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Disclaimer: There are two things on earth that are universal: hydrogen and stupidity.
Fire Fox- Okay, here's the deal-ie-o yo^_^! Someone asked me to write a Van fan girl fic^_^ So, I said I would write one if she reviewed my story. I really didn't think that she would, and guess what? She did. Wow.
So now, my fic, All Things Yesterday Left Behind, has four reviews. V.v *hint...hint....(you should go read it^_~...hint)
So, anyways, I just want to repeat what I said last chapter. This is all for fun. So if anything offends you outrageously, please, remember I am NOT making fun of you personally. Besides I already made fun of myself. ^-^
I have the greatest respect for anyone who is a fan girl or fan guy. Especially those who actually take the time to write and post it on the net.
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NOW
THE FIRE FOX FINALLY PRESENTS
A FFN DOCUMENTARY
Chapter Two- The Estranged Van Fan-girl
"Strange happenings have been occurring lately at FFNET. Today, Bob Nixon at Channel 447 News plans to go undercover to find it's mysterious origin. Now we travel back into the Zoids sub-section in search of a powerful, covert communal."
"Peculiar,"
"I, Bob Nixon, will go under-cover in search of the answers to this peculiar puzzle that plagues people's percipience."
«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§ Commercial «¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§
Do you want to blow up your school and/or work place?
Do you want power?
You should buy Karl's Gravity Cannon at your local MegaLowMax*Mart.
"OPPPSS! My heavens, I accidentally pulled the trigger of my Karl's Gravity Cannon and the school just happened to be smashed beyond repair. My bad!" says some no name kid.
"You thought the Charge Particle Gun was powerful? Well MY gun can destroy a small village," Karl gives as wink, "And act now, and with each purchase of a Karl's Gravity Cannon, you can get a genuine imitation Karl Hat!"
The microscopic text at the bottom of the screen reads: Karl does not condone the use of the Gravity Cannon to blow up higher education buildings. But we still used it for our ad, because…..why not?
«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§Another Commercial¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§
Do you really want a long-haired hippy boy to rule the world?
*shows picture of Rudolph in a tye-dyed shirt*
Do you really think a boy who hasn't even finished elementary school is mentally fit to rule the world?
*shows a picture of a guy dressed up like Rudolf writing out his numbers '1, 5, 3, 0, …'*
Do you really want a boy who runs around with a rather 'questionable' crowd?
*Shows Dr.D and all his "girls"*
"Do you really want a boy like Rudolph to rule the world? I think not!" says Hiltz. "You should vote the Hiltz way and vote for me! One fan girl can't be wrong!"
The text that just so happens to be the exact same color as the background would have read: Some of the pictures may have been taken out of context or completely made up. But that doesn't matter, because if you try to sue Hiltz, he will have you killed.
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"We are back from our commercial break, now. We have followed the trail of clues to this meeting. It seems an anonymous tip has been discovered concerning the disappearance of certain authors. And what do all these authors have in common? They bash Van."
"Peculiar."
"It seems that a new group has emerged and is making its way across the zoids section: The Van Fan-girl, co-named the VF's for short."
*camera shows a 'gathering' of all the VF's.*
"Do not underestimate these VF's. Though, they are young in the FF.Net category Anime, subcategory Zoids, they are ferocious in defending the name of their 'Communal Leader' Van."
*camera shows the girls bowing down before a banner with Van's picture on it with an un-named, random blonde headed character X'ed out.*
"To the normal eye, they seem quite harmless, but do NOT be deceived by their strange ways. The VF's are very vicious. They are not the Raven Fans mortal enemy for anything!"
*camera shows a group of VF's playing with knives and stacking guns to make strange structures. Others are running with scissors 0.0 And other reckless, dangerous acts*
"Even though they are widely known for their marvelous gun play, it is not that which makes VF's so precariously perilous! As the RF's have learned after many encounters, it is their....perkiness!"
"Their un-ending optimism about the world, trust in humanity, love for life, and etc...is their real power. It is enough to make any sane person take a few steps back away from the perky light."
*camera shows RF's and VF's in battle. The VF's suddenly start saying how all life is good
and precious. They start to 'huggle' the RF's saying things like 'I know you are really NOT pure evil, but just misunderstood.' The RF's quickly flee. The VF's do a victory dance, which strangely looks like the Hokey Pokey*
"Bod Nixon has only one word to describe such happenings: Peculiar."
«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§ Commercial «¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§
Is your hair flat? Not pointy at all? Do not fear! Rob Hermann's special style hair gel is just what you need!
Go from boring, dull normal hair....
*camera shows a girl with brown flat hair, big glass, overweight, pimples, etc*
To slightly dangerous, exotic pointy hair!
