A/N - Chapter four! Wahoo! This is a great way to take my mind off the
chemistry that I, well, don't really know how to do. Oops! Anyway, I'd like
to thank my reviewers! You guys are great!
Silwen Aurdomiel - Thanks for your review! Your story is coming along very nicely, by the way! Keep up the good work. Happy reading!
Blackbandit - Thanks Christina! I'll try to work on minimizing the number of a/n I put in the chapter. I'm glad you like the humor. I need to read some of the fan fictions you've done!
Disclaimer - All original plot lines and characters came from the great mind of Tolkien. He probably hates me for building off the ideas that took him years and years to formulate, but I'm just trying to get some smiles out of you guys! I also claim no ownership to the song Breakfast at Tiffany's. I believe the original performer is the group Deep Blue Something. I also have nothing personal against Martha Stewart and her enterprises. Really, I don't. As for CVS? Apparently fifteen-year-old girls shouldn't own companies. Who came up with that? Hehe.
The Return of the Tree - Chapter Four
Aragorn darted from his behind a rock to a new hiding place several feet away. Yes, this is strange, considering the fact that no one pursued him.
"I mustn't be caught!" He whispered to no one in particular. "They cannot find me!"
A random passing creature gave Aragorn a very strange look. "No one's following you."
"Oh, but they are!" Aragorn cried with a mysterious tone. "They are ever watchful of my movements! Try as they might, I shan't let them sabotage my quest!"
"Dude, no one's out to get you. Do you need medication for paranoid schizophrenia?" The creature's countenance turned sympathetic.
"Thanks for ruining all my fun, you random passing creature you!" Aragorn stood and brushed himself off. "Be gone! I have to find the Crazy Tree of Gondor!"
"Whatever you say," The random passing creature shook his head and ventured away.
"Now, for the tree!" Aragorn proudly called. "I shall find it, lest Arwen butcher me."
Aragorn observed the many trees around him. They all looked the same. "The Crazy Tree of Gondor will most likely stand out. But what separates a crazy tree from a normal tree? This brings up a new obstacle that I, Aragorn, shall surpass! Wait. Am I Aragorn? Or am I Elessar? Strider? Damn! I can't remember."
Aragorn's thoughts, once again, strayed from his initial task of finding the Crazy Tree of Gondor. His very small mind capacity cannot be troubled with more than one thing at a time, friends. His thought process takes much longer than that of a normal human being. Perhaps his greasy hair makes him self-conscious, thus limiting his ability to think clearly.
Sauron and Bob exited the Middle Earth Highway Transport System and headed to the local Tiffany & Co. outlet.
"Here we are!" Sauron said, clapping his hands.
"Yay!" Bob squealed. His excitement sounded much like a young child's exhilaration at the end of a long car trip. "I bet you got tired of me asking 'are we there yet?' every five minutes!"
"No, it wasn't at all tiresome," Sauron sarcastically responded. Bob, not being too knowledgeable of things outside the world of gossip, did not pick up on the sarcasm.
"Come, Bob!" Sauron ushered Bob through the doors of the store. "We must find the perfect diamond so I can win Arwen's heart."
As soon as Sauron and his new pawn entered Tiffany's, silence erupted from all within. After a moment, someone screamed, "Ah! It's the dark lord! Run for your life!"
Chairs were knocked over, employees trampled, and cases broken during the mad rush to the exit. "Why are they running?" Sauron looked confused and hurt. "Do I smell?"
He soon, however, noticed one employee cowering in the corner. "Cool, no lines! Sir, I am in need of your assistance."
"Y-y-yes, dark lord, sir," the employee meekly responded. "How m-may I help you?"
"Give me the biggest rock you have!" Sauron gleefully peered into display cases, his eyes lighting up at the sight of glimmering jewels. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Bob trying on a tiara and a matching necklace. "Bob! No touching! How many times do I have to tell you?"
"Well, actually, that's the first time you've warned me." Bob removed his tiara.
"Don't talk back to me, young man!" Sauron shook his head and rolled his eyes at the employee. "Kids," he chuckled.
The employee nodded and hesitantly smiled. "Sir, this is the largest diamond we have in stock at the moment. Eight carats. Any girl would love this."
"I'm not after just any girl," Sauron smiled. "I'm after the queen!"
"Well, this diamond is fit for a queen, sir."
Sauron nodded thoughtfully and tapped his fingers on the counter. After a moment, he pulled out his magnifying glass and began to inspect the ring.
