Forgive me for this instalment (I needed something to distract me from imminent degree failure) and as always thank you all so much for the encouragement: you make a very stressed student very happy. ;o) Evidently I was too pleased with the joke for September 25th to bother making the rest of it funny - hope you enjoy it anyway.

This Miserable Diary Belongs To: L'Aigle de Meaux (or whatever you want to call him)

(Dedicated to Bossuet's biggest fan Grayswandir, should she ever happen to stumble upon this…)

September 14th, 1827
University of Paris bit of a let-down in general. Still, cannot complain too much as strictly speaking lucky to be alive after being run over fourteen times since getting here. Consequently have spent Freshers Week on crutches, worth it for comic effect alone really.

September 15th, 1827
Have met rather spiffy-looking blond revolutionary who wrote "Will you join in my crusade" on my plaster cast. Think this may be a good idea, as may acquire entire band of insurgents willing to hold my hand when crossing roads.

Plus, would not mind getting into aforementioned blond revolutionary's pants.

September 25th, 1827
Joy, exquisite rapture, etc etc etc. Am head-over-sprained-ankles in love with hypochondriac medical student with disproportionate number of Ls in his name. He said "I like the way you grow your hair", I said "I like the way you always sneeze". Am smitten.

December 25th, 1827
Burnt entire house down attempting to set Christmas pudding on fire. V. impressive effect, but not for the congenitally mal-coordinated. Does not state this on the label. May sue once in possession of law degree.

On the bright side, now have perfectly acceptable excuse for shacking up with Joly.

December 26th, 1827
Have Joly's flu. However, have not yet died in fit of Enjolras-inspired insurrectionist fervour, so not complaining.

April 18th, 1828
Chucked out of law school most unceremoniously. Fortunate really as would never have made v. good lawyer what with being a Harbinger of Doom and all. Will apply for nice safe study course instead e.g. pyrotechnics.

April 23rd, 1828
Met random confused-looking boy while standing around on street corner waiting for someone to help me cross the road. Thought it may have been worth trying to get into his pants but Courfeyrac seems to have got there first. Joly pointed out he was never mine to lose so why regret what could not be. Hmph.

Suspect Joly would die of a broken heart if I left him anyway. Either that or gastroenteritis; hard to tell with Joly.

June 3rd, 1831
Arrested on suspicion of being suspicious by grumpy and flagrantly insane bloke with v. impressive sideburns while buying zoom-lens Polaroid camera for Marius. (Some v. odd stalker type people hanging round the J de L lately apparently.) Appreciate necessity of increased security but could ideally do without consequent fortnight in prison.

August 23rd, 1831

Rather thought someone would have bailed me out by now. Still, have not lost/broken/accidentally set fire to anything at all for entire month. Am terribly proud.

December 12th, 1831
Have noticed disturbing habit Grantaire has of slumping over tables looking v. unhealthy indeed. One of Joly's myriad maladies? Sincerely hope Grantaire has not been sleeping with Joly as well, as technically means I would be sleeping with Grantaire by association.

Not sure even I would survive that. Although, not dead so far, so who knows?

June 3rd. 1832
Lamarque dead. Evidently even more unlucky than me, since despite quite astonishing amounts of pre-revolution shenanigans am shockingly not yet dead.

June 4th, 1832
Amazed. Still not dead. Only a matter of time, according to Joly. Am worried about his hay fever, will undoubtedly get him before the carbines do.

Later
Still not dead. Beginning to entertain possibility we may all actually be immortal.

Later still
Combeferre suggested lack of death due less to putative immortality than to the fact that we've done absolutely diddly-squit so far.

Smartarse.

June 5th, 1832
Not dead but feeling v. squishy about Joly. Do not like to face fact that being drugged up to the eyeballs on Lemsip will probably not protect him against gunfire.

Although, may give it a go myself on reaching scared shitless status.

Ten minutes later
Have third degree burns over numerous body parts after accident with boiling Lemsip. May tell Enjolras was blown up by Marius in one of his fits of powder-keg masculinity: sympathy vote may be only possible route into his pants this late in the game.

Later still
V. bored. Courfeyrac running round pinching random people's bottoms; Enjolras repeating "have faith in yourselves and don't be afraid" on loop even though only threat to barricade so far has been a low-flying pigeon.

Needless to say, have been scrubbing pigeon poo out of tricolour sash for last ten minutes.

Later still
Cannot stand any more of Prouvaire's poetry. Off for mid-insurrection carbine-spanking sesh with Joly.

Even later
Wondering how best to tell Enjolras have broken a) carbine and b) Joly's left leg. Certainly not going to get into his pants at this rate.

On the plus side, still not dead. Amazing!

June 6th, 1832
Have bayonet through indeterminate vital organ. Cannot really complain as will die with considerably more dignity than Joly who, on seeing aforementioned bayonet wound, turned green, screamed like a thirteen-year-old girl, and fainted into Enjolras' arms.

Some people have all the luck.