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Middle Earth Inquirer

This just in, on the story of frodo and the thing, some past history about the cave dweller gollum and frodo's uncle bilbo will clear up the mystery about the thing.
Many thousands of years ago the dark lord sauron forged a great ring of love and cherishment and gave it to smeagle, a creature much like a hobbit, they were to get married on the day that mordor exploded.
smeagle waited this fait full day, when they should get gaily wed. far in the distance smeagle saw the mountain explode in the distance, much like a pimple he once had on his big furry but.
Sauron waited at the alter but smeagle was dropping bombs (if you know what I mean ;0 ) sauron was full of rage because he thought smeagle left him so he turn the ring into a weapon of terror and war. Smeagle came to the wedding ½ hour late and when he found his gay lover left him he moved into a cave and changed his name to gollum.
Sauron later married the young king Isildor, yet sauron used the same ring of power as a wedding ring. This led isildor to do terrible things. One-day isildor was on one of his "evil sprees" and painted golems cave black, a color gollum hated ever since he met sauron. Gollum caut a glimps of isildor's finger and saw the ring that had betrayed him so many years ago. He drew isildor's sword and lopped off his head. Gollum grasped the ring and went to sit on his rock to mourn once more his loss. But how did the little fellow get the ring? Is it even the same thing? Find out in the next edition of Middle Earth Inquirer.