~ The Many Adventures of Legolas the Elf ~
It was time. The end was drawing near and Legolas felt strange. He was being drawn to a tree, which looked strangely familiar to him. But as he went closer, he saw it. It was here. It was a new thing. The tree was moving. Legolas backed off, unsure. 'If the tree was moving,' Legolas thought, 'then where am I? Surely this wasn't Mirkwood.' Legolas started to panic, which was highly unusual, considering that Elves don't panic. Then, his Elvish instincts told him that he could be near the Forest of Fangorn. 'Yes, that was it. I am in the Forest of Fangorn and the trees are just Ents. That's all, just Ents.'
But he was wrong. It wasn't the Forest of Fangorn. Legolas was lost. "I know I'm lost. Wait ... who are you?" Legolas said.
I don't matter to you.
"Yes you do ... I am lost in some forest ... kindly tell me where I am!"
You really want to know?
Now completely confused, Legolas withdrew his bow and notched an arrow to his bow. "I am very confused and if you don't tell me who you are, then you will die a painful death." Legolas was still confused by the mysterious actions of whom else but the author?
I am the author.
"Who?" If he could get any more confused, he would be.
I am the Black Rider of Gondor. But ... if you prefer a shorter name, I am Brog. Is that understood?
Poor Legolas, he had undergone severe stress. "I have not undergone severe stress. Now, why are you following me and why is everything I say in bold?"
Tsk, tsk. You don't understand. You are the main character and will be followed by me because I am the authoress who is writing a story about this particular day. Understand?
"Perfectly understandable. But I do not wish to be recognized, so please do not put my words in bold. I want to be normal. And STOP putting certain words in italic!"
Although he had put the arrow back in his always full quiver, his bow was stuck in a tree having put it there before undergoing physical insanity.
"I AM NOT INSANE! And stop with the bold and italic!" He really was undergoing insanity.
Want to come up with a reasonable agreement?
"Stop with the bold and italic, and I will continue along with whatever you are documenting."
Fine. (sighs)
"That's better. Now one more thing. Why are you actions in parentheses and mine are written out?" Someday Legolas really would undergo stress and insanity. "And I am not stressed out and insane!"
First of all, you are the main character. It is my duty to put your actions in that way. And believe me, if you keep talking like this in my story, you will undergo severe stress and insanity.
"Can we continue on with the story? I really want to get beyond conversation." Legolas said, pacing himself before leaping on to a random branch of a random tree next to the moving tree.
Deal.
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It wasn't the Forest of Fangorn. Legolas was lost. He tried to scan the sky for some reasonable place to visit, but that moving tree attacked him. It was The End. The End of Looking For Life From a Tree.
Legolas fell. But he didn't reach the ground. It was odd. He found himself dangling from his bow which was stuck in The Moving Tree.
'How odd.' Legolas thought as he lightly jumped to the ground using footwork that only Elves could behold. He stood in front of the Moving Tree and looked at it in a way that is a stupid way to be looking at a tree. However, it was not a stupid way to be looking at a tree because it was the Way of the Elves.
Suddenly, Legolas found himself inside a tree. 'Must be in the Moving Tree.' Legolas thought as he felt the edges of the inside of the tree. A small voice came bounding from outside the tree.
"Black Rider? How can a voice bound from outside a tree?" Legolas asked the Author a very stupid question.
Because I wanted the voice to come bounding from outside the tree. DO NOT question my writing abilities.
Anyway ... Legolas waited until the voice came closer to the tree. Then, he very foolishly yelled. He foolishly yelled (Note the italics): "O you who is out there! I am in dire peril and in need of assistance! Come aid me from the
Moving Tree!"
Legolas paused.
No noise came.
Legolas foolishly yelled again.
No noise came.
Legolas paused.
No noise came.
Legolas sat down in the Moving Tree.
No noise came.
Legolas paused.
No noise came.
Legolas counted his fingers.
No noise came.
Legolas ran in a circle.
No noise came.
Legolas foolishly yelled again.
No noise came.
Legolas fell asleep.
A noise came. "Don't panic."
Legolas woke up and again foolishly yelled.
The voice spoke. "Do you have a towel?"
Legolas was confused. "No."
"Then you will need one." The voice spoke and suddenly a jackhammer started, creating a noise that could make an Elf deaf for eternity, though Legolas was inside the tree and the tree was insulated.
A door was made.
Expectantly, Legolas waited for the door to open so he could see his rescuer.
In agonizing slowness, the door was opened.
It revealed...
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Nothing...
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A Dark Shape.
