Author's Note - The short hiatus has ended. I have returned. Wahoo!

Mia and Adam - Thanks for reviewing!

Disclaimer - Nothing new here, kids. If I were J.R.R. Tolkien, I would be dead, therefore making it impossible for me to write on fanfiction.net. So there! Ha! Random Passing Creature is mine. Don't steal him, or he'll get mad at you.

The Return of the Tree - Chapter Eight

Frodo nervously eyed the elves around him as he entered their hall. Many were scrambling around, obviously trying to hide the evidence of their ritual cult sacrifice. They really weren't doing too good of a job, considering the several chickens hiding under tables and chairs.

"Hey, if I'm interrupting you guys, I can leave," Frodo gestured toward the door. "I can come back next week. Or even the week after that. Actually, does three weeks from never sound all right with you?"

The elves around Frodo shook their heads and smiled. "Friend, you must stay! We have prepared this feast for you. The previous guests are just a little late in leaving. They don't know when they're overstaying their welcome, haha."

"You host chickens?"

"Uh," A lanky blond elf looked at the ground, "yes."

"Gandalf?" Frodo pulled on the wizard's robe. "Let's get the hell out of here. Now."

At this, Gandalf began to whine noisily while stomping his foot into the ground. "No! I don't wanna go! You can't make me!"

Frodo, quite taken aback by Gandalf's childish outburst, didn't now how to respond. "Very well," he patted Gandalf's arm, "we can stay for a little bit longer."

"Goodie," Gandalf grinned. "So, who's up for chicken?"

The elves around him laughed gleefully. The glee, however, had a slight edge to it, which Frodo deemed to be evil.

Good lord, he thought, these creatures are going to try to turn the free peoples of Middle Earth into victims for their sacrifices! "THE ELVES MUST BE DESTROYED!" He screamed suddenly, almost falling into another one of his epileptic episodes. (You can witness such episodes by purchasing The Fellowship of the Ring. Only $25.99 at a store near you! I'm not advertising at all!)

Uh, as the story was saying, the merriment around Frodo halted, and a hushed silence reigned over the room. Frodo, blushing slightly, tried to recover. "I mean the shelves must be destroyed. Yes, the ones over there. They're falling apart, you know."

Some elves laughed tentatively, while others began to cry loudly over the insult to their shelves. Apparently their handiwork isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Frodo used the bawling as a chance to slip from the room. With all the havoc he caused, he wanted to make sure he wasn't the first hobo to be used as a sacrificial element.

Hobbit, he reprimanded himself sharply.

~

Sauron and Bob pulled up to the gates of Gondor in their shiny Mitsubishi. Random Passing Creature was the new gate attendant. He and Sauron go way back.

"Random Passing Creature!" Sauron yelled. "Wassup?"

"Sauron!" Random Passing Creature (although he's really more of a standing creature now, and not random to Sauron) grinned. "I thought you were in exile or something. What brings you back to Middle Earth?"

"Well, that evil stuff was getting a little boring. Apparently people don't like it when you try to take over the world. I can't imagine why. Anyway, I thought, since I was passing through, I would try and steal Aragorn's wife. What's her name? Arwen!"

"Sweet," Random Passing Creature said. "Aragorn bugs me. You might have an easy time stealing Arwen. Aragorn is off trying to find some tree. He's really paranoid; I dunno what's wrong with him."

"Good," Sauron cackled evilly.

"Your famous evil cackle! How are those lessons going?"

"Well, my evil cackling business is on hiatus for the time being. I'm actually thinking of producing a three-step video series on how to steal other people's spouses. It should be quite interesting. However, I must now venture forth to court the Lady Arwen!"

"Bye, Sauron!" Random Passing Creature called as the Mitsubishi sped through the gate.

Author's Note, again - Sorry it took so long to get that chapter out, guys. Anyway, I hope you liked it. Next time, we'll find out whether or not the elves are really trying to take over the world via ritual cult sacrifices, as well as an update on Aragorn's quest for the tree! I apologize for the short length of this chapter.

Thanks for reading! Review, if you feel so inclined.