Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING! BLAH ON YOU!!!
A/N- This is a birthday present to coolgirlgray. Happy b-day!!!!!! ^__^
"It's My Birthday So I Call The Shots Around Here"
(STAIRCASE OF THE OPERA. THERE IS AN ENORMOUS BIRTHDAY CAKE THAT SAYS "HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY ————" IT WAS BLURRED BADLY, AS CARLOTTA HAD DECIDED TO MAKE A MIDMORNING SNACK.)
Carlotta: I really want to eat this cake....grr...
Carolus Fonta (who I personally believe is ignored too much and doesn't get enough glory): I'm just glad that I get a speaking part!
Carlotta: You just blew it, buddy. You were only permitted one line! HAH!
Carolus Fonta: T_T *opens mouth to say something but*
(CONFETTI POURS FROM CEILING AND THE OPERA CHORUS STARTS SINGING A 19th CENTURY RENDITION OF "HAPPY BIRTHDAY")
Raoul: *leaps in from chandelier* *no-one asks* HI! I DON'T LIKE THE WAY YOU'RE SINGING MY BIRTHDAY SONG..SO..ERM..HAPPY PIE!!!!
Erik: *poofs in from nowhere* Stupid fop...it's cake!
Every girl in 10-mile radius: *swoons*
Erik: *blinks* I have that much of an effect on females...?
Christine: *trance-like* *nods* ^-^
Erik: That's a useful talent. *laughs manically*
EGI10MR: *faint*
Erik: ^_^
Christine: *faints into Erik's arms*
Erik: I think I like this.
Raoul: HEY! It's not your birthday! It's mine and I want Christine!
Erik: I don't know my birthday, so there's a one in three hundred sixty-five chance that today is my real birthday, but I really doubt that the gods are so cruel as to doom me to share your "special day." *rolls eyes*
Raoul: Well...I WANT CAKE!!! *dives face-first into cake and is soon covered in icing* I AM TARZAN, KING OF THE JUNGLE!!!! OOOOOOAAAAAEEEEEIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!
Everyone in 10 mile radius, including all females, in their unconsciousness: *cover ears* AUGH! STOP THE PAIN!
Raoul: *blinks innocently* Did I do anything wrong?? ^^;;;
Richard: No, brilliant one, of course not. You just scared the entire population of Paris AWAY from my Opera House! Moncharmin, I told you that billboards and "My Mother Went to Paris And She Got Me This Crappy Shirt From the Opéra" shirts were necessary to boost attendance! TT
Moncharmin: *meekly* What with his performance, I don't think we'll get anyone to come.
(THEY ALL LOOK AT RAOUL, WHO HAS NOW CONSUMED ALL OF THE CAKE)
Raoul: What???? I was hungry!!!!
Christine: Well...it -is- his birthday.
(FLASH TO INTERIOR OF PHILIPPE'S MANSION.)
Philippe: *is hiding inside a closet, shaking violently* It only lasts for a day...only a day...
(FLASH BACK TO OPERA STAIRCASE.)
Raoul: I think it's —
*drumroll*
PRESENT TIME!!!!!!! *sings Secret Agent Man theme song*
The Phantom Parisienne: *voice from nowhere* Raoul, I suggest you shut up before I find it necessary to hurt you. Besides, you stole my song!!!
Raoul: Secret...nuh nuh...agent man! Secret...nuh nuh...agent man! They've given you a number...and taken away your name...nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh...
The Phantom Parisienne: All right, foppie! YOU ASKED FOR IT!
(A SIXTEEN TON WEIGHT FALLS FROM THE CEILING AND SMASHES RAOUL. THE PHANTOM PARISIENNE IS GONE.)
Raoul: X_x;;;;;;;;;;
Everyone except Raoul: *cheer*
Raoul: *surprisingly ok for reasons that even I cannot comprehend because he was really supposed to die but this leaves him open to more torture kay I'll shut up* *gets out* Erm...can I open my presents now?
Moncharmin: Sure...I guess...
