. "Besides, there's obviously a problem with either one's ability to tell two separate Wormmon apart.

"You don't mind, do you, Takeru?"

"Not at all. Patamon and I would be honored," smiles the blond. Patamon nods in agreement.

"Are you sure we should just head home and do nothing?" sighs Miyako. "Neo could overrun the whole digital world while we're gone."

"The digital world is huge, and I don't think even he could take it all," smiles Sora.

"We've been fooled before. I say we take him down hard, fast, and now."

"No, we have to think about this one," sighs Daisuke. "We can't afford not to know what we're dealing with.

"I've rolled this over in my head; we would've saved a lot of headaches if we had known about the Dark Seeds, Oikawa, and Belialmyotismon a lot sooner.

"Who knows what kind of demons are behind this one?"

"Neo doesn't strike me as the impressionable type, Daisuke," notes Takeru. "Sadly, not every evil force can be like Ken."

"Iori would know how to handle this situation," says Koushirou. "Where is he anyway?"

"Wasn't he with you, Takeru?" asks Yamato.

"No. Neither he nor Armadillomon are here," answers Takeru.

"That means he's still at the palace!" shrieks Miyako.

==

"You really should stay, Iori. It can get boring here with just Neo around." Mari stretches.

"I'm sure you find ways to amuse yourself. Really, I have to look for my friends," continues Iori, opening his Wonder Swan.

kendo_hida: miyako, where is everybody

inoue_m: are you at the palace

kendo_hida: yes, why

inoue_m: LEAVE

takai_TK: we'll explain later

kendo_hida: mari's looking over my shoulder

kendo_hida: she's being nosy

tai_8gami: tell her to buzz off

kendo_hida: she's asking about ken

gogoru_02: ken left the digital world, he's back home

inoue_m: he has to THINK... :

inoue_m: not enough damn emoticons...

kendo_hida: thinking's probably a good idea, i can figure out better what's going on w/o mari reading as i type

Iori finds a TV inside the palace, and opens the digiport home.

==

The subway is surprisingly empty, save for myself. The dinner for two sits next to me-I told mama I was meeting someone at Tokyo Tower. Papa mentioned a phone call from Neo, asking if I was on my way.

I think they're nervous about Neo, and a perceived influence he has over me; but are afraid to say so. To think that at one point I belittled their intelligence. A few more weeks of his semantics, and I'd have fallen in love with him. A strange thing for a male to say about another male, but that what you do with guys like Neo. He's a siren of sorts, beckoning you to your doom.

Or, as mama would sing in her best karaoke of Shirley Bassey, "to enter his web of sin." Neo is the latest spider in my life to ensnare me...or is he the first? Have I always been in his plans all along? Was Osamu's death woven seamlessly into his grand tapestry of darkness?

I don't know. I don't know anything, and that's why I'm here.

I exit the subway, and meet the one who is destined to know. Iori.

==

"Hello, Ken," says Iori.

"Hello." Ken seems preoccupied.

"Where are you headed?"

"To Tokyo Tower."

"Why?"

"I decided to go, on a whim."

"Not your whim, obviously. You've got dinner packed."

"I'm meeting someone there."

"Then you won't mind if I come along," smiles Iori. "I just have the strange feeling you're not on a date with Miyako."

"I do mind, but you'll follow me anyway." Ken continues his walk to the Tower in resignation.

==

Iori and I enter the elevator. A trustworthy samurai and a tormented emperor. Emperor is one of my name's meanings, and I gave it a foreign slant. I couldn't, in all conscience, have called myself the Digimon Ken.

Tormented? By memories I can't remember. Or won't, according to Ryo. But how can I not remember people and events connected so closely to me?

Am I going here to demand the answers from Neo? I'm not sure about him anymore. He's the type who would know the truth and twist it into an alien form. I don't think I can take any more lies.

Iori must have been sent to me. A model of sanity in the face of madness.

==

"Iori," smiles Neo, "home so soon?"

"You seem unsurprised about my arrival," notes Iori.

"Of course; the unexpected is a natural phenomenon, especially with me. Actually, I find it refreshing to be surprised every once in a while.

"Ken, glad you could make it. But I had brought dinner."

"I didn't want my mother's food to go to waste either," says Ken.

"Looks like you get to dine with us after all, Iori."

"Thank you, but I must decline," says Iori. "I've eaten, and mom's baking rice brownies."

"Rice...brownies?" asks Ken.