"I assure you, sir, it is of the highest quality, as are all Tiffany & Co. jewels." The employee stated.
"Well, you can never be too sure these days," Sauron shook his head. "Corporations can be very corrupt. This could be made of plastic, super glue, and saran wrap, for all I know. Look at Martha Stewart! I placed so much trust in her enterprises! And look at her now! Insider trading is what that woman resorted to. Martha Stewart was the real cause of my demise, not some hobbit. Or was it a hobo? I don't know. Anyway, one has to be extra careful these days."
"Saran wrap, sir?" The employee frowned. "I find it hard to believe saran wrap could be used in a ring."
"Hey! Don't contradict me! Am I not the Lord of the Rings? My expertise is in fine jewelry!" Sauron roared. "Just put the ring in one of those spiffy blue boxes. Do you accept Visa?" Sauron pulled out his credit card, the owner being stated as 'Sauron, master of Middle Earth, buyer of many things.' Only Sauron gets a special name on his credit card.
"Right away, sir," The employee smiled. "Thank you very much! I work on commission, you know."
"Yes, so proud of you," Sauron commented, not really listening.
On the two evil being's way out of the store, Bob said, "You know what, Mr. Sauron? Tiffany's inspired me to write a song about you!"
"You wrote a whole song for me?" Sauron jumped up and down with glee.
"Well, I actually only changed the lyrics to the Deep Blue Something song, Breakfast at Tiffany's."
"That's all I'm worth?" Sauron snapped. "Very well, sing the song, Bob."
"Yay!" Bob cleared his throat and began with the lyrics to the chorus:
I said what about Sauron at Tiffany's?
She said I think I remember the guy
And as I recall he tried to take over the world
And I said well it sucks that he's back!
"That's terrible," Sauron cried. "Unimaginative and uninspired. Absolutely horrible. You didn't capture all the wonderful highlights of my outstanding character!"
"I'll work on it," Bob looked ashamed as he got into the passenger seat of the Mitsubishi.
A/N - Wow! That contained more Sauron than I thought it would, but that's ok! We all love Sauron, don't we? No? Just me? Okay then. Next time, will we find out if Sauron's true passion is a play on words with his title, the Lord of the Rings? Just kidding, lol, I didn't even really plan that. Anyway, thanks for reading. Review if you can! (C'mon! You know you want to!)
Silwen Aurdomiel - Thanks for your review! Your story is coming along very nicely, by the way! Keep up the good work. Happy reading!
Blackbandit - Thanks Christina! I'll try to work on minimizing the number of a/n I put in the chapter. I'm glad you like the humor. I need to read some of the fan fictions you've done!
Disclaimer - All original plot lines and characters came from the great mind of Tolkien. He probably hates me for building off the ideas that took him years and years to formulate, but I'm just trying to get some smiles out of you guys! I also claim no ownership to the song Breakfast at Tiffany's. I believe the original performer is the group Deep Blue Something. I also have nothing personal against Martha Stewart and her enterprises. Really, I don't. As for CVS? Apparently fifteen-year-old girls shouldn't own companies. Who came up with that? Hehe.
The Return of the Tree - Chapter Four
Aragorn darted from his behind a rock to a new hiding place several feet away. Yes, this is strange, considering the fact that no one pursued him.
"I mustn't be caught!" He whispered to no one in particular. "They cannot find me!"
A random passing creature gave Aragorn a very strange look. "No one's following you."
"Oh, but they are!" Aragorn cried with a mysterious tone. "They are ever watchful of my movements! Try as they might, I shan't let them sabotage my quest!"
"Dude, no one's out to get you. Do you need medication for paranoid schizophrenia?" The creature's countenance turned sympathetic.
"Thanks for ruining all my fun, you random passing creature you!" Aragorn stood and brushed himself off. "Be gone! I have to find the Crazy Tree of Gondor!"
"Whatever you say," The random passing creature shook his head and ventured away.
"Now, for the tree!" Aragorn proudly called. "I shall find it, lest Arwen butcher me."
Aragorn observed the many trees around him. They all looked the same. "The Crazy Tree of Gondor will most likely stand out. But what separates a crazy tree from a normal tree? This brings up a new obstacle that I, Aragorn, shall surpass! Wait. Am I Aragorn? Or am I Elessar? Strider? Damn! I can't remember."
