« ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ §

Disclaimer(s): Your lucky number is 32345543423225. Watch for it everywhere.

Fire Fox: I want to take this time to say that I do not mean to offend ne one. I have the greatest respects to all those who actually take the time to post their works on FF.Net.

During this chapter, remember I am mainly making fun of my self. I really do like all the Raven fans out there.

So please don't take nething to seriously. It's just fun!!!!

« ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « « ¤ § « ¤ §

NOW

THE FIRE FOX CAUTIOUSLY PRESENTS

A FFN DOCUMENTARY

Episode One- The Forbidding Raven Fan girl

"On today's show, we travel deep into the Zoids subsection to study the daunting Raven Fan Girl, who we will label RF. A fairly new creature to FF.net, but one that is growing in population each day. In fact, according to recent studies, this group is almost as feared as the B/L gangs."

"Amazing."

"I, Ned Permeable, will be your guide through the dangerous lair of the Raven Fan girl on today's FFN Documentary."

« ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « Commercial« ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ §

Does your Zoids battle need that extra ummph?

If so, you might want to consider buying an organoid from your local MegaLowMax* Mart.

"My organoid, Shadow, is my best friend! He has saved my life a number of times. And he gives me that extra edge when I am killing things," said Raven, giving a thumbs up.

"Never mind, we STILL haven't really off'ed Van, yet." Raven does a shifty eye glance. "SHADOW!!"

Go buy your organoid, TODAY!!! And help the economy! Organoids come in an assortment of colors. Each to suit your own personality.

The unknown, fast voice says, "Organoids do not always grantee a successful day of pillaging and pilots having an organoid are still subject to the law once they are caught.

« ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « Another Commercial« ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § «

Do you need your fortune told? If so call 1-900-Mistress- Ryss

She can help you solve all your personal and business problems. And it is all confidential, too! Just read about some of the problems she helped solved in her new book Mistress Ryss Explains It All!!

"Come on' now. Don't be afraid of your future. It is happening all around you. Forget going to your psychiatrist with all your problems. Call me, Mistress Ryss!" said M. Ryss in a phony Jamaican accent.

"The first ten minutes are only $.10, during which you will probably be put on hold. Then you are charged $10 per minute. Don't actually call, since Mistress Ryss has been shut down by the Zoidain Business Bureau," said a fast voice.

« ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ End Commercials§ « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ §

"We are now back. During the commercials, I, Ned Permeable, have traveled to the cave where vivacious RF's live. Here we see the natural habitat of the Raven fan girl. Notice how they have speedily erected an onyx statue in his honor using only pointed popsicle sticks to carve it."

"Amazing."

*Camera shows a huge statue of Raven and many girls dancing around it.*

"We now are seeing a rare event: the weekly burning of something in honor of Raven. Raven fan girls are known for their love of destruction and Raven. Here they have combined both of these loves into a weekly ritual."

*Camera shows a horrid of girls dancing around a chicken barbeque*

"We don't know why these girls seem to like burning random things, it must be one of the tribal customs that our civilized minds can't understand."

"Wait, look! It seems that a disagreement among the girls about who shall have the honor of ripping the flesh of their captured prey in order to please the giant Raven."

*Camera shows two girls fighting over the chicken*

"They now have decided to battle for the right of pleasing the giant Raven."

"Amazing."

"It seems like for some reason the sacramental battle has stopped, we can't fathom the reasons for such a ceremonial right to have stopped. But look! It seems that a new contestant wanting the right to please the giant Raven has entered."

*Camera shows a HUGE fox composed of fire standing on a cliff overlooking the barbeque and Raven statue.*

"It seems we are in store for a RARE treat! One of the oldest and most powerful know Raven fan girl…er.. fox type thingy..has emerged. We of the FFN Documentary call her Four Foot."

"Amazing."

"Look how the other fan girls give way to this prestigious figure in the RF tribe."

*Camera shows all the other girls backing up in hopes of not getting singed by the HUGE fire fox. The two other girls have frozen in mid-fight.*

"It seems the ruckus has disturbed Four Foot, probably from some long, complicated ritual in tribute to the giant Raven."

