Eidos People: WE OWN LOK!

Evelin: AND I DON'T!!! I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER EITHER! (And SR3 is LoK-D!)

Eidos People: THAT IS CORRECT!!! NOW GIVE US LoK-D!!!

Evelin: NO! IT WAS A CHRISTMAS PRESENT!!! *run's*

Eidos People: *they follow*

Evelin:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*takes a deep breath* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not in this one because…Look above.

In this chapter, you see what happen's when I go off somewhere and leave them unsupervised. (THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER OF THIS FIC-THERE WILL BE A CONTINUATION, THOUGH.)

This chapter (believe it or not) has been sitting on my hard drive for AGES, so here it is…yeah. =/

**********

Chapter 5

While I was Away…

Everybody is in the Eternal Prison. Why?The Sarafan caught them throwing eggs at Moebius' house.

Moebius (sipping orange juice from a straw) : Heh, heh, heh! I finally got ya!

Janos: *sniff* why do I have to be in the same cell as HIM? *point's at Raziel at the other side of the cell writing JANOS IS GAY over and over with a piece of chalk* Make him stop! He has chalk!

Moebius: Actually, since it pisses you off I'll let him keep the chalk.

Raziel: Thanx, Moe!

Moebius: It's MOEBIUS, not MOE! *stick's his staff in the cell to hit him*

Raziel: PINIADA! *takes a stick out of nowhere and wack's the big crystal ball at the end of the staff and candy start's to pour out*

Snake-on-Staff: OW…

Moebius: *pull's staff out* DAMMIT, NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID! *To the Warden standing next to him playing with his Gameboy Advance SP* BRING ME MORE ORANGE JUICE!!! AND WHILST YOUR AT IT, FIX MY GODDAMN STAFF!!! *Take's the warden's scythe and throw's his broken staff at the warden*

Moebius (to everyone): DON'T MOVE! I'LL BE BACK!!! *run's out*

Raziel: WHO WANT'S CANDY?!

Faustus: I DO!!!

Janos: How about my heart?

Raziel: *gives Janos some heart candy*

Janos: That doesn't help! *dropp's the heart candy into his open chest and suddenly get's teddy bear eyes* HOW NICE OF YOU! *squeezes Raziel*

Raziel: I've created a monster!!! *chokes*

Turel: He's turned into a fangirl.

Vorador: Get the candy out of him!

Raziel: *poke's Janos in the eyes and he let's go of him*

Janos: Ow…

Raziel: *pull's the candy out and throw's it out the window*

Janos: OW! GADDAMMIT, WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!

Raziel: *jump's up to the ceiling(it's got a lot of lines) and stay's there* You were acting like…like…MAN, YOU HAD TEDDY BEAR EYES!!!

Vorador: You looked ready to breastfeed-

Raziel (from ceiling): ACK! VORADOR, YOU PERV!!!

Vorador: Well I found out that men can….

Raziel (from ceiling): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vorador: OK, OK! I'll stop…

Raziel (from ceiling): JUST SHUDDAP BEFORE I RIP YOUR HEAD OFF!!! (somehow)

Faustus: CANDY, CANDY, CANDY, CANDY!!!

Janos: SHUT UP! EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP! *suddenly see's something* Hello now what's this? *pick's up a nice sparkley thingamajig that also fell out of the staff* 'EY I KNOW WHAT THIS IS!

Raziel (from ceiling): Your brain?

Faustus: Your watch?

Vorador: Your di-

Raziel (from ceiling): DON'T even start.

Vorador: OK.

Janos: NO. It's the Nexus Stone!

Raziel (from ceiling): The Whatta Stone?

Janos: The Nexus Stone, dammit. Whoever wear's it is safe from YOU. *point's at Raziel*

Vorador: I thaught you can also make portal thangs with it or something.

Janos: That too…I think.

Raziel (from ceiling): What the hell would that be doin' in his staff? And what's up with that snake? It wasn't in Blood Omen.

Vorador: Huh?

Raziel (from ceiling): You know what I'm talking about!

Faustus: Are you always gonna be stuck up there?

Raziel (from ceiling): …Maybe.

Janos (away from the others in a corner): Heh, heh, heh…I could annoy him as much as I want and he can't hurt me!

Raziel (suddenly behind Janos): I heard that.