Raoul: YAYITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *does the Cancan and abruptly stops at a large pile of colourful presents*
(SOME OF THE PRESENTS SEEM TO BE "MOOING" AND TICKING LIKE CLOCKS.)
Erik: Why don't you open this one? *grabs a relatively safe-looking box*
Raoul: *eyes it* That looks fine. *tears open the wrapping paper* A JACK IN THE BOX! AWW!!! HOW SWEET! *looks at card* Can someone read this for me?
Erik: "To Raoul de Chagny. From O.G."
Richard: Who the hell is he?
Moncharmin: Opera ghost, it's really not amusing—
The Phantom Parisienne: *voice from nowhere* SHUT UP! This is book-based, idiots!
Moncharmin/Richard: ^^;;;;
The Phantom Parisienne: Now, Erik, do continue.
Erik: Do you like your present?
Raoul: *ignores him and winds it up*
(THE JACK IN THE BOX SPRINGS OPEN AND PUNJABS HIM TO THE TUNE OF THE PHANTOM OVERTURE.)
Erik: ^___^
Raoul: X.x;;;;
Christine: *sighs* Erik, it's his birthday. Be nice to him for ONE DAY. Please? *puppy eyes*
Erik: Cannot..resist..please...
Christine: *grins evilly and kisses him very end-of-story style*
Erik: *kisses back*
Christine: *deepens kiss*
Raoul: *thinks they're making out...which they sort of are* YOU LITTLE HARLOT!
Christine: Raoul! *lets go of Erik* I can choose where I love!
Raoul: Not today you can't! ^___^ *grabs Christine*
Erik: OFF HER! *pulls at Christine's arm*
Raoul: *pulls at Christine's other arm*
Christine: O_O
Erik: MINE! *tugs*
Raoul: NO! MINE! *tugs harder*
Christine: Please, let go...this is starting to hurt me...O_O
Erik/Raoul: *ignore her* TT;
(THIS CONTINUES FOR QUITE SOME TIME. THE ONLOOKERS PLACE BETS ON THE WINNER, AND CAROLUS FONTA IS HAPPILY COUNTING VOTES. BY THE WAY THAT WASN'T A SPEAKING LINE.)
Carolus Fonta: *high pitched female scream* T____T
(AND NEITHER WAS THAT. HAHAHA YOU FOOL. I AM TPP, MISTRESS OF EVIL! BOW TO M—*cut off suddenly and muffled monkey sounds can be heard* NUU!!! LET GO!)
Erik: All right, de Chagny...
Raoul: *perky* YOU'LL LET ME HAVE HER?! ^_^
Erik: Of course not, stupid! I'm going to do what I was planning on doing all along.
Raoul: And that is...?
Erik: *body-slams Raoul and grabs Christine*
Christine: *reluctant to go*
Erik: Erm.... Christine?
Christine: Yes, Erik?
Erik: Why don't you want to come?
Christine: Because it's Raoul's birthday.
Erik: *sneaky look* While we were fighting I remembered that tomorrow is my -real- birthday.
Christine: Really? *eyes brighten*
Erik: Yes, really. ^-^
Christine: But today is Raoul's day, I'm afraid.
Raoul: ^_^ That's right, dear. *hugs her*
Christine: *hugs him slightly*
Erik: T_T This is so unfair.
Christine/Raoul: *happily walk off into the sunset*
Erik: ACK! This is ridiculous!
Carolus Fonta: *tries to point something out but is cut off by Moncharmin*
Moncharmin: There's still Carlotta, Meg, Jammes, Sorelli...and Madame Giry! ^_^ And Richard.
Erik: *blinks* Repeat that.
Moncharmin: Oh! My bad....I did not mean to say that...*pales* Anyway...
Erik: Well...tomorrow's tomorrow. And I always have another chance. Hmm...let's see what's in these presents of his.
(FIVE HOURS LATER: THE FLOOR IS LITTERED WITH TELETUBBIES, BARNEY PLUSHIES, AND FREE PASSES TO SESAME PLACE.)
Erik: I should've known. TT