*camera shows a girl with sharp pointy hair, big 'doe' eyes, skinny, big breasts, etc*
Do you want to have that slightly dangerous appeal? Then hurry to your local MegaLowMax* Mart and buy Rob Hermann's Porcupine Hair Gel, now!!!
The text at the bottom of the screen that is invisible to the unaided human eye reads: Rob Hermann's Porcupine Hair Gel is not responsible for any injuries that occur while using the product, like the loss of an eye(s) or stab wounds. Rob Hermann's Porcupine Hair Gel is a product of Camford Republic Cosmetics.
«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§Another Commercial¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§«¤§
*camera shows a sad, little boy alone, in the dark, crying alone. He looks outside only to see sunshine, birds, happy/beautiful children frolicking, and dogs running.*
Just think, you sad little person, you too could have better self-esteem in a matter of weeks! You too could be outside!
"I wish I could be outside with everyone else and be happy," said the sad little boy.
For only 27 payments of $89.35 ($99.89 if you live in the Republic), you CAN be outside! You can be happy! Your pets will be feed and stay alive! Your 'friends' won't 'forget' to invite you to their weddings! Reserve your copy of Specula's Self Improvement Tapes today!
If you can't afford 27 payments of $89.35 ($99.89 Republic), then well you'll just have to remain without a life, hope, and friendless, you stupid loser! So if you don't want to remain a failure..a loser...a failure loser all alone...reserve your copy of Specula's Self Improvement Tapes NOW!!!
"Thanks to Specula's Self Improvement Tapes, I learned how much better I am than everyone over night, while I slept!" said the now happy little boy.
*camera shows the happy little boy about to go outside into the sunshine and play with all the other children...but than a sudden storm appears. All the happy children go inside and all the depressed people stand out in the rain* (author's note- o.o wow...this commercial really makes you think)
"Specula's Self Improvement Tapes denys any claims that there are subliminal messages telling the sleepers to destroy things. If you have any sudden urge to use your telepathic powers to control blue bugs and take over people's mind...seek help. Specula's Self Improvement Tapes are not responsible," said a high-pitched speedy voice, intelligible to the common ear.
"We now have been tracking a smaller group of VF's in their natural habitat. Why this group? Because they were the first ones we saw! But one seems to be very good at the 'perky attack'. However, her perkiness is not from talent alone...."
*camera shows a small girl taking deep breaths..repeatedly*
*camera zooms out to show a small girl taking to be inhaling something that looks a lot like...(0.o Gasp!!!) Soap.*
"Yes, this rabid VF tends to get a sort of strange perky power from those small bars. The research team back at the FF.Net base believe that these small bars hold a type of chemical that enhances VF's normal perkiness to extraordinary levels. The CareBears hold nothing to this VF after she is done absorbing her 'perky pill'. The scientists back at the lab have affectionately named her BafFling or BF for short."
"Peculiar."
*camera shows a the same small girl bouncing around and sniffing random objects.*
"Yet, that wasn't even the forte of her powers. BF can get this 'hyper' off of anything, except for clocks...Bob Nixon thinks it must be one of life's little mysteries."
"Oh, look. We are now about to witness the dark side of VF's as the rest of BafFling's gang has stumbled up an author that was making fun of Van's hair."
*camera shows a group of authors. One is mouthing the words, 'Yeah, well at least Irvine doesn't have a mullet!' Suddenly darkness descends*
"The poor author has the worst timing Bob Nixon has ever seen. Poor girl. Perhaps Madame Ryss could have forseen this had she not been shut down for fraud. Or not. Well, we are now going to see VFs in action! The poor girl will never know what hit her until it is too late."
*camera shows two girls creep out of the shadows behind the aforementioned unlucky author. Stealthy they grab the girl and retreat back into the shadows. The girl didn't even have time to scream.*
"Oddly enough, the last characteristics displayed by the VF's seem to be a combination of attack styles seen in Bit/Leena Mobs and amazingly Raven Fan-Girls. Others say Madame Ryss's style can also be seen. But Bob Nixon has only word to describe such an phenomenal display of VF patterns."
"Peculiar."
"Hello, I'm Ted BrokeAll. Tragedy has struck in the political arena once again. An assassination attempt against World Emperor Candidate Rudolph Zeppelin the Third."
"He was shoved off a cliff while filming his latest campaign commercial. Though there were several eye witnesses to the horrific crime. No suspect has been identified by Regent Prozen."
"Though friends of Rudolph suspect it was most likely one of Hiltz's more extreme loyalist."
*camera shows a strange 'dog' like animal running past Rudolph and shoving him off a cliff*
"However, thanks to quick thinking and modern plastics, Rudolph is well on his way to a complete recovery."
