Holiday Crisis
By: Shmeilia Rockie
Chapter 12: Honeymoon Fiasco

A/N, and Disclaimer: I wasn't going to write this, but Lorne wouldn't leave me alone. *He kept poking my cartoon alter ego with a wooden stake, it got really annoying!* Who is Lorne, you ask? Lorne belongs to the creators of the show Angel, which is the inspiration for almost everything I write. (In one weird, twisted way or another.) Okay? I do NOT own him. And as you already know, I don't own the SC charas. I own April, and Merope, and Destiny, and Maigri and Sarah. And Diana, but I got her from Greek/Roman mythology. (Kinda) The song "Such Reveries" belongs to Duncan Sheik. (I love Duncie! *squeeze* He's my MAN! Uh-oh, now Bernard's glaring at me...) Oh, and one more note on Lorne: This story is set about four years in the future. I'm pretending Angel ended before any of this happened. Okay?

I really want to thank all my regular and semi-regular reviewers: (In no particular order...) Falconess (my best friend, who's been there forever), Hellcat the Wicked (Where are you, Hellcat? You haven't updated your story lately either...*Pouts*), CrystalHorse72 (Oh, I wanna join the Kitchen Utensils club...Can I have a toaster? I wanna bang Maigri over the head with it *wink* Or, must I review one of your stories? *And I will do more of that, one of these days, I promise!*), Jesus-freak (go Christians!), horse-girl (where are you, too? Have you lost interest?), and Nikki. Of course, I want to thank everyone, and encourage those one-time reviewers who still read when I update to please review again. Your support means EVERYTHING to me. Literally. I check my email every five minutes to find out if someone else has reviewed...I know, I need to get a life...But if I had one, I wouldn't write so much! *wink, wink* Okay, enough of this looooooong A/N...

As always, enjoy!

* * * *

The serenity of deserted Party Town Island was interrupted when our lovely couple teleported onto the scene in a puff of glitter. Bernard glanced down at his clothes, horrified to find himself suddenly wearing a Hawaiian shirt and matching shorts. He looked over at his new bride, clad in a strapless, tight fitting blue dress. 'Well', he thought, 'at least she looks good. Then again, she looks good in absolutely everything.' Out loud, he grumbled, "I can't believe Merope talked me into bringing you here after all."

"Oh, come on, Bernard. You know I have eyes only for you. I won't even see any of the cute waiters. See?" She put a hand over her eyes to block out the glare of the "sun" and pretended to search for them. Then she shrugged. "Oh, where are they? Huh, well, I'm not single so I guess can't see them."

Bernard made a face and looked around the island. "Say, where is everyone?"

April plucked a tropical flower off a nearby bush and stuck it in her hair. "Dunno. Maybe the place is deserted if there isn't a party going on. That means we get the whole place to ourselves!" She flung her arms around his neck and planted a kiss on his lips.

He chuckled. "Whoa, let's check into the hotel first."

They walked along the empty streets until they found the hotel, a Holiday Inn. Inside was just as deserted as the rest of the town. The couple roamed the rooms looking for employees, but found no one at all.

They were just about to give up and go back to Elfsburg, when they wondered into the bar. There, behind the counter, stood a man in a loud orange suit. That in itself was kinda weird, but what was even weirder was his physical appearance. His skin was bright green, his eyes were blood red and he had two little red horns sticking out of his forehead. Yes, HORNS. The two guests just stared at him for a moment; with him staring wordlessly back at them.

Finally, April moved forward. She ran up to the bar and spoke to him with awe in her voice. "Lorne? What are you doing here?"

"I was hoping you could tell me, Sweet Cheeks, because I have absolutely no idea." He laughed heartily, and suddenly he didn't seem all that freaky. "Can I get you a Sea Breeze? It would be Virgin, of course, because you are obviously under age. No offense."

"How about a Strawberry Daiquiri instead?"

"You got it, Crumb Cake."

As Lorne set about making that drink, Bernard cautiously approached. "You two know each other?"

"Not really," the man answered. "Or should I say, I don't know her. She probably knows me from the television show 'Angel'. I was a supporting character. But since the show ended a while ago, I've been out of work. (Never mind that I'm a fictional character, and shouldn't really exist... Weirder stuff has happened, believe it or not...) Anyway, this place is like Paradise for me, wherever it is."

"Oh, you're on the moon."

This seemed to be no surprise to him. "Well, its official. Now I've seen everything. I can die now, thanks." He handed her the drink with a smile.

April sipped it and pursed her lips. "Um, Lorne, could I ask you a favor?"

