A/N - Chapter Two of the Return of the Tree! Thank you to any and all who read Chapter one. The Chapter One format is still a little messed up, but at least I got my computer to fix the paragraphs! Oh, also, if you haven't read the Return of the King, there may be a couple spoilers here and there. Sorry!

I'd like to give a special thanks to Silwen Aurdomiel for reviewing and tipping me off on the error in format. I'm such a computer dummy! Oh well, I'm learning! This chapter should be better.

Disclaimer - All original plot lines and characters belong to Tolkien. Even the crazy tree plot. (I love that crazy tree!) All new twists are mine. Again, I respect Tolkien's work. I am not mocking him in any way; I'm just trying to bring some smiles!

The Return of the Tree - Chapter Two

"Where is that crazy tree?" Aragorn said disdainfully. "There are lots of trees here! Which one is the crazy tree of Gondor?"

Aragorn muttered angrily to himself for quite some time. He tried very hard to focus on his quest. This was very difficult, seeing as how he only really wanted to find more shampoo for his hair. 'This is a disgrace,' he thought to himself, 'if my father could see me now, he'd be ashamed at my unkempt hair.'

"NO!" He yelled out loud. "I must focus on my mission. I must find that crazy tree!"

Aragorn sat down on a rock and, once more, tried to think. "Gosh, this is such a random turn of events. Why can't I just wear a crown and look pretty! If I had some shampoo, then I could look nice! Ah!"

Aragorn was trying so very hard to think that he did no notice a very short man approach him.

"Excuse me, Strider," the hobbit said.

"Hey! It's Frodo!" Aragorn's face brightened. "I'm looking for a crazy tree!"

"You're looking for a tree?" A confused look came over Frodo's face.

"No, silly," Aragorn laughed. "I'm looking for a crazy tree. It's really pretty crazy. You see, any tree is a tree, but I need to find the Crazy Tree of Gondor!"

"Oh, all right," Frodo shrugged. "You really have changed since I saw you last, friend. Well, anyway, I just came to say that I'm going to the Undying Lands with all those super cool elf people. They're so tall! So very tall! And I'm so short! Wahh!"

Frodo quickly got over his feelings of inferiority over his vertical challenges.

"Yeah, so, good luck with your whole Gondor tree thing," Frodo waved and began to walk away.

"The crazy tree!" Aragorn corrected. "Hey! Wait a minute! You could help me find the crazy tree!"

"Nope," Frodo shook his head. "Gotta go with the elves."

"No," Aragorn smiled, "You have to come with me!"

"Nope," Frodo said again. "I'm pretty sure all the elf peoples are leaving for good. They won't come back for me. Goodbye, Aragorn. Thanks for saving my ass all those times."

"Damn," Aragorn cursed under his breath. "I almost got that short little man to help me find my crazy tree."

Aragorn watched Frodo walk off into the fading sun. He began to feel a little nostalgic. "That little man was my friend. What was he again? A hobbie? A hobe? No! He was a hobo. That's it! He was a hobo. Goodness, I shall miss my friend Frodo the Hobo."

Aragorn was about to turn away when an idea occurred to him. "Hey! My friend! Frodo the Hobo, I've a bone to pick with you!"

"Strider! What? I have to go. And I'm not a hobo. I have a home!" Frodo scowled.

"Where do you buy your shampoo?" Aragorn called toward Frodo's retreating back. "Your hair isn't greasy!"

"Oh! Thanks for noticing! I bought mine at Target. You really need to get away from those CVS brands, man." Frodo ran his fingers through his hair.

"Thank you! Frodo the Hobo, I will always remember you!" Aragorn waved to his friend.

"I'm not a hobo, you dimwit!" Frodo scowled.

"Yes, yes you are!" Aragorn called. "Hey, I've been called a halfwit and a dimwit today. Those must mean very good things. Such praise for me!"

Frodo did not respond. He rolled his eyes and started to walk away. No, wait, he was running. He didn't want Aragorn to ask him more questions.

Author's Note - I'm sorry that this chapter is shorter than the last one! I'm trying to cook up some more ideas. Thanks for reading! Please review, everyone! Oh, and sorry about typos. I tried to catch them all, but some slip through my grasp! Hehe! Smiles, Scegan