"This was Ted BrokeAll for channel 447 news. Tune into night to find out more about the charges against Dr. D's science magazine Exotic Zoids: Parts Revealed. As a local resident claims the magazine is just a porn magazine in the disguise of a national science magazine.
"Dr. D claims people read the articles, and the girls are just part of the 'natural habit'."
"We now return to the regularly scheduled program, which has been in progress."
"That was one of the most brilliant displays of Fan-girl-ness Bob Nixon has ever seen in his entire life! Bob Nixon is literally speechless! That perhaps was the most amazing display of....EVERYTHING!"
"How the VF's banded together in punishing...how the author escaped....the desertion....the deception....Wow! How the hapless author was able to call on other fan tribes!"
"Bob Nixon feels incredibly lucky to be here to see this, and so should you, the viewer! That perhaps was the most amazing thing Bob Nixon has seen in all Bob Nixon's life! And trust Bob Nixon, Bob Nixon has seen a lot."
"Peculiar."
"We now will join BF the VF in her hunting grounds. After the PHENOMENAL events, BF is now hunting for her 'ultimate high' Van. She has been known to become violent on such hunts. Even result to bodily harm to her competition. Just take a look at this pre-recorded footage."
*camera shows BF walking around with her shoe laces untied. She 'accidently' steps on them and tumbles forward...towards a cliff!! (Gasp, the horror o.o) She manages to swerve around some random old woman, but unfortunately slams into some big busted, blonde. Thus, sending the unlucky woman tumbling down the cliffs*
"The perplexity of BF's puzzling plan still eludes the scientists till this day. Bob Nixon cannot help but wonder why that seemingly random woman was chosen...perhaps Bob Nixon will never know."
"Oh, look! The object of BF's plans has wondered into her newest trap! Yes, this will be exciting to view! But Bob Nixon feels it is only appropriate to say that it might be scarring to the younger viewers."
*camera shows Van walking a huge mound of dirt...but on a closer inspection the mound is entirely made of socks!*
"Much like the trap-drop spider or various other dangerous predators, BF has cleverly camouflaged herself and her proverbial 'spider web'. See how she wastes no time or motion in snagging her prey and bringing it to its ultimate doom!"
*camera shows Van walking by the mound of socks only to have BF poop out of them, grab him, and pull him back into the shadowy domain of socks.*
"Peculiar."
"But wait! Another VF has wondered onto the scene!"
*camera shows another girl with glasses starting to make a run for Van before BafFling gets him all the way into her den of socks*
"The comradery the VF's shared back at the previous incident has long since dissolved now that Van has appeared on the scene."
*camera shows the two girl fighting over Van. Van appears to notice smoke coming over the hill. Suddenly he seems to start yelling words over the VF's screams.*
"Wait! It seems Van has figured out a way of escape. But what can he mean by shouting out 'Raven' and 'Shadow'. Surely he doesn't expect his arch rival to help him."
"Peculiar."
*camera continues to focus on the VF's tugging at Van. Each trying to claim him as her own. But the smoke in the background seems to be getting thicker...and wait...closer*
"What can this smoke mean?"
*camera shows a head peeping over the hill...a foxy head! On hearing the words 'Raven' and 'Shadow' being cried out, the fox makes a mad dash towards the scene.*
"Van's master plan was to gain the attention of Four Foot! As you may remember from our last episode, Four Foot is a powerful RF! In fact, do to carelessness on Ned's part, she is why Bob Nixon is here instead of Ned. Bod Nixon would like to take this time to say that Bob Nixon hopes Ned has a speedy recovery and the burn scars go down."
*camera shows Four Foot running down the hill at full force and fire blazing wildly around her. At the sight of the gigantic, slightly crazed fox tumbling down the hill, both VF's stop fighting and just stare. Mass panic ensues when Four Foot accidentally sets fire to BafFling's mound of socks.*
*camera shows mass panic and mayhem. As the two VF's try to put out the fires and Four Foot is looking all around for Raven, and thus starting new fires.*
*camera shows Van escaping in the background. Four Foot is looking around confused and finally seeing only BF, another VF, and a charred pile of socks. She mouths the words, 'HIGH BF!'*
"Peculiar."
"Well, we are out of time today. Bob Nixon would like to take some more time to say that while people say Bob Nixon speaks in third person all the time is just to hear Bob Nixon's name, that is untrue. Bob Nixon has reasons for doing so...yeah."
Fire Fox- Well there you go. All I have to say is that I tried. And I'm sorry. Well, I was asked to write this so blame someone else who shall remain nameless^_^;;;;
Raven- She must be insaner than I thought.
Fire Fox- Insaner isn't a word.
Please take pity on me and review.
I love Raven. See ya.