"No, I don't give out autographs, sorry."

"No, not that! Could you read me? Please?"

"That depends. Can you sing?"

"Pretty well, I think."

He pointed. "Okay, go up to the little stage and sing something. Anything. I'm not picky."

April skipped over to the stage and adjusted the microphone. Bernard leaned over and asked very quietly. "'Read' her? What's going on here?"

"When people sing for me, I can see things that trouble them. Sometimes I can see the future, but that normally doesn't turn out very well."

Bernard nodded in understanding, then turned back to watch April sing her heart out.

She took a deep breath and belted out the first thing that came to mind. It was Duncan Sheik's "Such Reveries".

"You and I in the room with a balcony.
You lie on the bed while I stare at the sea.
I stare at the sea.
Oh, such reveries.

"We're riding the ponies in Mexico.
The moonlight leaps the palm tree groves.
Oh, wouldn't you know...
We're in Mexico.

"All of these things, all of these things
They are such reveries, oh
All of these things, all of these things
They are such reveries.

"The ocean waves loomed as large as could be.
They threw us below but you held onto me,
You held onto me.
Oh, such reveries..."

She took a breath to keep going, but Lorne cut her off.

"Whoa, reign it in there, little Missy!" He motioned for her to come back and sit down. She did. "Have you ever taken lessons?"

"I've had a couple, why?"

"Wow. That's all I'm going to say." He adjusted his tie nervously. "So, you two just got married, huh?"

"Yes."

"I understand your misgivings about the rushed marriage. I assure you, you two will be fine." He patted her hand in a reassuring way. "But your concern about being a wife will pale in comparison to your concern about being a mother."

Her brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, there's a very good chance you'll be pregnant before you even leave the island."

"WHAT? BUT I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE DESTINY FOR ANOTHER FIVE YEARS!"

He winced and shook his head at her reaction. "Hey, don't shoot the messenger, okay? You wanted to be read, and I read you. Its rarely pretty, sorry to burst your bubble. But you should already know that from watching the show. Besides..." He leaned in closer and whispered, "Who said you'd be having Destiny, anyway?"

*Boink* "We have another kid? Why didn't Destiny tell us?" April felt as though she would pass out any second. She grabbed Bernard by the shirt collar and shook him hard, a deranged look lighting her eyes. "WHY DIDN'T SHE TELL US?!?"

"Like holiday if I know, April!" He broke out her grasp and adjusted his shirt. "Maybe she doesn't know. Maybe in her time, she didn't have any siblings. Or something like that."

Lorne started to make another drink. "Not likely. Time travel doesn't work in that way. She either knows about it, or it won't really happen." Lorne sighed. "Time travel is just a bad idea. Too complicated for mortal minds to comprehend, though we try. Oh, there was the time Angel suffered from a cruel twist in the fabric of the time/space continuum...And just when he became human too...I, of course-"

Bernard fidgeted a little, and then belted out sarcastically, "Do you want to read me next, or are you going to tell us a little story instead?"

"Hold your horses, there...Let me taste this first." He held up his drink and drained it in one gulp. "Okay, go ahead."

Bernard barely got out half a verse of the old elfish folk song before Lorne winced and yelled for him to stop.

"Was I that bad?" He looked to April for support. She enthusiastically shook her head, impressed by his hidden talent.

"No, it wasn't your singing that's the problem. It's that glaring secret. And you don't even know the truth about the whole situation."

"What situation?" The confusion expressed itself clearly on her face. "Bernard, what is he talking about?"

Bernard cleared his throat. "Well, I wasn't going to tell you this, but..." He threw a nervous glance at Lorne, who busied himself with making another Sea Breeze. "I haven't been totally honest with you, April."

"What?"

He took a deep breath. "I'm half human."

"WHAT?" She almost choked on her own tongue.

He started to explain, but Lorne cut him off before things could get ugly. "That's not really true, my fine elvin friend. You're half warlock. Big difference."

"Huh? But my mother told me-"

"It isn't hard to confuse the two. Trust me; you've got a lot of magic flowing through your veins. And I mean A LOT. More than the average, everyday elf, anyway." He finished making the beverage and held it out to Bernard. "Drink? You're gonna need it."

He waved it away. "No thanks."

"Suit yourself..." He glanced nervously over at the seething girl before downing the glass.

April looked like she would explode. In fact, she did. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?"

"Well, it's a part of my past I don't like to talk about-"

"Oh, I see. Thanks for lying to me. You said your father was a FOREIGNER!"