"It's weird, and made with fudge and cooked, mushy rice, but it's great. Almost as good as that American Rice Krispies Treats snack."

"This is all quite intriguing, Iori," Neo interrupts, with an edge of irritation in his voice, "however, I wished to talk to Ken regarding a private matter."

"I think Iori can stay, Neo," says Ken smugly. "There's nothing we need to say that he can't hear."

"Then let's eat."

"No problem. I don't have much time to speak with you afterwards, though-I have an appointment."

"Don't worry, I won't keep you long." Neo stands, turning to Iori. "Come here, please."

"What do you need?" asks the younger boy.

"Please, come to me, Iori. You'll find out momentarily."

Iori walks over to Neo, who promptly shoves Iori over the railing and off the Tower.

"What the hell did you do?" Ken rushes to the railing, watching Iori fall, and disappear.

Neo folds his arms, his voice smiling with cold precision. "Now we're alone."

==

I'm too stunned to say much else. Iori was pushed off Tokyo Tower, and judging by his disappearance, thankfully not dead. At least I don't think so. Then again, it would make things easier if Neo had committed a first-degree felony here. The police would imprison him and be done with it.

Neo gives me a catlike smile. "Come now; Iori is alive, albeit slightly bruised for his fall."

"Where is he," I hiss. Not a question, a demand. I tire of questions with this yaro.

"Back in the palace, but in a confined area. I think I'll hold him there until I direct Mari to release him.

"Of course, whether that joyous event occurs depends on your willingness to devote a moment of your time to me."

What a piece of...work, I guess. Normally I'd hate to use the ruder words in my extensive vocabulary, but he's a special case that tempts me.

"When you're done, release Iori." Another demand.

"Pleasures come to those who wait, Ken." Neo then laughs softly. "I have waited a long time for you."

"For what purpose? To take over the digital world?" The thought of it sickens me, and it's not so much the prospect of being used for an evil scheme.

"To be my lover, baka. I've wanted you for a long time, ever since you were a small boy. Now, koibito; now you're tall, graceful, exquisite. We're a matching set."

Despite Neo's flowery statement about my height, he's still a few centimeters taller than me. He circles his arms around my waist, and a part of me wants to see how he'd like being thrown several stories down to his death. Another part of me wants to lean into Neo's embrace, to find out what he'll do next. I don't know which part is more twisted.

"Let go of me," I whisper, rather reluctantly at that.

"You don't want me to."

How right he is. "Do it anyway."

Neo's hands linger briefly, but he complies.

I have to know. "How long...have you been attracted to me?" The odd things I have to know.

"Almost since we first met. But you scarcely recall a thing. Osamu reigns over you--even beyond death, it seems.

"Everything that surrounds Osamu's death, before and after...you want it blotted out of your memory."

"Some things," I say slowly, "I have no choice but to remember. I want to remember you fondly, Neo. I want to remember you as my brother's friend."

"But I was never his friend, Ken. He was mine, and for a time I was quite fond of him."

I can imagine. Oniisan, did he ever try to kiss you?

"Yes," smiles Neo, as if he's reading my thoughts, "my kisses put a strain on the relationship we had. It wasn't much, mind you, but certainly more than he deserved.

"He was always so limited. Always wanted to limit others to make himself important."

"You're lying."

"No; I'm not lying, mincing words, or twisting the truth into an unrecognizable form." Neo's laugh becomes cold and bitter. "It's the truth you want, and that is what you'll get regarding Osamu and myself."

"As you perceive it, then."

"My perception is clearer than most others; nonetheless, you may be right. I don't give a damn. You and your parents are the only ones who wish to enshrine the memory of Osamu.

"Look at the world; it used to fawn upon him." Neo gestures below at the city streets. "Now, Osamu is dead, and they've moved on without a moment's pause to honor your god."

"You're crazy if you think we considered him a god." What am I saying-he's crazy no matter what he thinks. "At any rate," I continue, "you're not exactly one to talk about a god complex." Then again, neither am I.

"I do not think I am a god." So, Neo is sane after all. "I know I am."

Spoke too soon. I remain silent, wondering what madness he'd say next.

"I am a mortal god, if you will. I can die, and I can be killed. I am a god wise enough to know that I'm not without my limits." Neo continues. "A force greater than myself is what I answer to, but I have power over that force."

"How so?"

"I can either accept that force's dominion over me, or resist, and die fighting it. The force is the darkness, Ken, and I welcomed it. Now I will live forever, not in my corporeal limits, but in the hearts of all who have known me, and in the memories of the damned.

