A/N - Hey guys! I have returned. It actually hasn't been that long. Anyway,
I'm going to try to add more characters! Yeah, and the whole song thing
didn't work out, but that's ok! I tried. Ok, I didn't, but we'll pretend I
did. I'd like to thank my reviewers:
Blackbandit - Thanks for the tips, Christina. I'll try to add more Frodo the Hobo in later chapters! Mwahaha.
Loathsome Warg - Thanks for your review guys! I was thinking of adding more characters. Thanks for the suggestion!
Guy in the dress - Those were some good times, haha. Thanks for reviewing!
Disclaimer - All original plot lines and characters belong to J.R.R. Tolkien. The new wit is mine. I am not mocking Tolkien or his characters in any way, shape, or form. Damn, I can't think of ways to make these disclaimers funny anymore. Oh well, that probably annoyed people anyway.
The Return of the Tree - Chapter Five
Merry and Pippin lounged by the bank of a creek. Water trickled between their toes, and ran over their hairy feet. Since the ring had been destroyed, the two friends found they had much more leisure time. This is obvious. Did they have any leisure time while they were fighting great battles? Probably not. Although, they might have. Maybe Tolkien just forgot to write about the great parties and bonfires they had with Denethor and Eowyn.
At this moment, someone comes and whacks the author upside the head for digressing.
"Hey Merry," Pippin said, "where'd that other one go? You know, the one who was always having conniptions and stuff?"
"Do you mean Frodo?" Merry gave Pippin a strange look.
"Yeah! That was his name." Pippin squealed with excitement. "Where did he go?"
"Have you forgotten?" Merry shook his head at his friend's poor memory. Actually, Merry was shaking his head at that lack of memory in his friend. "He went away with the elves!"
"Right," Pippin nodded thoughtfully. "Why did they choose him to take the ring to Mordor again?"
"How many times must I explain this to you?" Merry gave an exasperated sigh. "The point of that part of the book, I mean the quest, was to prove that the person with the best heart would prevail over all others. You never got that?"
"I guess not," Pippin looked confused. "I just always thought Elrond was on an acid trip or something.
"Well, Pip, I don't think Elrond is a drug addict." Merry did not even try to understand his friend's deranged logic. "I have heard that he's a gold digger, though."
"Like Arwen?" Pippin's ears perked up at this.
"Yes."
"So he inherited it from her?"
Merry shook his head again. "Pippin, listen to me. Once again, Arwen inherited her traits from her parents, not the other way around. It's just like the time you asked me if Elrond got his brown hair from Arwen. The answer is no, Pippin, no."
"Oh, okay." Pippin still looked a little confused. "Why?"
Merry didn't respond. Over the years, he has learned over the years that Pippin eventually stops talking if no one answers him.
Joy filled Frodo's heart as he stepped onto the soft grass in the Undying Lands. If a Utopian like place actually exists, this is definitely it, he thought.
"Welcome, Frodo the Hobo! You are the great hobo that saved Middle Earth from almost certain destruction." The elves and other creatures around him chorused.
"How do you people know one idiot of a man called me a hobo?" Frodo looked around incredulously. "Don't you people have anything better to do but gossip?"
The elves looked at one another, then at the ground. "No, not really," one of them said after awhile.
"Damn," Frodo shook his head. "Why'd I come here again?"
"Because this is the closest thing to a Utopian like society you can and will ever experience," one of the elves answered promptly.
"Do you guys get visitors often?" Frodo eyed the group of elves nervously. "It seems like you have a script prepared or something."
"No, we just know everything. We can see your thoughts!" An elf laughed maliciously. After receiving odd looks from Frodo and his company, he cleared his throat. "Sorry. Anyway, welcome Frodo the Hobo!"
"Are you sure we didn't accidentally come to the island where the judicial system ships all the mentally unstable people they don't want anyone to know about?" Frodo asked Gandalf.
"Fairly sure," the old wizard smiled. "Either way, we'll have a grand old time!"
A/N - Will Pippin ever learn the biological rules of genetics? Is Frodo really on an island full of crazy elves? Tune in, uh, when I update! I'm sorry this chapter is kind of short.
