A/N - Chapter 3! Wahoo! I'm on a role this weekend. I was thinking about
how long I should make this silly little thing, and I'm really not sure
yet. I guess it just depends on what ideas the strange voices in my head
convey to me. Just kidding. There are no voices in my head, haha. Anyway,
on with the story!
Thanks to my reviewers! You guys make me keep doing this!
Silwen Aurdomiel - I'm glad you think this defines humor! That's really nice of you. Keep up the good work with your story! It's really great.
Loathsome Warg - I'll try to add as much as I can! By the way, your limericks are really funny!!
Disclaimer - All original plot lines and characters belong to Tolkien. I have created any new twists. This, hopefully, will bring some smiles! This is not meant to mock Tolkien or his genius mind. I don't, sadly, own Tiffany's or a Tiffany's ring either. I still don't own CVS Pharmacies. (I'm working on it, guys, don't worry. Just kidding!)
The Return of the Tree - Chapter Three (A/N - Hey, that rhymes!)
Sauron repetitiously drummed his fingers against his chin. In the background, hundreds of his minions tried in vain to voice a flawless evil cackle.
"Shut up!" He screamed, but he could not be heard over the noise. "I need to get out of here! But how? There is no way! I have been banished here for all eternity! Wahhhhhh!"
No one noticed the large creature, complete with that crazy horned helmet, bawl in the corner. Sauron was beginning to feel that all hope was lost. However, an idea occurred soon to him.
"Wait a minute," A ruthless smile came over his face. "Maybe I can't be ruler of the universe.but I may be able to capture Gondor from that mentally incapacitated heir of Isildur. But how shall I thwart him?"
After pondering this hindrance for a moment, Sauron called an orc over. "Bob! You're the gossip queen of this God forsaken place, are you not?"
"I am! I am! Thank you, evil lord, I am finally being recognized for my contributions to the world of gossip!" The orc wiped a tear from his eye.
"Yes, yes, I'm so proud of you." Sauron waved a hand carelessly. "Tell me what you know about the marriage between Arwen and Aragorn."
"Well, if my sources in Middle Earth are correct, the marriage is on the rocks. Arwen wanted the glory of being queen, not the responsibility."
"Anything else?" Sauron was intrigued.
"Well," Bob the orc looked mysteriously around, making sure no others were listening. This was purely for the dramatic effect. No one cared about Aragorn and Arwen. In fact, most of the orcs were too confused by the fact that Aragorn had more than one name to even care who he was. "From what I hear, Arwen is upset because Aragorn is too stupid to find the Crazy Tree of Gondor."
"The Crazy Tree of Gondor?" Sauron said, snapping his head much like Aragorn did in the first chapter.
"The Crazy Tree of Gondor." Bob nodded. "Aragorn does not have the brain capacity to find this tree. In fact, he doesn't even really know what it looks like."
"Hmm," Sauron said thoughtfully. "Aragorn's stupidity could be used to my advantage. I just may be able to convince Arwen that she'd be much happier with someone who nearly took over the world. I will go and find the tree! Do you know of anything else that I can use?"
"Well," Bob the orc responded, "Arwen's also pissed off because, this is a direct quote sir, 'that son of a bitch didn't buy me a Tiffany's engagement ring, damn it.' She's very upset about this. She searches for wealth, sir. Let me leave it at that."
"Mwahaha!" Sauron smiled after all the orcs applauded his flawless evil cackle. "To Middle Earth I go to persuade Arwen that I should be her king!"
"But sir," Bob the orc protested. "You were sent here to remain in exile until the end of all eternity. You cannot go back to Middle Earth!"
"Shut the hell up!" Sauron snapped. "The author of this fan fiction controls me. If she says I can go back to Middle Earth, I sure as hell can!"
Sauron's cape blew dramatically in the wind. "I shall go and win Arwen's heart. But first, to Tiffany's! Come, Bob. For your contributions, you get to come with me! Such an honor I have never given! Feel loved, you fool."
"I feel loved!" Bob cried. "My dreams are coming true! I get to experience Middle Earth first hand again! For so long I have been relying on my gossip connections!"
"Yes, right, sure," Sauron didn't hear a word Bob said. "Again, to Tiffany's!"
All the orcs clapped wildly as Sauron and Bob skipped happily to the Mitsubishi that would take them to Middle Earth. Sauron could only hope that Arwen's gold digging instincts would kick in. She acquired these from Elrond. Who would suspect that Elrond was a gold digger too! (Dramatic music plays.)
A/N - Chapter Three done! Wow, a whole chapter about Sauron. I'd like to thank my friend EB for giving me the idea about Tiffany's. Next time, we'll pick up with Aragorn, and maybe even see some more Frodo. Sauron at Tiffany's? (Maybe a song? haha) Interesting concept. Who knows? Happy reading! Review if you can! Lots of love, Scegan
Thanks to my reviewers! You guys make me keep doing this!
