The world as it is to me

I feel like I'm a player in a game I cannot win,
Everywhere I look,
There's loss, there's hurt, there's sin,
There's a devil on my shoulder,
With a nasty little grin,
And an angel on the other,
Telling me to believe in,
Believe in life, believe in love, believe in harmony and grace,
Believe in peace, believe in happiness,
To put a smile on my face,
The darkness overwhelms me,
I do not know my place,
And I feel that I am sinking,
Can I win this race?
People say to live,
But they're hypocrites when they do,
Because as soon as something bad happens to them,
They run away too,
They say not to be a fighter,
That it's better to be a lover,
And then they go and fight a war,
But the reason's undercover,
A heart not loved is lonely,
A head not filled is dull,
It seems like the sun shines on everyone but me,
I do not feel at all,
The screams and yells are painful,
And it seems that that's all I can hear,
My eyes are closed so tight they hurt,
As I cover my ears,
I pray the screaming will soon quiet, but it's just a lie,
Because it just grows louder as I cry,
There's people lying, people dying, people killing every day,
So in conclusion you say life is grand,
Well guess what I say?
You're wrong look around nothing's grand nothing's great,
It's all filled with horror, filled with death, filled with hate,
You think this world is nice,
Well you're delusional if you say,
Because I don't see it at all,
All I see is gray