Hoshi: Hey there. These fics posted are random and small, as well as (I hope) funny. Enjoy!

Jobs the Weiss Kreuz characters should NOT take.

Job #1- Foot Massager

Aya - "Your feet stink! SHIN-NE!!!!" *got fired on first day*

Yoji - "I swear, ma'am, that I DID NOT look at your white panties when I lift your foot!"

Ken - *unintentionally forgot to take away his claws* "Uh-oh. That's a pretty deep cut. Sorry?"

Omi - "According to my researches, if I rub this spot for two minutes and twenty-seven seconds at the pressure of 5 Newton and at the pace of 10 centimeters per minute, using the Earths natural gravity pull, with the full rotation of 360 degrees every thirty seconds, I should be able to make your foot feel better without straining myself too much" *customer blinks*

Crawford - "I'm wearing an Armani suit, for goodness sake! You can't expect me to do this!" *customer shrivels in fear*

Schuldig - *rubs* *to customer* "Is that good?" *Costumer: "Uh... Yes, thank you"* "You're lying!" *Wails*

Nagi - *uses his power to work while he relaxes* *Everyone else: "IT'S NOT FAIR!!!"*

Farfarello - *for some reason, the customer is the one that's massaging Farfarello* Harder! Harder! I can't feel a thing! *Everyone else: "Poor customer."*

Job #2- Psychologist

Aya- "Yeah, okay, so basically your life sucks. So?"

Yoji- "So you're very sad coz you're overweight, eh lady? Hm. I can really see why..."

Ken- "I recommend sports! *to disabled self-conscious patient in a wheelchair*

Omi- *as preparation for his patient, he checked the database, searching for every single detail about the patient* *patient tired of waiting, goes away*

Crawford- *to others* "It's all about controlling your patients! I got loads of this book, 'How to Not Be Angry While Waiting for an Absurdly Long Time in a Psychologist's Office'"

Schuldig- An instant success. Enough said.

Nagi- *goes on and on about how people can be successful even in a young age to a patient who's upset because he never got promoted* ".and in conclusion, you really suck, man"

Farfarello- *shreds his lab coat with his knife slowly while hearing the patient's sad life story* *glare* "Do you really, really want me to answer that?"

Job #3- Painter

Aya- "I call this painting of Takatori dead in a dump, 'Takatori Dead In A Dump'" *Everyone* "How original..."* "What was that?! SHIN-NE!!!"

Yoji- *smirks* I call this painting of a nude woman, "Being a Hentai" *everyone got nosebleeds*

Ken- "I call this painting of me in a field playing soccer. uh. 'Ken'?" *everyone sweatdropped*

Omi- "I call this picture of. I dunno. I don't really understand an abstract piece. Is it normal for the picture to melt and smoke a blue vapor like that? I used acid as paint." *Everyone: "Run for your lives!!!!"*

Crawford- "I drew this vision I got the other day... but I'm not sure you guys wanna see it. Oh what the heck" *placed the picture on a stand and runs away* *the gang looks* *everyone's face twitched* *everyone chases Crawford* *Everyone: No fair! Why do you will get the extra ice-cream on dinner?!"*

Schuldig- "This painting shows what's it like when I'm looking into your thoughts." *everyone leans to look, interested* *Everyone: "It's blank"* "Yeah, that's pretty much what it's like" *Aya: "SHI-NE!!!!!"*

Nagi- "This painting is to remind me of Toto." *a beautiful picture of an umbrella in the sunlight* *Everyone: "Awww.."*

Farfarello- "This painting's called 'Cut It Out'" *painting of Farfarello 'cutting it out' with an anonymous guy- literally* *Everyone: "Sick. but we have to admit the name is very catchy."*

Job #4- Computer Hacker

Aya- "Useless information. Useless information. Useless information." *through the America's top-secret F.B.I. database* "Still no information about Aya-chan.. Useless information..."

Yohji- "Don't look at me like that! Have you ever heard of intuition? Who knows these naked girls are assassins-in-undercover? We need all the information we can get!"

Ken- *same as Yohji, except it's on soccer players* *Anonymous boss- "Why do I get a chinch that my employees are not doing their jobs?"

Omi- *finish hacking the world's security system in 5 minutes flat*

Crawford- *complete klutz when it comes to computers and hacking* "Damn computer!" *thrashes computer*

Schuldig- "Who needs computers when I'm here?" *laughs insanely*

Nagi- *same as Omi, except in only 3 minutes*

Farfarello- "Eh? You mean I don't have to 'open up' the computer to search the 'files'?" *in a mess of wires, bolts, what's left of a computer, and knives*

Things you'll NEVER hear the WK cast say

Aya: Group huggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yohji: Hentais are bad... let's take up flower arranging instead.

Ken: I prefer styling my hair than playing soccer, thank you very much.

Omi: What's a kilobyte?

Crawford: I'll be wearing my silver earring and leather pants tomorrow.

Schuldig: What are you thinking?!!!

Nagi: *cackles insanely* Bwahuahahahaha!!!

Farfarello: Let's go to the church!

Aya: Guys? Does black make me look fat?

Yohji: I'm saving myself for marriage.

Ken: *seductive tone* Let me f**k you right here, right now...

Omi: Screw my homework, I'm going to the arcade!

Crawford: I undergo a sex-change operation today...

Schuldig: I cut all of my hair!!!!!!!

Nagi: Where's my cookbook? I'm making cookies!

Farfarello: Ouch! I cut myself!

Aya: I'm joining the circus!

Yohji: Oh, my virgin eyes!!!!

Ken: *looks at motorcycle* where's the gas pedal?

Omi: Daddy! Daddy! I want that toy!

Crawford: Hahahaha! Look at those kids playing in the park...

Schuldig: Hey, Farf, wanna go get ice-creams?

Farfarello: Sure, I want double chocolate-chip ice-cream!!

Aya: Yohji, can I borrow your black sunglasses?

Ken: C'mon guys. Let's get DRUNK.

Omi: *Darth Vader mimic* Takatori, I am your son...

Crawford: Damn! That's the tenth time I got tripped today!

Schuldig: Ahchooo!!!!!! Oh my god, I lose my cool again!

Farfarello: Let's self-reflect our past...

Hoshi: Nothing much, except... review? If people like this I might continue.