Silwen Aurdomiel - I'm glad you think this defines humor! That's really nice of you. Keep up the good work with your story! It's really great.
Loathsome Warg - I'll try to add as much as I can! By the way, your limericks are really funny!!
Disclaimer - All original plot lines and characters belong to Tolkien. I have created any new twists. This, hopefully, will bring some smiles! This is not meant to mock Tolkien or his genius mind. I don't, sadly, own Tiffany's or a Tiffany's ring either. I still don't own CVS Pharmacies. (I'm working on it, guys, don't worry. Just kidding!)
The Return of the Tree - Chapter Three (A/N - Hey, that rhymes!)
Sauron repetitiously drummed his fingers against his chin. In the background, hundreds of his minions tried in vain to voice a flawless evil cackle.
"Shut up!" He screamed, but he could not be heard over the noise. "I need to get out of here! But how? There is no way! I have been banished here for all eternity! Wahhhhhh!"
No one noticed the large creature, complete with that crazy horned helmet, bawl in the corner. Sauron was beginning to feel that all hope was lost. However, an idea occurred soon to him.
"Wait a minute," A ruthless smile came over his face. "Maybe I can't be ruler of the universe.but I may be able to capture Gondor from that mentally incapacitated heir of Isildur. But how shall I thwart him?"
After pondering this hindrance for a moment, Sauron called an orc over. "Bob! You're the gossip queen of this God forsaken place, are you not?"
"I am! I am! Thank you, evil lord, I am finally being recognized for my contributions to the world of gossip!" The orc wiped a tear from his eye.
"Yes, yes, I'm so proud of you." Sauron waved a hand carelessly. "Tell me what you know about the marriage between Arwen and Aragorn."
"Well, if my sources in Middle Earth are correct, the marriage is on the rocks. Arwen wanted the glory of being queen, not the responsibility."
"Anything else?" Sauron was intrigued.
"Well," Bob the orc looked mysteriously around, making sure no others were listening. This was purely for the dramatic effect. No one cared about Aragorn and Arwen. In fact, most of the orcs were too confused by the fact that Aragorn had more than one name to even care who he was. "From what I hear, Arwen is upset because Aragorn is too stupid to find the Crazy Tree of Gondor."
"The Crazy Tree of Gondor?" Sauron said, snapping his head much like Aragorn did in the first chapter.
"The Crazy Tree of Gondor." Bob nodded. "Aragorn does not have the brain capacity to find this tree. In fact, he doesn't even really know what it looks like."
"Hmm," Sauron said thoughtfully. "Aragorn's stupidity could be used to my advantage. I just may be able to convince Arwen that she'd be much happier with someone who nearly took over the world. I will go and find the tree! Do you know of anything else that I can use?"
"Well," Bob the orc responded, "Arwen's also pissed off because, this is a direct quote sir, 'that son of a bitch didn't buy me a Tiffany's engagement ring, damn it.' She's very upset about this. She searches for wealth, sir. Let me leave it at that."
"Mwahaha!" Sauron smiled after all the orcs applauded his flawless evil cackle. "To Middle Earth I go to persuade Arwen that I should be her king!"
"But sir," Bob the orc protested. "You were sent here to remain in exile until the end of all eternity. You cannot go back to Middle Earth!"
"Shut the hell up!" Sauron snapped. "The author of this fan fiction controls me. If she says I can go back to Middle Earth, I sure as hell can!"
Sauron's cape blew dramatically in the wind. "I shall go and win Arwen's heart. But first, to Tiffany's! Come, Bob. For your contributions, you get to come with me! Such an honor I have never given! Feel loved, you fool."
"I feel loved!" Bob cried. "My dreams are coming true! I get to experience Middle Earth first hand again! For so long I have been relying on my gossip connections!"
"Yes, right, sure," Sauron didn't hear a word Bob said. "Again, to Tiffany's!"
All the orcs clapped wildly as Sauron and Bob skipped happily to the Mitsubishi that would take them to Middle Earth. Sauron could only hope that Arwen's gold digging instincts would kick in. She acquired these from Elrond. Who would suspect that Elrond was a gold digger too! (Dramatic music plays.)
A/N - Chapter Three done! Wow, a whole chapter about Sauron. I'd like to thank my friend EB for giving me the idea about Tiffany's. Next time, we'll pick up with Aragorn, and maybe even see some more Frodo. Sauron at Tiffany's? (Maybe a song? haha) Interesting concept. Who knows? Happy reading! Review if you can! Lots of love, Scegan
