The Miserable Diaries

(Well! I was absolutely chuffed to bits with the response to the first one, so thank you all tremendously for having the sense not to take it seriously and get all uppity about it. Because I am an excessively badly-prioritised individual I hope to do this for the rest of the Friends of the ABC, probably, because I like them so much; and then possibly for some of the other characters should I feel sufficiently inspired (or bored). Hope you like this one, anyway. :o) )

This Miserable Diary Belongs To: Courfeyrac

September 14th, 1827
University of Paris bit of a let-down in general. Have been here a whole week and only slept with fourteen girls. Have spent Freshers Week wondering whether the tenth one was actually a girl at all. Paris men so effeminate.

September 15th, 1827
Have met v. fit blond called Enjolras, perplexingly eager to be shot for sake of lofty ideals therefore spurns zillions of women who, post-rejection, would probably not say no. Consequently, definitely in my best interests to join in the fight that will give me the right to be free.

September 16th, 1827
Nerdy one called Combeferre suggested perhaps is actually Enjolras's pants I want to get into and am in denial about it. Am refusing to consider possibility since he is almost certainly right.

Smartarse.

April 23rd, 1828
Found Bossuet talking to random confused-looking boy in street today. A bit worried for his safety with Bossuet around (Bossuet so creepy at times) so brought him home with me. Bless him, reminds me of myself when I was young and stupid.

April 30th, 1828
Marius rather disturbed after meeting rest of Les Amis, perhaps because Bossuet and Joly being even more coochy-coo than usual and Grantaire flagrantly groping Enjolras' leg under table. Jolly-hockey-sticks thigh-slapping comradely banter so transparent.

January 13th, 1829
Pre-revolutionary angst apparently rather getting to poor Prouvaire's fragile poetic soul as he keeps bursting into tears on Combeferre's shoulder. Rather suspect Combeferre of wanting to jump into bed with Prouvaire's fragile poetic soul, actually.

Am I getting cynical?

August 3rd, 1830
Enjolras such a blond at times. Today went into big speech about the colour of the world changing day by day. I said how come you've been wearing the same waistcoat as long as I've known you then (red with gold braid so last season). He said anyone as pretty as he was could wear big filthy sack and still have everyone in Paris trying to get into his pants. Couldn't very well disagree.

October 25th, 1830
Marius has moved out in fit of Bonapartist pique after annoying the crap out of Enjolras with his ill-considered political hoopla. Marius so diva-ish. Almost certain it is all a cover and he's actually moved in with Enjolras.

Am definitely getting cynical.

May 19th, 1831
Have caught Marius in the Jardin du Luxembourg carrying a pair of binoculars crouching behind a bush swathed in several branches and with a bird's nest on his head for the sixth time this week. Think something v. suspicious may be going on.

June 1st, 1831
Called police re: Marius turning into psychopath. Talked to slightly grumpy and blatantly insane bloke with v. impressive sideburns for thirty seconds before he accused me of being an ex-convict from Toulon. Swore innocence but he told me he'd heard such protestations every day for twenty years and to save my breath and save my tears. V. unprofessional - would report him to his superiors but think he may be the only policeman in France.

December 23rd, 1831
Marius returned saying he'd come to sleep with me after a run-in with a slightly grumpy and blatantly insane bloke with v. impressive sideburns who'd insisted he was an ex-convict from Toulon then called him a dolt of a lawyer. French police so obsessive.

June 2nd, 1832
Oooooooo insurrection! And we all thought it was simply a game for Rich Young Boys ™ to play!

June 3rd, 1832
Enjolras no longer speaking to me after filched his big red flag and ran round using it as a cape pretending to be the Phantom of the Opera. Enjolras so childish at times.

June 5th, 1832
V. bizarre. Accosted by strange girl dressed as boy looking for Marius. Wonder whether he has run off with her clothes as was never quite sure about Marius. Paris youth so silly re: self-conscious reluctance to accept help from gender-confusion support groups.

Later
Turns out there really is only one policeman in the whole of France. Have v. sensibly tied him to a post, and am entertaining self by setting fire to his sideburns every time he says "tell me quickly what's the story". Suspect this does however irritate him rather less than the confiscation of his snuff supplies.

Later still
Bahorel rather less than alive. Guns so dangerous.

Later still
Ooooops. Prouvaire shot while Enjolras and Combeferre busy spanking each other with carbines. Carbine-spanking wrong on so many levels, plus, Prouvaire quite a bit dead.

Bummer.

June 6th, 1832
Bloody demises left right and centre. Wondering whether whole revolution merely an excuse to die in one another's arms. Rather losing enthusiasm with whole project - self-sacrificial homoerotic lunacy so tedious.

Later
Ooops, been shot. V. careless. Hope Marius turns up soon, as dying to swear undying love to him before bleeding to death melodramatically all over pavement.