"I yielded to the darkness long ago, Ken-koi. And I know its power."

"You're the avatar of darkness, is that it?" I ask, thinking of leaping off the Tower so I wouldn't have to think about how crazy Neo is anymore. But is he crazy, or is he being honest?

Somehow, I wish he were crazy.

"Despite this, and despite my passion for you, Osamu dared to stand between us. And before you ask that ridiculous question, no, I didn't kill your brother. Trust me, you'd know. It would be etched indelibly in your thoughts, right along with our young lovemaking in his blood.

"You see, an evil digimon had his own petty and stupid plan to kill Osamu. It was workable, so I took that as a sign that I should be more prudent.

"Why risk prison, when I can allow lesser mortals to--*"

I have had enough. "Shut up. Shut. Up." This is where that damned whip would actually feel good. "On second thought, speak long enough to tell me the significance of Tokyo Tower, then quit talking. Because I'm through with your insolence."

"This was where we had our last date. Osamu not only wanted nothing to with me, but wanted to keep you and me apart. He's really so petty, impeding destiny with his rigid, ignorant sense of righteousness.

"The Tower is a symbol of defiance to your weak and dead deity, Ken. And in that defiance: to show Osamu's spirit that I cannot die, and that my will is immutable, I brought you here to say this."

Neo didn't say much at first. Instead, he kissed me again, giving me one of those "we must have sex now" kisses that exist only in movies and Miyako's Gensomaden Sayuki fanfics.

I'm tempted to kiss back, just to learn what he's doing. The miserable jerk could at least teach me how to kiss like that. Then at least I'd definitely seduce Miyako this summer.

No. I can't entertain him, not even for a moment. I push him away.

"Ken, I love you." Neo says this without any passion in his voice. Merely a dry statement of fact.

If he were an actor, his delivery couldn't be more brilliant. But I have promises to keep, and they don't involve Saiba Neo.

"Are you done?" I ask coldly.

Neo opens his laptop, typing a few commands. Mari's face pops up.

"Shall I free him now, Saiba-sama?" she asks cheerfully.

"Yes," he says, "I made a promise."

==

Ken leaves the Tower and heads to the subway, going back to Tamaishi. Though he walks in a warm summer night, Ken feels numb and cold.

==

My heart's angry with me, but now isn't the time to be kind. Or is it? I'm angry all over, and when that happens, I can't think coherently. But, somehow, I'm seeing through all the red.

Could it be that I'm still charmed by Neo? How could I? He is darkness, pure and unadulterated, but I'm not even afraid. I just want to help him, to draw him back to what's left of his humanity. As my friends once helped me.

No. Back then they were definitely enemies. Let's face facts, Ken: you were one delusional little duck. It's a miracle you're not the digital world's top bounty. Dead or alive, preferably dead. In Neo's case, dead is the only option.

Daisuke was the only one to attempt to save my life, from my own haphazard creation, no less. Later on, most of them wondered if I'd even changed.

With all the wondrous virtues out there, why'd I have to get stuck with kindness? I have the worst personality for it, and it always ends up leaving me wide open to people who hate that part of my nature. Stupid virtue to have. No wonder most of us laugh at the Christian God. He's too kind and merciful. Most gods would have annihilated their people, but no...he must command Akhenaton to "let his people go".

When I told Rosa what my crest was a year ago, she was happy. I didn't have the heart to tell her how horrible being kind can be. (Which, of course, is a thought kind people have.) Nasty, vindictive people use and manipulate you, making you into their perfect doll. It's hard to fight, because all you want to do is heal.

My name means emperor, and even heaven. If you translate the kanji into romaji, it can mean Satoru. How the hell can that happen?

My name can mean sting. That's funny...I have a digimon named after me. Kenmon. In English, my name can mean handsome-which I apparently am to both genders.

And of course, my name can mean sword. That's where the nastier side of me comes in. I'm Ichijouji Ken, the gentle. But I'm also Ichijouji Ken, the stubborn; Ichijouji Ken, the ruthless; and Ichijouji Ken, the foul-tempered. How one can be gentle and foul-tempered, I don't know.

I do know I'm sick of manipulation. I need my kindness, or I'm unfit to live with fellow humanity. But my kindness is becoming a liability. Or am I too angry to see the real problem?

Maybe this will clarify itself after I get that hot, sensuous kiss out of my mind. I hope Iori's all right.