Thanks for reading! Review if you feel so inclined.
Lots of love, Scegan
Keep reading and writing everyone!
Blackbandit - Thanks for the tips, Christina. I'll try to add more Frodo the Hobo in later chapters! Mwahaha.
Loathsome Warg - Thanks for your review guys! I was thinking of adding more characters. Thanks for the suggestion!
Guy in the dress - Those were some good times, haha. Thanks for reviewing!
Disclaimer - All original plot lines and characters belong to J.R.R. Tolkien. The new wit is mine. I am not mocking Tolkien or his characters in any way, shape, or form. Damn, I can't think of ways to make these disclaimers funny anymore. Oh well, that probably annoyed people anyway.
The Return of the Tree - Chapter Five
Merry and Pippin lounged by the bank of a creek. Water trickled between their toes, and ran over their hairy feet. Since the ring had been destroyed, the two friends found they had much more leisure time. This is obvious. Did they have any leisure time while they were fighting great battles? Probably not. Although, they might have. Maybe Tolkien just forgot to write about the great parties and bonfires they had with Denethor and Eowyn.
At this moment, someone comes and whacks the author upside the head for digressing.
"Hey Merry," Pippin said, "where'd that other one go? You know, the one who was always having conniptions and stuff?"
"Do you mean Frodo?" Merry gave Pippin a strange look.
"Yeah! That was his name." Pippin squealed with excitement. "Where did he go?"
"Have you forgotten?" Merry shook his head at his friend's poor memory. Actually, Merry was shaking his head at that lack of memory in his friend. "He went away with the elves!"
"Right," Pippin nodded thoughtfully. "Why did they choose him to take the ring to Mordor again?"
"How many times must I explain this to you?" Merry gave an exasperated sigh. "The point of that part of the book, I mean the quest, was to prove that the person with the best heart would prevail over all others. You never got that?"
"I guess not," Pippin looked confused. "I just always thought Elrond was on an acid trip or something.
"Well, Pip, I don't think Elrond is a drug addict." Merry did not even try to understand his friend's deranged logic. "I have heard that he's a gold digger, though."
"Like Arwen?" Pippin's ears perked up at this.
"Yes."
"So he inherited it from her?"
Merry shook his head again. "Pippin, listen to me. Once again, Arwen inherited her traits from her parents, not the other way around. It's just like the time you asked me if Elrond got his brown hair from Arwen. The answer is no, Pippin, no."
"Oh, okay." Pippin still looked a little confused. "Why?"
Merry didn't respond. Over the years, he has learned over the years that Pippin eventually stops talking if no one answers him.
Joy filled Frodo's heart as he stepped onto the soft grass in the Undying Lands. If a Utopian like place actually exists, this is definitely it, he thought.
"Welcome, Frodo the Hobo! You are the great hobo that saved Middle Earth from almost certain destruction." The elves and other creatures around him chorused.
"How do you people know one idiot of a man called me a hobo?" Frodo looked around incredulously. "Don't you people have anything better to do but gossip?"
The elves looked at one another, then at the ground. "No, not really," one of them said after awhile.
"Damn," Frodo shook his head. "Why'd I come here again?"
"Because this is the closest thing to a Utopian like society you can and will ever experience," one of the elves answered promptly.
"Do you guys get visitors often?" Frodo eyed the group of elves nervously. "It seems like you have a script prepared or something."
"No, we just know everything. We can see your thoughts!" An elf laughed maliciously. After receiving odd looks from Frodo and his company, he cleared his throat. "Sorry. Anyway, welcome Frodo the Hobo!"
"Are you sure we didn't accidentally come to the island where the judicial system ships all the mentally unstable people they don't want anyone to know about?" Frodo asked Gandalf.
"Fairly sure," the old wizard smiled. "Either way, we'll have a grand old time!"
A/N - Will Pippin ever learn the biological rules of genetics? Is Frodo really on an island full of crazy elves? Tune in, uh, when I update! I'm sorry this chapter is kind of short.
Thanks for reading! Review if you feel so inclined.
Lots of love, Scegan
Keep reading and writing everyone!