"Technically, he was-"

April screamed in rage, making both him and the green guy jump back. "ARGH! This is just wonderful! Just...JUST WONDERFUL!" Then she stormed out of the room, headed for who knows where.

Bernard stared after her for a moment, before turning back to Lorne. "Can I have that drink now?"

Lorne was already on it. "Don't worry about her, Gingersnap. She'll come around in about an hour."

* * * *

The sunset was beautiful. Too bad it was fake, caused by some kind of magic thing April didn't understand. She sniffed and rubbed her puffy eyes before yanking the flower from her hair and angrily tossing it in the ocean. She felt ashamed for blowing up the way she had, but couldn't bring herself to go back and apologize. Exasperated with herself, she ran her hands through her hair and grumbled, "If I'm this way now, I'll be simply intolerable when I'm pregnant. Stupid hormones."

"Oh, I don't know. I don't think you could get any more emotional."

She looked up at Bernard. Somehow, he'd managed to sneak up on her. "Thanks, dear. Just what I needed to hear."

He sat next to her and put his arm around her bare shoulders, hugging her close. "I'm kidding. I understand exactly why you're upset."

"Oh you do, do you?" She looked at him, but his eyes stayed fixed on the ocean.

"Yes, and I'm sorry. I should have been completely honest with you. I just didn't think...I just didn't think. Period." He finally locked eyes with her. "Forgive me?"

She sighed. "Yeah, sure. I forgave you about ten minutes ago. It's just...Oh, forget it."

"No, what?"

She pulled her dress up to keep it from slipping any more and averted her gaze to her sandals. "Everything is happening so fast! Not even a month ago, you treated me like I was a piece of crap...Suddenly, we're married and we're going to have a child in probably under a year...I'm not really ready to be either a wife OR a mother. I'm still only eighteen! I thought I'd be at least in my twenties before any of this. And...I'm frightened, Bernard. I'm really frightened."

He hesitated. "Well, we don't need to...You know...While we're here. We could wait."

She shook her head. "Then we could be deleting someone from the timeline. I couldn't do that. This IS the life of our child we're talking about. That'd be like abortion...Only...Not...Exactly....?"

"So what are we going to do?"

She made a face. "You're asking ME? Like mistletoe if I know. I'm afraid to move forward AND afraid NOT to move forward. I'm so confused..."

"Wanna go to the hotel room and chat until something happens?"

"I guess..." He helped her up. "Not exactly a romantic way to get started, is it?"

"Not really, no." They walked in an uneasy silence for a while. Finally, Bernard put his hand around her waist and drew her close to him. "Why don't I tell you the story of my Pre-Head Elf days in its entirety? That way, we don't have another fight like that ever again."

"Sure. Go ahead."

He barked a brisk laugh. "Good thing we have a whole month...This will probably take a whole week to explain."

"Hey, I'll make popcorn...It'll be just like a movie marathon!" She leaned into him, suddenly greatly relieved of the anxiety that had been building since her Lorne read her. This would be okay. It would all be okay.

* * * *

Twelve hours later, April fell asleep. Right in the middle of...His storytelling...He should have been perfectly content to stay there with her (and he was), but his Mistress kept calling to him. He had to go back to work! April would mind if he just popped back into the Workshop to see how things were running. Or so he told himself.

He left a note on the dresser and hoped she wouldn't kill him when she woke up and discovered him gone.

After briefly taking a shower and attempting to find normal clothes (and failing miserably; every article of clothing he packed somehow morphed into Hawaiian print EVERYTHING), he opened the door to quietly sneak out into the hallway before teleporting. He jerked back as he practically ran into Merope, who had raised her fist to knock and came very close to hitting him. She had on a dress just like April's, only orange.

She quickly put the offending hand behind her head and smiled innocently. "Oh, hullo! Having fun?"

"What the-" He lowered his voice to a whisper and hastily shut the door, unable to keep himself from getting just a bit annoyed. "Why are you here?"

"There's something that requires your attention back at the Workshop. It's really REALLY urgent, or you know I wouldn't have come here. Let ME be the last one to interrupt you on your vacation. Oooh, no! And you can let your wifie know that it's all my fault, okay? I won't tell her that you were sneaking out on her." She winked at him and nudged him in the gut.

He raised an eyebrow at her and rubbed his side. "How'd you get here, anyway?"

"I FLEW!" She held up the other hand, which she'd been keeping behind her back. In it rested a sleek, black handled broom. "I needed to get in some practice. (I've been a little rusty lately.)" She giggled in a very uncharacteristic way and added with an excited scrunch of her nose, "When this is all over, I'm going to join the Halloweentown Quidditch team! I hear they need a new Beater." She made a motion similar to hitting a tennis ball with a racket.