*Camera shows Four Foot yawning, groggily. She blinks her eyes rapidly, getting use to the light.*

"It seems she has decided to intervene on the fight for the right to honor the giant Raven."

*Camera shows fire engulfing Four Foot and a puff of smoke. The HUGE fox is replaced by a redheaded girl with a fox head hat thing. Suddenly, her eyes grew starry at the sight of something.*

"It seems like Four Foot has spotted something. Perhaps it is the figure the statue is modeled after, Raven, himself."

*Camera shows all the other girls looking around for Raven. While all the other girls aren't looking Four Foot grabs the chicken and runs leaving the others in a cloud of confusion.*

"It seems that Four Foot has deemed that the sacrifice will be retribution for disturbing her ceremony. Now that the sacrifice is gone, all the other Raven fan girls leave and search for something else to destroy."

*Camera shows the girls realizing that Four Foot has stolen their barbeque and leaving. They seem to be mouthing the words, "We've been had." Whatever that means^.^*

"I have only one word for such a magnificent display: Amazing."

« ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § Commercial« ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ §

Are you tired of pathetic politicians? Are you tired to the elderly and young? Are you tired of the weak in general?

Well, elections are coming up and your vote can change everything. Vote the right way. Vote the Hiltz way.

"If you vote for me for world emperor I will eradicate all the weak from the face of Zi with my mighty Death Stinger! Just ask my good buddy, Ambient."

"rrggggg." (Sure he will. Maybe he will….)

"That's enough out'a you," says Hiltz as he throws a rock at Ambient. "Like my campaign says, 'Vote the Hiltz way' or Ambient and I will blow you up!!!!"

"Paid for by the "Elect Hiltz World Emperor So He Won't Kill Us" campaign. But in reality, even if elected Hiltz will still kill everyone. That includes you," said a speedily, disembodied voice.

« ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § Another Commercial« ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ §

Hiltz says he is a "tough" guy, but in reality he is the SOFT one.

He has been spotted at the local animal shelter playing with the puppies and kittens.

*Camera shows a picture of Hiltz playing with a small puppy and kitten.*

Helping out at the local soup kitchen.

*Camera shows Hiltz wearing a 'Kiss the Cook' apron.*

And teaching poor, ugly, under-privileged kids.

*Camera shows Hiltz hugging a poor, ugly, underprivileged kid.*

So vote for the best candidate for World Emperor. Rudolph Zeppelin the Third.

"This add was paid for by 'The Friend of Getting to Live' Campaign," said a rapid, intangible voice.

« ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § «

"We are back now! Where you might ask? Simple, we are at a battle ground where a war is about to take place. The battleground is a common place to find Raven fan girls. They seem to enjoy fighting and blood. Here, at the battleground, they train themselves to be worthy of the Raven fan girl name. They hope to model themselves to help Raven in any way that they can."

"It seems another tribe of fan girls has desecrated the RF's holy statue. The suspicion around the tribe is that it was a "Van fan girl" or as we like to call them VF's."

"VF's are the Raven fan girl tribe's mortal enemy! VF's stand for everything that Raven fan girls abhor, like goodness, peace, and someone trying to kill Raven."

"Raven fan girls are always picking fights with Van fan girls in hopes of pleasing the giant Raven, for the giant Raven MUST be pleased at all costs."

"Another legendary RF makes a rare appearance. She is also among the founders of the vast RF tribal empire. We have labeled this one "Alak". It is rumored that her powers are equal to that of Four Foot."

*Camera shows a group of RF's with Alak talking to the other girls. VF's are on the opposite side of the battle field.*

"Of the two (Four Foot& Alak), Alak is considered the more aggressive. ,while Four Foot enjoys 'chases'. She will only fight when Alak is not around to protect the honor of her tribe's namesake. Though at times, she has been known to start fights, she mainly likes to sleep."

"Alak, on the other hand, seems to relish nothing more than tearing enemies, especially VF's, apart. Although not all of her crusades can be considered successful. She makes a great commander of the formidable RF tribe."

"Amazing."

*Camera shows both tribes charging each other. VF's start to "blow up" RF's*

"One of the weirder things about RF's that make them perfect fighters is their ability not to be killed by explosions. Scientists hypothesize that this ability not to be killed by explosions is an inert defense triggered by angry authors always killing random RF's."

