The Miserable Diaries
(Well! I was absolutely chuffed to
bits with the response to the first one, so thank you all tremendously for
having the sense not to take it seriously and get all uppity about it. Because I am an excessively
badly-prioritised individual I hope to do this for the rest of the Friends of
the ABC, probably, because I like them so much; and then possibly for some of
the other characters should I feel sufficiently inspired (or bored). Hope you like this one, anyway. :o) )
This Miserable Diary Belongs To: Courfeyrac
September 14th, 1827
University of Paris bit of a let-down in general. Have been here a whole week and only slept with fourteen
girls. Have spent Freshers Week
wondering whether the tenth one was actually a girl at all. Paris men so effeminate.
September 15th, 1827
Have met v. fit blond called Enjolras, perplexingly eager to be shot for
sake of lofty ideals therefore spurns zillions of women who, post-rejection,
would probably not say no.
Consequently, definitely in my best interests to join in the fight that
will give me the right to be free.
September 16th, 1827
Nerdy one called Combeferre suggested perhaps is actually Enjolras's pants
I want to get into and am in denial about it. Am refusing to consider possibility since he is almost
certainly right.
Smartarse.
April 23rd, 1828
Found Bossuet talking to random confused-looking boy in street today. A bit worried for his safety with
Bossuet around (Bossuet so creepy at times) so brought him home with
me. Bless him, reminds me of
myself when I was young and stupid.
April 30th, 1828
Marius rather disturbed after meeting rest of Les Amis, perhaps because
Bossuet and Joly being even more coochy-coo than usual and Grantaire flagrantly
groping Enjolras' leg under table.
Jolly-hockey-sticks thigh-slapping comradely banter so
transparent.
January 13th, 1829
Pre-revolutionary angst apparently rather getting to poor Prouvaire's
fragile poetic soul as he keeps bursting into tears on Combeferre's
shoulder. Rather suspect
Combeferre of wanting to jump into bed with Prouvaire's fragile poetic soul,
actually.
Am I getting cynical?
August 3rd, 1830
Enjolras such a blond at times.
Today went into big speech about the colour of the world changing day by
day. I said how come you've been
wearing the same waistcoat as long as I've known you then (red with gold braid so
last season). He said anyone as
pretty as he was could wear big filthy sack and still have everyone in Paris
trying to get into his pants.
Couldn't very well disagree.
October 25th, 1830
Marius has moved out in fit of Bonapartist pique after annoying the crap
out of Enjolras with his ill-considered political hoopla. Marius so diva-ish. Almost certain it is all a cover and
he's actually moved in with Enjolras.
Am definitely getting cynical.
May 19th, 1831
Have caught Marius in the Jardin du Luxembourg carrying a pair of
binoculars crouching behind a bush swathed in several branches and with a
bird's nest on his head for the sixth time this week. Think something v. suspicious may be going on.
June 1st, 1831
Called police re: Marius turning into psychopath. Talked to slightly grumpy and blatantly insane bloke with v.
impressive sideburns for thirty seconds before he accused me of being an
ex-convict from Toulon. Swore
innocence but he told me he'd heard such protestations every day for twenty
years and to save my breath and save my tears. V. unprofessional - would report him to his superiors but
think he may be the only policeman in France.
December 23rd, 1831
Marius returned saying he'd come to sleep with me after a run-in with a
slightly grumpy and blatantly insane bloke with v. impressive sideburns who'd
insisted he was an ex-convict from Toulon then called him a dolt of a
lawyer. French police so
obsessive.
June 2nd, 1832
Oooooooo insurrection! And we
all thought it was simply a game for Rich Young Boys ™ to play!
June 3rd, 1832
Enjolras no longer speaking to me after filched his big red flag and ran
round using it as a cape pretending to be the Phantom of the Opera. Enjolras so childish at times.
June 5th, 1832
V. bizarre. Accosted by
strange girl dressed as boy looking for Marius. Wonder whether he has run off with her clothes
as was never quite sure about Marius.
Paris youth so silly re: self-conscious reluctance to accept help
from gender-confusion support groups.
Later
Turns out there really is only one policeman in the whole of France. Have v. sensibly tied him to a post,
and am entertaining self by setting fire to his sideburns every time he says
"tell me quickly what's the story".
Suspect this does however irritate him rather less than the confiscation
of his snuff supplies.
Later still
Bahorel rather less than alive.
Guns so dangerous.
Later still
Ooooops. Prouvaire shot while
Enjolras and Combeferre busy spanking each other with carbines. Carbine-spanking wrong on so
many levels, plus, Prouvaire quite a bit dead.
Bummer.
June 6th, 1832
Bloody demises left right and centre.
Wondering whether whole revolution merely an excuse to die in one
another's arms. Rather losing
enthusiasm with whole project - self-sacrificial homoerotic lunacy so
tedious.
Later
Ooops, been shot. V.
careless. Hope Marius turns up
soon, as dying to swear undying love to him before bleeding to death
melodramatically all over pavement.
