Chapter 2:

In Which Legolas is Rescued

All hope was lost for Legolas. He stared at the dark shape and squinted in the darkness for it was too dark to see, even for an Elf. Suddenly, the dark shape spoke. "Ssssqqquueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Legolas recognized the voice. It was a dangerous voice for an Elf (particularly Legolas) to hear. It was scarier than an orc. It was …

A Fangirl.

Legolas panicked. He didn't know where to go since the Fangirl was blocking the door to the tree. Suddenly, he saw it; an escape hatch in the ground. Jumping on the escape hatch, Legolas fell through it. He fell a long way.

And he kept falling,

and falling,

and falling,

and falling,

and falling,

and falling,

and falling,

and falling,

and falling,

and falling,

and falling,

and falling,

and falling,

and falling,

and falling,

and falling,

and falling,

and falling,

and falling,

and falling …

until he emerged on to the ground. But there it was. The Fangirl was waiting for him.

"Ssssqqquueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Legolas panicked again. He screamed and ran away. But, the Fangirl was fast. She was right behind Legolas as she tried to speak. "Ssssqqquueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! It's Legolas! Ssssqqquueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I'm Mary-Sue! Ssssqqquueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Poor Legolas, he kept running, but the Fangirl was right behind him. Occaisionaly, Legolas could hear the odd "Ssssqqquueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" from Mary-Sue. Legolas ran for twenty-seven miles.

Suddenly, Legolas fell to the ground with Mary-Sue Barbie Fangirl on top of him. "Ssssqqquueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I caught Legolas! Ssssqqquueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" With lightening speed, Mary-Sue tied him to a tree in a manner that enabled him to at least move but not escape. In other words, Legolas was sitting with his back to the tree and his arms tied to the tree and his legs straight out in front of him. "Now, now, Leggy, stay here while I get some stuff."

She smiled her most winning smile and ran off.

As soon as Mary-Sue left, Legolas started talking. "And where were you? You were supposed to save me, Brog!

You left me in the dust! And now I'm going to be having romance with a Mary-Sue who looks like Barbie!"

:: Tsk, tsk. (Shakes head) And I thought I was here to document this. But still, I will comply to your request and save you. Don't worry Legolas. I will be right back after I get my stuff. But do try to appreciate the fact that this Mary-Sue who looks like Barbie is here. If you try to resist, she will do something very bad to you, something I don't want to think about. ::

Signing with resignation, Legolas replied, "Hope you come back soon." But suddenly, Mary-Sue Barbie Fangirl cam back and promptly sat on Legolas's legs. "Hellllooo, dear Legolas." Speechless, Legolas stared at her. Without warning, Mary-Sue untied Legolas's arms and put them around her. Legolas immediately withdrew his hands. "No, no, Legolas, you must do what I wamt." Sullenly, he put his hands around her waist, plotting on ways to get them around her throat.

At that moment, he saw a hooded figure walking towards him. For some reason, he had an idea that it was Brog.

Winking to the figure, he quickly created an idea with his cunning mind.

Smiling huskily at Mary-Sue and spoke. "Dear Barbie, I wouldn't dream of hurting you." Mary-Sue attempted to kiss Legolas, but he vanished. In his placed was an Orc. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" Mary-Sue screamed.

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"So, are you happy now? I rescued you."

Legolas paused. "Yeah well, I guess I am grateful. Thanks a lot."

"Well then, I'd better be going. Next time you need help, don't ask for it, I'll be there."

"Thanks again, Brog." He shook her hand and started to turn away, which led his to realize that he wasn't in Middle-Earth anymore. "Er … where are we?"

"Betelgeuse." Brog turned and vanished.

'Great, I'm stuck on an unknown planet.' Legolas thought as he turned around.

"It's not a planet, it's a star. And my name is Ford Prefect. Nice to meet you." Ford smiled in a way that made you think that he was trying to prevent choking you.