Janos: Ah, so your finally down!

Dumah: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ-*SnOrT*-ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ………………

Everybody: O.O

Raziel: He seem's to like it here.

Faustus: I heard that he sleep's in a slugbug. (A/N:to find out more about the slugbug thing go and check out that RPG thread at the Eidos Forums)

Dumah: *suddenly fart's-BIG and JUICY*

Faustus: O_O'

Raziel: *hold's his breath*

Raziel: *start's to have trouble breathing*

Vorador: What's wrong with you?

Turel: Dude, just let it out!

Raziel: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! *accidentally wakes Dumah up*

Dumah: TWO + TWO IS EIGHT!!!

Janos: Great. Just…GREAT.  I'm stuck with someone who ripped my heart out, a pervert, a chinese vampire, a vampire that isn't supposed to be here-

Turel: I Got myself a shift glyph!

Raziel: Well I can possess bodies, so HA! =D

Janos: -and some devolved giant vampire who can't add. *Raziel steal's the Nexus Stone* HEY!!!

Raziel (jump's back up the ceiling): MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!! *throw's it out the window*

Janos: NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

-----Outside-----

Sebastian is walking around

Sebastian: *humming to himself* Yum,de-dum,dum,dee-doo…*look's up to see something falling* I say, what's that? *the Nexus Stone fall's on Sebastian's head and knock's him out*

-----Somewhere in Meridian (at a game shop)-----

Sarafan Lord: *talking to the shopkeeper* Do you have Legacy of Kain: Defiance?

Ariel: This time, NO. Their forcing us to wait until it's actually out this time. Raziel is the only one with two copies of the game-he gave one away to somebody.

Voice in the distance: YOU'LL NEVER GET YOUR HANDS ON THIS GAME-NO SIR!!!

Eidos People: Hand it over for the good of surprising everybody all at once and letting us finish the game more quickly by having everything layed out in front of us!

Voice in the Distance: NO! WHEN I'M DONE WITH IT YOU WILL!

Sarafan Lord: Um…But this is NOSGOTH!

Ariel: *sarcastic* And I'm King Ottmar!!!

Sarafan Lord: No, really. This IS Nosgoth!

Ariel: I know, I just wanted to be sarcastic for once!

Sarafan Lord: …

Ariel: Anyway, you and your buddies are just impatient. How about this: WAIT. WAIT LIKE THE REST OF THE WORLD.

Sarafan Lord: OK, FINE. Just give me something I like.

Ariel: I doubt you'll like anything that I got that's new.

Sarafan Lord: Then tell me why the hell are you away from the pillars?

Ariel: Umm…I think that you should leave…

Sarafan Lord: You mean you were lying the entire time?

Ariel: *picking up phone* I really think you should leave…*dial's 199-it's differen't there*

Sarafan Lord: Can I at least get Beatmania?

Ariel: Didn't the Soul Reaver devour your soul?

Sarafan 1: FREEZE! PUT YOUR HANDS UP IN THE AIR!

Sarafan Lord: Huh?

Sarafan 1: Your under arrest. *put's hand cuffs on SL*

Sarafan Lord: What did I do?! *spot's Umah looking at the front cover of the game Azurik*

Umah: O_O Sexy blue guy!

Sarafan Lord: Look! *point's at her*

Umah: What?

Sarafan 2: Vampire!

Umah: I'm dead already! Leave me alone. :-(

Sarafan 1: Your under arrest. *put's hand cuffs on her and walk's out with them*

Ariel: Uh…Thanks, I guess.

Sarafan 2: Well our work here is done. *walk's out after them*

-----Back at the Prison-----

Dumah: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Raziel (still from ceiling): I'm bored. Tell us your life story, Janos.

Janos: Well, I'll start with when I stuck myself in that damn Retreat. Day 1: I started playing chess against myself but soon got bored, cuz I always wanted the white side to win, and then after that started to play old video games like super mario(super Nes), Zelda LTTP, Pac man…

Raziel: Zzzzzzzzzz *fall's off ceiling* zzzzzz

Janos: Guess I'll just stop there.

