James stared at Lily, bright lights appearing in his eyes.
"STOP THAT!", he snapped at Peter, who was shining a flashlight in his eyes. He sighed and stared at Lily's ass. "...I want to touch the hiney."
Remus blinked and rolled his eyes. "James is very romantic, no?"
Sirius giggled manishly. "I don't see YOU getting any women."
And with that comment, Remus rose to the challenge like he always did. Well, not really, but still. Remus leapt into the air and landed in front of a convieniently close group of hot hottie girls. He put on his puppy dog eyes.
"I AM SO ANGST-RIDDEN. AND THERE IS NO ONE TO LOVE ME."
And with that, all the girls were running their hands through his hair and saying things like, 'You poor baby' and 'So cute' and 'I just want to screw you and bear your children and stuff like that.' and 'Wow you hot'. Remus looked at Sirius smugly, only to see that his efforts had been in vain, for Sirius was...
currently sexing up the entire seventh year. Yes, even the guys. They could not resist his Sirius charm! Who can? That long, sexy hair, that sexy, sexy smile, the way he even looks handsome when he's 'bored and haughty under a tree with his three best friends'! Upon seeing Sirius and the rest of the seventh-years, the group of hot girls snorted and promptly slapped, beat, pinched, glared at, and kicked-in-the-groin Remus, declaring "PSSH! WEREWOLF LOSER!" Were he not whimpering on the floor in pain he probably would have wondered how they knew he was a werewolf. He decided it must've been James or Sirius after they got completely plastered and had gay sex.
He looked over at Peter, who was...
..eating fudge.....off of a hot sexy model. Remus blinked and facepalmed. "Oh, my aching crotch."
Oblivious to this happening, Lily Evans was still playing hard to get.
"I hate you, James. Please stop putting your hands in my vaginal area even though my hand is currently firmly wedged in your pants."
James was sad, hurt, and lonely. No one cared, because they had all reached the unanymous descision that James is an asshole. They were convinced that sometimes he parked in handicapped spaces, while handicapped people made handicapped faces.
"You bastard! We all hate you!" exclaimed the authors of every Lily/OC fic everywhere.
James curled into an angst-ridden ball and cried. Lily laughed cruelly, but of course she did not -really- laugh cruelly. Her laugh, thought Severus Snape, was like the tinkling of a bell! He remembered something his mommy had once said: Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. Okay, so that was not what his mommy had said. His mommy had actually said 'everytime you masturbate, god kills a kitten. THE KITTENS, SEVERUS, THE KITTENS!' She had then beaten him violently over the head with a toaster. As a result, he was a reclusive child hated by the Marauders. Every fanfic author ever pitied him immensely and pointed out how far superior to James Potter he was. James threatened to kill himself, yet glared as no author made any move to stop him.
Lily, who had moved over between Sirius and Remus, looked up at the two expectantly. Remus cleared his throat before bursting into song.
"Er....ANDD IIIIIIIIIIIiiiiIIIIII WIIIIILL ALWAYSSS LOOOOVE YOOOoOOOooOUUU AAAAAAAAALWAAAAAAAAAAYS LOOOOOOVEEEE....YOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUU!"
He was actually quite good, until on the last 'YOOOOOOU' his voice cracked and broke several windows. Lily blinked and looked to Sirius, who coughed.
"Er....You hot. I want to rape you."
"Oh, Sirius, you're so romantic!"
And with that, they began to make out and grope each other.
Remus cleared his throat again. "LILY. I HAVE ROSES FOR YOU!"
"OH, REMUS!" cried Lily, leaping into Remus' arms and kissing him passionately.
Sirius looked as if he was about to cry. He was NOT going to lose a hot girl to Remus, even if she was James' future spouse. "BUT LILY...I'M MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU!"
James stormed up. "STFU NEGRO!" And with that, he grabbed Lily and dragged her away to have sex.
"STOP THAT!", he snapped at Peter, who was shining a flashlight in his eyes. He sighed and stared at Lily's ass. "...I want to touch the hiney."
Remus blinked and rolled his eyes. "James is very romantic, no?"
Sirius giggled manishly. "I don't see YOU getting any women."
And with that comment, Remus rose to the challenge like he always did. Well, not really, but still. Remus leapt into the air and landed in front of a convieniently close group of hot hottie girls. He put on his puppy dog eyes.
"I AM SO ANGST-RIDDEN. AND THERE IS NO ONE TO LOVE ME."
And with that, all the girls were running their hands through his hair and saying things like, 'You poor baby' and 'So cute' and 'I just want to screw you and bear your children and stuff like that.' and 'Wow you hot'. Remus looked at Sirius smugly, only to see that his efforts had been in vain, for Sirius was...
currently sexing up the entire seventh year. Yes, even the guys. They could not resist his Sirius charm! Who can? That long, sexy hair, that sexy, sexy smile, the way he even looks handsome when he's 'bored and haughty under a tree with his three best friends'! Upon seeing Sirius and the rest of the seventh-years, the group of hot girls snorted and promptly slapped, beat, pinched, glared at, and kicked-in-the-groin Remus, declaring "PSSH! WEREWOLF LOSER!" Were he not whimpering on the floor in pain he probably would have wondered how they knew he was a werewolf. He decided it must've been James or Sirius after they got completely plastered and had gay sex.
He looked over at Peter, who was...
..eating fudge.....off of a hot sexy model. Remus blinked and facepalmed. "Oh, my aching crotch."
Oblivious to this happening, Lily Evans was still playing hard to get.
"I hate you, James. Please stop putting your hands in my vaginal area even though my hand is currently firmly wedged in your pants."
James was sad, hurt, and lonely. No one cared, because they had all reached the unanymous descision that James is an asshole. They were convinced that sometimes he parked in handicapped spaces, while handicapped people made handicapped faces.
"You bastard! We all hate you!" exclaimed the authors of every Lily/OC fic everywhere.
James curled into an angst-ridden ball and cried. Lily laughed cruelly, but of course she did not -really- laugh cruelly. Her laugh, thought Severus Snape, was like the tinkling of a bell! He remembered something his mommy had once said: Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. Okay, so that was not what his mommy had said. His mommy had actually said 'everytime you masturbate, god kills a kitten. THE KITTENS, SEVERUS, THE KITTENS!' She had then beaten him violently over the head with a toaster. As a result, he was a reclusive child hated by the Marauders. Every fanfic author ever pitied him immensely and pointed out how far superior to James Potter he was. James threatened to kill himself, yet glared as no author made any move to stop him.
Lily, who had moved over between Sirius and Remus, looked up at the two expectantly. Remus cleared his throat before bursting into song.
"Er....ANDD IIIIIIIIIIIiiiiIIIIII WIIIIILL ALWAYSSS LOOOOVE YOOOoOOOooOUUU AAAAAAAAALWAAAAAAAAAAYS LOOOOOOVEEEE....YOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUU!"
He was actually quite good, until on the last 'YOOOOOOU' his voice cracked and broke several windows. Lily blinked and looked to Sirius, who coughed.
"Er....You hot. I want to rape you."
"Oh, Sirius, you're so romantic!"
And with that, they began to make out and grope each other.
Remus cleared his throat again. "LILY. I HAVE ROSES FOR YOU!"
"OH, REMUS!" cried Lily, leaping into Remus' arms and kissing him passionately.
Sirius looked as if he was about to cry. He was NOT going to lose a hot girl to Remus, even if she was James' future spouse. "BUT LILY...I'M MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU!"
James stormed up. "STFU NEGRO!" And with that, he grabbed Lily and dragged her away to have sex.