"Amazing."

"Oh wait! The tides of battle seem to be turning AGAINST the Raven fan girls. It seems the VF's have another trick up their sleeve!"

*Camera shows all the Raven fan girls, including the powerful Alak, frozen in horror. With eyes filled with terror they make a speedy retreat.*

"It seems the Van fan girl tribe has resorted to their secret weapon, perkiness. See how the RF's loathe anything 'happy'? In fact, it is guessed that 'happiness' has the same effect on RF's as sunlight has on vampires."

"Amazing."

« ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § Commercial« ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ §

We here at Sounds of Zi have now released a new CD by the hit star, Moon of Bay!

We are proud to introduce her smash single "Transporter of the Lands of Waste" on a new 27 CD set.

She wasn't joking by saying, "It's the song that never ends!"

Order today! For only $19.95 by calling 1-800- Moon- of- Bay.

"Shipping and handling is an additional $59.01 in the Empire, and $89.04 in the Republic. There is really no reason for the inflation of charges besides the fact that Sounds of Zi just likes to rip off people from the Republic," says a fast, strange voice.

« ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § More Commercials « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ §

Do the girls just not "go" for you? Are you considered boring and dull?

*Camera shows a boring and dull guy with girls ignoring him.*

Than you should buy Irvine's pirate eye patch! It makes you look cool and thrilling! The girls will flock to you! In fact, they will chase after you like rabid fan girls!

*Camera shows an exiciting and cool guy with an Irvine pirate eye patch in the same clothes as the latter in hopes of trying to pass them off as the same person.*

"What girl in her right mind can resist a sexy, Irvine pirate look-alike?" asks Irvine. "Besides the different scopes allow to see different things. Like this scopes is for X-Ray vision so you can….

FFN IS EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES

« ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § «

"We now find ourselves following the legendary fan girls Four Foot and Alak. They are demonstrating RF's most practical skill. They are hunting for Raven! This hunt takes skill and diligence."

"We know see Alak and Four Foot on such a hunt. They have whittled away many an hour doing such a time-honored tradition. However, prestige is often not enough to "catch" the Raven. Luck plays an important role in the hunt. Many young, non-experienced RF's have often beaten these two to the prize as it where."

*Camera shows Four Foot and Alak foraging among the hills for Raven.*

"Look to the right! Can you believe our luck! As it happens, it is our luck, or should I say Four Foot's and Alak's, that we have stumbled upon….RAVEN!!!! This is a rare event, indeed."

*Camera shows Raven walking over a random hill and Alak spotting him, while Four Foot is looking under a rock.*

"See how the truce of the two is quickly severed as Alak gains a head start over Four Foot. But sensing something is amiss, Four Foot quickly notices Alak running towards Raven."

*Camera shows Raven being chased by Alak and closely followed by Four Foot.*

"But wait, it seems Four Foot remembers one of her talents. See how she turns into her fox form, taking advantage of its superior speed."

*Camera shows Four Foot starting to gain ground on Alak.*

"But wait, another development. It seems Four Foot has spotted something shiny. It is a well-known fact that Four Foot likes shiny objects. It seems a golden plate full of chicken, pie, and money is off to the side."

"It appears that Four Foot is caught between the proverbial rock and a hard place. The plate is full of Four Foot's favorite things; if she leaves the plate it will be gone when she gets back. But if she chooses the plate she loses her chance with Raven."

"Four Foot seems to be slowing under the stress of having to choose. Look, she does a 180 and goes for the plate, leaving Raven for Alak!"

*Camera shows Four Foot happily munching on chicken and counting her money, shrugging her shoulders, "Easy come, easy go." Alak is smiling devilishly. Makes you wonder^.^*

"Amazing."

« ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § « ¤ § «

Fire Fox- So who did ya like it? Remember, it was just something I wrote for fun. I hope Kala likes the end^.^

Do you think I should do one for another group of fan girls/boys?

Raven- They all probably think it is crap.

Fire Fox- Probably. Shut up you! *Hits Raven w/ a rolling pen.*

Please review.

I love Raven. See ya.