Moebius: *to the wardens* throw the Sarafan Lord in there *point's at Dumah, Vorador, Faustus' cell* And the vampire in there. *point's at Raziel, Turel, and Janos' cell* And make sure she lands on him. *point's at Sleepyboy Raziel*

Umah: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *land's on Raziel and wakes him up-who freak's out and almost kill's her* OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!!!!!!! *run's to the corner of the cell*

Raziel: *curled up in a tight ball in a corner shivering uncontrollably* I've been violated…

Umah: Hey! An even cuter blue guy! And he's alive!

Raziel: Momma help me! _;

Vorador: Is it just me, or was she-

Turel: CAN IT, Vorador.

Vorador: Okey-Dokey.

Janos: You're a fool, Vorador. Why did I even make you?!

Vorador: You were drunk, remember?!

Janos: Oh yeah…

Faustus: YOUR ALWAYS DRUNK AND STONED, MAN!!!

SL: I'm the SARAFAN LORD for God's sake! I shouldn't be kept here!

Faustus: This chapter is getting pretty long and I think a little someone who is on the run should be punished for her crimes.

Raziel: *faints from shock*

Turel: LET ME OUTTA HERE!!!

Moebius: GREAT PLAN, FAUSTUS!

Faustus: Will you let me out now?

Moebius: NO. *scuttle's off*

Dumah: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…

30 minutes later…

Moebius: *comes with the author* Since your absolutely insane and all that, you deserve to be in a cell*pushes her in*

Evelin: The Eternal Prison-this is my favorite level!

Moebius: Rats.

Raziel: *suddenly dissapear's-yes, he woke up*

Turel: Where did he go?

Evelin: He went to the physical plane.

Turel: Oh. Wait-I'm still alive!

Evelin: You baught a shift glyph, remember?!

Turel: Oh yeah!!! *Evelin dissapears* Where did she go?

Raziel: *shift's back to where we are-Spectral* She's not supposed to be in this chapter.

Turel: Oh yeah!

Six hours later…

Moebius: *calling* Oooooh, Razieeeel!....I HAVE A JOB FOR YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!! *evil grin*

Raziel: *is scared out of his pants…if he had pants at least*

Janos: *takes his bong out and uses it* Ah, refreshing. *get's stoned again* Sup ma thang?

Vorador: Huh? What's that mean, you retard?

Moebius: I got you a job at the Blue Lady curios shop! You're the blue LADY! *get's kicked in the groin* OOWWW!!!

Janos: *is stoned* Dude, like, he's a guy, man! *look's at Turel* You look like a bunny rabbit, dude!

Turel: *puff's himself up* I have been known to have ultra large ears.

Raziel: I gonna kill you Moe!!! *fire's a projectile at Moebius and uses his TK to get the keys* Sucka! *unlock's the doors*

Suddenly, the Elder God's voice is heard.

Elder God: Raziel, Raziel king of the Britons!-

Raziel: Huh?!

Elder God: Oh, sorry, I meant: Raziel, Raziel Blue Wraithy guy! I have a holy quest for ye!!!

Raziel: Spit it out, Calamari King.

Elder God: YOU AND YOUR MEN MUST FIND THE HOLY…

Faustus: …Holy what?

Elder God: THE HOLY…

Vorador: WHAT IS IT ALREADY?!

Elder God: TOILET SEAT!!! YOU MUST FIND THE HOLY TOLET SEAT!!!

Raziel: TOILET SEAT?! WHAT THE HELL?!

Elder God: Um…Holy Goblet of Fire?

Raziel: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (by J.K.Rowling) plagiarism.

Elder God: Fuck.

Raziel: Whatever.

Elder God: …Now go seek out the Holy Toilet Seat before I send you guys some black demons enclosed in a nice box, OK?

Janos: *is still stoned* Dude…where is that voice coming from?! Your all like, standing there dude, that's just awsome!

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Evelin: *hides in a closet from the Eidos People which turn's out to be a hidden room* Interesting…The Quest for the Toilet Seat! Coming soon!!!

Evelin: Another disclaimer-I don't own Monty Python.

Raziel: *is bending spoons*

Dumah: *hugging his plushie* TK? What's TK?

Evelin: Telekinesis stuff Raziel and Kain have in Defiance!

Dumah: *is suddenly confused and just stand's there like a retard.*

Evelin: OH, never mind! *watches Vorador drag Janos to the Stoner's Club* As I said before, this is the last chapter, but there will be a new fic called, "Quest for the Holy Toilet Seat".

PLEASE REVIEW!!!

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