Aragorn's thoughts, once again, strayed from his initial task of finding the Crazy Tree of Gondor. His very small mind capacity cannot be troubled with more than one thing at a time, friends. His thought process takes much longer than that of a normal human being. Perhaps his greasy hair makes him self-conscious, thus limiting his ability to think clearly.
Sauron and Bob exited the Middle Earth Highway Transport System and headed to the local Tiffany & Co. outlet.
"Here we are!" Sauron said, clapping his hands.
"Yay!" Bob squealed. His excitement sounded much like a young child's exhilaration at the end of a long car trip. "I bet you got tired of me asking 'are we there yet?' every five minutes!"
"No, it wasn't at all tiresome," Sauron sarcastically responded. Bob, not being too knowledgeable of things outside the world of gossip, did not pick up on the sarcasm.
"Come, Bob!" Sauron ushered Bob through the doors of the store. "We must find the perfect diamond so I can win Arwen's heart."
As soon as Sauron and his new pawn entered Tiffany's, silence erupted from all within. After a moment, someone screamed, "Ah! It's the dark lord! Run for your life!"
Chairs were knocked over, employees trampled, and cases broken during the mad rush to the exit. "Why are they running?" Sauron looked confused and hurt. "Do I smell?"
He soon, however, noticed one employee cowering in the corner. "Cool, no lines! Sir, I am in need of your assistance."
"Y-y-yes, dark lord, sir," the employee meekly responded. "How m-may I help you?"
"Give me the biggest rock you have!" Sauron gleefully peered into display cases, his eyes lighting up at the sight of glimmering jewels. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Bob trying on a tiara and a matching necklace. "Bob! No touching! How many times do I have to tell you?"
"Well, actually, that's the first time you've warned me." Bob removed his tiara.
"Don't talk back to me, young man!" Sauron shook his head and rolled his eyes at the employee. "Kids," he chuckled.
The employee nodded and hesitantly smiled. "Sir, this is the largest diamond we have in stock at the moment. Eight carats. Any girl would love this."
"I'm not after just any girl," Sauron smiled. "I'm after the queen!"
"Well, this diamond is fit for a queen, sir."
Sauron nodded thoughtfully and tapped his fingers on the counter. After a moment, he pulled out his magnifying glass and began to inspect the ring.
"I assure you, sir, it is of the highest quality, as are all Tiffany & Co. jewels." The employee stated.
"Well, you can never be too sure these days," Sauron shook his head. "Corporations can be very corrupt. This could be made of plastic, super glue, and saran wrap, for all I know. Look at Martha Stewart! I placed so much trust in her enterprises! And look at her now! Insider trading is what that woman resorted to. Martha Stewart was the real cause of my demise, not some hobbit. Or was it a hobo? I don't know. Anyway, one has to be extra careful these days."
"Saran wrap, sir?" The employee frowned. "I find it hard to believe saran wrap could be used in a ring."
"Hey! Don't contradict me! Am I not the Lord of the Rings? My expertise is in fine jewelry!" Sauron roared. "Just put the ring in one of those spiffy blue boxes. Do you accept Visa?" Sauron pulled out his credit card, the owner being stated as 'Sauron, master of Middle Earth, buyer of many things.' Only Sauron gets a special name on his credit card.
"Right away, sir," The employee smiled. "Thank you very much! I work on commission, you know."
"Yes, so proud of you," Sauron commented, not really listening.
On the two evil being's way out of the store, Bob said, "You know what, Mr. Sauron? Tiffany's inspired me to write a song about you!"
"You wrote a whole song for me?" Sauron jumped up and down with glee.
"Well, I actually only changed the lyrics to the Deep Blue Something song, Breakfast at Tiffany's."
"That's all I'm worth?" Sauron snapped. "Very well, sing the song, Bob."
"Yay!" Bob cleared his throat and began with the lyrics to the chorus:
I said what about Sauron at Tiffany's?
She said I think I remember the guy
And as I recall he tried to take over the world
And I said well it sucks that he's back!
"That's terrible," Sauron cried. "Unimaginative and uninspired. Absolutely horrible. You didn't capture all the wonderful highlights of my outstanding character!"
"I'll work on it," Bob looked ashamed as he got into the passenger seat of the Mitsubishi.
A/N - Wow! That contained more Sauron than I thought it would, but that's ok! We all love Sauron, don't we? No? Just me? Okay then. Next time, will we find out if Sauron's true passion is a play on words with his title, the Lord of the Rings? Just kidding, lol, I didn't even really plan that. Anyway, thanks for reading. Review if you can! (C'mon! You know you want to!)