He smacked his forehead. "So do you want to fly back, or are you going to come with me?"

She rolled her eyes. Party pooper. "Okay, let's go."

Three seconds later, they found themselves at the Naughty and Nice Center. (And back in their normal clothes.) Abby ran up to him, waving her arms violently. "Children are dropping off the map, Bernard!"

"What?" He looked at the giant globe, and sure enough one light blipped out. Then another. And another. And you get the picture. "Why? Is it malfunctioning?"

"No, Its not. We already thought of that." Charlie wheeled out from under the control panel.

Most people present gasped.

"What?" He looked around nervously. "Do I have grease on my face?"

"No!" Abby pointed. "Your hair! It's too soon for it to be turning grey like that! It hasn't even been a day! Oh, that's gotta be a record."

He ran a hand through his now steely grey hair and snorted. "We have more pressing matters right now, don't you think?"

"I guess you're right, sorry."

"So what's going on?" Bernard walked around the center and checked a couple of readouts. They confirmed that the children were just disappearing.

"Well," Maigri popped out of nowhere. "I have a theory, if anyone cares to hear it."

"What?"

"They're asleep." This was met with quite a few snorts of disbelief. "I'm serious. Those Consumer things captured the Sand Man ALIVE. Maybe whoever is behind this did so with the intent of putting all the people of the world into a deep sleep to interfere with our magic somehow."

"Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner!" Merope applauded him. "That's exactly right. This means we don't have much time. We need to start evacuating the other places before they too fall victim to this invisible menace... (Oh, that sounded WAY corny!)"

"What other places?"

She counted them off on her fingers. "Halloweentown... Bunnyland... Ireland..."

"Ireland?" Everyone exchanged confused glances and raised eyebrows with everyone else.

She waved their questioning looks away. "You get the picture."

"How long do you think it will take?" Charlie asked, just a bit dejected.

"Well, if we split into teams...One week? At the most? I hope, anyway. Normally, Destiny makes these kinds of calculations."

So much for Bernard's honeymoon. "Where is she, anyway?"

"Oh, she's taken Charlie's place at the big Council meeting, so he could stay here and work on our little problem. They're taking role to find out who's gone, and discussing what they should do next. Hopefully, they'll be done in an hour or so. That is, if they don't start fighting for one reason or another." She frowned and realized she still had the broom in her hand. She stuck it behind her back and it disappeared into thin air. "Until then, there's nothing we can do."

Charlie sat down on a conveniently placed stool. "Then I guess we'll just wait for her to return."

And wait they did. They waited, and waited, and waited, and...Checked their watches every thirty seconds...Looked at the disappearing lights with mounting concern for the other thirty seconds...

Finally, forty-five minutes later, Destiny returned with Curtis at her heels. She made a show of wiping the sweat off her forehead, and then cleared her throat. "Okay, guys, I have teams drawn up. I will go with the Easter Bunny to Bunnyland and evacuate his numerous family members. Merope, Bernard, go to Halloweentown with Aggie. Maigri, Cupid."

"Oh, boy, this will be fun." Maigri mumbled sarcastically.

Destiny ignored him. "And Curtis, go with St. Patrick. Okay?"

"Yay, I get to go to Ireland! Whoo-hoo!" He did a little wiggly dance. Everyone rolled their eyes.

She turned to Charlie. "Do you think you can handle things without elf supervision?"

He gave her a 'look'. "I think so, yes."

* * * *

"'Dear April, I had to go back to work. I'm really sorry, but it was an emergency. Love, Bernard.' Why that JERK! Emergency, my foot. I knew he couldn't stay away...I just knew it. He loves his stinkin' job more than me!" She crumpled the paper angrily and tossed it over her shoulder. Then she crossed her arms and pouted. "When he gets back, I'm going to THROTTLE HIM!"

* * * *

A/N: Don't you just love cliffhangers? Am I evil or what? Mwa-hahahahaha *snort* Oooh! Oh, I must say, this chapter didn't turn out anything like how I had planned it. Oh well. Say, can I get some reviews? I would like 96, please! (I'm sorry, but I won't post more until you meet that quota. Come on, has everyone lost interest, or what?) What do you think? Am I off my rocker with this chapter? Its okay, you can be honest with me.

One final note: I just want to tell everyone who wondered that the elves don't seem to be mourning much because they're used to loosing a Santa every once in a while. They know that they need to move forward. Bernard was upset too, but he hid it well.

Now REVIEW! Please?